20YearsandCounting

Sometimes, Love Hurts. And sometimes, when we love someone, we may need to let them hurt us. I think most parents with grown children will 'get' me. As a parent, you will reach a stage in your child's life, generally some point after they strike out on their own (or semi-on-their-own), where your child begins to work through all the not-so-great decisions you made/did not make in their life. They will generally decide, at least for a while, that you are the most toxic being on the planet, and recite chapter and verse to you of all the mistakes you made (some you will remember thinking were mistakes, some will surprise you, and some you know in your heart they will eventually realize were not actually mistakes). And as a parent, you need to let this happen. It cuts. It hurts. But you need to let it happen. (within reason, of course). They need to be able to work through these things at their own speed, and sometimes that might mean doing the most difficult thing of all - giving them space. As difficult as the teenage years are, giving kids space as adults - to make mistakes of their own, and figure things out - is the absolute, bar-none hardest part of parenting. Making sure they know that you are always there for them - always - no matter what happens, and then stepping back and letting them make their own way. Hardest. Thing. Ever. But I am glad to do it... as are most parents.

Trigger warning > > > > Untitled (Broken?) Gathering up the shattered pieces (when did they break?) gluing carefully but quickly hoping the mask will set in time so no one sees too much (people don't like broken things, do they?)

You might consider talking to a therapist/psychologist instead of just a doc - by doc I am assuming you mean family physician (GP in the UK). They can probably run some tests and talk to you and help you figure out what is going on and how you can move forward.

My cell phone died. I guess more accurately, my smart phone. Crashed. Not busted, but I got a virus, and it crashed. I lost EVERYTHING. 😭 🤬 😭 I actually got one of my parents, and all my kids and grandkids in one place at one time (yes, miracle isn't it?), and got photographic proof of it. I had Google Drive, but I don't remember my settings, and I haven't had the heart to check yet to see if it is, indeed, Gone Forever. Thanks to my techy hubby, I already have a substitute - an old LG G3 one of my kids used to have. My old phone was in an Otter Box (highly recommend those, btw) that would fit this one, but I haven't put it in the Otter Box yet. Can't summon the heart to. My empty Otter Box is in my purse, and my new to me phone is in a side pocket of self-same purse. It just seems so.... final; to put the new phone in the old Otter Box. I guess I am mourning the complete loss of All. My. Stuff. And therein lies a bit of a conundrum, or mystery, for those my age who remember land lines (and party lines, anyone remember those?) and playing outside all day and going places without a phone in your pocket - gasp! How did this little bit of technology get to be so gol-dang important in such a short period of time? I remember in the 80s and 90s, a cell phone was the size of a literal brick, and people were more likely to make fun of you for carrying one around all the time (granted, plugged into your car...). Now, when I find out someone does not have a cell phone, I wonder if they feel a bit like Mad Max wandering onto the set of a futuristic sci-fi movie.... Oh, how far we've come in such a short period of time.... or have we? then... now....

I went through a period sort of like this, irish63. I still have difficulty, but I am working my way through it. To me, it makes sense that your experiences and diagnoses will filter through to your spiritual life eventually. To me, this is a good sign and means that your spiritual life is an active part of the rest of your life/personality. It makes sense that it would be affected too. I have tried just being honest with God about how I feel spiritually when I do pray. Despite what organized religion would have us believe, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to believe, to a great extent. Christ is the Common Denominator. I figure there is a reason that so many verses in the New Testament encourage us to get along with one another, and some even admonish us not to compare our faith with another's. I also focus on reading the New Testament, and particularly topics that really catch my interest. To me, that interest is a sign of God's leading. Hope this helps in some way. You are not losing your faith, and you will never lose God.

Relieved to find out I'm not the only one, twotone. Thank you! Mindfulness meditation is probably one of the hardest things I've ever tried. Even for a minute or two at a time. Before my heel pain acted up, I would go walking. But I had to take my tunes with me, ironically enough to help me stay somewhat grounded in my environment. Otherwise I go completely inside my head and wind up nearly walking into parked cars, LOL.

I read so many stories and struggles about those who become hyper-aware when they have anxiety or panic attacks. I have historically had the opposite problem. 'Tuning in' to what is around me, being aware of myself and my surroundings, is like pulling teeth for me. It is horribly difficult. Most of the time I feel disconnected from myself, just as a natural state of being. Felt this way most of my life. Anxiety and panic make it nearly impossible for me to tune in to what is around me. It's like anxiety and panic make me tune out what's around me even more..... makes no sense. Anyone else have this problem? What do you do to cope, or to bring yourself back to your environment?

I'm thinking of changing my avatar. I know, I know... it doesn't sound as absolutely ground shaking as it feels. Strange, huh? How an image can come to mean so much, have so much history imbued in it. My current avatar is a fanart depiction of the character Mink from the anime version of the game Dramatical Murder. I'm thinking of changing my avatar to a partial pic of my ugly mug. I don't know which is more nerve wracking.... putting part of my ugly mug out there, or getting rid of an image that has so much meaning and history, for me at least. Maybe I should wait until I get to a sort of crossroads in my life.... or maybe I'm there now, and wanting to change my avatar is sort of a sign of that... Something to think about.