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20YearsandCounting last won the day on November 10

20YearsandCounting had the most liked content!

About 20YearsandCounting

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    Assistant Administrator/Mod Coodinator
  • Birthday 07/21/1970

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    I feel very fortunate to have such a wonderful husband. He makes me feel very lucky and very loved. I don't think I could help out here as much if it wasn't for his love and support. I also feel very fortunate to be one of the Mods, Support Staff, and Admin here on DF who volunteer their time and talent. I believe in what DF offers, and I know they do, too.

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10,638 profile views
  1. Tornado with a hope of sunshine

    I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now, wreckness, but I am glad you made your way here to DF. You are not stupid. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from where you have been and keep moving forward. You have a lot to offer, don't get discouraged with mistakes. We all make them.
  2. Overwhelmed

    I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now, lojinx, but I'm glad you made your way back to DF. I know it seems like the hard times will last forever, but it will get better. Keep hanging in there, I know it's not easy to say the least. It sounds like you have a fairly clear view of things, that's a good start. Not everyone can see their situation so clearly. How are you doing today?
  3. I'm sorry you are going through this, chiaravietti. It sounds to me like your partner is very unstable right now, and lashing out at you. I think you are correct that these things are not necessarily your fault. I think you should consider talking to a therapist to help you work through these things, and help you sort through what your partner is going through and to help you figure out how you can best help them.
  4. Questions!

    I try to be more aware of my anxiety signs, give myself more time alone and make more time for activities like yoga and walking that help me relieve stress. What is your favorite topic/hobby/activity to learn about?
  5. Questions!

    Pacific Rim What is your favorite time of year?
  6. I'm Really Struggling---

    Sounds like you are starting to be able to have a little perspective. That can help.
  7. Hopeless after Heartbreak and...

    How are you doing, wanderlust?
  8. Losing my family

    phoenixrise. I'm sorry you are going through this. And Happy Birthaversary. It sounds like your husband created negative feelings in your daughter towards you with some of the stuff he said to her growing up. Manipulation can be very insidious and difficult to spot over a long period of time. Your husband may not have even been aware he was doing it. It really sounds like your daughter is fixating on you and dumping all of her problems in your lap whether they belong there or not. No, it is not a phase, you're right about that. For her, it is easier to just blame you for everything than it is to look at herself and acknowledge her mistakes. Growing and changing and taking responsibility for what we've done is a very scary thing. It's much easier to just say it's all Mom's fault. Maybe being at your mom's place will help her to see things differently and get to a point where she can be honest with herself.
  9. I have someone similar in my life, museumgirl. This person is ceaselessly critical - of everyone and everything she sees; nearly everything out of her mouth is a criticism. But she cannot hear herself criticize, and actually thinks she is very tolerant. She is completely unable to acknowledge her own faults and mistakes. No matter how I bring up something - politely, or as a question, or directly - no matter how small or how large it is, she simply cannot comprehend her own mistakes. She generally reacts by looking at me blankly and laughing and telling me that I can't go around making stuff up. You are right that it is a very impotent feeling. I would continue to talk to your therapist about this, and give serious thought to taking her advice. For your own sake, though, and not for this person. This person - your mother - is a very unhealthy and unbalanced person, who may never be able to see themselves or anyone else clearly. You need to do these things for your own self care, as your therapist suggested, and not out of a sense that you will be able to repair this relationship. Your relationship with your mother is broken, but it is not your fault. It is because she is a very broken and damaged person. You can only go so far; relationships are a two way street. You have the right to being treated a certain way and with a certain amount of respect and consideration. If your mother is not capable of doing that, you need to learn how to protect yourself if you want to try to maintain a relationship with her.
  10. Full-Time Working Mom with Depression

    Welcome to DF, jnippard. I'm sorry you are struggling right now, and that your husband has not been able to be as understanding as he should be. I know unfortunately, many of us can identify with the pain that causes, when loved ones are not as supportive as they should be, or as we need them to be. You are not a burden, don't let depression and anxiety convince you of that. Please let your therapist know when you are having thoughts like that. It will help her to help you. And I think she had a very wise point, to say that we all have a brim and yours happened to overflow. It is painful and unfortunate that your husband is unable to be compassionate about this, but that does not make him right. jlm1980 is right that you have a lot on your plate. Keep talking to your therapist. You can make it through this.
  11. I can't forget her

    Welcome to DF, kupajoe. I'm so sorry that you are struggling right now. I'm glad that you have a 'life line' to hold on to and help get you through this. When we struggle with depression, we often need to hang onto anything we can find. It sounds like you are struggling with hindsight. Often it is really easy to look back and think we should have done this or that, and to think that it must have been so clear when it really wasn't. Please try not to beat yourself up over this. Try to be as understanding with yourself as you would be with someone else.
  12. This Really Doesn't Help

    How did it go, ryanmartin? Did you ask her out?
  13. I Need Help Changing The Way I Think

    I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now, ryanmartin. I'm having a hard time understanding what you are asking. I don't think it's such a bad thing to think that someone might like you, especially if it gives you the courage to say something to them or strike up a conversation. The fact that you are questioning it tells me that you are aware that your perception might be wrong, and that in itself means something. If you were really blindly convinced that some girl liked you, it wouldn't occur to you to question that. Does that make any sense?
  14. Hi Folks

    Welcome to DF, jardy57. I"m so sorry you have been feeling so sick. I hope you are feeling better now.