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About Lorax

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    Washington State

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  1. Lorax

    The little things

    Driving home tonight my mind was wandering to all sorts of different things, that at first seemed random and disconnected. Then I realized it was the things I missed the most about not having someone who I feel close with anymore. Just little things like getting a call or text just because they wanted to say hi. Climbing into bed next to her, trying not to wake her up but secretly hoping she will. Deciding at two in the morning to hop in the car and drive to the beach. It could be countless things that to most people seem as just common or little things. But one of the most important things I have learned from this depression is that the little things aren't so little.
  2. A movie called Ink. I only watch it when I am at my darkest... and been heading in that direction :(
  3. Lorax

    What Are You Listening To? #3

    Hurt - Johnny Cash (Nine Inch Nails cover) Not the type of music I normally listen to but can't get it out of my head.
  4. Lorax

    Does anybody else feel lonely?

    I am the same.... Fake it enough at work to get by then spend almost every other minute alone. For the most part I am fine with this, part of me enjoys the solitude. But there are times, like I have been going through lately, where I feel so alone and lonely. Feeling this need just to have some kind of physical contact with someone. To be able to share things with, the kind of things that most people have and just take for granted.
  5. Lorax

    Back to reality

    Ip44 and BeyondWeary, thank you for your replies. Sometimes it's nice to be heard and know that there is someone out there who understands.
  6. Lorax

    Back to reality

    So I traveled out of town for a job for the past couple weeks. Idealic setting on the Oregon coast with my house a five minute walk to the beach. The work was good, kept a normal schedule which I can't remember the last time I did that. Ate meals and watched games with people, and basically lived a normal life for that short period of time. On my way home I had this overwhelming sense of dread and loneliness. I knew the normality was over. Back to my life of faking it at work, getting home at 3am and spending the hours in solitude until the sun comes up and I am finally able to sleep, just so I can do it all over again the next day. I hate this pain but I know it will eventually pass and my numbness to it all will return. I will have this opportunity again, and as much as I liked it, I'm not sure if it's worth the price of everything I am going through now....
  7. Lorax

    What Are You Reading?

    I remember thinking the exact same thing when I tried to get through that series when they first came out. That's still my favorite genre but never made it back to give them another try.
  8. Lorax

    not going out

    I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. I have had terrible insomnia my whole adult life. It's 6am and I'm not even close to being able to sleep. I know that zombie feeling well. I wish I had some words that would help with all the feelings you are having with the loss of your mom, maybe sometime there are no right words when something so terrible has happened, I don't know. I just wanted you to know that I hear you, and wish you well. I hope you find the strength to get through this, which I believe you will. Stay strong, keep fighting and don't give in.
  9. Hello, Wolf123 and welcome to DF. Not everyone reads all the categories here or someone may read it and not have an answer for you, so don't be discouraged if you don't get a reply right away. You could try the 'depression and anxiety medications' for your med questions, may have better luck there. There are also some threads in the 'DF water cooler' and 'the forum cafe' that helps us get to know each other a bit and maybe take our minds away from things for a while. Hope you find what you are looking for here.
  10. Lorax

    How Do You Feel Right Now #6

    This is exactly how I feel. Everyone else seems so 'normal' and though I try to fit in for appearances I know I don't.
  11. Lorax

    I can't stop these feelings

    I completely understand what you mean about being lonely and not wanting to be around anyone. I have found that even though I may not find answers here on these forums, there is at some comfort that there are people here who are having the same kinds of feelings and can understand my dysfunctional brain. I hope you are able to find some comfort here as well.
  12. Lorax

    I hate the holidays

    Everyone else is out doing what normal people do and I am sitting here by myself as usual. Just another reminder of how messed up I am.
  13. Hello Kay24, First off, you are far from an awful friend. Trying to understand someone with depression can be so difficult and confusing, sometimes not knowing what you should or shouldn't say, but the important thing is that you are trying because you truly care about your friend. My best advice is to just keep doing what you are doing. Do things and talk about things that friends do. You don't have to always have a serious talk about "depression". You can ask how she is feeling or if she is doing OK today or just give her a hug. Also don't be afraid to talk to her about how you are feeling. Trust her when she says you aren't bothering her just like you want her to trust you when you are telling her how much you care and how important she is to you. I think you summed up your feelings pretty well in your post, why not let her read it? Let her read the replies and see how she feels about those too. Just because I say something here doesn't mean it's "right" or the same way she or another poster is feeling. Best of luck to you and your friend.
  14. Lorax

    Happier in the Dark?

    I've always liked the night so much more than the day. I sleep most of the day, go to work at 6 and get home around 2am. I don't know anyone else who keeps the same hours so I feel pretty secluded and isolated. I feel it's both a blessing and a curse. Most of the time I like being alone when it's so quiet and peaceful, not having to deal with anyone. But there are times when I do get lonely and wish I knew someone just to hang out with and kind of be alone with someone else there, though I'm sure that sounds contradictory, but it makes sense in my mind.
  15. Lorax

    Random Thoughts

    I don't normally eat sweets but every year around Easter they have sweetarts jelly beans and they are so good. I bought three bags and am wondering if I should get more before someone else buys them all.