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About Lorax

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    Washington State

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  1. This says more about how I feel then I can explain on my own.... “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” - Carl Jung
  2. I'm finally back to work after the mandatory shutdowns so I am around people, and I am fine with that. But to be honest it's not much different than when I am isolated from everyone. None of it is real. I may socialize and joke around but then I'm off to my reality of being completely alone. I'm in one of my downswings where the loneliness is weighing so heavily on me. I miss that connection with one person. Someone who knows what you are going through and actually cares how you are feeling. Someone who can make things a little brighter just by sitting next to you, not having to say a word. It comes so easily for most people. I would give anything to have that again. Even here, where I have never felt like I have been judged or looked down upon, I feel so weak and pathetic for putting this out there. I haven't even been here for months because I haven't felt any kind of connection. This thread did hit close to home though. I'm sorry for those who are going through the same things. Nobody should have to live alone.
  3. Thank you for everything you do here. Take whatever time you need to take care of yourself, you come first. Don't forget that we are here for you just like you are here for us.
  4. I remember bottle feeding calves on my grandparents farm when I was a kid. Would spend a couple weeks there every summer. Some of my best memories. Thank you for reminding me. 🙂
  5. Wishing you strength in this difficult time.
  6. Welcome @TrytoFly, I'm glad you found this place and hope you find something here you find helpful.
  7. “Loneliness does not come from having no people around you, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you.” - Carl Jung
  8. Lorax

    My weekend

    Thank you for the kind replies. When I post at the times I am feeling down I very much appreciate knowing there are people here who can understand and empathize with how I am feeling.
  9. Every year at the place I work we host a weekend gathering for the deaf community. It is, by far, the most enjoyable thing we do. I see how happy they are to be around and support each other. I am always surprised(happily) when one of them seems genuinely happy to see me and makes a showing letting me know. Then always when it's over I start to feel this sense of loneliness wash over me because I know I don't have anything even remotely like that in my life. Back to my regular, isolated, monotonous life where I just trudge on getting through the days. I know this is just a cycle where it's at its worst right now and will get easier. Back to where it's more of a numbness where I don't feel much of anything. Not that that's good, but at least I am functioning. I just needed to let this out, than you to whoever made it to the end.
  10. Hi Jabe13, and welcome. I can give you some insight from my perspective, which doesn't necessarily mean it will be the "right" thing for you. Maybe it will help you through the process of trying to figure out what you should do. Firstly, remember that no matter how much you care for your husband and want to help him, you shouldn't do it at the cost of your own happiness and well being. I'm not saying that you should give up when things are rough, but in the long run you need to come first. It would be unfair to both of you to just ignore his problem. You didn't mention if or how much you have talked about his depression but I think it's important to start communicating about it slowly and see how he responds. Let him know that you see he is hurting, you care and that you are there for him. Remind him of these things without pressuring him. Ask him if he will talk to you about what he is going through. Let him know how it affects you and makes you feel. Hopefully he will open up and will be willing to figure out what he needs to do to get better. I'm sorry if this seems to jump around, one of the effects my depression has on me is that I have ideas of what I want to say but it's all jumbled up in my head and I have a difficult time writing it down. Best of luck to you and your husband.
  11. For me, the thought of something like this is always worse than actually doing it. Maybe you can use this trip as a little vacation from your everyday life. I'm guessing you will have at least some free time for yourself, how about researching the city and trying to find some things to see or do that interest you. Then instead of stressing over it you may actually find yourself looking forward to it. Just my thoughts.
  12. @MaepleSyrup Your post reminds me of one of my favorite Dr. Suess quotes: "To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world." I miss that feeling so much.
  13. I still tend to give the benefit to people with 'limited trust", but don't get too invested so I am prepared for any letdowns. If I somewhat expect it then it's easier to brush off. When my depression first hit hard I am the one that bailed on everyone and everything so it's people's trust in me that is the real question.
  14. Welcome Destiny, I'm glad you found this place. I have been able to talk about things here that I would never talk to anyone in my everyday life. I feel safe that nobody will judge or look down upon me. Sometimes it helps just to have someone listen who understands. I hope you will find the same here.
  15. Hi Nathassia and welcome. You did the hardest part by making an account and introducing yourself. Don't be shy about talking about whatever you wish, I have found that there are people here who have been through a lot of the same things and can understand. And don't feel bad if it takes a while for people to respond, it can be a little quiet here a lot of the time, but we are here and listening. I hope you find some comfort here.
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