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About Lorax

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    Washington State

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  1. “Those who are unaware they are walking in darkness will never seek the light.” -Bruce Lee
  2. I'm sorry for everything you are going through right now. 😞 I am going through similar things right now so know how hard it is to try and cope. The feelings of weakness and being alone without that trusted someone to really talk to can be so overwhelming. I wish I had some suggestions or advice on how to try and make things better. All I can do is to tell you I hear you, and I understand what you are going through and am sincerely wishing you the best.
  3. To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world. - Dr. Seuss
  4. I really think it's worth it too. 🙂 Thank you for your insightful post.
  5. I work nights usually getting home after 3am so on my time off it's so hard to not be on that same schedule. Most everyone is asleep when I am awake. I have had moments where I think I want to find some kind of group, or better yet, find a place to volunteer, but the motivation is not there. I am able to go to work because I know I have to, so in that way I am functional. Other than that I just can't seem to shed grip that I am held in. I try not to be negative about it because for so long I wasn't even able to do anything. So I am thankful for what I able to accomplish day to day. Sometimes the bad feeling just get the best of me though.
  6. To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering. -Nietzche
  7. Thank you for the kind responses. I know that most of us here go through similar things where our depression seems to always find a way to take the joy out of what should be happy times. After this bout of bad feelings wear off I believe I will be able to think about all the things that brought enjoyment instead of the things I am missing.
  8. I am a poker dealer and one weekend a year we host a series of events for the deaf community. My first time was three years ago and it was such an enlightening experience, truly one of the best times I've ever had in my life. It's like a family reunion for them and you can tell how happy they are to see each other. They are so patient and understanding with us if we are not able to understand them all the time and we are able to communicate well enough to where we can all have a good time. They make me feel like I am a part of their group, welcoming me in and not treating me as an outsider. I don't feel like that at any other time. I really look forward to this every year. It was over the weekend and I would notice this strange feeing throughout the days, I guess that's a silly way to explain it, but it was actual happiness. I feel that way so infrequently, like almost never, that it feels so strange and out of place. Now that it's over, instead of being happy all I am feeling is the loss, knowing that it is over and I won't feel like that for who knows how long. Just makes me wonder if it's worth it when I am going to feel this bad afterwards. It's kind of funny because earlier I was thinking I would post here talking about what a good time I had because I never get to do that. It always turns into something like this. I just feel so lost again.. still..
  9. Just finished the first season of Orphan Black. It's pretty good so far.
  10. I would rather do something and have it not work out than to never have tried it at all. Later in life I don't want to have that "what if" regret. Also, you have thought about the pros and cons of this decision, and that is always important, but also listen to yourself on what 'feels' right. On some of the most important decisions I've had to make I was like you, logically thinking everything through, but it wasn't until I felt it, that I knew what I was going to do. And as soon as that moment came it was like a huge burden was lifted and I felt this calmness wash over me. Now, of course it didn't always work out as I had hoped, but then it goes back to what I wrote in the first paragraph. And lastly, it's always hard leaving friends/co-workers, but if they are truly your friends then they will be supportive and happy for you. I hope this made some sense, it's hard for me to try and write down what I am thinking.
  11. I'm not in one of my dark cycles, but even in my "normal" state I don't really have any reasons. I feel like I just move on from one day to the next like a zombie.
  12. Just finished watching the TV series Humans and liked it very much. I always have this feeling of dread and disappointment when I finish a series I really like because it's so hard for me to find something I like enough to lose myself in so I can forget about everything else.
  13. You forgot the rest of it: Take your time in a hurry
  14. @Purpleplum, I was going to post something very similar but you summed up everything I am feeling pretty well. Just a harsh reminder how different I am from everyone else in the "real world", since I seem to be living in a world of my own.
  15. Driving home tonight my mind was wandering to all sorts of different things, that at first seemed random and disconnected. Then I realized it was the things I missed the most about not having someone who I feel close with anymore. Just little things like getting a call or text just because they wanted to say hi. Climbing into bed next to her, trying not to wake her up but secretly hoping she will. Deciding at two in the morning to hop in the car and drive to the beach. It could be countless things that to most people seem as just common or little things. But one of the most important things I have learned from this depression is that the little things aren't so little.
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