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Cent

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Everything posted by Cent

  1. Remember, depression causes distancing, not the other way around. I would recommend talking to a professional about how you’re feeling.
  2. Depression has definitely come between some of my relationships. I broke up with my first girlfriend because my depressive thoughts kept telling me it was a bad idea and I was afraid to be hurt. Luckily I think I made the right decision, but that can’t be said for everyone. I’ve also known of a few depressed men who find it difficult to stay committed to one girl. Either way, I’m very sorry that this happened to you and I hope something good can come from this loss.
  3. I’m in school right now. Because I don’t take good enough care of my teeth I need to get a root canal. Because of this my mood has been in the toilet since Thursday. My brother and fathers have always had dental problems and I sort of prized myself on my dental health, undeservedly so. Exestentialism has been a newly prominent part of my depression now. I can’t help but focus on my lack of a purpose. I know that there are plenty of reasons for me to live, be it my family or my friends or my work but none of it seems enough. Freshmen make me sad. It’s hard to watch them start as just kids and turn into cynical pieces of garbage like me. I sort of watched it happen to a girl that was on my bus, but she’s not a piece of garbage I guess. I don’t know. Luckily I have a therapist appointment today but sometimes it’s hard to say what’s really bothering me even though I completely trust her and am usually comfortable talking. I just can’t help but be angry at myself. I can’t take care of my teeth, I’m not attractive enough, I don’t try hard enough in school, I can’t get a date, and then I get mad at the world for making me like this. Ive recovered many times before and I’ll do it again but it still sucks
  4. I already take two doses of bupropion per day and I know it works for me. We’re just trying to find a supplementary to take me from 70% ok to over 90%. I hope i start to feel the effects soon so I can judge whether or not I should keep taking this stuff.
  5. I’m in school right now and I’ve got that familiar feeling of a ton of bricks weighing down my spirit. I’m switching from selexa to Zoloft while continuing to take bupropion. I feel like absolute garbage. Usually when I take a new med it works for the first weekish that I take it and then gets iffy but this has had the least amount of time in between. I can’t help but think about how much life sucks and my old issues with gender and self images are creeping back up. This sucks.
  6. You could talk to him about it. I bet he’d have some interesting thoughts on the matter. Also a fresh opinion isn’t never a bad thing.
  7. I can’t reccomend therapy and the possibility of medications enough. Also seeing a psychiatrist on a regular basis. Believe me, if I never went to therapy I probably wouldn’t have had my first kiss until I was 40.
  8. Cent

    Virginity

    Awe thanks for the advice. I appreciate it.
  9. Cent

    Virginity

    I’m not saying my depression would change, but when I get depressed I tend to overthink things a lot, second guess myself until I’m not sure whether or not I’m a bad person. Like, now that I’ve broken up with my first girlfriend my depressive episodes are largely about her and a friend that I lost a while ago.
  10. Cent

    Virginity

    Thanks for the feedback, except for some of you who I don’t know what you’re talking about lol. I’m at a crossroads between wanting to lose my virginity for obvious reasons and not wanting to because i don’t know how my depression will handle it + I’m uber cautious about doing things I’ll regret.
  11. Sex does not necessarily mean love. It’s possible to be in an intimate relationship without intercourse.
  12. I’m 16 so if this topic will make you uncomfortable then don’t continue reading please. I’m a virgin and I recently got my first girlfriend about a month and a half ago. My depression combined with an overall bad feeling about the relationship caused me to end things early. She is 18 and has had multiple sex partners. Is it wrong that it made me uncomfortable that she wasn’t a virgin? I feel immense pressure to lose my virginity sometimes because of my depression and just general society garbage. I feel like when I lose my virginity I want to lose it with someone else for some reason. I can’t really explain my feelings. Anyways she wanted to be more intimate than I could handle so I wound up breaking things off. We are still friends but I told her that we needed to stop having long text conversations because we both have depression and would end up just making each other sad. I needed some alone time I guess. It’s been really sad lately as I’ve also lost a good friend of mine because her boyfriend doesn’t let her talk to other guys. It’s been a generally bad time lol. It’s the little things that get me through the days, you know? Like passing conversations or when people say hi to me in the hallway. I’m currently transitioning from Selexa to Zoloft which could be a reason why I’m all whacked out but I was in a rough place before the change too. I just hope that this new medication works so I can feel not as garbage lol. But yeah tell me whether or not my feelings about virginity are valid. I also get kinda sad when I hear about other people losing their virginity as young as 15 in my school because I feel like people are being ‘corrupted’ or whatever. Like, it sounds ridiculous but you’ve gotta admit there’s some merit. Also the amount of kids that do drugs at such a young age is upsetting. I’m just glad I dodged that bullet. Peace out I’m gonna go to bed and check replies tomorrow kylepd
  13. Thanks for your reply. I definitely don’t think I’m actually transgender, I think I just have an idealized vision of what being a woman is. I actually had another appointment today and I talked about this again with my therapist and she told me to look for the cons of being a woman. That might help me get past my tunnel-visioned view of womanhood.
  14. For me a change in looks can help me. Right now I’m joining a gym so I can lose weight and look good so I can feel better about myself. Get new clothes, try new makeup etc. you might be surprised at how much it could help.
  15. Cent

    Help

    This is a revision of an earlier post My therapist and I have deduced that my gender issues are caused by my depression. This is because that my gender issues always only come after I’ve become depressed. In recent times my depression has been unpredictable as it comes one day and leaves the next, or even only stays for a few hours. Right now I’m outside a movie my family dragged me to because my depression was being taunted by one of the protagonists attractive self. I had to leave the theater. Honestly I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wish I was born a girl for some reason. I know that if I were to transition it could never be the same as if I was born a girl. What really scares me is that this isn’t a constant thing. When I’m not depressed and my moods are fine I have no gripes whatsoever with my gender.  I have a theory that my gender discontentment comes from a place of feeling unwanted, and I want to get the attention attractive women get. I don’t know. It makes me want to cease living sometimes. I just want whatever encouraging words or advice you can offer me. I need help. this is me from a few hours after I wrote what was above. I’m in bed crying just thinking about all the stuff I’d be able to do if I was a girl. I want to go shopping and make cute outfits, I want to wear cute shoes, I want long thick hair. I want to be beautiful, but I can’t. I feel trapped like there’s no hope inside my body. I don’t know if I should act on these feelings since I think there caused by depression but I don’t know anymore. Help me please
  16. My therapist and I have deduced that my gender issues are caused by my depression. This is because that my gender issues always only come after I’ve become depressed. In recent times my depression has been unpredictable as it comes one day and leaves the next, or even only stays for a few hours. Right now I’m outside a movie my family dragged me to because my depression was being taunted by one of the protagonists attractive self. I had to leave the theater. Honestly I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I wish I was born a girl for some reason. I know that if I were to transition it could never be the same as if I was born a girl. What really scares me is that this isn’t a constant thing. When I’m not depressed and my moods are fine I have no gripes whatsoever with my gender. I have a theory that my gender discontentment comes from a place of feeling unwanted, and I want to get the attention attractive women get. I don’t know. It makes me want to cease living sometimes. I just want whatever encouraging words or advice you can offer me. I need help.
  17. So, around two years ago i started to get feelings that i wasnt content with my gender. I told my mom hastily and i tried to make the change as fast as possible. I was encouraged by someone who i had a toxic, reliant relationship with. Around a year ago i came to the conclusion that i wasnt trans. Now i still dont think im trans neccesarily, but i have been stricken with feelings that i want to look like the opposite gender, talk like them, be in relationships like them etc (Im a male btw). Something about the beauty of women makes me jealous, i wish i looked like them sometimes. I dont know if this comes from a place of wanting attention, or because i have body issues anyways or what. I think that i would be genuinely happier as the opposite sex. Im bisexual if that changes anything. The point of this post besides your general opinions is how im supposed to tell my mom after this, combined with my chronic depression, has caused us as a family so much strife. I feel so bad because i know she doesnt want to be as worried as she was back then. She would be purely supportive, shes not homophobic or anything like that, but i just feel bad burdening her with this. The weirdest thing about all this is that my feelings about gender are almost always connected to my phases of depression. I cant tell what comes first, my feelings about gender or my depression. I can see it either way, i see other people and i want to be like them leading to deppresive feelings or i am depressed which leads to my feelings about gender. When im not depressed i usually dont think about my gender at all. This could just be me ignoring my problem, i have no idea. I need a 2nd or 3rd opinion, thanks all -kylepd
  18. So basically I'm lonely as hell. I see all my friends being in relationships and having sex and being intimate with others and i just dont have that. I've come to a realization lately that i usually feel unwanted and unwelcome. I have no romantic instinct, so i dont think that trying to pursue a relationship would be healthy. Every other time i've tried it's blown up in my face and made me feel worse. I pretty much feel like the only thing i can do is wait patiently to find the right person. I just hate that i can't be like my peers. I'm that guy that everyone knows but nobody is attracted to. Some days i feel like an unattractive monster. I've been trying to get into fitness because i've heard of its benefits for depressed people and maybe i can get into shape to feel better about myself. But again, that's another thing i have to be patient for. Usually i'm a very patient person, not quick to anger but when i'm depressed it's really easy to agitate me. So yeah, this is pretty much just me looking for kind words in the replies because those usually make me feel better. Thanks in advance.
  19. Indeed it is. No two people think the same way.
  20. Become the other half of you that went missing when you two broke up.
  21. Funerals are expensive. Also the tax dollars needed to hospitalize you would add up to be a lot.
  22. I recommend getting professional help. It's so easy for people suffering from depression to be needlessly critical of themselves.
  23. I can relate with how you're feeling. Sometimes its so hard to think about an outcome where everything turns out okay that choosing to opt out seems like the best option. Also, it's easy to make friends if you are open to it. If you are so sure that you wont meet new people when you go to school then it wont happen. You can change that.
  24. Since originally posting this I’ve come up with a few different thought processes that I thought were worth sharing. Whenever I see an attractive female flaunting what she’s got I just feel so bad that I can’t do that. I’m a very jealous person, I guess. I also think that my outward appearance doesn’t allow me to be my myself. I feel like the things i want to do and the way I look are incompatible. I long for a perfect boy-girl relationship but I don’t know which one I want to be in the equation. Sometimes it’s the boy and sometimes it’s the girl.
  25. I think that’s a very important question to raise. I don’t really know the answer though. I haven’t really found something worth calling my reason to exist. I’m a nihilist, so that line of thinking doesn’t occur very much for me.
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