I'm really struggling in my marriage right now. My wife and I have been 'separated' for almost a year. I've had problems with depression most of my adult life and haven't had much luck in dealing with it. Right now I'm about to start my fourth attempt at anti-depressants, the first three didn't work. Our problems really reached a critical point when we moved to a new city where she wanted to move and I got a new job. I had to leave my family and what few friends I had behind. Now my wife says it's unhealthy that I don't have a support network outside of her right now. I've tried making friends here but it's really hard because I have social anxiety. I've joined a local support group and go to some social gatherings, but no friendships have come from them yet.
A week ago she said she's not interested in me physically at all anymore, and that's something we've been struggling with for a year leading up to the separation. Today she said I have to decide whether I want to be in a relationship where we don't have sex at all because she may never want to do it again. It's something I really have to think about. Sex is something she just doesn't enjoy unless she has the hormones of a new relationship and she can't get that with me anymore. She also accused me of being in denial because of just not wanting to deal with it. I've suggested seeing a sex therapist several times in the past but she always shoots it down because she's convinced one won't help. I also want to go to marriage counseling. She doesn't even want to see a marriage counselor right now because she doesn't have the energy to work on our relationship. She did come with me to my current therapist for a few visits when I started seeing him right before our separation.
She is also dealing with depression right now and I'm trying to be supportive and patient. She's finally started seeing a therapist on a regular basis just recently so I'm hoping that would help her. However, she keeps saying I'm a great person yet gets mad at me for all these flaws I need to work on.
She also complained that she feels like she's always leading me around and that I won't do anything without her pushing me. I brought these complaints up to my therapist. In fact, more than one therapists. They seem not to see much wrong with me. They don't seem to know how to help me. Sure I have depression, struggle with anxiety and could definitely stand to become more assertive But I don't drink or abuse substances, hold a steady job and handle adult responsibilities well. My wife is convinced we are in a co-dependent relationship because I rely so much on her for emotional support. My therapist says that's normal for a marriage and there's not much wrong with it. Does anybody have any opinions on that?
Right now we're still living together because she can't find a job and I'm doing almost all the chores. She might do dishes or tidy up once a week, but laundry, grocery shopping, bills,caring for out pets, and cooking are all my responsibility right now. I've asked to do a few more things, but she always find a reason to get out of doing them. This wouldn't bother me if we were together, but she says we are not in a relationship right now. Even though I'm completely supporting her right now and holding up my end of the marriage vows. But even with me doing all that, she's still really focused on me developing a support system outside her before we can try working through our problems. I made it very clear I want to end our separation and work on things, but she doesn't.
I'm just at a loss with what to do. I've joined support groups and try to go to social gatherings when I can muster the energy, but haven't made any friends. And my wife thinks I'm just not really trying since I haven't made a solid friend yet. She puts a little effort and gets a lot of response from people, but when I do it nothing seems to happen. I don't know if it's just because I'm a guy or what. It's hard to really put the energy into forming friendships when I work a full-time job and have to be completely responsible to taking care of myself with depression draining my energy. I know I need to learn to be more assertive and take a more pro-active role in my life, but I just feel so clueless on how to do it. I feel like I'm really unlucky because nothing seems to be going right for me now.
Now she's talking about moving back to the city we moved from so she can be close to her mom and best friend while I need to be here and 'work on myself'. I said I didn't want her to go, I would miss her because I love her. She thinks I'm more afraid of being alone.
Sorry about the rant. I just wanted to get it all out there and hope somebody has some advice that can help me through the spot I'm in.