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starbucksjunkee

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About starbucksjunkee

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  1. No the professor is just a friend I was just saying if he was single and younger I would be interested. I know he would be flattered but he doesn’t need to know because he’s too old. I Met another guy a few years back and he’s the one I am struggling to get over right now. The guy I am talking about is in a similar job to what I want. Check your private messages and private message me if you want to know more.
  2. I have decided not to open the door again. I even figured out how to delete all of his old LinkedIn messages so I don’t have access to his phone number anymore. But if I see him at a conference in the future I will tell him. He has two pictures I sent and if he bookmarked my blog he can still have access to it. It’s been a little over a month since I blocked him. I feel bad that I didn’t say anything to explain why I blocked him. I am in the process of moving right now and I think a fresh start somewhere new will be good for me. I really think he was hiding something from me because he said he got into trouble when he was in California. He couldn’t have gotten into too much trouble though or he would have lost his job as a counselor! He also said he likes orange is the new black because it reminds him of his prison days. Now on his resume it shows that he worked at a prison but why would that be a fond memory for a guy who claims to have ptsd? So much about him I didn’t know. I am just a lonely nice single gal and attention from a man unless he’s married or gay or in a serious relationship always gets me too excited. I hate to admit that but it’s the truth. My guy was far from perfect but he got me over Josh Radnor. Granted I always still have Josh in the back of my mind. I can’t talk about him in front of my mom. She hates him. I had a dream a couple months ago that he and I both published our books at the same time and I saw them for sale at Barnes and Noble on the same shelf. I won’t buy his but it would be so ironic. Sigh, a girl can dream can’t she?
  3. Anxious, If it doesn't hurt you or make you mentally unbalanced or physically ill to think about him and fantasize about him, then don't worry. You can have feelings for whoever you want. I have feelings for one of my former professors. If he lived near me, was a few years younger, and single I'd want to date him and that grosses me out because he's old enough to be my dad. He would probably be really uncomfortable if he knew. So I just pretend like he' a big brother just like I do with another one of my other bffs. Just don't act on your feelings if it doesn't feel right. You remember that I told you about the friend I had to block? It's been a month and I still miss him every day. Sigh...oh well. My mom hates Josh I can never talk about him around her but I still say it was safer fantasizing about him than someone I really know. Starbucksjunkee
  4. I'm not in love. I just have a big crush on him. I'm not going to pursue it. It's just hard having all of these feelings trapped inside of me. Like I had with Josh.
  5. I am so embarrassed to share this but I went to the mighty (a site for people with all kinds of disabilities mental and physical to share and encourage one another) to post this and I just chickened out. I'm afraid to open it up for everyone's feedback. I finally found someone in real life that that has a lot of the qualities I saw in Josh. I can't be with him because he's my bio feedback therapists' assistant. He is amazing though. He was going to be a doctor but he changed his mind. But did a medical mission when he was in college in the Philippines. I guess his major was in biology or chemistry. He used to do accounting for my therapist but then she taught him how to do biofeedback and he figured out that was what he wanted to do with his life. It was another different way to help people without the huge commitment of medical school. He figured it out when he was really young. He is mature, stable, smart, and dependable. I guess part of me is jealous of him and part of me admires him. I lost some sleep last night because I had told my bff about him and had a personal discussion about it and it got me all revved up. My bff thinks I need to stop seeing him but I don't think I can go two months without seeing my therapist. And if I stop I have to tell them why and then everything that they've helped me with the past year and a half will go away. I don't know why this happens to me. It's like I always want what I can't have. I woke up and went back to sleep several times as usual but I probably only got my minimum 7 hours. I had a terrible headache during my session with him. Not all because of him partially because I picked a kind of intense movie to watch with him and I was fighting the tears. It wasn't sexual at all just dramatic. I'm very careful which movies I pick to watch with him. It's part of the bio feedback. They connect the movie and the television and their computer somehow so they can monitor changes in my brain while I watch the movie. I told him and he said that he had done a different protocol and if I wanted an extra ten minutes he could use the protocol they use for headaches. I said please do that but I still had it. I took some natural remedy for pain and drank decaf earl grey tea and I felt a lot better but after I talked to my bff I felt more upset. It was the first time he wasn't particularly helpful. He just doesn't want me to get sick I guess. The good news is that when I woke up this morning I finally got a message from God that is getting me out of this slowly. God said, This is the kind of man you deserve to have. All of those guys before hurt you and were wrong for you. Be patient. I will help you find a good man like Michael. You are 39 and he's 27. It's not going to happen but it's not your fault. It's just not the right time yet. Don't act on your feelings and trust me.
  6. @filledup I think everyone here can relate to what you are saying. As long as you are just admiring him from afar and not trying to figure out how to meet him and ask him out, I don’t see what is wrong with having a celebrity crush when you are married. My mom used to tease my dad saying if Mick Jagger wanted her, she’d leave him. And my sister used to say the same thing about Sting to her husband. I see myself in your post because I went down the rabbit hole with Josh Radnor for years. But unfortunately for me it ended up doing serious damage to my mental health so I had to stop. If I hadn’t seen the video of him being interviewed by Ellen about his Kind Over Matter in the LA Times I never would have become obsessed with him. I used to think about writing to her and telling her what happened but she would just want to try to make things right and introduce us. But her interview led to me finishing How I Met Your Mother and being so angry and upset that I have stopped watching cable tv and then watching his movies he made and reading his newsletter and listening to the music he made with Ben Lee and finally realizing I had to stop googling him for at least a month and now I am trying to give it up permanently. You fell in love with your co’s voice. I fell in love with my co’s words and his values. The saddest part is I can never contact him I got so messed up. I don’t blame him but he was definitely a trigger. Yesterday I broke my rule to not search for him during lent but all I did was see if his article was still available online. I will always remember him fondly not for his role as Ted but the man he became after Ted. My therapist says I didn’t fall in love. I fell in love with the qualities I think he has but he could be a completely different person than I think he is. Celebrities only show the world one side of themselves. They could be really different than they say they are. And who knows...maybe someone could be ghostwriting Joshs newsletters. Enjoy your time looking at him but don’t have any hopes or expectations...I don’t want you to get hurt like I did. Take Care and God Bless. starbucksjunkee
  7. Sorry anxious I just don't have anything to share with the group. I sent you a long private message. Write back when you feel like it!
  8. @Blue Starr It’s okay AnxiousE said it was probably just a misunderstanding. You guys understand better than anyone in real life so I can’t leave. My brother, my therapist, and two of my female friends are the only ones who know that Josh is still in my thoughts practically daily. The craziest thing happened yesterday. My sister got me a gift card for Target and I was trying things on and all of the sudden the song Heaven By The Walkmen came on the radio. It was on the last episode of HIMYM! I said okay there is no way I am going to buy any of this now because every time I wear it I will associate it with him. I finished getting dressed then I lost my dad. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I tried calling him on his cell and he didn’t answer. I called my mom three times. I had one of the male employees go in the bathroom and ask if he was in there. Major panic attack. Finally after what seemed like an eternity my dad called. He had found really comfortable chairs in the maternity department! The only place I didn’t check! And his phone was on do not disturb mode! I was so mad at him. It seems like that kind of stuff happens a lot when I am thinking about Josh. It feels like God is saying you have to forget him. I had a favorite fleece blanket and when I was thinking about him I lost it. Is it a coincidence, bad luck or is God trying to tell me something? The only reason I don’t let him go is there’s no risk involved. I haven’t been on a date with a good guy since 2008. I dated guys after that but they messed me up and I regret it. I learned from guy friends not to settle and I deserve the best. Sigh...this sucks...maybe I am reading too much into it but sometimes I wish I could send him or Ellen or the show writers a letter and I could make a difference. Maybe they would help raise money for a non profit serving the mentally ill. But all it would do is make then feel sorry for me and what good would that do? Josh would never be interested in me in the way I dreamt about. He would be too afraid of hurting me. And in my dreams he did. Big time. Sometimes I think I was better off before the internet was invented.
  9. If you want to Pm me I will keep what you share confidential I promise. I have no idea who you are or where you are. I have to go back to bed. It’s 230a.m.
  10. I am just grumpy because I am sick. I stayed home all day and I have a temperature of 100. We can pm more after the holidays.
  11. Look I am sorry...I should have sent the message to Anxious privately. He/she is having a hard time letting go of someone he/she used to know. She/he asked if what he/she was doing was obsessing and it wasn’t a co issue. We are conversing about it on private message so I can’t say anymore. I don’t want to betray her/his confidence. I feel bad when people post here and they are told they are posting to the wrong place. Just trying to help. I gave up this place for a while maybe I should give it up permanently. I just get too personal and I am often very misunderstood. Goodbye for now.
  12. @anxiousE Please don't get mad but I classify that as an obsession. Now I'm not a therapist but I have had many obsessions with guys. I only have ever had one obsession with a woman and it wasn't like a romantic thing. It was a I want to be just like her thing. Anywho, I think you're better off not knowing. Hear me out and don't get mad, okay...pretend like I'm an older sister who is giving you advice. I have been obsessed with Josh Radnor since 2014 and it hurts me so badly every day. It really really messed me up in 2014 and 2017 because even just thinking about him triggered psychosis. He is amazing guy...or at least the part of him that he shows to the world. He has a ton of my same values and beliefs. He is from Ohio. I am from WV. So many things we had in common but I don't know the real him. I finally found a good therapist who said you're not in love with him...you're in love with who you think he is and you admire the good qualities you see that he might have but he could be boring, he could pick his nose, he could have five girlfriends or some girl he cheated on. You don't really know the real him. Someone could be ghostwriting his newsletter and his twitter stuff. If I had never discovered Josh on social media I would have been over him by now because I knew nothing about him before. I just thought he was cute and a good actor. Most women fell in love with his character or hated it. I fell in love with the real guy...I thought. But things just went from good to bad really fast. He was one of the reasons I was hospitalized in 2017. And what hurts the most is I can never tell him. He can never know me. And I really want a guy very similar to who I think he is. It all started with an interview with Ellen Degeneres about his article he wrote for LA Times Kindness Matters. I saw the interview after the fact. I hated how HIMYM ended because I could see myself in both of the women Ted fell in love with. And I really thought he and Cristin were in love when they filmed. I noticed the other day that he liked a video where some religious guys were smoking dope and talking about God and I googled Does Josh Radnor smoke dope? And I never found an answer. I might have to let him go now because I don't agree with that. If someone is dying sure, if it gives them relief from pain but just to do it...I don't like but that's probably because I can't do it and sometimes it makes people really mean. I have to stay on the straight path with my meds or my life is hell. I am getting really personal here but at this point if I am helping you understand obsession then it's a good thing. Feel free to private message me on here...I can tell you're really hurting and I hope you have others in your life that you can talk to because I can't really say anymore. Everything else would be too personal but if you ever just want someone to be there as you process let me know. Hang in there. Starbucksjunkee
  13. Yup. Happens to me all the time. Even when I am not actively searching for Josh, something pops up usually related to How I Met Your Mother on YouTube and it really ruins my day.
  14. I hear you, Myshka. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I gave into my obsession the other day. I watched forty seconds of Josh singing with a former costar and initially I was so jealous and wanted to be her but then I realized they didn’t sound as good together as I imagined they would. They actually sounded drunk. Poor Josh has had really lousy luck in the romance department as far as I know....he’s never been married. Must be something about him...I don’t know what. I fell in love with his words in his music and on his mailing list and his kindness qualities and the fact that he and I have a lot of the same views socially and politically. But my therapist brought me back to reality by telling me he might not be that way at all. He could be boring and arrogant or have gross habits like picking his nose. I just fell in love with who I think he is but celebrities only show the world what they want us to see...he could be a whole different person than I think he is. Have a great week.
  15. Nikki114, You're not alone...lots of us here at the forum have been through the same thing. I told myself not to look at a video of the worst co I ever had singing with one of his former costars of the show that made him a household name. I told myself and didn't look for three months but yesterday I looked at 40 seconds of it and then last night I had a dream about him. It's like he's taking over my subconscious and I know it's bad for me and it's like the worst obsession I've ever had but I can't stop thinking about him. I can go months without looking at him and googling him but some evil part of me thinks, "What if he got married? Would I want to know? What if he's dying of cancer? Would I want to know?" And the answer to both is unfortunately yes.
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