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starbucksjunkee

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About starbucksjunkee

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  1. @filledup I think everyone here can relate to what you are saying. As long as you are just admiring him from afar and not trying to figure out how to meet him and ask him out, I don’t see what is wrong with having a celebrity crush when you are married. My mom used to tease my dad saying if Mick Jagger wanted her, she’d leave him. And my sister used to say the same thing about Sting to her husband. I see myself in your post because I went down the rabbit hole with Josh Radnor for years. But unfortunately for me it ended up doing serious damage to my mental health so I had to stop. If I hadn’t seen the video of him being interviewed by Ellen about his Kind Over Matter in the LA Times I never would have become obsessed with him. I used to think about writing to her and telling her what happened but she would just want to try to make things right and introduce us. But her interview led to me finishing How I Met Your Mother and being so angry and upset that I have stopped watching cable tv and then watching his movies he made and reading his newsletter and listening to the music he made with Ben Lee and finally realizing I had to stop googling him for at least a month and now I am trying to give it up permanently. You fell in love with your co’s voice. I fell in love with my co’s words and his values. The saddest part is I can never contact him I got so messed up. I don’t blame him but he was definitely a trigger. Yesterday I broke my rule to not search for him during lent but all I did was see if his article was still available online. I will always remember him fondly not for his role as Ted but the man he became after Ted. My therapist says I didn’t fall in love. I fell in love with the qualities I think he has but he could be a completely different person than I think he is. Celebrities only show the world one side of themselves. They could be really different than they say they are. And who knows...maybe someone could be ghostwriting Joshs newsletters. Enjoy your time looking at him but don’t have any hopes or expectations...I don’t want you to get hurt like I did. Take Care and God Bless. starbucksjunkee
  2. Sorry anxious I just don't have anything to share with the group. I sent you a long private message. Write back when you feel like it!
  3. @Blue Starr It’s okay AnxiousE said it was probably just a misunderstanding. You guys understand better than anyone in real life so I can’t leave. My brother, my therapist, and two of my female friends are the only ones who know that Josh is still in my thoughts practically daily. The craziest thing happened yesterday. My sister got me a gift card for Target and I was trying things on and all of the sudden the song Heaven By The Walkmen came on the radio. It was on the last episode of HIMYM! I said okay there is no way I am going to buy any of this now because every time I wear it I will associate it with him. I finished getting dressed then I lost my dad. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I tried calling him on his cell and he didn’t answer. I called my mom three times. I had one of the male employees go in the bathroom and ask if he was in there. Major panic attack. Finally after what seemed like an eternity my dad called. He had found really comfortable chairs in the maternity department! The only place I didn’t check! And his phone was on do not disturb mode! I was so mad at him. It seems like that kind of stuff happens a lot when I am thinking about Josh. It feels like God is saying you have to forget him. I had a favorite fleece blanket and when I was thinking about him I lost it. Is it a coincidence, bad luck or is God trying to tell me something? The only reason I don’t let him go is there’s no risk involved. I haven’t been on a date with a good guy since 2008. I dated guys after that but they messed me up and I regret it. I learned from guy friends not to settle and I deserve the best. Sigh...this sucks...maybe I am reading too much into it but sometimes I wish I could send him or Ellen or the show writers a letter and I could make a difference. Maybe they would help raise money for a non profit serving the mentally ill. But all it would do is make then feel sorry for me and what good would that do? Josh would never be interested in me in the way I dreamt about. He would be too afraid of hurting me. And in my dreams he did. Big time. Sometimes I think I was better off before the internet was invented.
  4. If you want to Pm me I will keep what you share confidential I promise. I have no idea who you are or where you are. I have to go back to bed. It’s 230a.m.
  5. I am just grumpy because I am sick. I stayed home all day and I have a temperature of 100. We can pm more after the holidays.
  6. Look I am sorry...I should have sent the message to Anxious privately. He/she is having a hard time letting go of someone he/she used to know. She/he asked if what he/she was doing was obsessing and it wasn’t a co issue. We are conversing about it on private message so I can’t say anymore. I don’t want to betray her/his confidence. I feel bad when people post here and they are told they are posting to the wrong place. Just trying to help. I gave up this place for a while maybe I should give it up permanently. I just get too personal and I am often very misunderstood. Goodbye for now.
  7. @anxiousE Please don't get mad but I classify that as an obsession. Now I'm not a therapist but I have had many obsessions with guys. I only have ever had one obsession with a woman and it wasn't like a romantic thing. It was a I want to be just like her thing. Anywho, I think you're better off not knowing. Hear me out and don't get mad, okay...pretend like I'm an older sister who is giving you advice. I have been obsessed with Josh Radnor since 2014 and it hurts me so badly every day. It really really messed me up in 2014 and 2017 because even just thinking about him triggered psychosis. He is amazing guy...or at least the part of him that he shows to the world. He has a ton of my same values and beliefs. He is from Ohio. I am from WV. So many things we had in common but I don't know the real him. I finally found a good therapist who said you're not in love with him...you're in love with who you think he is and you admire the good qualities you see that he might have but he could be boring, he could pick his nose, he could have five girlfriends or some girl he cheated on. You don't really know the real him. Someone could be ghostwriting his newsletter and his twitter stuff. If I had never discovered Josh on social media I would have been over him by now because I knew nothing about him before. I just thought he was cute and a good actor. Most women fell in love with his character or hated it. I fell in love with the real guy...I thought. But things just went from good to bad really fast. He was one of the reasons I was hospitalized in 2017. And what hurts the most is I can never tell him. He can never know me. And I really want a guy very similar to who I think he is. It all started with an interview with Ellen Degeneres about his article he wrote for LA Times Kindness Matters. I saw the interview after the fact. I hated how HIMYM ended because I could see myself in both of the women Ted fell in love with. And I really thought he and Cristin were in love when they filmed. I noticed the other day that he liked a video where some religious guys were smoking dope and talking about God and I googled Does Josh Radnor smoke dope? And I never found an answer. I might have to let him go now because I don't agree with that. If someone is dying sure, if it gives them relief from pain but just to do it...I don't like but that's probably because I can't do it and sometimes it makes people really mean. I have to stay on the straight path with my meds or my life is hell. I am getting really personal here but at this point if I am helping you understand obsession then it's a good thing. Feel free to private message me on here...I can tell you're really hurting and I hope you have others in your life that you can talk to because I can't really say anymore. Everything else would be too personal but if you ever just want someone to be there as you process let me know. Hang in there. Starbucksjunkee
  8. Yup. Happens to me all the time. Even when I am not actively searching for Josh, something pops up usually related to How I Met Your Mother on YouTube and it really ruins my day.
  9. I hear you, Myshka. I can totally relate to what you are saying. I gave into my obsession the other day. I watched forty seconds of Josh singing with a former costar and initially I was so jealous and wanted to be her but then I realized they didn’t sound as good together as I imagined they would. They actually sounded drunk. Poor Josh has had really lousy luck in the romance department as far as I know....he’s never been married. Must be something about him...I don’t know what. I fell in love with his words in his music and on his mailing list and his kindness qualities and the fact that he and I have a lot of the same views socially and politically. But my therapist brought me back to reality by telling me he might not be that way at all. He could be boring and arrogant or have gross habits like picking his nose. I just fell in love with who I think he is but celebrities only show the world what they want us to see...he could be a whole different person than I think he is. Have a great week.
  10. Nikki114, You're not alone...lots of us here at the forum have been through the same thing. I told myself not to look at a video of the worst co I ever had singing with one of his former costars of the show that made him a household name. I told myself and didn't look for three months but yesterday I looked at 40 seconds of it and then last night I had a dream about him. It's like he's taking over my subconscious and I know it's bad for me and it's like the worst obsession I've ever had but I can't stop thinking about him. I can go months without looking at him and googling him but some evil part of me thinks, "What if he got married? Would I want to know? What if he's dying of cancer? Would I want to know?" And the answer to both is unfortunately yes.
  11. Thank you. for sharing Myshka and Lady Amal. I went through this phase where I wanted every guy to be like Gilbert Blythe in Anne of Green Gables and I still kinda want that I guess. I guess that qualifies. I had a close guy friend who I wanted to be just like him. Unfortunately he was nothing like him. Also, I really liked Mark Darcy in the Bridget Jones Diary Series. I like the idea of a guy that initially teases or says negative things to a woman but then becomes the kindest, smartest guy ever. I also had a hard time as a kid understanding why Jo and Laurie didn't end up together in Little Women. I didn't like Laurie though...he was too weird but I always thought people should be friends before becoming lovers...I think it should not just all be about sex and no emotion no connection verbally. I guess that's why I haven't found my guy yet. I might never find him...I've given up looking. I need to be in a better place before I can look for love again. I can't believe I still haven't let go of Josh yet. He did it again. He did something I wanted him to do. This time someone put a video on youtube of him singing 500 miles with Cristin. I don't even look for this stuff and it comes up. I gave up looking at any videos related to How I Met Your Mother. I still google. I hope since I didn't look at it and I just said I don't like this it won't come up again. It's torture because I really want to look it. I definitely didn't want Ted Mosby though. He's the last thing I would want. I finally realized the last time I was sick I wasn't Victoria I was Ted. I am a hopeless romantic like he was. Sigh sorry for ranting again you guys. I really thought I was going to give this place up but I can't. It's the only safe place to share these things.
  12. I have missed you guys so much. You remind me of my early years when I was in support groups. I wish I could think of pearls of wisdom to share with you. I just want you to feel like you're not alone in this, Sweet. Everyone on this site has had different experiences with being obsessed with celebrities. No one hear is judging you. I liked a guy (not famous...just a guy friend) not continuously but off and on from the time I was 12 until I was 29 years old. I am writing a book about what happened to me in college and how I discovered my mental health issues. The guy is actually a character in my book but I have to downplay the feelings a lot...and it's really hard. I really thought I was in love with him until after college when I realized I was obsessed. But to this day, he is always the hero when I am sick. I pretend he and I are getting married and I wear the diamond ring I inherited from my grandmother and say he gave it to me. The only reason I finally got over him at 29 was that he said, We are friends...that's all we are. I know he didn't want to hurt me but it hurt for a few months until I dated two really crappy guys after he rejected me. I have had one boyfriend that lasted a year but I was only 15 at the time so I'm not sure it counts. At 24 I fell in love with a guy after only dating him 3 months but once I told him I wasn't sure I wanted kids it was over...he just disappeared out of my life almost completely. He never told me that was why because at the time he was having health issues and I didn't find out until I was 34 when his best friend asked me to be in his wedding as the maid of honor. I couldn't say no but I said please don't make me walk with him...you do have other groomsmen, right? And he said no problem. But when I saw my ex and his wife who was pregnant I finally got my answer. I don't think he even spoke one word to me that weekend. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable but what was his excuse? I am over it but I just want to say sometimes these feelings never completely go away. You just can't let them ruin your life (like I almost did!) He was only guy I ever dated that I thought could be the one. But he was a lot older than me and our views about politics and religion were really different and I am not sure we would have lasted. Not long after we broke up I decided I want to adopt kids if I have any...I don't want to carry them because of all medication I'd have to give up. I can't imagine being pregnant and manic or psychotic...that would be not be good for the baby! I am sharing this stuff on here but I sometimes write too much. Anyone on here is welcome to send me a private message if you need someone to talk to and you're welcome to read any of my old posts on here about my CO. I still haven't given up googling him once in a while and I read this one article the other day and it was like it sucks that this guy seems so perfect on paper but might not be like what i think at all. He could be a real jerk. He could be arrogant and think he's God's gift to women or he could pick his nose or be boring. So try to think about those things Sweet. There's so much that you don't know...celebrities project the best versions of themselves on social media and in interviews. We don't see them on bad days except in tabloids which probably aren't true. I always say I'd rather be single my whole life than end up with an emotionally or physically abuser or some guy who thinks he's the greatest and always right about everything. But it's very hard because I'm a romantic (on the enneagram personality test). I love so many love songs and I even play some on the piano.
  13. I thought I was over Josh because I didn’t google him or How I Met Your Mother for two months. But the other day I go a free 20 minute session with a personal trainer and I told him about Josh without saying his name. Told him it was easier to have feelings for someone when nothing is going to happen. A few days later I looked for him again. Both he and Cristin Milioti are single now. I think it would be amazing if they got together and made a cd. They both sing really well. I wish the trainer would have asked me out. I haven’t been on a date in forever. I used to think it was because I have gained so much weight since we moved to CA. But that is the superficial part of me thinking. I used to be so jealous when I read of people meeting their COs but since thinking of Josh made me psychotic I never want to meet him now. I am working on my book and have three possible editors but one said I need to add some scenes to my book. So I have a long way to go on that. I am just going to publish it on demand so the chances of him ever reading it are really small. I remember watching Liberal Arts thinking Josh saved my life because of what happened to the boy in that movie. I wish that I could forget him and the show. Take care guys.
  14. I started feeling happy and hopeful for a few days because I felt like when I was praying something inside me said that if I let Josh go, God will open doors for me. I still haven't found an editor for my book. I don't know what kind of volunteer work I will find to do this summer and I am getting really frustrated with one of my friends and my super nintendo classic mini broke. It only lasted three months. Now what can I do to suck up the time? I guess I should read more but I'm not really excited about it. I have come close to letting Josh go because I haven't looked at anything about him or HIMYM for a month now but I still think about him a lot. I hope God still will open doors because I feel stuck where I am. I love the kids I am helping and once this school year is over I'll be done with them and I'm so bummed about it.
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