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Everything posted by Beauty4romAshes

  1. Hi honey, I am so sorry you are suffering right now. I can honestly say that I've been there. I too struggled with "to medicate or not to medicate", and it's a very personal decision. Unfortunately, there isn't a right or wrong answer. I can tell you, from my experience, medication was the answer. I went on and off of nearly every medication available trying to find the right one; and I won't lie to you, it is really hard. We only know so much about the human brain and every single person reacts differently to every medication. Finding the right one can be a challenge and the side effects can be awful. However, when you find something that works, it can change your life. It doesn't remove the depression, or the empathy, it's not a day and night difference, it just makes it so you can function. Mental illness isn't curable, but it is treatable. I want you to know that taking a medication does not make you less than. It does not mean you are broken. It does not mean you are crazy. It means so you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, a sickness, and you are treating it. I hated for years and years that I had to take pills to be okay. I fought myself on it for a very long time. But you know what? It helped. Society puts a stigma on these things and I think even though we know we can't control it, we want to wish it away. Fight for yourself, for your own well-being. And don't ever stop. What that looks like for you, I'm not sure. Maybe it's anot antidepressant, maybe it's therapy, maybe its immersing yourself into faith or a combination. But whatever it is, don't stop fighting. Only you can fight this fight and I'll be here for you to support you and let you know own you aren't alone. Show yourself the grace you'd give to some one you love. We too rarely count ourselves as deserving of the same grace that we so readily hand out to those around us.
  2. Hi! My name is Jessie and I just joined this forum in the past hour and thought I'd reach out to some other "newbies". I strongly recommend reading the post under new forums, it's called an encouraging words or so,wthing, by Bud. I have dealt with workplace drama myself and to be honest I have just changed my life so that it is filled with as few stressors as possible. I have anxiety and depression for no reason at all so I have worked really hard to just cut anything stressful that is within my control. I have a business degree and have had nearly every job- from retail at 8 different places, to waitressing, landscaping, managing a tanning salon, being the PR for a chiropractic office, freelance ad design and even volunteer firefighting. I now work in Saugatuck, MI- a super laid back tourist destination town. I work in a high end mens boutique. I would say I'm over qualified, but I love it. It's very laid back, my bosses are like family, and the hours are reasonable. The pay is fine, but not quite the career I'd imagined for myself. But why? Because thats what society teaches us. And you know what, living with depression is hard. Add anxiety and maybe a sleep disorders like I have, and it's really hard. So I try and show myself some grace. I don't do things, for the most part, that I don't want to. I don't allow people in my life who don't want to understand or know me when I'm not "myself". It's been painful, but I think that, for me, I have to control the things that I can because my mental illness isn't something that I always have a grasp on. I have a good day and I cherish every moment because I know that it's fleeting. Try and simplify your life. Take the lower paying less stressful job and adjust your life to make that work. And honey, show yourself the grace that you would show someone you love. You deserve it.
  3. Thank you for sharing this. I feel like most people who suffer from depression and/or anxiety have a certain depth to them as a person. It's as though because we feel so deeply we can also lend empathy and advice; even if we don't know how to take it ourselves. I recently stopped seeing my therapist because I realized in our last session that there wasn't anything left for her to give me. She helped me so much- I am not knocking therapy, I will absolutely go back someday when I feel it's needed. However, after years and years of therapy and different medications and research, I realized that I was pretty much just paying her to tell me things I already knew. There is no magic "fix". It's a lifelong battle. I'm hoping to get the support I need from others in this forum, like you. I think we all need to be repeatedly told everything that you just said. Affirmation that we aren't broken, that we aren't the only one in the world that feels like this. Thank you for that. It made a difference in my day and you should feel good about that.
  4. Hi, I am 29 years old and am just now joining my first depression forum although I have been dealing with severe depression, anxiety, and narcolepsy for nearly 15 years. I have been on literally almost every possible medication for sleep disorders, anxiety, depression, and even other medications that were prescribed for anxiety as an off label use. My husband and I have been together for 10+ years, married for 4, and we are ready to try for a baby (yay!) But also scary. Because I am now trying to get pregnant I am faced with going off of medications that I have begun to rely on. Two weeks ago I was on the following: Prozac (80 mg), depression. Neurotin/gabapentin (1800 mg divided between 3 doses per day), primarily used to treat seizures, was prescribed for anxiety. Xanax (4 mg, maximum dosage), anxiety. Ambien (10 mg), sleep disorder/narcolepsy. Adderall (30 mg), stimulant to keep me awake during the day, narcolepsy. And I had also been on birth control for 12+ years. My doctor and I decided to continue with the Prozac during pregnancy because we felt it was a greater risk to go off of it than to stay on it. I also have continued, as minimally as possible, with Xanax. However, I am now completely off of Ambien, Adderall, Neurotin, Birth Control, and extremely lowered doses of Xanax (.5-1 mg per day). Not surprisingly, I'm a mess. I feel raw, unable to think clearly or make decisions, exhausted-but as though adrenalin is racing through my veins. I haven't gone to work in two days and I'm just trying to adjust. I think it will be easier when I am actually pregnant because then I will have a baby to think about. It's just really really hard right now. I feel like I can't explain how I feel or what's wrong with me; and how can I expect other people to understand when I barely do. I just need support. Support that I can do this. That I'm not broken. That others have been there, done that, and are okay. I want to be a mom. So badly I'm putting myself through my own personal hell; I need help. Support. Just someone, anyone, who can say, "I get it. You're not alone. You're not crazy. You're not broken. It's hard, but it's going to be fine." I hope I came to the right place...
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