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Abstract42

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  1. Well, I didn't get a say in the matter. I brought up my concerns, I used the "I feel that..." phrasing, and I followed all of our agreements for how to handle an argument to perfection. She decided to leave. At this point I'm honestly done. I'm 36 I can't seem to find a stable companion to save my life, and if we're being honest here, I don't much care for older women, which is the path I'm heading down. So I'm genuinely calling it quits for now. Not in the 'woe is me' way, but in the 'I'm okay with being alone, and should anything change that, I'm open to the idea, but they better be damn near perfect' way.
  2. Therapy, plain and simple. Seek out a therapist whom you feel comfortable being honest with, and be honest with them - and yourself. There was a therapist I saw for years that I wasn't making any progress with, and looking back, I can see that it was due to my own inability to discuss what was really bothering me. We wound up talking about the weather and day-to-day activities on almost every session. Finally, after a 9 year hell of a marriage when I genuinely contemplated suicide, I saw a therapist instead. I told him on the first session that I was willing to admit my shortcomings, work on them, and to be a better person once therapy is concluded. I also asked him to push me and pull no punches; I personally NEED to be challenged in a way that makes me own up to my own thoughts, because for so long I was thinking for others and their needs. I can promise you, doing that alone was a HUGE weight off of my shoulders. I can't say the exact same approach will work for you, but the key is to be as honest with yourself as you can. It gets easier over time, believe me. I wish you the best of luck.
  3. :: Deep Breath :: So, I am a 36 year old male that has been diagnosed with depression and bi-polar for over 10 years now. In that time, I was married, had a son, and subsequently divorced. To be clear, I'm the one that filed. I say this because, in the months leading up to my divorce, I was highly suicidal, and often times thought of hanging myself in the garage, just so she could open the garage door and see me there. Thankfully, I didn't and sought out therapy, instead. I have been seeing this therapist for close to 2 years now; in that time I am proud to say that I have made tremendous strides in dealing with my depression and bi-polar diagnoses, along with having the right medications prescribed by my psychiatrist. Am I cured? Absolutely not, but I can at least rationalize and handle the diseases that were given to me, and do so in a more and more healthy and effective manner. About a year ago I started dating this woman. We hit it off tremendously well and for the honeymoon phase, things were okay, for the most part. During that time, I learned that she too was suffering from depression, anxiety, and fibro. Things were manageable for the most part, up until May or so of this year. We had our fights, our bouts with our respective illnesses, and what not, but we always worked it through. There was a night when we went out, and she was acting off kilter. I had been with her long enough to know something was wrong, but she wouldn't tell me what, no matter how hard I pressed. 2 days later, she broke up with me, out of the blue. I had suspected her of either carrying on an affair, based on her attitude towards 3rd parties, but nothing conclusive. So I didn't bring it up. What I did do, however, was call her out on how she was so centered on pleasing others that she wouldn't stop someone had they advanced on her. She denied it flat out and proceeded to tell me the following: Three months prior, she had been seeing a therapist on a regular basis. His method of treatment was to use hypnotherapy. During one of the sessions, she claims (more on this as me believing it as truth later) that he had taken her into a different room than she was accustomed to, he asked her about our sex life, and proceeded to place her into hypnosis. He told her he could make her orgasm with just his words. She said she broke free of the hypnosis and wound up crying. She told no one for months. Additionally she went back to him and in subsequent sessions he tried to erase that session from her memory, but it did not work. Prior to telling me this, she had told her friend the same story. We called the cops, and filed a report, same story. We filed a report with the board, same story. We went to multiple doctors, including ER and psych intake and it's the same story - nothing changes, aside from her remembering bits and pieces here and there that add to the overall picture. We have been trying to look for lawyers for months to see if anyone can take the case; it's only now that someone has said they were able to do so. That said, every time she brings up the story, she completely dissociates. Her most recent therapist has diagnosed her with DID symptoms, and to be honest, I see it. She will move in and out of personalities based on the day she is having. For the past few months, I've been okay with it. I've been to doctors with her, I've supported her choices, I've been nothing but giving within my limits, and trying very hard not to overextend myself. We were most recently contacted by a police officer who was investigating claims into the same therapist by another patient, only there was physical touching involved. That alone makes me say she is not making this up. A little about my therapy: I have learned over the course of 22 months that I am not the problem in a relationship. My approach, my demeanor and my personality all play into my own self destruction, however. To that point, I have learned to start putting myself first, and to truly self care. It was hard at first, but as time went on, I have been far more receptive to the idea that without me as a solid foundation taking care of myself, the rest is just a house of cards waiting to fall. I have tried to live by that axiom for a long time, and for the most part, it seems to be working out. I'm generally happier, I'm generally more relaxed, and I'm generally more objective when it comes to how I share my time with others. After all, time is the most precious gift we have, and it needs to be spent wisely. Fast forward to this past month. She has fallen into a DEEP depression where nothing I say or do is good enough, yet it's twisted into making me feel guilty that I'm not doing more... and it's working. What I mean by that is, she in the past month has stayed with her 4 kids in my 2 bedroom apartment for a week (she has a place of her own), while her van needed fixing, she has expected that I, along with other family, are obligated to help resolve her issues, she has been to the ER for something the doctors couldn't figure out (they thought it was a gallbladder problem, but found nothing physically wrong), she has resorted to general moodiness and putting her concerns, needs, darkness, etc. above it all, all while saying she is there for me. She does x, she does y, etc... What she comes back with is that no matter what SHE does, it's not good enough. Yet, she fails to realize that there is a HUGE difference between loving me enough (which, for the record, is enough), and choosing to love herself in the same fashion. She can't do what she says she does for me, for her. She's pushing her family on me as if I need to be a parent with her, to be around her 24/7, that my needs are silly (I'm an introvert by nature, so I require some level of autonomy); she claims that it is for when we were all supposed to live together in February, but she seems to me that she's spiraling out of control. I just don't get her level of martyrdom at this point. She has told me repeatedly that if she wants me to leave, that all I have to do is tell her that I don't love her any more, and that will be the end of that. Even after typing that out, I don't believe it to be true. I'm at the end of my proverbial rope. I have TRIED. Legitimately TRIED to be the rock for her, but it's getting to the point where my own depression is coming back because of all of this stress. I have developed severe insomnia, I have physical ailments starting to manifest, my relationship with my own son is being tested, my job is an afterthought. I have my own life to take care of, yet I spend all my free time making sure I'm there for her. And it's not like she's not trying - that's the part that gets to me the most. She is making an honest effort, but it still doesn't seem to fully be taking hold. Last night, I finally told her that my tank was empty, that I am going through a med change, that I am emotionally and physically spent, and that was the last thing she wanted to hear. And I was right. It was spun right back around to me not being more giving towards her when she is giving towards me with her affections, that I am not trying for us, etc. This is why I don't discuss my feelings with her any more. I told her I was too tired to defent my feelings and emotions, and suggested she take care of herself in the interim. I received 10 text messages overnight of couples hugging, the message "here, just take them all," along with a message saying she's sorry she failed me. Today I have ignored all of her texts, and honestly, I still feel guilty about that. This isn't how someone with depression should be treated, but on the same token, I don't deserve to be treated this way, either. I've looked online for advice, and it's all one sided - How you (the normal person) can cope with a depressive partner. It's not that easy. I have my own condition to contend with, and right now I feel that it's counterproductive to continue therapy if she is just going to bring me down. Am I right? I don't even need validation at this point, I just want to make sure my blinders aren't on, or that I am thinking too deeply into this. I am honestly scared of ANY outcome at this point, and I don't know what to do. Someone is going to be hurt in this, I know that much. Thanks for listening to my diatribe.
  4. I just made the switch and I tapered off by halving my citalopram dosage over 6 days, while ramping up my escitalopram. Here's how it went: - Day 1: 40MG Citalopram, 20MG Escitalopram - Day 2: 20MG Escitalopram - Day 3: 20MG Citalopram, 20MG Escitalopram - Day 4: 20MG Escitalopram - Day 5: 10MG Citalopram, 20MG Escitalopram - Day 6: 20MG Escitalopram - Moving forward this is all I will take. I've had a BIT of depressive and mania set in, but nothing I can't handle. I can only imagine it'll get better over time. Best of luck.
  5. Just wanted to give a quick hello to everyone before writing what may turn out to be a novella of facts and pleas for advice. :)
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