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HeatherG

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Posts posted by HeatherG

  1. I hate feeling either God has given up on me, or is sick or me, doesn't exist or worse He doesn't find me worthy or important.  I don't blame Him.  But it's hard to hold on right now because I'm just bleeping up what life I have left and it's affecting others so negatively.  I'm like this worthless pile of cow manure.  I can't get it right.  Yep, I'll be calling my therapist and scheduling, again.  Geez.

  2. I can only tell you what worked for me.  First, I too had a disastrous first relationship.  Morbidly horrible, I can't even talk about it.  But what did help me was distance and time.  These two took some of the sting off because I didn't have to see him (he was friends with my brother and kept coming around like I didn't matter anymore and like we were never a couple).  I could even hear him saying, "It's so good to not be in a relationship anymore."  I was dying inside.  Time?  That was the healer.  But while time is going by you've got to shed those tears (cry it out), tears for you, tears for a broken heart, tears that yea, it hurt that I allowed myself to be mistreated when all signs told me he wasn't right for me (I told myself I won't let it happen again).  But give yourself a break honey, we ALL do this, we ALL pick the wrong one.  I wouldn't try dating afterwards even though you want to find someone to be in love with.  I learned I didn't love me and until I do, i'm not dating at all.  I've got too many emotional issues.  I poured myself into working, a new place, books and MUSIC.  I wrote, watched movies and after awhile I didn't feel that hurt anymore.  it did take awhile.  I hope you have friends to lean on.  I didn't.  And I hope my reply to you is kind, helpful in some way.  I do know what a broken heart feels like.  If the pain is unbearable, talk to a therapist.  And Be kind to yourself.  --Heather

  3. 2 minutes ago, salparadise6132 said:

    I so sorry, Heather.  But I am glad you are here with us!  Please feel free to let us know what is wrong.

    Thank you.  salparadise6132.  There's so much wrong I could write four volumes of misery.  But just hearing from people on here, like you, is a comfort.  *hugs*  --Heather

  4. I can relate.  But I stopped trying to get my family to care, well, I guess in a way I'm always still trying to please them and care for them and hope some of that will come back to me.  it's not.  It won't.  I completely understand how you feel.  I'm not the favorite in my family.  And they completely minimize and dismiss my depression and mental health issues.  My mom is like, "Well if you don't think you're depressed it'll go away."  Imagine hearing that.  I'm called overly sensitive too.  I agree with weareinfinite about making friends.  But for me,  making friends is so super hard.   

  5. 37 minutes ago, Epictetus said:

    Hi and welcome to the Forums Heather!

         The "Unhealthy Obsession with a Celebrity" thread here on the Forums is one of the most active, so you are not alone.  I myself have experienced that and more than once in my 62 years on the earth.  It can be both glorious and agonizing.  At least that is how I experienced it.   I think you will make lots of compassionate and understanding friends here on the Forums and I hope you find the Forums as helpful as I have.  Except for therapy and medication, I don't know what helps with obsession.  A type of psychology called Cognitive Therapy helped me a lot.   I generally try to turn any obsession I have with someone into something positive, like praying for them or sending them good will.  I'm sure others here will have better words for you than my poor words.  Wishing you all good things . . . all the very best.  - epictetus

    Hi Epictetus,

    Thank you so much for responding.  I was trying to connect to the already established thread on here but new to navigating and couldn't find it.  Just posting on here has been a reprieve for me.  I believe, I hope I can snap out of this sooner than later.  If not, I do agree, going back to therapy will help.  But I sure hope I don't have to go back.  Anyway, thanks again for replying.  I'm really grateful this website is here.  And your words are not poor, they are appreciated :)

  6. (I wrote/edited this over, making sure not to trigger anyone)

    I'm was up late again :coophelp:.  This time, well everytime I don't need this.  But instead of first talking about my woes and miseries I want to say thank you to this forum, the brave members who wrote and posted about their intense unyeilding (obsession) or crush on a celebrity.  I had that once some years ago, it's was so strong I put myself back into therapy.  I didn't exactly tell my therapist, who would have understood--but like you all, me, i just felt so incredibly embarrassing to speak about it, ya know?  Being a grown up, I mean, who in their right mind has a crush and can't stop thinking about someone who they will never meet.  That was my reason for never talking aloud about it.  But I found a way to shake that crush, and boy was it intense!!  I remember like it was yesterday, I googled him to no end, printed out every picture of him, if I thought he had another I would moan and groan.  Then google her!  Thank goodness I'm not the type to reach out and do the contact'im.  No way.  Anyway in my mind I'm this horrific uggo blob of a person and he'd run screaming to the hills.  At least I'm not that delusional, so I thought, I am now talking out loud (when alone) like I'm some star being interviewed--this is so insane, but at least I know that, does that help??  UGH.  I replaced that crush with another which I found was as satisfying but not as intense--I also did a huge book I needed to write to make him fall in love with someone I was sure he couldn't resist (is this fanfiction?), and wow that kind of brought the crush to a fruition and I could let it go--and I had a replacement crush, I was writing, wow, the crush just left me.  But TODAY, good grief this 24/7 crush is something that keeps me from sleeping, I'm not hungry, and unfortunately (so many websites feed obsession) and celebs needing to document their every move just drives me crazy.  I'll fav a page, delete it, find another better than the last.  I'm trying so hard to find a replacement, another to crush on so I can get some sort of normalcy back in my life.  And I do have a life to get to.  I have some understanding of my behavior, being in therapy for almost 20 years, I suffer from depression (severe neglect/trauma within fam) and I believe, this crush is driving me because I need to feel like I could be beautiful too (don't we all want to be BELOVED!!?), I could be a star too, he'd run into me at a gala and fall madly in love.  Wow, I hate feeling ridiculous.  So, I googled how to get rid of an obsession, kept reading on and found YOUR page, you all writing about your crushes and I felt like WOW it's not crazy (well, ya know, we're not nuts, and we're not alone).  I'd hate to go back to therapy, because so many people are counting on me getting my act together and being here for them and therapy is so exhausting and time consuming and never nearby.  Costly, and I'm unemployed on disability. I didn't eat dinner.  I got off Xanax last year (after 20 yrs on it) and now I'm barely sleeping but thinking about "him/crush" makes me happy and makes me morbidly unhappy.  A reminder, silly, you're here again.  I need to deal with reality but it's so painfully boring and unsatisfying and, well, I want to say hello to everyone on this website here.  I joined today.  Thank you all for being open, honest, having this website and I know I won't make friends (I'll leave u before you leave me! :/ ),  but I'll hope you'll be nice to me.  YOu'll understand.  Thank you for that.  No I'm not going to bed, that's not till 7 am and then I'm up after two hours of sleep.  And to make this more horrible, this actor just got started and that means he's EVERYWHERE.  Ugh!  Least  on sundays (unnamed show) is on and keeps my mind off him for an hour.  But that series is about to end.  AM I posting this in the wrong spot?  I'm so sorry. :/

  7. I'm up late again.  This time, well everytime I don't need this.  But instead of talking about my woes and miseries I want to say thank you to this forum, the brave women who wrote and posted about their intense unyeilding (obsession) crush on a celebrity.  I had that once some years ago, it's was so strong I put myself back into therapy.  I didn't exactly tell my therapist, who would have understood--but like you all, me, i just felt so incredibly embarrassing to speak about it, ya know?  Being a grown up, I mean, who in their right mind has a crush and can't stop thinking about someone who they will never meet.  That was my reason for never talking aloud about it.  But I found a way to shake that crush, and boy was it intense!!  I remember like it was yesterday, I googled him to no end, printed out every picture of him, if I thought he had another I would moan and groan.  Then google her!  Thank goodness I'm not the type to reach out and do the contact'im.  No way.  Anyway in my mind I'm this horrific uggo blob of a person and he'd run screaming to the hills.  At least I'm not that delusional, so I thought, I am talking out loud like I'm some star being interviewed--this is so insane, but at least I know that, does that help??  UGH.  I replaced that crush with another which I found was as satisfying but not as intense--I also did a huge book I needed to write to make him fall in love with someone I was sure he couldn't resist (is this fanfiction?), and wow that kind of brought the crush to a fruition and I could let it go--and I had a replacement crush, I was writing, wow, the crush just left me.  But TODAY good grief this crush is something that keeps me from sleeping, I'm not hungry, and unfortunately instagram and tumblr and celebs needing to document their every move just drives me crazy.  I'll fav a page, delete it, find another better than the last.  I'm trying so hard to find a replacement, another to crush on so I can get some sort of normalcy back in my life.  And I do have a life to get to.  I have some understanding of my behavior, being in therapy for almost 20 years, I suffer from depression (severe neglect/trauma within fam) and I believe, this crush is driving me because I need to feel like I could be beautiful too (don't we all want to be BELOVED!!?), I could be a star too, he'd run into me at a gala and fall madly in love.  Wow, I hate feeling an *****.  So, I googled how to get rid of an obsession, kept reading on and found YOUR page, you all writing about your crushes and I felt like WOW it's not crazy (well, ya know, we're not nuts, and we're not alone).  I'd hate to go back to therapy, because so many people are counting on me getting my act together and being here for them and therapy is so exhausting and time consuming and never nearby.  Costly, and I'm unemployed on disability.  It's after 3:00 am.  I didn't eat dinner.  I got off Xanax last year and now I'm barely sleeping but thinking about "him/crush" makes me happy and makes me morbidly unhappy.  A reminder, dummy, you're here again.  I need to deal with reality but it's so painfully boring and unsatisfying and, well, I want to say hello to everyone on this website here.  I joined today.  Thank you all for being open, honest, having this website and I doubt I'll make friends (I'll leave u before you leave me! :/ ),  but I'll believe you'll be nice to me.  YOu'll understand.  Thank you for that.  No I'm not going to bed, that's not till 7 am and then I'm up after two hours of sleep.  And to make this more horrible, this actor just got started and that means he's EVERYWHERE.  Ugh!  Least  on sundays Game of thrones is on and keeps my mind off him for an hour.  But that series is about to end soon.  AM I posting this in the wrong spot?  I'm so sorry. :/

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