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Posts posted by HeatherG

  1. I intended to clean half the dining rm table, which I call my little office.  Part of my personality is, clean house, organized thoughts--I feel better.  It works.  I love a clean organized house.  So, I cleaned it all.  I feel so much better!  And to everyone who responded to my rant, you're so kind.  Thank you.  I might erase that rant, if I can.  I pray I don't cause anyone to doubt or doubt more.  I kind of feel like you all are my brothers and sisters on here.  I like that.  🙂

    If God is molding me for something greater, it's gonna be BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG  BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG.  lol

  2. 23 hours ago, surfcaster said:

    The only thing that comes to mind when i start to think this way is he is preparing me to be able to withstand something much greater. It's really the only option acceptable to me so that's what i choose to believe 

    Wow, Surfcaster, THANK YOU 🙂

  3. 3 hours ago, monicott17 said:

    I missed therapy this week due to my therapist having to cancel at the last minute and boy am I feeling it. I don’t think the outcome of the issue I am dealing with right now is going to be good and he could have helped me talk that out as I am taking it personally that my very nice inquiry was ignored and is likely going to result in the worst of all possible outcomes being the result. Honestly, maybe it is better that way as I can move on and look elsewhere for better options.

    Wow do I know how you're feeling.  We trust our therapist and want/need to believe we're not just another patient/client.  I do hope you find better options.  You deserve it!  You deserve too!!  Hold on.

  4. 2 minutes ago, JD4010 said:

    You don't have to apologize for posting that. I've struggled with similar thoughts for decades. Suffering is the number one issue that gives me pause when I consider faith.

    It causes me to question how benevolent the Creator truly is if they have to "punish" people who don't seemingly have enough faith in them (I'm using gender neutral terms here because I've often wondered why the Creator would need to be male or female, since they wouldn't seem to need to reproduce).

    I've becom a wandering Gnostic in search of answers. In the meantime, I'm just going to live. Or try to anyway.

    Dear JD4010,

    I needed to read this.  Thank you my dear brother.  Thank you so much.  -Heather

  5. I try so hard to have faith.

    Faith in God.

    I can't go back to pleading with Him.  

    I can't go back to wondering, are you there?  Or, do you not like or love me?

    This whole year has been sh*t.  Please excuse my language.

    What does He want me to do?

    Why am I here?  Why am I here?  Why?

    Am I being punished for something?

    I'm actually in a fam who blames me for not having faith.

    How do I have faith in a God that watches people, me, you, suffer?

    Why do WE have depression?

    Now, since I'm complaining about God, is He going to strike me?  Again?

    Oh, God.

    I'm sorry if I've spoiled anybody's day with this rant.

    My apologies.  Really.

  6. The heartbreak.  I wish I could send comfort, to everyone on here who has lost a beloved family member-- because it goes beyond just a pet.

    Grief, take all the time you need.

    Mourn in the way you need to mourn.

    Let me know, or us, know how you're doing, and remind yourself that YOU loved, YOU cared, YOU gave your family member a home, you've been a blessing!  

    I send virtual hugs.

  7. I'm going to be extra sensitive here.  Being a female...

    Have you tried being friends with women?  Whether their attractive or unattractive?  And, since you made what you worded ugly comments that hurt her feelings.... Have you tried enjoying just being by yourself and getting to know yourself?  And ask yourself why those words came out of your mouth to a woman you seemed to want to be with?

    I'm glad I've never been anxious to get in a relationship.  Why do you seem to be?

    And as you stated meeting women in church -- being a Christian myself, my humble opinion-- maybe focus on being friends with women in church?  Friends first?  

    That emptiness inside of you, you should fill.  That emptiness, God should fill.  And then, maybe a woman you've befriended may become more.

    I hope I am being sensitive in my response.  I do understand many people long for a loving deep relationship and connection.  Going back to therapy, maybe?  Learn to love yourself first. 

    I wish you the very best.

  8. Hi, MikeJS,

    Welcome, welcome.

    My thoughts are, while doing your homework (always good) why not talk/speak with your doctor now about this?  In fact, speak to him about your financial worries, that this medication is so helpful, are there alternatives, are there any offers of free supplies?  Sounds like you have a good doctor, I hope he can ease your worries.  

  9. Had my church service over the phone with my small fam.

    Didn't know it is Palm Sunday, but so nice one of my pastor's brought me a palm leaf.

    Nice to be thought of, ya know?

    Finishing up some writing.  Got bad news in the mail on Friday-- I'm going to choose to not care, trying not to worry.

    I do pray every morning now, I'm scared not to.

    I send love to everyone.  I remember when I first logged on, so many MANY kind people.

    Thank you for making me feel, know, I'm not alone.

  10. On 4/5/2022 at 8:03 AM, Nightjar said:

    Good to see you evalynn... I don't know if coffee helps brain fog or not 🤔 Maybe cut down a little bit and see if you feel any better? 


    On 4/5/2022 at 3:04 PM, evalynn said:

    Just run down. Tossed and turned all night and was in pain. Finally got some sleep but I'm still tired. 

    Hi Evalynn,

    Real good to see you 🙂

    I hope you feel better.  :console:

  11. Up in the wee hours of the morning.

    I have an assignment I want to finish, but gotta go with my brother to the hospital this morning.  He would never go with me or care about me if I was in his shoes.  But he was really sick recently..  And I have that caretaker personality.

    Make sure my nephew gets safely to school.  

    I could cry all day if I had the energy. So, that's how I feel right now.

    Wait, i did have some prayers answered.  I'm just needing that extra oophmf.  Now I"m rambling.  😕

  12. 6 hours ago, sober4life said:

    I hope everyone stays safe out there.  Today is probably the scariest day for the world I can remember in my life.  Things could really go anywhere from here.  It's such a sad day for the world.:sniffle1:

    It is a sad day.  I send hugs to everyone on here.  

  13. I walked from the car up to my front door steps.  lol

    I'm so out of shape 😕

    Right now I'm trying to just, survive moment by moment.  Year did not start off too great.

    But as Scarlett O'Hara said, "Tomorrow is another day..."  😌


  14. 23 hours ago, gandolfication said:

    I needed to read/hear this just now.

    I'm spiraling and just bearly hanging on.


    When I have a better period of time (i.e. much of the past year where I've largely persevered and overcome anxiety, and bipolar II hasn't really flared up badly), I always mistakenly think maybe I've turned a corner.

    The crushing reality that not only is life already hard enough, but I also have this, that it's a disease, and that it isn't going to go away just shatters this, and I feel I do not want to face life or to be awake anymore again.

    I'm trying to get through but I don't really want to get through. I want the pain to end.


    It's just brutal right now.  For people like us, if you don't mind me including you, me, and the people on here--the covid ripped that thin rug underneath us.  it was already ripped and shredded.  For me who can't stand going outside, not being a fan of people--but getting out even to go buy a book would give me just enough to get through a week or two.  Then covid hit.  Add in my fear of germs, oh my gosh I'm triggered just writing this.  And my mom passed away in the middle of 2019.  Months before covid hit.  I could go on and on.  Horrible fam.  No friends, so on here--like reading your words, it gave me a boost.  YOU gave me a boost.  I felt so touched and moved by your words.  You have a compassion heart.  And for those like us, we endure a heavier burden in this world.

    I've been a fan of yours on here.  

    I'm so sorry you're suffering and struggling.  Gandolf we do turn those corners, but sometimes when we turn them, it's another corner waiting for us.  I wish I could understand this.  I hope you've heard this before on here, but please hang in there.  I'm admitting to being selfish asking this (I'm sorry).  But I ask anyway.  ?  :hugs:

  15. On 7/19/2021 at 3:49 AM, Almha said:

    I don’t need to go in-depth on everything that’s been happening over the last year and a half, everyone’s been living through it. Covid + it’s deviants are still a huge issue with no end in sight despite the vaccines. Climate change has started to really show an impact (over quite a number of years already tbh, but just seems to be more noticed recently) with the drastic heatwaves, droughts and fires. A small town in BC, Canada had 90% of their homes burned to the ground in under 2 days. How flipping crazy is that.. in such a short time those people’s lives are ruined. 

    These are the main 2 worries (Covid & Climate Change) that have been constantly bogging me down. I’ve been doing really well at managing my depression over the last year, and honestly thought I wouldn’t be here again. But time and again, disasters striking all around pull me back to reality of how awful it is to live. Not sure if the news is just showing more devastating situations, but hearing about cranes crushing people, apartment complexes collapsing and a bloody massive unmarked gravesite of indigenous children found just is a lot to take in. It’s constant, it’s never ending.. and is getting worse.

    I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining either, because I’m not directly effected from these events. Even so though, how is anyone here able to keep sane? 

    You have every right to complain.  Why call it that though?  You are stating how you feel, and you have every right-- esp on here!  I'll just speak for myself, I feel exactly how you do.  In fact I think it's safe to say most of the world, particularly because of the pandemic, are feeling the same way you are.

    How do I cope?  I have a therapist, and a pastor I can call/talk to.  I really don't pay much attention to the news, I try to stay informed but it triggers me sooooo much!

    I try to pray for others, next moment I'm yelling at God, "Why'd you let that happen?  What's the point!?  Hello?  Hello!"

    I come on here, great place to come on here.  I rant here, to myself, to God, to the universe.  "HELLO!?"  LOL

    Then I read your post, and I definitely don't feel alone.  Almha, thank YOU 🙂

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