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Gerri820

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  1. Feeling Abandoned

    I don't think that's a good idea on my end. Before deactivating my social media accounts, she made it a post about how blessed she is and how everything is working in her favor. Me reaching out to her would just make me feel like I'm going to ruin everything she's worked hard for, even with the slightest burden. I'm proud of her and I want her to accomplish her dreams. I just dont think I was ever meant to be a part of it, let alone get in the way of it with my own issues. Then it would make it look like I'm being self-centered b/c I'm always reaching out with my problems. It's not like I dont ask if she's ok from time to time because I do. But she knows how to handle her life better than I am of handling my own. And I'm happy you like your therapist too. It's not too common for people to find a therapist to open up to, let alone one they like. Hopefully with help you receive, you're able to get back working again. I'm pretty sure it'll make a significant difference. I'm hoping to become a certified pc technician by the end of the year...
  2. Feeling Abandoned

    Pretty nice that majority of your family has been supportive of you. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a matter of time when my family and friends will ever understand. I try to be optimistic but I think that's just how they'll always be. And yeah it's been difficult telling my issues to religious people in my family. Some are Christians, Baptists, Jehovah Witnesses and I think a couple are Catholic. They feel that prayer is the ultimate answer in solving all of my problems when it's a lot deeper than that... I try to pray and nothing is changing...
  3. Feeling Abandoned

    I have a friend that's like a sister to me but we barely talk. She's an upcoming lyricist and producer and she's amazingly talented. Her buzz is kind of local at the moment but she's making A LOT of progress. She works a lot and is also in a relationship. Plus she has some problems of her own. I'm scared to call and express how I feel because I feel like I'll just get in the way of her success and her own issues. It's kind of like that with a few other people. They all have things going well for them and I feel like once I pop up or try to contact them, I'll bring them down eventually. So I'm kind of stuck. Between a rock and a hard place is a better expression. And yeah my therapist is amazing. She actually listens and offers support. The other therapists I've had were just taking notes and were of no kind of help. Either too nonchalant or too "scared". I'm glad I reached out to her because I don't know where I would be now. It's difficult getting through this month alone because I know I really can't talk to anyone else other than her and vent on here. I really wish that my friends and family were as understanding as you and the rest of the people on this forum. You all really get me... If I got this same support from them, life would be a bit easier to deal with...
  4. Feeling Abandoned

    It just seems like it's ok for my family and friends to have their days to be down and cry and whatnot, but when it comes to me, I seem to have "issues" and I'm practically left in the dark. As far as my therapist, I like her. I was reluctant to talk to her because I didn't have the greatest therapists over the years. But she's cool. I don't know if I want to see anyone else because I told her a lot and got comfortable with her. I'll look around for others but I'm content with her. She said I can call her and talk to her for a little while but I don't think that would be long enough compared to our actual sessions. But thank you for the support. I'm trying my best to hang in there but it's tough...
  5. Feeling Abandoned

    Talking to my family at times is like just talking to a brick wall. I have people in my family that's very religious so they expect me to pray things away. I've thought about sharing videos and articles on it but my family is so closed-minded that I wouldn't be surprised if they continue to say what they've been saying. I know for sure that I've sent articles and vids to my bf and he acts oblivious to it. Even when it comes to me discussing me dealing with lupus, it's the same stuff with him, friends and family...
  6. Feeling Abandoned

    That's true but what if you really have no joy at all? I got a lot of flack for not spending time with my closest friends and then when I try to reach out, my messages are hardly being responded to. So the joy from that is gone. My relationship with my bf isn't where it needs to be so there's no joy in that. I'm not good at anything and I lack talent so I can't seem joy from that either. It's just hard being happy at all because I just feel like a loser and I feel worthless...
  7. Feeling Abandoned

    It's ok. Losing my mom at a young age really just destroyed me. It was so fast and unexpected. I'm talking to her for a few minutes and then she's being rushed to the hospital. As far as talking to other family members about my problems, I've been unsuccessful. I'm close to them but it's the same "You need to be more positive, you need to stop caring about what others think, etc, etc" talk. Sometimes I feel like I'm being blamed for feeling like this because I can hardly control how I feel. I'm seeing a therapist as we speak but she's been backed up. I was having insurance issues so I couldn't see her for a few weeks. When I was able to schedule an appointment, her first one available was about a month from now. As far as friends, all of what was mentioned is being done on social media so I deactivated my accounts. Some friends ignore me, blocked me and unfriended me. My messages are hardly being responded to. I'm trying very to lift myself up but it's hard. I've been so low for so long that I'm used to it... And I hope everything you're going through comes to an end. No one deserves to struggle...
  8. Feeling Abandoned

    I honestly don't think I have any friends to be honest. I'm not the overly positive person that posts or talks about accomplishing any of my goals and being successful. I don't post a picture of my brand new car, brand new house, or Snapchat myself on vacation in Cancun or Jamaica. That's who all of my "friends" consist of. I don't want it to sound like I'm jealous because I'm happy for them but I just know I'll never amount to them. And even when I tell them I'm stressed out, I get the same reactions. "Oh you're this, oh you're that..."
  9. Feeling Abandoned

    Making new friends is hard for me too. I'm always socially awkward. In this day in age, holding a random conversation with someone would just make them stare at you funny so I don't even try anymore. I think my mom would've been the only person I could talk to but sadly, my mother passed away when I was 14. It still hurts and it's part of why I've been depressed...
  10. Feeling Abandoned

    I have one but she's been very busy. Sometimes I feel like if I talk to her, I may overwhelm her and push her away even more. I'm taking this computer class but it's inconsistent and there aren't any ppl there in my age group.
  11. Hi everyone. I apologize for not posting as much on here. Lately, I've been trying to find things to do to keep me busy and to take my mind off of a lot of things but it hasn't been working. I still find myself worrying about everything and just constantly thinking of my worth. One of the main issues I'm having is feeling like I may have turned away a lot of my "friends", maybe my best-friend as well. I want to think it's just life and everyone has their own things to do but I'm not feeling too confident in that. I really think it's me... This sucks...
  12. Hello

    Yeah but when they knock, it's not to see if I'm ok. It's for a favor or something. Even if they see me crying, the conversation doesn't go accordingly...
  13. It's been hard trying to talk to family members and friends about depression. It's like it's always being dismissed and I'm just "emotional". I'm starting to feel like the black sheep of the family. Especially since everyone shows my brother favoritism and support with his issues. It hurts because I feel left out and have no one to turn to about my problems. Even my boyfriend acts the same way...
  14. Hello

    Your way of escaping sounds very peaceful. I wish I had a little secret area I can go to and just relax and think. What I mainly do to escape is lay in my bed while it's dark and listen to music. I get a bit irritated when I'm in a zone and all of a sudden someone knocks on my door or my phone starts ringing. The moment I try to find peace and relaxation, someone disturbs it...
  15. Hello

    I feel that way with Instagram too. With both of those sites, people can say whatever they want to, whether it's mean or not. That's why I'm happy I came here because I don't have to deal with that. It's one thing to experience loneliness and judgment on the outside world, but to also experience it in the cyber world? It sucks...