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psychosolo

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  1. First post. I've had severe clinical depression since elementary school, and it comes in waves. Usually I can ride it out but this time is much longer than usual. I'm 24. No friends, never been in a relationship (the one time I got even slightly close it ended horribly), not close with family. I feel more hopeless than I ever have. I don't know what I want to do with my life, already feel like I have made all the wrong choices, specifically not staying at my first college- I lived in a dorm for 3 months, developed anxiety and dropped out to attend community college near home because I didn't know what I was dealing with. I feel like I missed out on all the experiences that should have shaped me into a normal person. Maybe I would have been in a relationship, maybe I would have friends. I hate my job, get yelled at by clients on a daily basis. Its exhausting putting a smile on. I have no support whatsoever, unless you count my therapist. All the depression advice articles I read say "stay close to loved ones, be social with friends and family". What if I have none? I have never made plans to hurt myself or worse but I truly don't see the point of being here. We're all just meatsuits here for a second and then gone forever. I don't believe anyone can make a real difference, and there will always be horrible people in the world. I hate thinking that over a quarter of my life is over and I feel so behind everyone else. Its not like me at all to write on a forum like this but I don't know what else to do.
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