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Anon11

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About Anon11

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  1. Hi, it sounds like a coping mechanism... I know how you feel, I never really had many friends, my last real friend that I saw in person was when I was about 12 years old or so. Ever since then I've not had a real friend, and I've pretty much lost my social skills completely, what little I did have... Maybe you can join a group/club through meetup.com or something? Perhaps with acting or something like that? -Alice
  2. Thanks who 💙 Yeah I never believe them, and I get angry if they tell me I'm not ugly as I feel like they're lying, but then if they don't tell me I feel like they think I'm ugly and that's why they don't say anything about my appearance... Aghhh... I've been feeling a bit better because of this forum. It's great getting all of this off my chest that I've been holding in and dealing with on my own for so long. It makes me physically sick. I'm not sure if holding all of it in and never telling anyone is healthy, I'm surprised I've been able to hide it and not tell a soul for so long tbh... Maybe I'm stronger than I think.
  3. Hi Who... Yeah it's strange, usually issues like these get better as you get older, but in my case they got worse... Idk if maybe it's just environment or what... Ty for reaching out.
  4. Hi SkraM, ty for reaching out. I was worried nobody would respond so I'm glad you did... Just knowing I'm not being ignored and someone cares is very helpful... I hope you're right about people like me being out there, I'd like to meet some.
  5. Hello to whoever reads this... I don't want to use my real name on this site, atleast right now, so just call me Alice. I'm a 22 year old girl from the US. I have a s***load of mental issues, some I don't even think I've fully understood or figured out what the hell its called. What I know, I have aspergers (a mild form of autism) and apparently I'm high functioning however I've pretty much failed in every aspect of life at just 22 years old, I didn't graduate highschool, I can't drive, I can't hold a job, I can't form or keep relationships, and I can barely leave my house due to depression and anxiety. I pretty much rely on family for getting around and I spend 90% of my life in my room. I can't even seem to form lasting relationships online. I've always been a bit off my rocker, even as a young child looking back I consider myself to be crazy. I've always been a wonderer, just drifting here, there, and everywhere and never fitting in. We may need to add babbling to that list of what's wrong with me, anyway, I also have obsessive compulsive disorder, I'm scared to touch anyone or anything and I'm constantly cleaning myself to the point my skin is peeling off and cleaning my surroundings. I have body dysmorphic disorder, I literally feel like I look like an alien or a monster, I cannot look in the mirror most days without feeling suicidal, anytime people look at me I think they're mocking or laughing at my appearance, I cannot even go in the car at times because I'm embarrassed the people driving in the car next to me will be disgusted with my appearance. I also have seizure activity, the dr claimed it was absent seizures which basically means I sort of completely zone out and I'm unaware of anything or anyone, and once it's over I didn't even realize it happened, I could be in the middle of doing something and I'll just zone out. I also experience panic attacks, I was actually diagnosed with panic disorder, even the slightest hostile altercation could send me into a panic attack where I'm hyperventilating. I also suffer from eating disorder, I usually go through phases of binging and starving, lately I've been eating very healthy, and exercising, almost like an ortharexia phase. I used to be a cutter. I'm considering that I may have dissociative personality disorder due to past trauma, I was molested as a child (they are in jail) and experienced verbal, emotional, and physical abuse at the hands of a relative. I remember VERY little before the age of 10. I can't remember much after that either, in fact even these past couple years have been a blur, I suppose that's due to severe depression and the fact that I really don't do anything at all, just sit in my bedroom most of the time, don't have anything to do, anywhere to be, or anyone to really talk to. I grew up in the north, I was somewhat stable there (as much as I could be) at the age of 11 I moved 2000 miles away from my home and my mental state got even more ****ed up after that. So for the past decade my life has been hell, I feel like I'm in jail dispite committing no crime. I forgot to add, im completely obsessed and addicted to one man that could give two s***s about me, I met him at 16, he reminded me of someone, and ever since then I've been completely in love with this person, and cannot stop thinking about him pretty much 24/7, even though we only talk a couple times a year if that and at this point he's a real s***head to me, but I can't seem to let him go due to the fact he seemed to care about me once. Anyway, I'm sure at this point your eyes are bugging out, and you're thinking "this is one crazy Biotch" yeah I know... I'm sorry if this was a bit much, but this is years of and emotions I've held in, I don't talk about any of this, nobody even knows about a lot of it... I've had to deal with all of this on my own, and I don't know what to do with... It's made me weak. I'm stressed, depressed, hopeless, and miserable. I don't know where to go from here... Thank you if you've got this far, I'm impressed if you've read all of this... Anyway, wherever you are I hope you're having a better life than me. -Alice
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