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Everything posted by Zagor

  1. Have you thought about getting medical license for cannabis? Since you are on disability it should be approved.
  2. I have, for some reason, very sensitive head. Besides bad memory, I got a sensitive head in a way like if you poke me on my temporal lobe or back of the head I almost faint. So that's from a poke imagine a hit or electric hit. I called today and left dr. a message where I cancel ECT and would accept magnetic therapy or ketamine. He said the rule is first to try ECT then ketamine if it doesn't help. Yeah right. Every one is different. There are people who can take ECT easily and there are those who become ******** after that. So it is difficult to make the right decision.
  3. @regretgirl I feel the same way you do. My self esteem is not as bad as it used to be but everything else is chaos.
  4. Yea I don't like the idea to stay there for 30 days but he says it is better so they can check my vitals regularly but my family is against it. Totally against the ECT. I have read that it is a good procedure on some websites while others say it can even cause brain damage.
  5. Hi LF. How was your memory before you took ECT? How much did it help you? If it did how long did it last and why didn't you go again? Imtrying to collect as much info asap so I can let him know if I wanna cancel it because he can call me any day. 30-day hospital stay. My main fear is getting ******** from it or brain damage as the Huffington post has written. If I lose memory that equals retardation kinda. So scared.
  6. After he listened to my story where among other things my memory is really poor he still was all excited about ECT. He almost convinced me until I god home and read some horror stories. Yes, there are some success stories too. I wanted him to put me on Ketamine but he says ECG is a miracle treatment and despite my memory of a goldfish he is soooo optimistic. I, however, think it will just make me feel dumber than depression has. Plus I'm taking oxy for pain and he said nothing about it. Did anyone go to ECT treatments during bad memory periods?
  7. Same here. Impractically dead. Cannot feel happiness. cannot feel life due to dp/dr. I thought is I don't feel happy by 40 which is 11 months, I should plan my funeral
  8. My brother is 30. In the last 10 years he hasn't left the house more than 20 times. Severe depression, anxiety and horrifying OCD. It started when he was 10 and he accomplished nothing. Doesn't have driver's license. He is just living because he doesn't wanna hurt our mother if he kills himself. I am 39. Aging is one of my biggest fears. When I was 29 I thought I was too old. Now I wish I was in early 30's. I also have wasted most of my life due to mental illness. I have had some good time, a kid, was married......but the mental horror I went through since I was 12 is a killer. I cannot feel life because I have constant severe depersonalization on top with depression and many other crippling symptoms that come out from anxiety and depression. I have nothing to look forward. I just have a tremendous fear of future. Fear of losing my mother and fear of aging. If I cannot feel the life or any pleasure what is the point? I have so called"chronic pelvic pain syndrome" which makes me, with the help of medications, 100% impotent. I do not have a single friend nor do I want any. People in their early 20 who complain that their life is over are partially right. If they lost their childhood or early adulthood that will haunt them. The good thing is that they can, if they heal, make up for the most part of it. A question for those 50+. Does 39 or 40 seem too old to YOU? What would you do or give (if anything) to be that age? Sorry the question is weird but IMO being 40 is like being 60.
  9. For almost a year now constantly and 25 years on and off my anxiety has been severe. Last 10 months together depression and anxiety tortured me. I also had physical anxiety like similar to parasthesia in my body and my brain. Very nasty symptom. I tried to smoke garden shrub but it made it worse. I can't smoke, can't drink coffee etc because everything would just make it worse. Benzos don't help either because I built tolerance plus suboxone that I used is blocking effects of everything. Even kratom did nothing. I went on Saturday and bought some CBD oil. 20:1 So there basically was no THC. I put some under my tongue and felt relief right away. (15-20 minutes) All day long it would help after I use some. On Sunday I used it every 6 hours and am anxiety free. I noticed mild relief from depression too. I don't know is it because of the oil or because less anxiety less depression. I still have to avoid cigarettes and caffeine because they somehow inflame my nerves. I hope it doesn't lose the effect and helps even better. So if you haven't tried it and have anxiety please get some. It has no side effects and you cannot overdose. It is expensive though. About $100 a week. But health has no price. Now I have to get depression under control and i think I will if I manage to quit narcotics I take for pain (which don't give me high due to suboxone) DF STAFF NOTE: CBD Oil may be illegal where you live; it is illegal in many states in the US. Please learn about the laws in your US state or the country where you live regarding CBD Oil or other oils/medications/supplements/unguents/etc originating from the good old garden shrub.
  10. Anyone here on pain medications like morphine together with antidepressants?
  11. Probably a reaction. I have seen it from a bee sting or other insects. There is a $5 cream called "antibite". But I would see a doc to be on a safe side.
  12. While I hate mice/rats, I still think hamsters are cute.
  13. @museumgirl Meaning of life is to enjoy it. To enjoy every little thing. Going shopping and watch a movie makes a day beautiful. BUT NOT FOR ME AND YOU AND MANY OTHERS HERE. We have no happiness in anything and nothing matters to us, nothing makes us happy so I don't know what am I living for. @Epictetus I agree and disagree with you. You sound as a really kind man. I also look not to hurt a fly, feed rabbits that are running around the street, try to calm others when they are distressed either online or in real life. BUT I still get no joy for my day. There is no endorphin and dopamine in my brain. I don't feel things. I had one day where i felt good for a few hours so I said to myself Im going to get a leather jacket and some more new clothes but soon after I lost interest and wouldn't/couldn't go if it was for free. Sux
  14. I don't know what a good morning feels like, literally. I always blamed depression but recently I learned it could be a sleep disorder similar to "non-24" or some optic-neurological disorder. all I can to is request some testings. Nothing helps. I get out of bed like a very sick patient form ICU, both mentally and physically. I wish I investigated this 20 years ago.
  15. Im glad you have control over your job. Today I woke up at 19:30. Oh God im screwed
  16. I just found out that I very likely have a non-24. NON-24 is a sleeping disorder that effects every person uniquely but the point is all people have to sleep mostly during the day and stay awake at night. It affects mostly blind people but it can happen to sighted people as well. It can cause/worsen depression. The bad news is it cannot be cured but may be somewhat treated. But knowing it is not just me and hating my self, blaming myself help me a bit. My body clock doesn't work properly and just another illness to accept.
  17. The thing is you still need to attach your smartphone to it. I think its OK for younger people to play with it but I see nothing wrong with using my regular watch and my smartphone separate. If you set a smartwatch for texts or emails, its a big no-no if you are driving or in loud place if you use calls. Too small for everything as well. Standalone watch is OK but then you still need charging it. IMO it is unnecessary luxury.
  18. I have been thru those problems. Paranoia, suspicion and fear can lead to hate. My "problems" were also mostly about foreignes even though I am one. It lasted several years until I built self confidence and now I don't feel paranoid nor do I hate anyone. I have no fear. So some CBT would help you, ask doctor about benzos. It will pass. BTW don't approach anyone nor be rude, no one likes that. Do your best to control your fear because there is nothing to fear when you think about it but I know your judgement is clouded and it's hard. Keep in mind that no one is after you, there are so many people so why you?
  19. My brother is 30 and never had one either. There is nothing wrong with him physically and girls have wanted to date him but his mental illness is too strong for that.
  20. Reading your post I can relate 95%. I would add that Im under stress a lot. And 10 years older than you bothers the hell out of me. Right now I got a bad headache so can't even type. Hope we can get out of this hole somehow.
  21. I saw my therapist last week and I told her my current fear was waiting for some important medical results. I told her thats what eating me inside out and I would like some advice how to cope until results come. You know what she said? "Yeah, it would make things harder for you if you got cancer". I couldn't believe it. If somebody asked me how to cope i would at least say watch a movie, go out, try not to think. And she is a "professional" and was totally unhelpful. But that was my first session. I will see how she behaves tomorrow. I believe even in the first session if I had an urgent issue she should have talk about it for 5 minutes instead about telling me what I already know like "if you think about negative try to think about what you did positive" etc... And they also tend to take long time talking nonsense just so you keep coming longer. If she is not helpful fire her.
  22. There is no much deference between lexapro and celexa. Some patients get celexa instead of lexapro because of their insurance. However, some say that lexapro is little better for anxiety. When you take new medication for the first 2-3 weeks all you get is side effects, then the meds kick in. Most of side effects go away, some stay. So I would give it 2 months and if no help I would stop. I myself wanna get off celexa after 10 years but not sure what to take instead.
  23. @tiredlilone Sorry about my miss-spelling where I said "sorry about your loss of suffering" I meant sorry about your loss AND suffering. Also when I meant to say that is a common symptom of depression I wrote that is common "depression of depression" lol. I was sleepy when I replied. The only other thing helps me when I calm down, when I don't have stress. Trying to ignore it, trying to think of something, some say watching tv episodes helps. It is hard. I went for a coffee with a friend the other day and I felt like I am in a movie. Or like that is not real. My stress was high because I felt anxious. There is no magic pill for this. It goes away with time in most people. Sometimes it can last for years and rarely, like in my case, it is permanent. If you smoked w.e.e.d that could be a cause. If you go to this forum www.dpselfhelp.com there's a lot of info about it there. Many people come there and complain about how you described yourself. I used to be a member but I kinda got used to this so..... Buy yeah, that forum might help you because I have seen posts how some people got healed. I will focus on it again once I take care of some other things in my life that are priority. Good Luck PS. Almost forgot. As @Epictetus said, the cause my be physical. Check your thyroid, did you have any head trauma?, complete blood count etc.
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