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About Zagor

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    Climbing up the trees

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  1. Zagor

    Psych ward

    Wow. For a patient with psychosis or a severe depression it might be a good place to stay especially if they are suicidal. But I have read many horror stories about it and to sum it up they say "In a psych ward they punish you for being mentally ill". But my fear is something else. If I was taken off my drugs cold turkey I doubt I would survive. At very least I would lose my mind. My meds are not meant to be quit cold turkey but they can do whatever they want to you. Even if you get yourself admitted voluntarily they can still keep you as long as they deem necessary.
  2. Has anyone here been admitted to a mental hospital (voluntarily or not)? If I ever end up there I am curious if they give you your medications that you were taking before being admitted. I have heard some people had to go cold turkey in a psych work from their meds as well as other horror stories.
  3. Zagor

    Old loser

    Today is day 3 where I decreased my dexedrine to 20 mg 2xday. I get bouts of depression but manageable so far. As for "age" issue I am getting to see a therapist next week for $55 per session on a sliding scale. I also have a free therapist appointment end of the month so will see which one is better. I am in dilemma if I should switch to prozac from trentellix and my quack shrink said it is upto me.
  4. I have same problem for almost 2 years. But I have a "reason". I am 42 and in my sick brain it seems ancient. NOTHING matters to me except my fears. But if you are younger my advice would be, do what you can so at least if you have money you can use it to get better if nothing else. Don't give up
  5. Zagor

    Old loser

    Hey Tymothi On one hand it helps a bit to know that I am not alone but on the other it makes me sad because of what you are going through. I know very well how it is when you can't work, no friends, are divorced and will never again get married. Same here. My brother is very sick even though he is only 32 and my parents are old and sick. The future scares me. I wanted to learn something. To make a career in something that I like to do but am being told I won't enjoy the fruit because by the time I learn it I will be around 50. (If I was younger I would learn to develop apps). But if it is gonna take me 8 years to master it from scratch, not worth it, I THINK. Even though at 50 I might say I wish I did it. Anyway my main problem is the depression and other mental issues that I cannot describe. I blame the drugs. In 3 weeks I have an appointment with a counselor/therapist so I hope he will help me at least a bit to get rid of these fears and paranoias.
  6. I feel like a robot. No emotions. Controlled by drugs. The only thing that is still there is I am not going to give up.
  7. Emotions. My mother used to be like that. Every little thing would make her cry. It is often a symptom of depression. I am, on the other hand, the opposite. I cannot cry. I am more like a zombie. It is good that you are managing without drugs. Do your best to see a therapist (if you haven't) to work on your emotions. MAmy people turn to meds like my mom did but that can often create more problems.
  8. Zagor

    Old loser

    Yes while everyone I know is happy and live their lives to the fullest I have to lie and pretend. When it comes to medications I am hooked on suboxone. I was given 6 years ago oxicodone and I abused it for 3 years. Looks like I abused my reward system. Now I am stuck on subs and dexedrine. What is even worse, if I try to stop the drugs (suboxone) then akathisia hits hard and depression hits the roof. Who hasn't experienced akathisia he/she hopefully never does. I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Then the "age" thing. Instead of being a happy man in his early 40's I am feeling like an 80 yo battling with drugs. If I never used any "meds" I wouldn't be like this today. Wish I could get off these. I am also on rexulti and an anti depressant but they are easy to quit. I am simply a mess with no hope in sight.
  9. I feel old. I turned 42 but I feel like someone who turned 82. Even worse. Besides the depression I gotta deal with this too. It hit me suddenly. I am no longer young. What am I gonna do? Too early to die too old to live. It's worse than I can express in words
  10. Hey Epictetus. Thank you for your kind respond. When people get blinded by fear they have difficulties thinking rationally. I have no options to look at Mayo or other clinics. If it wasn't for this doctor I would leave this issue alone. My family doctor refuses to do any testings and I have to go with this slow moving doctor. I am trying not to worry because I have worried my whole life about things. I will try to look for that book. Thanks again.
  11. I believe the drugs damaged our cells and killed the once that produce dopamine so we either recover with time or stay like this.
  12. Some of us, when we feel down, we fell careless and question if would it be better off dead. But when something scary happens then it's a different thinking. A year and a half ago I did an abdominal CT scan for abdominal pain and bloating including real bad "silent acid reflux" that's lasting for years. They found a cyst on my bile duct. I repeated the scan in August last year and it says same, a congenital stable cyst, born with it. Two doctors said don't worry about it. Then I saw someone like specialist or something for the reflux and he set appointment for endoscopy in 7 weeks time. However, this past Wednesday he called me to the office. He says he will refer me to a surgeon because of the cyst on bile duct. He says it can become cancerous. I googled later and read on 2 websites that it can become and the chances for someone of my age is 26%. And incurable. What's even more confusing, even after surgery, the chances for developing a cancer are from 2.5% to 30%. Yesterday I spoke to my family doctor and she said she never heard of it and she doesn't send her patients for surgery when she finds that even though internet says its a rare disorder. But follow the specialists orders she said. So it added to my anxiety and stress 99 fold. It effects my depression too. I have no more strength to do things or look forward for anything. Simply too scared. And it is going to take months until something is done about it.
  13. I used and abused opioids and now no AD helps. How long did you use the drugs for?
  14. This would be probably the first time in my life where I am losing all hope and think that dying is the way out. - Almost 30 years battleing depression, anxiety, panic, depersonalization and many many many other problems both physical and mental. - My father is at hospital and after his radiation he was supposed to do surgery but things got worse -My mother is diabetic and very sick, worries me to death. -My younger brother has severe mental illness - My child is having severe anxiety related to school and him being a cancer survivor every time he gets sick from cold or something worry too much. - I am 40 and I have no point in life. Being on disability and having no friends (and all the stuff above plus much more) makes me a good candidate to end this misery Why would I live? Just to suffer more and more?
  15. My brother has the most severe Pure O that I have ever heard of. It evolved into anxiety and depression. There's a good book for severe OCD where you do exposure therapy but you would need someone to help you with it. If you are interested I can find the title/author. Constant ruminating and obsession will make you depressed.
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