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About Zagor

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    Climbing up the trees

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  1. Besides chronic pain I have f-ing depersonalization that is making me so angry and I live life as a zombie. I hope you get better. You will eventually make friends both in real life and online. I don't have a single friend and I ithink Im used to it. Life is a prostitute.
  2. My former shrink suggested I might have mild PTSD. It is possible. However, anxiety has been my worst issue, anxiety and other problems that go under it, like dp caused by anxiety, huge stress and much more. Well, 3 nights ago I was talking to my mom and I started talking nonsense. She thought I was making fun. The next day after I woke up I was OK for a few hours then again, I spoke nonsense. Day 3, I wanted to check if that will happen again. As I was leading a convo with her I changed the subject and started nonsense but I immediately realized that and said to my mom that it is coming on again. It lasted again until bedtime. I must say I didn't sleep for 48 hours at all prior the first episode. The only medication I RESTARTED was modafinil to treat narcolepsy. But I have taken 2-3 weeks ago. Now, I remember a few things when I was in what I call "losing touch with reality" but not many. I remember my mother crying but I did nothing to help her. I don't have a shrink yet any my family doctor is an egoistic peace of crap. Anyway, has anyone experienced anything like this or has any idea what it could be.
  3. haha. I just wish I didnt reach my oxy tolerance. damn. I most often go thru hell but when i feel little better i act as a 20 yo 🙂
  4. Ahathesia is something im going thru. I have hope I can beat it. But depersonalization is something I have since 12 yo and this fogginess makes my memore non existant. Please do not write not to end thing and that you care. No offence but it dont help. I tried psychotherapy and the bitch made it worse. Should I continue living like robot, zombie or some animal?
  5. Zagor


    hope eventually dies...sorry
  6. dp is depersonalization. fuq life like this
  7. i got akathesia among do dpressrion and anxieety. im contempleting to end things forever
  8. They haunt me 24/7. My son had cancer when he was 5 and he got cured now he is 12 and doing well but has been coughing for several months and that scares me a lot I can't stop thinking about it. Also worrying about my mom. On top of that I had a fight with my crazy ex she wants to call children services says home is dirty. Anti anxiety and anti depression medications do not work God.
  9. I am on a few prescribed medications but I gotta try fish oil (although I don't believe in it right now) and curcumin. Ketamine is being tested for depression here but it is next to impossible to get on it. I got a pet, a kitten..well now a cat and sometimes I spend an hour playing with him when he is in mood. I prefer dogs and thought of getting one in the spring but I live in cities crowded houses and I don't know the rules, Dogs are definitely more fun than cats.
  10. It is better to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
  11. No my friend nothing helps when Im really depressed. I take some supplements that ease the pain but will see how bad it will get. Im not quitting cold turkey (wouldn't survive that) but Im cutting off big doses every few days. I have been on it a whole year where it didn't help at all. Then another year prior on suboxone where I was just as depressed. I don't fear physical pain much, its the mental part. Honestly Im scared I will never feel normal again. But the drug has blocked antidepressants and has caused depression on its own. I would love to go back home in Europe but I can't until next year or possibly the year after. I haven't been back there for 23 years and it would be a big deal for me to go.
  12. Unfortunatelly I have to get off of it ASAP because I have issues with my stomach and my small intestine. Besides pain, my stomach as well as the small intestine are not working proparly, not processing the food. It is caused by the same medication where the doctor who prescribed it never mentioned that something like that could happen. After I increased the drug 2x I insisted to do therapy but he never filled out the papers I gave him for my insurance. Your username says "sober" as well as down below where it says Location. Maybe you know how it feels from experience but for me the mental part is the worst.
  13. Due to my physical problems, particulary lower back and pelvic also known as chronic pelvic pain syndrom (cpps) I was prescribed enormous amount of narcotics. Well it took (masked) my pain away and honestly made me feel good. That was until less than 2 years ago when I reached opioid tolerance. No more pain relief. But nobody told me that when I get off of these meds the pain will be 10x worse. And that's not all, I cannot even get off of them. They caused my, previously very treatable and mild depression anxiety into severe depression and anxiety yet being stuck on the drugs with pain. I managed to get down by half. But there is a long way to go. Once Im off and some time after it, depends how long, I should react to my antidepressants like I did before this pain killer. But I am afraid I will never get there. Tonight I tried to cut down my dose and within 30 minutes withdrawal symptoms started. Maybe I could make it If I go bit by bit every 2 weeks but that would take me until next winter so another year in severe depression? Did I mention that this drug gave me Akathisia. Luckily for me it is mild. And mild means punch a mirror or brak a glass or something. Severe means suicide. I thought I had some weird form of anxiety until my doc told me it could be a form of akathisia. It is a horrible weather over here. I am stuck in a house being depressed and having mental and physical anxiety. Last year it helped a bit when I go to park or somewhere. I can't take another year like this I wanna quit this evil drug cold turkey no matter what happens.
  14. Although I wouldn't give up I agree with OP. My therapist did the same thing. Shrink gives you poison. My family doctor doesn;t care about me at all. All he does he gives me meds that I ask for when I find them on google. He gave me by now in in the last 12 months I been seeing him some 50 different medications. I have a full box of them. But of course I don't use them togother and many will take buck to pharmacy or flush. The best thing would be seeing a psychologist but that's expensive. Usually never covered by any insurance. ahhh FCK life
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