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    Climbing up the trees

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  1. Thank you. His doctor is not helpful at all. I will look up those testings if they are available here. Part of his PTSD is about doctors due to an ugly experience years ago. He never went to see a doctor alone and now if he has to be admitted it is to him like if you have arachnophobia and your house becomes full of spiders. Very difficult situation.
  2. I didn't mean ordinary people. I meant those filthy rich ones and those who control drugs and research. Whatever you and I are going through, if Jeff Bezos for example went through it, he would recover sooner and easier than you and me. I don't blame them it's not their fault that I am poor. But big pharma and their puppets is in the way to people being cured from many diseases. There was a breaking news several years ago where Canada found cure for cancer but the FDA didn't allow to proceed.
  3. Looks like the hospital is the only option. He is totally bed ridden. We all fear hospitalization for him because like I said his lack of sleep is worsening if not causing all the mental issues. Being chronically sleep deprived will torture and **** any person if there is no remedy. But there is no help at home. He is getting just worse. The major fear is drug intolerance. In the hospital they will force him to take it hoping after 2-3 weeks he gets better but it is like stabbing one with a knife and turn that knife around for weeks until (if) it gets better. Even many health professionals don't understand psych-ache. He would do ECT but his memory is already almost zero. His arms are full of writings on them for reminders. They look like heavily tattooed. It is so sad. If I were healthier maybe spending more time with him would help him. I would convince him to force himself to talk to a therapist. But I am now again in distress myself. This is really one of those situations where one says only God can help. Suffering happens every day to many people but I am too emotionally ill to lose my brother and to watch him suffer. Plus our old mother is hiding her pain but his illness is ******* her as well. He said he hasn't killed himself so far is mostly because of our mom. But if something happened to her where does that leave me? How would I survive it? I apologize for complaining this much because I know most of you on here have your own demons to fight but I have to share it with someone. I need hope. I wish there were any drugs to help us cope but there are none. I have tolerance to benzos like he does. PS> We believe amphetamine caused the sleep deprivation but doctors of course won't admit it.
  4. Their drugs can be so dangerous. But when you wanna use something natural they are so against it. They want the money regardless if you get better or worse. I believe they have cure for almost every disease but if they cure everyone that doesn't suit them. I know some will call it conspiracy theory but when you use your brain some things are so obvious.
  5. For some undiagnosed reason if I look at the lamp for more than 10 seconds it knocks me out and I can't function for hours, sometimes days depending what triggers it. (there are other triggers as well). But can you use the lamp and not stare at it? Does it help then?
  6. For me hot weather including some heat waves is better than long and cold winter. That's why I feel better during the summer time. Having a sleeping disorder and sometimes got to sleep during the day makes it worse because the days are so short. When it is snowy, cloudy and usually dark around 4pm to me is hell. Even some healthy people get the so called winter blues. My brother on the other hand likes winter more than summer. To him long and hot summer days are depressing. I guess we are all very different. Oh and for some reason my fears get real bad during winter. I only feel safe indoors.
  7. If I happened to live in California or southern USA I think I'd feel 50% better. But here in Canada cold weather usually starts in November until April. 6 months of winter is too much for someone with a SAD. They don't have any meds just for that except the blue light (which I cannot take due to neurological issues) I fear every winter. I will get more depressed, anxious and suicidal. Not to mention depersonalization. Canada has an organization called "the snow birds". It's people who go to Texas, Florida, from Nov-April. But if you are poor you cant go.
  8. I am anti-medication too even though I take them. I despise psychiatrists but let's not go into that. Despite their poison being harmful, for some people it is life saver. Some people get harmed by it and others get better. In your case since your depression is not that bad the best way to treat your anxiety is through psychotherapy or counselings. If you tried it and it did not help I would then carefully try 1 antidepressant and see if it helps. In most cases though, you feel a little worse for 2-3 weeks. Then after about a month or 2 you will know if they are helping you or not.
  9. I never really had a problem finding a girl but for the last almost 15 years I have been sexually dead. Zero libido, zero interest, zero ability plus chronic pain in that area. So I will never get married again. (God divorced 15 years ago). But I don't think there's a single normal person in this world who cannot find a soulmate that he or she likes. Don't worry about dating apps that rarely works. When you feel right mentally (if you have a mental illness) then you will be able to find someone easily. Just go out. It is scary to think that one is going to die alone but what a guy like me do? No woman will live with me without sex. Take care of your health, watch out what meds you take and remember as long as you got the tools, you'll get the customers.
  10. I'd stay away from betterhelp. I had 2 therapists there and it was horrible experience
  11. I know what you mean but there are some things that just don't add up. For example, when they said that the 3rd wave was stopped due to vaccinating otherwise it would last much longer, what stopped it in Bosnia where only 3% of people were able to get the vaccine at the same time? Now this 4th wave is picking up because of those 25% who didn't get vaxx, it is also rising in Bosnia again at the same time. (I'm comparing these 2 countries, Canada and Bosnia because I live in both) So to me it doesn't make sense. I could put more examples but I don't wanna get into a debate. I don't know what is in the vaccines either except something from a fetus (I think) but the conspiracy people will say it will hurt some people's health one way or another, maybe in long term. I know it makes little sense and most anti-waxxers are low-educated but you can't help but wander. A person told me that it is not true that in Africa there is not enough vaccines it's people not willing to take it. I don't really believe that because I know that in Bosnia there is no enough. Since 2 vaccines are not enough they will start boosters and that's important but 20% of people will never take any vaccine no matter what. That means the pandemic will stick around for a long time even though it could have been over within 2-3 years.
  12. I was supposed to do it several months ago but couldn't go every day due to physical issues but I am on the list again. It helps many people according to reviews but very small number says makes it worse. But I think the sad part is the benefits only last upto 6 months.
  13. I haven't been active on this website for a few months mostly because in May I started feeling better. I am far from being satisfied but comparing to the 10-11 month before May it is much better most of the time. I did not do any medication changes. I hope it stays this way and gets even better but with this "new covid wave" and winter coming up (I think I have seasonal affective disorder) I am a bit worried. Maybe last winter was so bad because of so much distress in my life and my father passing away in February. Right now my biggest problem is my brother. After being 2 years on dexedrine (not abusing or misusing it) he weaned off in August last year. All of his symptoms spiked up including ptsd, c-ptsd, ocd, depression, restlessness, severe depersonalization and more. What makes it all worse is as soon as he started tapering the amphetamine down he couldn't get enough sleep. Sometimes he can get 8-9 hours of sleep but not restorative (quality) deep sleep. He has another sleep disorder from before that he cannot control but at least he could get enough sleep even if he sleeps during the day. Going sleep deprived for 1 year is terrible. Imagine if you sleep only 2-3 hours per night all the time, it's a torture. He has a sleep specialist who, after some tests tried some pills, blue light and melatonin which did nothing. What's even worse he can't tolerate any drugs that he desperatelly needs such as antipsychotics or antidepressants or anything sedative. Benzos have no effect because he reached tolerance. His sleep specialist who is also his psychiatrist said if he gets admitted to hospital it will be much worse because he works there and he says the noises and stuff would make his sleeping and anger even worse. I didn't mention that my brother is very suicidal and has severe memory problems since last year. We believe the amphetamine caused sleep problems for sure and spiked other issues but no doctor is willing to admit that. I am writing this out of fear and desperation with a slight hope that someone may give me an advice.
  14. I have not heard about a book that helped someone get out of depression and I really think this is another advertisement.
  15. Some people call it dysphoria. I don't know the right name for it. Therefore I can't make the doctor understand either. But it certanly is related to anxiety. I first had it when I was 12 during a war back home. It was very severe. Now it is not severe it is just like mild to moderate but having it constantly really sucks.
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