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weareinfinite

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  1. Hi all, I posted awhile back (probably at the end of last year) about wanting to get a pet to aid with my anxiety and depression. Most people said a dog or cat would be ideal, does anyone know of any good dog breeds for this purpose? Some input would be appreciated. Thanks!
  2. I have posted here before and had been doing better, but I feel like I am losing grip on my mental health right now. Basically, I dated my sister's boyfriend's friend and he hurt me terribly. It was my first relationship, and he dumped me over text message after a week of treating me like I did something wrong, and then kept pushing and pushing to reconcile when I kept saying I did not want to. I liked him for years and it was my first breakup. This is the event that triggered my depression. Now I've made so much improvement. I've made new friends, have a new boyfriend who treats me with so much respect. I've stayed away from my ex and his friends in order to protect myself. My sister got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor. Her fiancee asked my ex to be his best man. Now I am a mature adult and I will be kind and courteous for the sake of the wedding. However, my sister constantly will say to me "well, you can't ignore his texts or be rude, he's going to be the best man and he's my fiancee's friend." And I understand that, but I feel like what he did is being swept under the rug and excused at my expense. I was hurt terribly. It is a slap in the face to know that I am expected to put on a brave face and I will, and no one is saying "hey, I acknowledge that he hurt you and what he did was wrong." What hurts the MOST is that my sister's fiancee defends his actions, even when my sister tries to explain that what he did was wrong. This guy is going to be my brother in law, and he makes me feel like he does not care about me and that my feelings are not valid. It is painful and I feel silenced because I don't want to ruin the wedding planning or the big day. But this has been the worst year of my life and the timing is awful. I would love some words of support or advice? I wanted to talk to my sister's fiancee about it but I don't know if that will make me feel worse.
  3. I agree with others here. I am an introvert and I thought an extrovert would balance me out and get me out of my shell. My now ex always wanted to go to parties and drink, and he would get rowdy with his friends at sports games, etc. And it made me embarrassed and uncomfortable. It just wasn't my thing. I've started to learn there's a difference between being outgoing as in trying to maintain conversation, which I have been seeing a counsellor for and I am much better at, versus loud people who just talk at you for the sake of talking. Now I'm dating a quieter guy. He was very shy and took a while to open up, but from our early dates I took him to be really respectful and had similar values to mine so I allowed him to take the time he needed. Now I can say that he's the real deal and I hope it lasts. He is much more talkative now, and we go for hikes, etc. So don't think that women are looking for the "bad boys." I've spent years wanting an enduring relationship, but instead got guys who I would try to get to know but all they wanted to do was get sexually intimate and it made me feel cheap and worthless. Now, I know it was worth the wait to find the right person. No matter what age you are. In the end, a girl wants a guy who will make them feel special and treat them with love, dignity, kindness, and respect. At least all the ones I know.
  4. I really would like to get a pet. I think it would bring me some more happiness and something else to focus on. In my apartment I cannot have dogs or cats though. Besides fish, is there anything anyone has personal experience with that would be a good idea? Or any advice in general if this would help me?
  5. I'm new to online dating and I have the same worries. I fear that once I meet someone, they will judge me when I open up to them. But it is exactly what you said. It is uncomfortable, but you have to try. I remember thinking to myself that I feel lonely, but I was scared to meet people. If I kept dwelling on being lonely and not acting on it, the cycle will repeat and I will be in a whirlpool of sorrow. Believe me, you sound like you've made progress. Keep going. You are not the only one going through this! I met a really nice guy. We went on a few dates and I'm seeing where things go. But I had tons of instances where I was rejected. I was even stood up, which was humiliating. But you have to try. One day you will thank yourself. I have hope for you. And if they reject you, it's their loss. If she can't accept you, she simply isn't the one for you. Try to have more confidence in yourself! And I wouldn't judge anything by the fact that you never dated anyone before. I started dating at 25 because I was studying like crazy in Uni -- no one cared when I told them.
  6. Me too, my sister is the one in my family that everyone fawns over. She can do no wrong. It was hard growing up in her shadow. She would also get angry at me when I'd have a crying spell, and say "ugh, AGAIN?" which was really horrible, so it led me to hide my tears in the confines of the washroom. So what really helped me over the years is thinking independently of my family. I can have my own friends, interests, etc. where I can exist and not feel that pressure. My suggestion is to pick one of your hobbies and attend a class, meetup, or something like that. I have social anxiety, but in these situations, you share things in common with the group that allows for more opportunities to come up with things to say. I still find it hard, but after the initial icebreaker, it will flow!
  7. Thank you all for the support! I will try to write, I used to do it a lot when I was younger. I've been seeing a therapist already and it is helping. It's just odd because whenever I think it's getting better, on random days I get hit with waves of tears that just really don't stop. I know I'm not the first person to date someone like this and life goes on, but I never imagined it to be so difficult. I'm going to the gym, seeing my friends, working hard, and pursuing my hobbies, but none of it brings me much pleasure, and I know that's the depression. I hope I can get the medication sorted out too.
  8. I will try to make a very, very long story as brief as I can. Basically, I was in my first relationship from February - April. It was not very long, but this person (who is also a friend of my relative) pushed the relationship so fast, too quickly than I was comfortable. Given that it was my first relationship, I just took my nerves to be my standard worries and tried to go with it. Until he started ignoring me and acting like I didn't mean anything. Instead of asking what was wrong I internalized it as something that I must have done wrong (he had to pick up our tickets for a show because I couldn't, I was working), so I was trying to think how I could make it up to him. Then suddenly, he was perfectly fine, we had a great night and talked all night, he brought me home and he kept telling me how much he liked me. The next morning it was back to him ignoring me. Then, he texted me and told me that two of his ex girlfriends had been in contact with him--they both experienced pregnancies and did not have the children, and were telling him they were having a hard time (which is totally understandable, obviously). So he told me he liked me, but he needed time to be alone. I understood completely. But I was extremely hurt and confused. I felt like I was a rebound. He messaged me two days later (after I had been a wreck the whole weekend) to give me an "update," that he had dealt with the girls and he wanted to be with me. I was so hurt because it was crap. How can someone deal with all that emotionally in two days? So I asked him to talk to me in person, and he told me he has a hard time with communicating face to face. When we met, he would answer me briefly, was not forthcoming, and looked like he couldn't care less. I was so empathetic because of his situation and took him not answering as that he was not dealing with things well, that I feel like I really didn't touch on how he hurt me. So I was done. Since then, he would text me every few weeks. I would answer briefly because I know he'll always be around my friends. I'd keep it pleasant and then let the conversation die. Every three weeks, he'd do it again until he asked me to resume the relationship again about a month ago. I started to finally ignore his messages and I think he got the point now. Another ex of his told my relative that he'd do this frequently - take time to himself, and then try to come back, and also limit intimate communication face to face. I feel like I internalized all of this. He dumped me so easily in text message. I was tossed aside, worthless. My empathy was taken for granted. I was so kind and understanding of what his exes and what he was going through. Even when I see him now, I don't want others to feel uncomfortable so I make myself go and act like nothing is wrong. I tried to make everyone comfortable at my own expense. To this day, I don't think he knows how much he hurt me. Even early on after we broke up when I told him I was upset, he would ask me if something else happened, as if this wasn't enough to make me upset. I know he wasn't right for me. I am starting to go on dates and have met a nice guy but I am so scared. Every time a thought of him crosses my mind, the pain just floods back. I feel like it was my fault. I should have stood up for myself when I was been ignored. I let myself be a doormat that the breakup was a shock. I am on an antidepressant now and it was working, but I think it stopped now. I am not managing well. If anyone has some words of advice I would appreciate it so much.
  9. I can relate so much to you. My family does the same thing, they tell me I'm just too sensitive and take things too hard. Do you have friends that you feel you can trust to open up with? I made some great friends in my fitness class at the gym and it has helped a lot.
  10. I've been trying to think about that for a little while. The only thing I can identify that really happened was two weeks ago, I went to an event with friends and my ex was there and was trying to convince me to get back together with him. Obviously knowing what happened I would never go back there and I was proud of how I handled the situation. But maybe it dug up some old pain. I just find it odd that the crying spells have returned. I don't know how much the medication is supposed to help because I know it takes some work from me as well to change my thinking patterns, which I feel I've made some progress in. I don't know if maybe I'm underestimating the toll the relationship had on me, but I thought I was in a place where something like that wouldn't affect me to this extent.
  11. Hi, I'm Anna. I was prescribed Lexapro 10mg about 7 weeks ago for depression. I had been feeling isolated from my friends and family, as a lot of them around my age (20s) are getting busy, entering relationships, etc. To make things worse, I got out of an intense, short term relationship that was definitely not healthy. I decided to see my GP because I had been crying almost every day and ruminating on feeling lonely. I was constantly checking my phone to see if friends or family would message me. One month in, I felt a bit better. I wasn't crying, felt hopeful of the future, starting seeing my friends regularly, and even started dating actively, which I never had the desire to before. However, now 7 weeks in, I feel back to how I did originally. I'm crying everyday, having trouble getting out of bed, and constantly feeling lonely. I feel it is an uphill battle again. So I'm wondering, is this normal? Would a dose increase to 20mg be something to consider? Or a different medication?
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