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KittyLove's Achievements


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  1. I have been feeling the same way. I have kids, but they live far away. I have a cat though that is so attached to me. I can't imagine her adjusting to anyone else if I left her. She'd be heartbroken. Animals don't understand why they lose their beloved human companion. We have to find a way to move forward without feeling the way we do. I recently started therapy again and the therapist is having me practice mindfulness with dialectical behavior therapy. I think it's going to help me. I'm not much younger than you are BTW. It's hard when you get older. We sometimes feel unwanted by society. It's worse too when you are poor. I'm poor. No money to travel or do much of anything. But I do have an old car that can get me to the animal shelter where I've signed up to volunteer. I've gotta get out of my house and get out of myself! I can help animals and they are completely nonjudgmental and have no expectations except to be fed and loved. I think those two plans will help me. I hope I've given you some ideas for how to get out of your personal prison. It's not a fun place to be stuck in.
  2. Interesting. Keep moving forward. You sound like you are a strong person.
  3. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is make it through the day. Not living, but can't die because that's not allowed. I wouldn't put that kind of pain and guilt on my kids. I don't go out much and keep to myself, for self-protection. I know who my friends are and know they won't hurt me, but there are so many manipulative, rude, clueless people out there that I have built a wall around me. People don't understand too that I need to protect myself from them. They see their trying to manipulate me into doing what they want me to do as helping me. They think they know better than me how to live my life and they try to take over and use me to achieve something they want. The consequence is that I'm lonely, which is hard, because human beings are social animals and being lonely is painful, but being used or bullied is damaging and worse. I know now that I have PTSD from past abuse, and some people are triggers for it, which when I deal with them results in panicky feelings and I have to get away from them. So, that makes work hard. It makes life hard. It is not right that some of us have to insulate ourselves from harmful people. So some of us live in limbo. Some of us become workaholics. Some of us choose very unhealthy ways to cope with this. There has got to be a way to deal with it and live life, work, and be productive, and feel better about ourselves because we'd be productive. This is not working.
  4. It's a long struggle. I have lived with depression almost all of my over 60 years. I keep going on. There are some times of joy and some times I have fun and the depression lifts. I read somewhere that one way to cope with depression is to help out others who are less fortunate than you are, but sometimes I think that can make it worse because usually those people aren't very happy either because they have little to be happy about. Creative endeavors are supposed to help, like art or music or dance. I do know from my own experience that even listening to music helps me. Just this week I started a new kind of therapy called Dialectic Behavior Therapy. It takes some work, but I can see how it will help me if I stick with it and do the exercises. Sometimes you are too depressed to do anything at all, but in this case, if I could get past some things, work at this therapy, and start to feel better about myself and my life I think it will be worth the extra effort. What do I have to lose? I am paying for this too so I need to get out of it what I'm paying for. I'm actually surprised that living with monks and meditation didn't help. Part of this new therapy involves a kind of meditation. It's interesting for me because I've never done anything like this before. Also, like you, my depression hit a couple weeks ago when I quit a job. I liked the job but the person I was working with didn't seem to think I was cutting it. Work seems essential to a lot of people. Being without work really hurts. I've decided that not working is worse than working with someone who doesn't seem to like me, so the next time I'll try meditation or some coping mechanisms to deal with a co-worker problem. It's good you're reaching out. This is a good place to go to get feedback. Keep us posted.
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