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Javaaddict

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Everything posted by Javaaddict

  1. It has been prob 3 years since I last posted on here. So much has changed that I wish I could delete my old posts from years ago and start fresh. My CO is with a model, half his age (barely out of her 20’s) and has not a flaw on her body (most of her social media photos are highly revealing). The issue it not them, it’s me. I want to look like her. I am aging, getting fatter (2020 did not help there). I’m not in my 20’s anymore with a flat stomach and model looks and seeing him with her is making me realize this. I have always struggled with my appearance and he triggers this hang up something horrible. For those not aware, my CO actually knows me and has in some ways flirted and gave me attention since day one. I wish I could just look at him like he’s just another famous person so none of this would bother me but you all know how that is. It does not matter how old we are, if we are married or in relationships-we are all here because we are dealing with this form of anxiety. I don’t want to see a therapist about this because I don’t know how to bring this up without him/her thinking I’m crazy.
  2. Oh wow it’s been like a year since I last read everything and posted. I see a new thread had to be created. Not much has changed. I met my co again and he gave me a huge hug with out me having to ask. The bad news was his girlfriend was there. Yeup the unavoidable happened. She’s a model with a perfect body, beautiful and young (like almost half his age). Plus, she will be traveling with him soon. In some ways it’s bothering me and other ways it’s not, I don’t know how I feel. I mean it’s just a fantasy, even if I was single I’d never stand a chance. I just keep reminding myself of that. Part of me is telling me to forget about it all and walk away but I know I’ll miss my fantasy escape but now that a girlfriend is in the picture I feel like I’m no longer allowed to have that fantasy.
  3. I had to chuckle, my co is into blondes too. Only type of woman he’ll associate with it seems like. My co was talking to me once when this pretty blond came up and I got dropped like a hot potato, that did so much for my self esteem.
  4. And I’ll be honest, I hold back a lot of details because I’m to scared somebody who knows me will stumble across this and figure out who I am and think bad of me. Part of me really wishes I could delete my old posts because of that paranoia. I really can relate to everybody here, as I too battle all of this. I compare myself to other fans and woman he’s seen with and it’s not healthy because I’m not friends with my Co. The other night I was at an event my co was and there was lots of pretty young single fans walking around and I looked at them, then at myself and broke down crying in the bathroom. Here I am married and overweight and I can’t prance around in sexy stuff. There is an element of fantasy there esp when you are unhappy or battleing depression which pushes you more into that fantasy world. Half of me knows that’s all it is, but sadly for me there is a reality side too and that makes it bad! Sometimes it’s better off your co does not know you exist, it helps keep the fantasy just that.
  5. You just described what I’m dealing with The only difference between me and everybody else here is my my co knows I exist which makes it worse. I’ll be truthful, it’s worse when they know you because there is a reality there and it sucks. I recently got to hang out with mine again for a little bit. It never gets easier.
  6. He does. We are not friends and never will be but if he sees me, he knows who I am.
  7. My friend thinks she was prob hitting on all the different rock stars hanging around looking to get with them all. He already knows us, he just saw an ugly side of me.
  8. Mind you I don’t consider myself attractive as I’m a big girl so I did not expect anything to anyway. I don’t party, don’t drink so when I do it hits hard and my shy introverted self becomes a huge flirt. I was hanging all over my co. Anyway this really pretty chick showed up and was trying to hook up with him and she kept diverting him away from me to tell him where to meet her I suppose. Usually he’d go back to us and talk more till she showed up again. It made me feel like garbage, a fat ugly cow. I don’t expect him to have any interest in me and that’s fine but with my already low self esteem this just destroyed me and it’s been bothering me. I don’t know if he ever did meet up with her and it’s hurting to think about it. his security guy walked him out as they had to leave. Maybe it’s jealously because I’m not pretty like her and he’d rather sleep with her and not want to be around me. I kept going on and on to the security how I was just ugly and not good enough and they were like “it’s not that”. Ugh what the heck is wrong with me. I hate feeling like this, I should not be feeling like this.
  9. I plan to :). It’s my happy place. This person is actually not local sadly. And this celeb is quite famous which is what makes it crazy!! I mean this person has singled me out on more then one occasion but not to this scale. I’m staying humble and not making much of it. It’s just the person being nice to me if you ask me.
  10. Oh wow. It’s been a month since I last looked, I have not forgotten you all. I got to meet my celebrity recently and kinda learned this person knew just who I was, shocked the crap out of me. Not only that I got a huge very public acknowledgement, something I have never seen this person do before. I must admit that it feels really weird. I’m still trying to make sense of it all as it was a huge shock but it felt nice all at the same time. For once I actually felt happy, really happy and enjoyed a moment free of depression. But on the other side of the coin, it went fast and it could be a few months before I get another chance at a meeting.
  11. Every dang day I think that, although I think it's more crush then obsession. He is gorgeous and has quite the attractive body too. I've seen him in a tight shirt and pants and man I liked what I saw. I won't lie, the times I have met him I have snuck feels, prob touched most of him with the exception of off limit areas for obvious reasons (trying to stay pg here). I just can't help it, I mean I really have fantasies and it makes me nuts If I was not married, there would be attempts, not that it would be a success lol. I hate that I have this envy over woman who do get to be with him because I'd give my limbs to have that chance even if just once and I know I'll never get it. Is it wrong to be a married woman to have this strong of an attraction to a CO? (Sorry about the large font. My browser or something is having formatting issues. I can barely get this page to load).
  12. Oops I replied to the wrong thing and I think I accidently reported myself too. Not good.
  13. Not a problem. I refuse to name mine too. If yours is who I think it is, I used to be a huge fan of his brothers group, although I did not have a huge crush on him like most others had lol.
  14. Oooh now I'm curious. In his 20's. Now I'm very curious. I have not read the whole thread. Is he a singer? Does his name begin with an A by any chance?
  15. Even if I was single, I still would not stand a chance. I mean this cc is super handsome and really seems to like really thin blondes (I'm an overweight brunette), I just hate that I'm so drawn to him. I've had other cc's in my life time but this one I'm so drawn to and I'm yet to understand why. I just keep telling myself that I have met him and he was not in the least bit interested lol.
  16. I would never wish harm on my CC or anybody associated with him, I want him to be happy in the end and that's what matters most. I know it's difficult when you have that crush and you want to be the one making them happy but reality has to step in at some point. I just remind myself I have met my crush a few times, hugged him, talked to him, he probably would know me if he saw me again (maybe not but he's known for remembering fans) and he's off doing his thing and I'm doing mine. Nothing happened, it's all fantasy. He's more interested in women who look like Barbies then a girl like me, I can't change that. All those things keep me grounded. I have my reality already, and he's not part of it and prob never will be. They have their lives and we have ours.
  17. I Wanted to re visit something you said. You know you could talk to him/her and they will respond. Same boat for me. Most of my friends in this fandom know the celebrity personally and are known fans. This is a goal of mine that I can't seem to reach. I'd be happy knowing I could message him and he'd respond like he does for my friends but reality is that will never happen to me. I've always been the fan stuff like that never happens to and I'm sure that's part of what has been bothering me. He's been all but avoiding social media these last few months so I don't even have that line of communication now.
  18. I looooooove my rock stars. As a kid I always said I'd marry one or at least a guy in a band. Sadly I was always a short fat brunette so obviously that never happened. Even though I'm now married, I still love my rockstars. It has always been that way, and prob always will. I just have this thing for creative, talented guys. I will admit I have often wondered what it would be like to be a groupie, never got the chance because I was never good looking and never got to be around bands. Still not good looking or around bands much but due to my marriage status I can no longer entertain the idea.
  19. Man I'm really enjoying this thread, because it's good to know I'm not alone. I found this place because I was doing some research into this. After my fav person was seen with a female and it had to happen at the worst time ever. I was in desperate need to retreat to my dream world and that just destroyed it and I have not been able to return to it since and I can't handle anything right because I don't have it to retreat to. I guess somebody ratted me out to a male friend who's a fan and he made a public post asking why fans get upset when their fav singer gets a girlfriend. Well with my mental state I assumed he was calling me out and i flipped and pretty much went into a depression. I'm not the only one who assumed who he was referring to the celebrity as others said his name. Friebd denied it and claimed it had nothing to do with said famous person. When my friend questioned him and told him what she saw he said he heard, but told me that this was the first he heard of it and it had nothing to do with the celebrity. So, either friends of mine thought I was really upset about this girl and told him or other fans also saw them together, flipped out and ran to my friend. Either way it really bothered me and I started to research because I wanted to see why we are like this and I found this forum. I mean I hate feeling like this. I've met this celebrity And I was treated as just another fan, so yeah I know what reality is but having fantasy was nice and now it's gone and I'm missing it. What hurts is my friends get what I dream about. They are friends with him on fb, one wrote a fan letter and I hand delivered it and he responded, I write a letter and nothing (that was my first fan letter since I was like 15 as I don't write them) so yeah. Lol
  20. It really does feel good to know this is rather normal and common. I don't have many people to talk to about this, friends think it's ridlicious to feel this way. I'm not in love with the dude, I don't know him, so that's impossible. Infatuation or crush yes but not love. I think what gets me is I'm very self conscious about my looks, I never feel good enough for anybody but in my dream world I could be good enough because I can dream myself to be who I want. All the ladies he's seen with are all the same in looks...super skinny, usually physically fit with long blond hair. They look like barbies and I'm aware that's his type we know that and often kid about it amongst ourselves. But when your short, fat (due to medical issues) and not a blond thst also takes a hit on your dream world or shall I call it head cannon because it's something I will never be. It's amazing how our brains work. So unlike most of you I have met my celebrity crush, have physically touched him a few times and I will be again in a few months, so I need to really get over this and I don't know how. I mean for the record none of us even know who she is and her relation to him but we all made the assumption and I appear to be the only one it's bugging lol. Let's face it, I have lots of fav singers and actors who are married or in relationships, yet this one got to me. Wish I knew why. It's not like I did not expect it, it was bound to happen as he's a smart, talented, good looking dude, he's probaby sleeping with all kinds of ladies.
  21. I had to join this forum just for this thread. You all made me feel normal. I too am in the same boat, but I don't think I have it as severe. Here is my story. I'm married and have a crush on a celebrity/singer if you want to call it that. My friends also like him so we all talk giggle and dirty talk and such and it's fun. I found my fantasies helped me manage when I get really down about life. Here is the issue, my crush is accessible and I've met him quite a few times, hugged him and even held his hand amongst other things. Friends of mine are friendly with him and his band mates (I'm not thou sadly). He also is accessible on social media and it's really him your talking to so fans make him rather nuts bugging him. Recently somebody I know ran into him at an event and he was with a super beautiful girl, one I will never be or look like. At first it did not bother me because hey I'm just a fan, I'm married and I'm not involved in his life. But then it hit like a ton of bricks. I've been trying to find an explanation as to why it's bothering me because I am married and this should not be an issue. A friend said something to me and it really clicked. I'm not happy with my life, I feel unfulfilled like major things are missing or wrong. My fantasies was my happy place to escape to. Now that I think my celebrity crush is taken that destroys the fantasy in my mind, it is gone and so is my happy place. I'm not sure how to process this or make it go away so I can be a normal happy fan. He does not fully consume my life, I function normally for the most part but I sure enjoy the fantasy side of it.
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