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Javaaddict

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  1. It has been prob 3 years since I last posted on here. So much has changed that I wish I could delete my old posts from years ago and start fresh. My CO is with a model, half his age (barely out of her 20’s) and has not a flaw on her body (most of her social media photos are highly revealing). The issue it not them, it’s me. I want to look like her. I am aging, getting fatter (2020 did not help there). I’m not in my 20’s anymore with a flat stomach and model looks and seeing him with her is making me realize this. I have always struggled with my appearance and he triggers this hang up something horrible. For those not aware, my CO actually knows me and has in some ways flirted and gave me attention since day one. I wish I could just look at him like he’s just another famous person so none of this would bother me but you all know how that is. It does not matter how old we are, if we are married or in relationships-we are all here because we are dealing with this form of anxiety. I don’t want to see a therapist about this because I don’t know how to bring this up without him/her thinking I’m crazy.
  2. Oh wow it’s been like a year since I last read everything and posted. I see a new thread had to be created. Not much has changed. I met my co again and he gave me a huge hug with out me having to ask. The bad news was his girlfriend was there. Yeup the unavoidable happened. She’s a model with a perfect body, beautiful and young (like almost half his age). Plus, she will be traveling with him soon. In some ways it’s bothering me and other ways it’s not, I don’t know how I feel. I mean it’s just a fantasy, even if I was single I’d never stand a chance. I just keep reminding myself of that. Part of me is telling me to forget about it all and walk away but I know I’ll miss my fantasy escape but now that a girlfriend is in the picture I feel like I’m no longer allowed to have that fantasy.
  3. I had to chuckle, my co is into blondes too. Only type of woman he’ll associate with it seems like. My co was talking to me once when this pretty blond came up and I got dropped like a hot potato, that did so much for my self esteem.
  4. And I’ll be honest, I hold back a lot of details because I’m to scared somebody who knows me will stumble across this and figure out who I am and think bad of me. Part of me really wishes I could delete my old posts because of that paranoia. I really can relate to everybody here, as I too battle all of this. I compare myself to other fans and woman he’s seen with and it’s not healthy because I’m not friends with my Co. The other night I was at an event my co was and there was lots of pretty young single fans walking around and I looked at them, then at myself and broke down crying in the bathroom. Here I am married and overweight and I can’t prance around in sexy stuff. There is an element of fantasy there esp when you are unhappy or battleing depression which pushes you more into that fantasy world. Half of me knows that’s all it is, but sadly for me there is a reality side too and that makes it bad! Sometimes it’s better off your co does not know you exist, it helps keep the fantasy just that.
  5. You just described what I’m dealing with The only difference between me and everybody else here is my my co knows I exist which makes it worse. I’ll be truthful, it’s worse when they know you because there is a reality there and it sucks. I recently got to hang out with mine again for a little bit. It never gets easier.
  6. He does. We are not friends and never will be but if he sees me, he knows who I am.
  7. My friend thinks she was prob hitting on all the different rock stars hanging around looking to get with them all. He already knows us, he just saw an ugly side of me.
  8. Mind you I don’t consider myself attractive as I’m a big girl so I did not expect anything to anyway. I don’t party, don’t drink so when I do it hits hard and my shy introverted self becomes a huge flirt. I was hanging all over my co. Anyway this really pretty chick showed up and was trying to hook up with him and she kept diverting him away from me to tell him where to meet her I suppose. Usually he’d go back to us and talk more till she showed up again. It made me feel like garbage, a fat ugly cow. I don’t expect him to have any interest in me and that’s fine but with my already low self esteem this just destroyed me and it’s been bothering me. I don’t know if he ever did meet up with her and it’s hurting to think about it. his security guy walked him out as they had to leave. Maybe it’s jealously because I’m not pretty like her and he’d rather sleep with her and not want to be around me. I kept going on and on to the security how I was just ugly and not good enough and they were like “it’s not that”. Ugh what the heck is wrong with me. I hate feeling like this, I should not be feeling like this.
  9. I plan to :). It’s my happy place. This person is actually not local sadly. And this celeb is quite famous which is what makes it crazy!! I mean this person has singled me out on more then one occasion but not to this scale. I’m staying humble and not making much of it. It’s just the person being nice to me if you ask me.
  10. Oh wow. It’s been a month since I last looked, I have not forgotten you all. I got to meet my celebrity recently and kinda learned this person knew just who I was, shocked the crap out of me. Not only that I got a huge very public acknowledgement, something I have never seen this person do before. I must admit that it feels really weird. I’m still trying to make sense of it all as it was a huge shock but it felt nice all at the same time. For once I actually felt happy, really happy and enjoyed a moment free of depression. But on the other side of the coin, it went fast and it could be a few months before I get another chance at a meeting.
  11. Every dang day I think that, although I think it's more crush then obsession. He is gorgeous and has quite the attractive body too. I've seen him in a tight shirt and pants and man I liked what I saw. I won't lie, the times I have met him I have snuck feels, prob touched most of him with the exception of off limit areas for obvious reasons (trying to stay pg here). I just can't help it, I mean I really have fantasies and it makes me nuts If I was not married, there would be attempts, not that it would be a success lol. I hate that I have this envy over woman who do get to be with him because I'd give my limbs to have that chance even if just once and I know I'll never get it. Is it wrong to be a married woman to have this strong of an attraction to a CO? (Sorry about the large font. My browser or something is having formatting issues. I can barely get this page to load).
  12. Oops I replied to the wrong thing and I think I accidently reported myself too. Not good.
  13. Not a problem. I refuse to name mine too. If yours is who I think it is, I used to be a huge fan of his brothers group, although I did not have a huge crush on him like most others had lol.
  14. Oooh now I'm curious. In his 20's. Now I'm very curious. I have not read the whole thread. Is he a singer? Does his name begin with an A by any chance?
  15. Even if I was single, I still would not stand a chance. I mean this cc is super handsome and really seems to like really thin blondes (I'm an overweight brunette), I just hate that I'm so drawn to him. I've had other cc's in my life time but this one I'm so drawn to and I'm yet to understand why. I just keep telling myself that I have met him and he was not in the least bit interested lol.
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