Jump to content
A New Look Read more... ×

marius_trist

Junior Member
  • Content Count

    29
  • Joined

  • Last visited

1 Follower

About marius_trist

  • Rank
    Newbie

Recent Profile Visitors

The recent visitors block is disabled and is not being shown to other users.

  1. marius_trist

    The tragic misery of my life

    Hi, I'm not expecting any mind-changing advice but I am curious about any answers. I've decided to count down my days. I have just got back from a weekend of skiing (fun, right?) and I look back - my happy moments were rare and short. Maybe 20 minutes of this weekend were genuine happiness, put together. I see people are nice to me, but I'm still not ok. I'm not agressive to anyone, just sad inside. I feel unadapted to life. I don't know what do I want from life. Life feels like a tragic misery and a punishment. I can't / don't know how to be happy. I think it's because most of my youth I was unhappy, this is how I will remain. It's when you're young is when you shape your mind.What the heck is there to change? I'm 27. I'm weak. Irresponsible. Incompetent. I hate my job. I have no hobby. I've never had any genuine girfriends. I generously gave myself 90 days countdown till the end - starting from the 2 months checkpoint from when the girl I liked refused me (let's say it takes 2 months for that depression to start to wear off). That's 100 days from now - if I don't get to feel better, then I know what to do. Things don't seem to go on well though. I've had 8 months of useless therapy, and by judging from how unhappy I've been the rest of my life, I don't think it will get any better. So I've made up 90% of my plan - it involves the sea and some strong alcohol. It's not complete but in 100 days I can finish it. I wish all the sad people to get better, but I also hate every happy person (because I'm not happy). So I don't know what I want. I feel plain retarded. I'm a mess. Why did I give myself this countdown? maybe thinking of suicide and dying 3 months will make me look different at life and change something, I don't know. Have a good night.
  2. marius_trist

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    I feel like all this life is a big struggle and I'm not fit enough to cope it. Because I haven't learnt the right skills when needed and I don't think I will ever be able to. I feel like it's time to tap out, to quit this suffering.
  3. Hi epictetus. I have left this site I for a while. But now, feeling really down, I came back and I did it thaks to answers like yours. Thanks for the good advice - the unrealistic expectations note in my pocket, I will practice it. It is very helpful. Even though I'm away from my parents now, their expectations of me still haunt me every day. And as I think they were never content with my grades at school or other matters like this, now I think I'm a failure. And - maybe - this is where all my shyness and isecurities come from. I hope I can get over it even though sometimes I think they are responsible for the most harm that was done to my personality and self esteem (which doesn't really exist). Shoul I try to make peace with them ? How? If I talk to them about this I don't know if they will understand (they may feel blamed/hurt by me).
  4. marius_trist

    should anger be releashed - gealousy based

    Thanks I appreciate your support, lonely, sounds like a reasonable answer. So it's my own insecurities I have to deal with, not by letting anger out, but trying to understand why I feel it (even though I don't know how this may help, it may be helpful). So I should keep constraining my emotions in this case, am I right?
  5. Hi everybody! I will present myself by saying that i'm 27 years old. I'm an introvert and a pessimist and I always hide my negaive emotions, never showing my sadness, anger, trying to hide fear and anxiety. As a result I am very sad, angry inside, fearfull and anxious. Rotten inside, but with the appearence of a harmless nice guy . The situation: at work, there is this girl, 2 years younger than me, she is more content about life, has more energy so she works better. We know each other for a while and we're kinda open to each other. She is also very kind and nice to all. She's started working at the company (architecture) only 3 months earlier than me. But she gets more credit and bragging, she gets the more creative based projects and she is looked upon like the boss of me and others - not necessarily because she is better - but because she's better at working with ppl, and seems to have more energy. And that makes me gealous and I've ended up gathering a lot of anger toward her... to the point that I hate to hear her laughing. Anger that I only keep inside, the only way I let it out is by being passive aggresive sometimes, by not laughing at her jokes, or by avoiding conversation on the way to / back from work (by looking at my phone all the time). Note* she is very kind and I think she is trying to be nice to me and help me all the time. But she is very nice to everyone, also. Question: I know it's not healthy to keep a lot of negative emotion inside of you. So if I let some of the anger out, I think I could, at least let go of some of the tension. But how? By starting an argument with her, while being an a'hole? .... or should I try to talk to her about this - then, what on earth should I say ? (it's an very awkward subject). My guess: I may be wrong, but I thing that if I start a fight on something, it may reduce the tension, at least a little bit. What advice can you people give me on this situation? does it sound like a good idea? Please help me, I feel I'm getting worse everyday.
  6. Hi everybody! I will present myself by saying that i'm 27 years old. I'm an introvert and a pessimist and I always hide my negaive emotions, never showing my sadness, anger, trying to hide fear and anxiety. As a result I am very sad, angry inside, fearfull and anxious. Rotten inside, but with the appearence of a harmless nice guy . The situation: at work, there is this girl, 2 years younger than me, she is more content about life, has more energy so she works better. She is also very kind and nice to all. She's started working at the company (architecture) only 3 months earlier than me. But she gets more credit and bragging, she gets the more creative based projects and she is looked upon like the boss of me and others - not necessarily because she is better - but because she's better at working with ppl, and seems to have more energy. And that makes me gealous and I've ended up gathering a lot of anger toward her... to the point that I hate to hear her laughing. Anger that I only keep inside, the only way I let it out is by being passive aggresive sometimes, by not laughing at her jokes, or by avoiding conversation on the way to / back from work (by looking at my phone all the time). Note* she is very kind and I think she is trying to be nice to me and help me all the time. But she is very nice to everyone, also. Question: I know it's not healthy to keep a lot of negative emotion inside of you. So if I let some of the anger out, I think I could, at least let go of some of the tension. But how? By starting an argument with her, while being an a'hole? .... or should I try to talk to her about this - then, what on earth should I say ? (it's an very awkward subject). My guess: I may be wrong, but I thing that if I start a fight on something, it may reduce the tension, at least a little bit. What advice can you people give me on this situation? does it sound like a good idea? Please help me, I feel I'm getting worse everyday.
  7. For about 1 month or so I've been feeling more and more down. However I believe all my live I've been feeling like sh*t and blamed it all the time on some mental problems I have. Not any specific ones, but psychological, the type you can't identify because they're so deep inside your head - just plain old sadness, but extended throughout entire life. I think that it's just how I am - so no use trying to change. I found a work place that I would love if I was normal - but I can't because I feel like sh*t all the time. And I can see I'm not doing my best there because of that. I feel that my colleagues and boss can see this fault of mine and I'm afraid I'll loose this job - if this happens, I think I'll loose all my hopes in life. Another great trait of mine: I can't ever be happy for someone else's wins, even my closest friend. All I can feel is jealousy. Of course I don't have a relationship and I'm disgusted by sexual connotation jokes and by people who are amused by them. It goes without saying about how I spend my late nights. I've been smoking pan -alone- for 3 years almost every day until I felt no joy anymore in that, and I felt I got dumber. Then I switched to alcohol. Now I drink -alone- 1.5 to 2 liters of alcohol a day. So I don't really ever go to sleep sober. I have little to no respect to my parents. I don't hate or dislike them but I don't feel proud of them, maybe because I consider them weak and I may blame them for my own lameness and lack of confidence. I also get a combination of stomach sickness and repulsion when I hear someone saying something like "my parent's are like my mentors". I discovered this forum about 1 year ago and I felt good a little when I got some replies but I knew very well this was olny temporary relief. Like all the good times of my life - short then back to depression. I feel unworthy to open my mind like this to anyone but I don't know anyone to listen to this, not my family, no one. That's why I write here. When I was about 10-15 y.o. I kept telling myself and mom that when I grow up I will certainly say that my childhood sucked. I was right. I'm 27, but I can feel the end calling faster than ever.
  8. marius_trist

    Lets share jokes?

    nice ... the ones with animals i like the most The farmer whips his horse on the carriage to go faster. The horse suddenly stops, turns to the farmer and says: "Hold on! I do all the hard work for you all of the time and you just keep on whipping me. I've had enough of this!" The farmer panics, jumps off, runs away and hides by some bushes, while his dog follows him. He carefully looks back for the horse and says to himself: "darn, I go scared to death when that horse started talking!" ... "yeah, me too!" says the dog...
  9. Thank you, Epictetus. It is a bit of relief to talk about this to someone, especially if I can relate somehow with him. You explained well and I can explain further to my parents now. I'm not trying to call for attention, but I really never before had thought so serious about ending all this, and I know that's not a good sign. I guess parenting is hard to do even in an "almost civilized" society (I also have a bro and sis, so that's even harder work). I guess they would just have to "roll with it". Is this the case for you? I mean they have accepted the reality and all went well, right? (i'm from Romania, sorry if my English sounds weird)
  10. marius_trist

    Lets share jokes?

    Mom to dad: "we're so tight on money right now... I don't know how we're gonna get through" Little jimmy comes in and looks at the calendar: "Hey! where did my birthday go?". Dad (changes the page from august to november): "Wow! A moving birthday!!"
  11. I have thought of it before but I've always knew I didn't really mean it... until today. It goes like this: I am 26 and I’ve graduated architecture at the start of this year. I’ve worked for a year as an architect and I deeply hate this job (it’s nothing like in college), I find no joy in this, I don’t see a good future in this and will never like it (i’m 100% sure I don’t want to do this). I’ve spent 6 and 1/2 years of my life in college, it was very expensive and hard, my parents paid ofc. I tried so hard to like it but I don’t. So after 3 months of searching other more or less related jobs, I end up working at a plotting centre which I like better (but I didn’t need any diploma for this). After the first day (yesterday) I told my parents that I got this job and they reacted like they found out I’m a drug dealer or in prison. The night my dad couldn’t sleep and mom phoned me in the morning, panting “why did I gave up on so much work? you should go on with this job” & stuff like that but it sounded worse. I felt in her voice that she was almost crying and I was dumbstruck. I fell in a depression and was numb and ineffective for half of the day. And I felt hate for them, how could they force me to do something I hate, how stupid can they be. They both are teachers and they think that having a job with superior studies is the only way in life, they don’t know otherwise. I thought that if this gets them so heavily upset - me not doing a job that I hate, then that’s it. I’m better off dead than going back to this career. Maybe I should care less about their opinion but I don’t. So I thought, f* this, I’ll end both of our sufferings. I can’t bear making them unhappy, I know they're both depressed because of me right now. But going on with a job I hate means I’ll never be happy, I’ll never be able to have a relationship and family – what’s the point? Also suicide would make them unhappy but at least I’m out misery. So it’s a dead end. I know a place where you can do bungee jumping. I’ve always wanted to try it – I thought about doing it cordless (I don’t think about the mess I leave behind). Since a young adult, I’ve came to the conclusion that my parents are wrong in their opinions and thinking (and that’s unchangeable) and that’s why I’ve always avoided talking to them about deep matters like this. I think that’s because my country was pretty deep in communism before the 90s and that ruined the way of thinking of many old people nowadays (like my parents and such). Feel free to tell me if you think i’m plain stupid. I know there are people here with worse problems than mine, but those are my thoughts and I feel like s*t right now and I feel the need of sharing them and as I have only few friends (none so close to talk to about this) I wrote this post. Thanks if you had the patience to read all this.
  12. marius_trist

    What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    I guess it's a little reassuring the fact that if there would be the like of us (be it good guys with moral principles & stuff) - in power & big leaders etc. - the world I imagine would be a whole lot better. So we are part of the elite rank of human beings/ more evolved. That would be good to feel proud about... that's what i'm thinking right now.
  13. marius_trist

    What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    The world is a crooked unfair place. It is only those who are naive enough to not see the horrible nature of the existence that can feel happines, while the poor miserable ones who see reality as it is - miserable - they do have a keener sense of reality -e.g. there ain't no santa :(
  14. marius_trist

    What's wrong with me?

    I would suggest giving another chance to therapy, you may have a different mindset now than at the age 11. I'm sorry for your past, but as you are young, and you do take action about the way you are feeling (e.g. talking on this forum is good), I think you can find the way to being happy. Read books about the matters you are concerned about, there is a lot of good material on the subject. Try doing more activities that you like, to distract your mind -especially when you feel down- don't let it wonder because that's dangerous. You can get to the point in life when you will be at peace with yourself. Just try to be content that you are doing the best you can, for this to happen - for your own well-being. Good luck!
  15. marius_trist

    Depression, anxiety, and the feeling of loneliness

    Hello Cgrimaldi7. The best advice I can give you is try to fight those automatic thoughts that keep bothering you. Find an activity you like and that distracts you. Also call your friends and go out more often. Insist on that, even if you don't feel like it. Another advice I found that might sound silly but it did the job for me is: try physically distancing yourself from these thoughts when you feel they are coming: just hit the wall, scream, start singing or just say "here we go, the crazy thoughts are here, I have to deal with them now" then do something that distract you, concentrate on something else. I've found this advice in Martin Seligman's book, "Learned Optimism", which I consider the best book I've read (it's got good advice on how to deal with negative thoughts and pessimism). You can give it a try. Your mind is malfunctioning, as it does for a lot of us, but try and put effort into fixing it. Maybe just by doing research on this issue is a good enough distraction. I believe that sometimes (most of the times actually) it's better not to let your mind and thoughts wonder, but guide them. Like if you are a lorry driver, and the mind is the steering wheel. You want to keep it under your control all the time to avoid disaster. I hope you can find anything useful in what I've said. Good luck!
×