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Posts posted by Honey1992

  1. On 7/20/2022 at 5:30 AM, anxiousE said:

    Hey all!

    Just checking in. So I actually do not claim to have a CO at this time. I wonder if it has to do with me being on a mood stabilizer. I haven't had much interest in anything for a while now. But there's also the fact that I'll never likely meet my COs so the obsession just has become boring. I'm not sure what more to say right now, but thinking of you all. Be well!

    I understand on the boredom part. But for me, when I get bored with CO A, in a short amount of time, I can have another CO. Totally new and unintentional. Andddd movie stars again. GREAT!! Urghhhh 😔

    Never ending battles

  2. On 3/7/2022 at 11:31 PM, Masoch said:

    That’s what I learned too. Of course, my therapist said the best thing I can do is recognize the voids that aren’t being fulfilled and find other ways to find happiness/fill the void. Simple? Naaaaw. 

    I love having CO’s. I’ve had them my entire life and I’m now in my 30s. I don’t see it going away. 

    Since what age you have been having CO if I may ask?

    Did you experience changing of CO like I did?

  3. Hello everyone. 

    I've joined this forum way back in 2017. I never knew term CO ever existed or figure out what's going on with me until I've read all the posts here. It's such a relief to know you're not alone in fighting this thoughts and that I can understand myself better. 

    I think I have been inactive since 2019 but wanting to say hello to all participants, old and new.

    Long story short, my CO is Henry Cavill which I've been following since 2016. Everything is OK until 2017 where the reality hits me in a big way when he showed up looking loved up with his then girlfriend. At the time I was dealing with health issue as well, so the pain coming from CO and my own body is too much to bear. I've had trouble sleeping for two weeks. I just want to press button DELETE to all of that. I thought the feeling was stupid and irrelevant, to love someone so much and that person is impossible for you to even imagine with. Saving his photos? Videos? It's a daily thing to do, the first thing to do in the morning is to look up his IG, hoping he won't post on the GF again. I've managed to block his IG for couple of months, only to sneaking on it again. After a while, he broke up and I was happy again. Until another GF shows up. This has happen back and forth, a lot of times.  

    Somewhere in 2019-2020, I developed a new CO, Sam Heughan. Same thing. I looked up his every details, saved every photos, digged every possible GFs. During this time, I notice that what I feel towards HC is getting less intense. And around May 2021, I started to have another CO again, Ed Skrein. And it has only been him until now. Everything about CO was good until their personal life comes in, then I will be so F**** up. 

    There's a trend there. The COs come and go. But I no longer sad for HC anymore. I love watching his movies, dramas, anything he put on out there. But I didn't go check his IG everyday. I no longer save his photos or videos. Safe to say that he has that spot in my heart forever, but the obsession and pain has reduced tremendously and it has been diverted to the new CO. Is this a good news? Probably not. 

    Few things I learned about myself along this journey. CO is my escapism. They are the beautiful fantasy I created inside my mind for something I didn't have in my real life. It is my deepest desires that I longed to have. That is why it is so addictive. No more blaming on myself for how I feel, but instead, I'm learning everyday how to only take the good part of it. Seriously, I've been so tired putting myself in the dark corner, like what I'm supposed to do? I like movie actors, so I have to stop watching movies??? Then I'll go, "Screw it. I'm gonna feel what I want to feel". 

    It has been 6 years. Wonder what's gonna happen next. But life goes on. 

  4. Hi everyone!

    I didn't visit this board for quite some time, I thought I wanted to say Hi today to everybody, irregardless of wherever you come from! Last year July, I was heartbroken and feel terribly sad as my CO just had a new lady in his life. I've been loving my CO for two years now since 2016. That point of my life is the hardest as like fighting with a ghost, fighting with my own self. Where no one can see or understand what I'm going through. But I'm silently hurt, depressed and feeling troubled. I don't know how on Earth I can love someone that I never met, probably would never met at all, someone that is unreachable and didn't know that I'm exist, but I did. God given him power to almost destroy me and I tried to stay away from it. I totally deleted everything about him on my phone and didn't check on him online, including blocking his social media. 

    It was hard, I missed him a lot. About 3-4 months after that, I came back to checking him online. I can't resist sometimes and the needs to see how he's doing is unbearable. From one day to another, I became more and more comfortable coming back to the CO fandom as he wasn't seen with his girlfriend. Add on, he had a new movie came out that time so I feel like, I need to watch that no matter what happened, I just don't care. The girlfriend remains invisible until I found out they had broken up earlier this year. 

    So, as he's single again, I'm 110% back to the CO Mode especially now as he's busy promoting his latest film that will come out errr tomorrow? Hahahaha. This week, I got a lot of videos, pictures and news about him. I'm enjoying it but there's also discomfort in there. I found myself to be stuck in the CO bubble for the whole day, checking his updates in between works, and lose focus while I'm in office. Add on to that problem, my job scope in office has become lesser now, so I gets to daydreaming a lot. 

    I think this is not good. For the past two years, I can concentrate on work just fine cause I'm super busy, but now I can't. My days become less productive. So I decided to be less attached to the CO effective from today. I'm planning to only checking him online during weekend, after that, maybe a month or never at all (if I could make it). I desire to be free from this. Please wish me luck guys xx

  5. 4 hours ago, nosleep said:

    I haven't posted in a while - since my first post, actually - because I thought I was handling things well. I made a decision to stop following my CO on social media, to stop watching his old videos and reading his old columns and stories.  I did well for a while, and I thought I was moving on. Then, a couple of weeks ago, I caved and checked his twitter and it was just a landslide from there. He fills my mind completely. I worry that I'm actually going crazy. I know that I will never meet him, that none of the things that I imagine will ever come true, but I can't help but dwell on these fantasies constantly. I've watched all of his old sketches at least ten times. I can just stare at his face for hours. 

    I have a new therapist but I haven't reached a place where I feel comfortable telling her any of this. So I'm spilling my guts to you all, because I know you're the only ones who can understand.


    You did the right thing by sharing this with us. At least, it's one of the way that you can unburden yourself. Don't worry and don't blame yourself. We all sure do fall back to our old habit from time to time. As per what my good friend told me, what's important is how you move on from there. Appreciate every small steps and effort that you've made. 

    I face the same thing. I stopped following my CO but I watch his old videos and daydreaming again when I miss him. It's a never ending struggle. If you could talk about this with your therapist, it will be so good for you. 


  6. Hi All,

    I hope everyone is in good health and Happy Easter (hope still not too late)....

    I just wanted to post on my updates. Well, I feel much better now. It's not that I've already CO-free. No, it's totally far from there. The thing is, I accept this feeling that I have with my CO with more positivity. I accept that it's part of me now, and I don't want to think so much on how to remove it. I learn to manage my time by limiting the CO activities and not letting it affect my daily routine. I tried to resist myself from searching on him online and it's totally lesser than before. I avoid to look for anything that will hurt me. I admit that I do fall back into my old habit from time to time, but one of my friend said to me to never give up. And I hold on to that. 

    I believe that my condition will be better. I will always try to find the solution. Anyone that need to talk or need help, you are welcomed to message me privately. Cheers

  7. 15 hours ago, cassis_creme said:

    Hello again...I hope that I'm not breaking any rules by posting yet again. If so, please feel free to delete.

    Although I thought I'd be better after a day or so, I'm still hurting...a lot. I have no where else to go right now (the therapy doesn't start up until later this week)...and even if no one responds or this gets deleted, it helps to just say it somewhere in the world...so here goes...


    I think part of the pain that I'm feeling is also the confirmation that the somewhat-fairy tale life (again, idealizing, gonna work on that) that my semi-COs have been living together is…well, true. For a while, I could easily say, “that’s beautiful, that’s amazing, that’s incredible, how can two people be so lucky to click so well as friends, business partners, lovers…and virtually become one?” But then I could always say, “well, we don’t know that they’re even together.” Now that they’ve basically confirmed that they are well…another punch in the gut. It looks like some people really do get to live a life where there’s someone there who supports them, loves them, has amazing sex with them, and runs a successful business with them.

    When you’re little, you think of love as something so basic. It’s hard to imagine that it might be a huge problem for you in the future to be starved of simple things like touch, or even a meaningful smile. No one tells you exactly why all those 30-something women in movies are bawling their eyes out and screaming that they are afraid, that they don’t want to end up alone. Mostly because the adults around you will be other couples with kids (at least they were in my case). Now I have this ache, not only in knowing that the fantasies that have been helping me cope with being so isolated are dying but in knowing that others are simply…not put through this (in fact, they get the opposite- so much tenderness and care that they probably don’t even know what to do with it at times). Why me? Why me? Why….me?

    I think the reason so many of us in this particular fandom express adoring feelings for my semi-COs is because tenderness attracts tenderness. They may not have said it out loud until now, but it’s always been there. And when you see someone validated in love by another person, people tend to be drawn to that joyful comfort that one gives off when they know someone loves them and has got their back. It makes everyone else seem like shaking, insecure, junkies…shaking from intimacy withdrawal. That’s what I feel like. An intimacy junkie who’s just lost all her hits.

    Every time I hear that another person has found love, it feels like the world is saying “Ah ha. See. It’s doable. It’s just you. There’s something wrong with you that you don’t deserve this.” I think this anti-perfectionism book I just got calls is symbolic failure (though maybe not quite, because in this case, I don’t even do anything!)

    Why would a loving God do this to a so-called child? Starve it for love? Make it live alone and isolated to “learn lessons”? Am I even learning anything? Does God need me to be perfect?

    It’s gotten to the point where I can’t even imagine myself being loved. I can’t picture a really good date, being called back, being excited to see the other person again. I can’t picture conversations that last for hours. I can’t picture being completely known (over time, in its own time) and…accepted rather than judged or questioned on every little thing. I definitely can’t imagine the “I want to see only you” conversation. I can’t imagine continuing to grow closer and sharing more. I can’t imagine engagement or moving in together or someone not running for the hills when they find out what my financial life has been. I can’t imagine someone not running when they hear what my gyn history has been either. I can’t imagine someone staying through the ups and downs, the weight losses and gains, the joy, the laughter….for years? I can’t imagine sharing living space. I definitely can’t imagine having and raising kids- that might as well be alien life. Can’t imagine intimacy getting stronger not weaker. Can’t imagine a good life together.

    I can’t even imagine 1% of what my semi-COs (and millions of others) are living every single day. Part of me wants to write it off as “well, that’s the ideal. It’s not like that 100% of the time and there are struggles in every life.” Well…I can’t even imagine having any of that for even 1% of the time. The hardest part, though, might be in living through uncertainty as the likelihood of it happening decreases with every passing year.  If God came down today and said, “I got some bad news for you, sis,” and told me that a relationship would never happen for me….yes, it would hurt like a mother for a little while. Weeks, months…maybe even a few years. But eventually I’d find peace. Eventually I’d learn to accept it. The thing is…I just don’t know. I might find it, I might not. So I can’t completely write it off. I want to be prepared, but I don’t want to waste what little life I have preparing for nothing.


    Hi there,

    I'm hurt reading your posts. I've been and felt mostly what you've written. I hope I can say something here to help you but I also losing words. As I'm trying to recover myself. And still not going anywhere. I wish you to stay strong. 

  8. On 2/4/2018 at 4:40 AM, anxiousE said:

    @nosleep ah, how nice that tagging does work on this site! ok, well I probably could stand to quote your message for reference for others, but it should still be easily searchable at the top of this page or the last if this starts a new page. At any rate..

    This if for the whole group, but prompted by nosleep' post

    Ok, I am feeling brave today, probably because I got some answers as to why I might have this, which it sounds like you are struggling with. Not sure if it is the same, but I have been researching so much lately and finally got the confirmation from my psychiatrist later this week that I do, in fact, have bipolar 2 disorder and that these love or infatuation things are an aspect of the disease. I am not sure if this is your case exactly, but your post hit closest to home for me. It was an internet "celebrity" and I am married and all that. Thing is, I was in a position to interact with this person for almost a year and then he stopped talking to me, leaving me confused about what i may have done. I mean, yea i had some warnings, but i that was just his friendly way of trying to establish boundaries, not that he would leave. I have actually been able to get away from obsessing about him too much anymore, like for the longest time, i would still follow his updates (well, as he doesnt update THAT often, i usually end up catching up even after about a month, but still maybe miss a few things. anyway) but am now finally getting into a position to let go a little. I just still find him so interesting and enriching to my life, but at the same time, being rejected makes me feel guilty for keeping at this, but... oh! and he is like publishing some stuff in the near future, or I have found some old stuff and i like am tempted with this idea of having that, but at the same time, i mean, I just fear the ethics of it or something. Make any sense? And i mean, I have sortof done this with actual celebrities too, not that i ever knew them though but just buying their stuff, but i mean it was less for simply buying something for the sheer sake of it and more because I was truly interested, or is that still the case with this current obsession or was the celebrity one the same as this and what is bad about it and/or what is ok, like where do I draw the line?

    Ok, sorry, I guess that actually leaves more questions than answers. I guess the answer as to why I "need" this was answered, but now what to do about it still needs to be addressed. I feel like buying something, spending money on this obsession might be an issue...i don't know! So, thoughts anyone? And this is why I kinda have been following this thread. I wish all of you success in controlling or managing your obsessions. <3

    I am sad to hear about your diagnosis even though I do not fully understand the disorder issue from clinical view. Before I did spent money buying things related to my CO. Expensive things. At that time, I can't properly think whether it's okay or not. I just knew I need to have it. But when my mind became clears a bit, I realized that some of the things was not worth the penny. So, I guess that's actually not very good and I stopped buying things. 

    **I hope things will get better for you. 

  9. Good day to all.

    I hope you've had a great weekend. As for me,I really hate where I am right now.

    I've been bothered a lot by this infatuation. It's not that previously it's never bothering me, but I feel the need to spit it out and had no one else to talk to. I hope I didn't bored you guys with my regular entry. 

    My Co will have his latest movie released in July. The news about it is everywhere because it is a huge franchise. So, I can't help myself and I'm Googling him so much. I know, I shouldn't. But my heart disagreed with my head. The worst part of it is I keep reminded of his girlfriend because they met on the set of the new movie. 

    I feel wanna jump to see all the updates cause I'm excited. But, 2 minutes after that, I feel sad and frustrated for not able to resist the temptations and making things worse for me. I didn't help myself at all. It's the combination of thrilled and frustration and it's chickening me. 

    I hope I stay positive. 

  10. On 1/31/2018 at 9:02 PM, OpalP25 said:

    @Honey1992 Your CO background story does sound very similar to mine. I can relate to the feeling you have of being slower at certain things than everyone else. 

    Especially when it comes to love, it can be really hard when you seem to be one of the only ones missing out. It made me feel awful as a teenager to see other people having fun with boyfriends and girlfriends when none of my crushes liked me back. So much so that I eventually ended up dating someone who was totally wrong for me out of desperation. Needless to say, that was a huge mistake.

    I would guess the reason you haven't had a boyfriend yet might be because you haven't wanted to date guys you're not interested in, and that's a very good thing. Surprising I know a few people apart from myself who have gone out with people they're not really into, whether that's out of desperation, boredom or just for a laugh! It's quite common, I think.

    I'm sure you will meet someone great in real life eventually. Just being open to the possibility is a good start. :hugs:

    Thank you sweetie. I hope I will.

    PS. I just downloaded my CO talk show interview from Youtube. The one I tell you about.  I know I shouldn't but I don't care. Ooops...

  11. 19 hours ago, OpalP25 said:

    Thank you for your kind words @Honey1992! :hugs:

    I have had COs since I was nearly 12, and my obsession with the celebrity who brought me to this thread started three years after that. It was very intense for seven years, and I only started to get over him last summer. 

    I have always been an obsessive person (still am) but the romantic obsessions with famous people first came about as a way of coping with several negative life changes that all happened pretty much at the same time. And I carried on using this coping mechanism for a decade in order to deal with my social anxiety and lack of success with boys. 

    I've been able to make a lot of personal progress over the last six months (first relationship with someone I'm attracted to, living abroad for the first time, first "proper" job) and that has allowed me to gain some confidence. The social anxiety is still something I'm struggling with, but I'm getting there gradually.

    And yes, I do still check for news of my CO regularly. I also still think of him at least a few times per day, but I think that's to be expected. After all, he was basically constantly on my mind for seven years and that's not an exaggeration. Now I enjoy seeing what he gets up to, but I no longer feel this obsessive need to know everything about him.

    I'm sorry that you're having a struggle with your feelings at the moment. Have you figured out the root cause for why you have a CO? Maybe that could be the first step towards solving the problem.

    Hi again.

    So you have been dealing with the obsession for a long time. Actually I did mumbling on why I'm having all of this issue previously. And our background story is actually pretty much related. I think we're about the same age too. 

    I've had different CO over the years. Since I was 11 actually. The current CO that I have is the strongest one. I've been admiring him since 2016 and I daresay that there are a lot of women on this planet have the same feelings towards him as I do. 

    The most hurtful things about this obsession is when I saw him with his real life partners. The pain is some kind of something that could ruin and affecting me whole day. I always feel like there's a conversation on my head too. It's almost drove me mad. Luckily, I found this forum and can see that I'm not alone. or a freak. 

    Having a CO is my coping mechanism too. Sometimes running towards the fantasy that I created is much more fun than my real life. But I do realize that all of it was only in my head. Besides my parents (which are loving and supportive), I lack in most part of my social life and career life. I don't have a boyfriend and never been lucky to have one. I guess that's the reason of me wanting my CO to be my boyfriend. Always feel like a loser in front of my friends due to my slow achievements. Almost can't see any achievement at all. But, I don't usually complaining. I always appreciate my life for what it is. 

    I'm always struggling you know. Haha. Sometimes I told others (even in this forum) that they can face it all and be strong. That they can love their CO without feeling miserable. But Then, I was the one broken first. It's really hard.  

  12. On 1/26/2018 at 9:35 PM, OpalP25 said:

    I've come here to give a (possibly final) update on how things are going for me. I recently realised that I've reached the stage of no longer being obsessed with the celebrity who brought me to this thread. 

    Some other posters (including the OP) have come back over the years to report that they've managed to move on from their obsession, and it always made me happy and hopeful to read those posts. Maybe this post will bring a bit of hope to some of you that things can improve.

    Becoming CO free was not a conscious decision, but rather a result of some positive changes in my life over the last six months. In fact, this time last year, I thought it was more than likely that the obsession would continue for several more years if not forever. 

    Having strong romantic feelings for someone who doesn't know you exist may seem completely irrational to many people, but for me it made total sense. I thought it would be impossible for me to ever experience a real romance and this was my way of dealing with that. Sometimes there were moments when I felt that this behaviour wasn't healthy, but I saw no way out. My life was lacking fulfillment romantically and socially, and therefore I both wanted and needed my CO very badly.

    As I've mentioned before on this thread, I ended up meeting someone this summer and falling for him hard. Our relationship certainly hasn't been a perfect fairytale but it has been amazing in so many ways. Not only have I moved on from my CO, but I have also finally got over my resentment towards couples.

    I am still a fan of my CO and still look for news about him fairly regularly. The difference is that I don't have that obsessive compulsive need to look for info anymore. He is a great person, but there is no need for him to occupy such a large amount of my thoughts and feelings when I play no part in his life whatsoever.

    Well, that's about all I wanted to say. I wish everyone here good luck and I hope you will all find what you're looking for. :hugs:

    Hi there. 

    I'm so happy to hear about your progress. I believe that the good things happening in your life right now fills the emptiness that previously was for your CO. I wish everything will going to better for you. 

    I have few things that I've interested to ask you if you don't mind, how long actually you've been dealing with this issue? Particularly with this CO?

    And second, you're still checking over his news regularly? 

  13. 5 hours ago, nosleep said:

    Hello all

    I'm new here, came here via a google search about getting over a celebrity crush. 

    The one I'm dealing with now...it's not the first, but it feels like the most important one. But then, I guess they always do.  

    He's not even a "real" celebrity, so much as an internet celebrity, a sketch comedy performer.  Funny thing is, my last crush was on another man in the comedy troupe, but then I had a dream about being in love the this new one, and when I woke up, my feelings had transferred over to him, only 100x more intense. 

    I don't see him as idealized or perfect - he's flawed and troubled and open with his mental health struggles and family drama - and that just makes him even more attractive to me.  He has a long term girlfriend, and he clearly is very much in love with her - and that just makes me want to seduce him away from her even more.  I spend literally all day and night thinking of him. I'm a chronic insomniac, and now my obsession with him is just another thing keeping me awake at night. I'm currently unemployed, and with this and my anxiety and depression, I can't find any joy in my life at all - it's like there's no escape from thoughts from him. Not that I'm sure I actually want to escape. 

    Thing is - I have an incredibly loving, supportive husband. He's a wonderful, wonderful man. And it sickens me that I allow myself to form these attachments. I know I'll never meet this man, no matter how convoluted and detailed my fantasies of finding a way to make it happen are.

    I just wish I could see past it. I wish I could get him out of my head. I know it's not real love, it's infatuation. I'm a middle aged woman (and he's 10 years younger, incidentally).  I don't suppose anyone here has any magic answers, but I haven't told anyone about this before, and I'm hoping that just getting it off of my chest will help me move forward, even just a little bit. 


    I want you to know that you're not alone in this. You can always take your time reading on others post and you will see that you can relate to anyone around here. 

    I understand the feeling of uneasy and stressful that you might having right now. But as for me, I've first analyzed why I have such feeling and by knowing the reason, I can find a way (or a temporary way) to make myself feel better about it. I've discovered it was mainly due to loneliness and being lack in so many areas of my social life. It could also be caused by stress (work or personal stress). However, each person has different issues. 

    As you've said that you have a loving husband, then I'm not sure why you're having this infatuation. I believe everyone has their secret imagination or fantasy, but if it makes you feel worse, then it's not good for you. I hope you will find a way to sort it out. 

  14. On 1/20/2018 at 10:57 PM, cassis_creme said:

    I just wanted to say thank you HeatherG and imalittleteapot and nikki114 for your kind and welcoming messages. And thank you to anyone else out there who may have just read the message. I've felt the celebrity shipping thing for quite some time but didn't try to put it into words until recently...and it helps to know that I'm not alone :icon12:

    To anyone else who's dealt with the shipping: has participating in the fandom shifted your perception of your interest in the ship or on CO in general? imalittleteapot mentioned writing fic and Honey1992 mentioned blogs, etc. (though those involved may or may not think of their involvement as CSO). I find that I enjoy getting excited with other fans over shippy moments...maybe even more than the ship itself(!) Now that I type that, perhaps all of it ties more to a need for friendship as opposed to a romantic relationship. There's something special about being able to connect with so many people whose faces you may never see but who feel just the way you do when they see a glance or hear a comment or view an instagram post/selfie or fan art. If anything, I've found that being part of fandom, even in a small way, helps me feel less like some lowly creature staring up at a perfect god (or gods)...it's not how everyone feels, but some of us do. It has all the perks of solo CO-ing minus some of the comparison stuff I can find myself getting into (e.g.- he's so generous with his time and energetic enough to work hard and still do charity events...while I had to drag myself through the basics of being a healthy, functional human being today).

    I've shared a lot of common things with you. I've never been in a serious relationship in my 26 year of existence. It was always one sided love. There is a boy loved me once, but I didn't love him back. He already settled down. I can't even remember how many guys I hoped to know more and be in relationship but all of them seems ignoring me. 

    I always downgraded myself, thinking that I'm not pretty, compared to other girls. I have 4 good close friends but in our circle, I'm the only one without having car or boyfriend. That's making me feel like some kind of loser even though my friends never insulted me. We also rarely hanging out since one of them is getting engaged. 

    Being lack in those things above, I always find my own happiness in my CO little "big" world. Last year July, I'm having a war with him. Now, I can safely say that I've made peace with it (although not entirely sure for how long). I only realized that I've become like this due to being lonely last year. Previously, I didn't notice at all. 

    I've tried to avoid Internet best as I can. I watched his old TV series and creating fanfic from it. So far, it is fine with me. 

    Its true what you've said. It's harmful in the long run but as long as we can find a way to manage it, and not letting it gives bad effect on our daily lives and emotion, I think it all will be just fine. It's going to take time. 

  15. 10 hours ago, HopelessRomantic2011 said:

    Every fan/admirer/supporter is different. Not everyone is going to feel jealousy because their favorite celebrity is in a relationship and even if they do feel some level of jealousy, it wouldn’t have to interfere with their ability to run a website.


    Yes, it's true also. Every time my CO has a new girlfriend, fans will be arguing on the website. Some will express their jealousy and hatred openly to the new girlfriend. Usually, I will keep quiet. Some will say, if you cannot let him be happy, you're not his true fan. This often hurts me. Because I do want to see my CO happy. I never dislike any woman he dated because he has every right to be with whoever he wants. It's his life after all.

    But, the issue that I'm having is not whether I'm his true fans or not. It's the pain it gets me. The kind of pain which you all understand. 

    Have a good day. 

  16. Hello everyone. Good day.

    Actually, I would like to point out that I'm very amazed with celebrity fans who make their own blog or fan club website dedicated to the celebrity. Every news even to the tiniest were uploaded into the blog. They feel more like a magazine itself and provide complete source of information every day. 

    I do wonder if they actually a fan of that celebrity? I mean, what kind of a fan does he/she behind the website? Doesn't they feel offended when the news of the celeb's partner/gf came out? Or maybe they are the kind of manage to just love the celebrity without having any of the hurtful feelings we all get?

    Because, people who run the website must have dedicated and focusing most of their time updating the news. It took someone with deep interest for the celebrity to do that, in my opinion. Or maybe there's a lot else I didn't know. 


  17. 10 hours ago, Honey1992 said:

    @Audrey822 @HeatherG Thank you for your support. Yesterday is a very long day and I'm super tired to come back to work today. But, It's my dad and what I'm going through right now is a lot lesser than what he had sacrificed for me. I'm happy I got an extra love for you all. :Coopwink:

    Back to my CO, actually I check him online twice (Oopss). But, nothing harmful. I was checking 30 seconds only because I missed him. So, I put back my phone and do other things. And enjoying him much as I can in the way possible not to hurt me. I did it. :Coopyahoo:

    Hi @SophieViolet95 , I totally can relate to your stories in every way. It feels like a real love. I feel like I love him more than anyone in this world. even deep down inside my heart, I know that this isn't right. With the help of new friends in this forum (especially @Audrey822 ), I learned to take this thing positively. At first, I want to get rid of him due to so much pain that I've felt. I truly felt like breaking up with someone. But I was incapable of doing that as I do need him terribly. I kept his pictures or videos that I saved into my laptop and I didn't open it. I put away his pictures that I previously hanged it in a frame (yeah, I did that,it's quite creepy, hehe). One thing that I still do since my first attempt in forgetting him since July 2017 is watching his movies/tv series. It doesn't hurt me. I'm enjoying it. And I admitted the reason for me needing him because this fantasy is sweeter than real life. I can run a while from all kinds of pain that I feel when I'm awake. Even some people would find this crazy, I think that it's the one thing that helps me going through my bitter life. It did helps me. It truly did, for me.
    I didn't want to look at it as infatuation or unhealthy obsession. Also I truly understand that fantasy is not a real life. But, nothing harmful having a dream, right?

    At least for now.

    Same as you, I'm also single and yet had a chance to be in mutual relationship. I don't reject men and I hope I will find one really good man one day. 

    The other same thing that I shares with you that I also had same routines every day. And I also had a different CO. But the latest one that I had since 2016 is so far the strongest of them all. Others doesn't feel this way. 


  18. On 1/15/2018 at 0:22 AM, Audrey822 said:

    I’ll keep your Dad in my thoughts and prayers.  Please let us know how he’s doing when you can. :hugs:

    @Audrey822 @HeatherG Thank you for your support. Yesterday is a very long day and I'm super tired to come back to work today. But, It's my dad and what I'm going through right now is a lot lesser than what he had sacrificed for me. I'm happy I got an extra love for you all. :Coopwink:

    Back to my CO, actually I check him online twice (Oopss). But, nothing harmful. I was checking 30 seconds only because I missed him. So, I put back my phone and do other things. And enjoying him much as I can in the way possible not to hurt me. I did it. :Coopyahoo:

    @SophieViolet95 Oh I definitely love him. I do not want to think much whether this is an infatuation or unhealthy obsession. I don't take my mind that far.


  19. On 1/13/2018 at 1:38 AM, imalittleteapot said:

    @Honey1992  @HeatherG @Helpme26  Can I suggest something that might help? 

    Can you think of things that you were interested in, loved, or was fascinated by BEFORE you saw your favorite movies with your CO's in it?

    I've been doing that for the last few weeks. I've checked out and read the genres of books I used to like- mystery novels, true crime, and historical non-fiction about subjects I was interested in, (the Titanic disaster, WWII and the Holocaust, Biblical figures, famous crimes, historical people like Abraham and Mary Lincoln and General Grant, Einstein, President Kennedy, etc.) There are TONS of things out there to read and research about, and once you do, it helps get your CO off your mind. 

    I've tried to 'grow up' in a way- going back to real intellectual interests I've always had instead of characters and actors in a movie. There's a whole world of things out there to fill your mind!

    Heather, I'm glad your counselor understands! 

    Thank you for your suggestions but.... I didn't even really have an idea what I like to do actually. I never really had a hobby. I quite enjoy watching movies and listening to music, not sure I can call it hobby though. Mostly I like entertainment stuff. Which leds me to the CO that I'm always have. 

    My friend gave me a hardisk full of movies. About 900 movies. I'm currently spend my free time watching it and I like it so much. I'm not fond of reading.

    Maybe I'll take a look on your advise. Thank you dear. xx

  20. On 1/13/2018 at 3:44 AM, Audrey822 said:


    I saw your post whereas you've said that you didn't do any online research on your CO. Does this mean that you managed not to look on him online At All? May I know roughly how long you manage to do that?

    There’s not much to find online about him.  That’s not to say I didn’t try. There were photos. That’s mostly what I was looking for in the first place. I didn’t expect to find much information about him online, and it seemed whenever I did, I wished I hadn’t. Almost everything I’ve found online has been hurtful. :broken_heart:

    His popularity took place way before the Internet era. His band hasn’t recorded in over 40 years. My generation saw our idols perform on variety TV shows like The Ed Sullivan Show. We relied on magazines for information....information was scarce (unless your CO was a Beatle, or a Monkee, or Elvis.) They told us only what they wanted us to know...not like now, where you might know what any given celebrity had for lunch today. These magazines didn’t tell us everything there was to know, and because their record labels demanded it, we were lied to by the people responsible for giving information about them to the magazines. Hence, it wasn’t until 2013 that I realized my CO had ever been married (even though he actually was when I first saw him. The magazines said he was single....that made me happy. That was the point of lying.)  I blame the Internet for disclosing the truth. I would rather have gone to my grave not knowing that. The 60s was a magical time...too much information is not a good thing.

    Did you still hearing/listening to your CO album/movies? 

    He’s a musician, not an actor...there are no movies. I listen to his music every day. I watch videos from those old TV shows too. I can’t get enough of that. :icon12: Those things are 100% harmless.

    It must really hurt for you to hear about his marriage. However, I'm glad that you've overcome those painful times. Lets us putting aside all the negativity and enjoy our CO as much as we can. Much love xx

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