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  1. @Audrey822 @HeatherG Thank you for your support. Yesterday is a very long day and I'm super tired to come back to work today. But, It's my dad and what I'm going through right now is a lot lesser than what he had sacrificed for me. I'm happy I got an extra love for you all. Back to my CO, actually I check him online twice (Oopss). But, nothing harmful. I was checking 30 seconds only because I missed him. So, I put back my phone and do other things. And enjoying him much as I can in the way possible not to hurt me. I did it. @SophieViolet95 Oh I definitely love him. I do not want to think much whether this is an infatuation or unhealthy obsession. I don't take my mind that far.
  2. Thank you for your suggestions but.... I didn't even really have an idea what I like to do actually. I never really had a hobby. I quite enjoy watching movies and listening to music, not sure I can call it hobby though. Mostly I like entertainment stuff. Which leds me to the CO that I'm always have. My friend gave me a hardisk full of movies. About 900 movies. I'm currently spend my free time watching it and I like it so much. I'm not fond of reading. Maybe I'll take a look on your advise. Thank you dear. xx
  3. It must really hurt for you to hear about his marriage. However, I'm glad that you've overcome those painful times. Lets us putting aside all the negativity and enjoy our CO as much as we can. Much love xx
  4. My dad going for his 5th surgery tomorrow. I feel like I need my CO at times like this. Hopefully I can manage not to check on him online. Fingers crossed I need to stay tough.
  5. You are right. There's no going back. Things won't go back to the way they were. I may be able to sleep now and once a while, there's a thought going on in my head about him and his partner. But okay, put aside the negativity. First, Thank you for your advise. You don't know how much this is meant for me and I'm grateful for that. And glad that there's someone telling me that this is OK. I need to have that confidence that this is OK and everything will be fine. Although, previously I'm truly scared that this might drive me crazy. Thank you again. Dear, I saw your post whereas you've said that you didn't do any online research on your CO. Does this mean that you managed not to look on him online At All? May I know roughly how long you manage to do that? Did you still hearing/listening to your CO album/movies? I still do. I watched his movie everyday or else, I can't survive. I need that part of him in my life. But I can't watch his photo that I previously saved. Even without She-That-Must-Not-Be-Named.(Haha) Only his character in the movies. Because on the latest posts, many are discussing their tendencies on doing online research. You've seem to be having quite some time in dealing with this issue and have more experience. @HeatherG thank you dear.
  6. @SeSa @posie_riot It would be nearly impossible to ever talk about this with our friends. Or even closest friends. They wouldn't understand if they never experience it. Maybe if they heard this from me, they would secretly thinks that I'm mentally disturbed. In my country, psychological talks almost didn't exist. I didn't know who to reach out for. Scared and uneasy, it was a feeling that slowly destroying me from within although on other's people eyes, I looks just fine. I'm happy now that I can share this and heard from you all perspective. It helps me to understand people more. @Audrey822 Same as you, I also remembered well the first day I saw my CO with his new girlfriend. I loved him since 2016 and soon after, he got break up. I was "happily married" with him during those period. He was so active on Instagram and he got many things going on. So, everyday, looking into my Twitter fan club News that I've followed of him is like... A heaven. That was the first and last thing I did everyday, looking into his photos and news. Just like a quote from movie. "You are the first and last thing I wanna see everyday". But, he's not love me back. That reality hurts. Sometimes, he shared funny videos on his IG and I was like, what not to like about this guy? Reality kicks in again when he first going public with his new girlfriend. It was on Wimbledon's final match. On the same day, I was just discharged from hospital due to my health issue. So, you can imagine the last thing I ever want on that day is knowing about this. It was night on my country. I'm just about to sleep. It was my habit to check on him first before going to bed, due to my fantasy. And.... seeing those pictures.... BOOM. I was shook. I'm like a spooked chicken (Not sure this vocab and grammar correct or not). The result from that night, I have trouble sleeping for 2 weeks after. I will wake up at night randomly, feeling lost. I was scared of my own pillow and it was devastating as hell. I have no one to talk to. At work, I barely concentrate. Psychological website says, "You have to forget your CO". Yeah right..... I've tried another hobby. Oh wait, then I realize I don't have another hobby besides watching movies. I tried reading books but I hate it! I've tried, oh well, lets see if I can fantasize on him again, just take it easssy... But, his partner's face popped up in my dreams. I said Go away but she continuously bothers me. And I talk to myself, "I just need a little bit of happiness. Can you not give me that?" So, those crazy period is over for now. Now, I'm perfectly able to sleep and no longer scared of my own dreams. But my CO will have to settle down soon. I'm not sure how I'm going to accept it if he got married. I'm not ready for it. Turns out I have hormonal imbalance that's affecting my sleeping routine. @imalittleteapot Same as me. I always feel connected with the characters he played. So far, I like them all. He played a British Duke once, a soldier, Greek warrior, even a spy. And mostly my fantasy are developed from there.
  7. @imalittleteapot @Audrey822 @Helpme26 before I found this forum, loving and admiring celebrities have been part of my life since I was 10 or 11. I've been fond of different celebrities through different stages of my life. The interest that started from collecting pictures, buying album and DVD getting deeper and deeper. My latest CO has been the strongest of them all. In this recent years, my life has been the toughest and I need my CO more than ever. It's like taking a refugee from whatever war going on in my real life. I thought I've taken my fantasy to a very extreme level and it hurts me to see him with his new partner. I was broke in tears. I feel like betrayed. Since then, I googled to find out more about this and 9 out of 10 psychological website said that this is unhealthy. I was scared. Because I thought I was alone. I have fantasies, I wrote a story, I have pictures of him. No matter how hard I'm trying or even how hurt I was, I can't forget about my CO. It's like battling for drugs. It's not good but I want it. It's even affected my mood, my work.... Only after I found this forum and reading and listening from all of your experience, I feel so much better...... I'm not alone now.... For now, I've made my CO as a "sweet escape" from real life. I hope more and more will come aboard after the title has been changed. Their voices need to be heard.
  8. Me had about the same fantasies but my CO always been the main actor. In my fantasy, my alter ego and my CO will fall in love. Usually, she is the Greek princess and my CO came from lower class family but he is a warrior. Hahahaa:)
  9. Hello all, What are your wildest fantasy about your CO? In my fantasy world, I dreamed that me and my CO are married, have kids and we're both celebrities. And... we're very rich! Sort like Brangelina. Hope you guys have a goo day.
  10. WOah you're so lucky!! I couldn't do that, because the chances of him replying me are very very very low. I knew there is one of his fan from Singapore willing to travel to UK to one of his event. It's a running charity event and she able to meet him. I can't do the same as it's very expensive...
  11. We all loves superhero. Especially, when he's from UK. Mine is from DC world. Now I'm wishing my CO was gay too. But unfortunately, he's nottttt.
  12. Dear, Thanks for entertain me on the messages! I have no perfect words for you, but I do believe, all good things will happen to good people. Maybe, it's not the time yet. I wish you nothing but all the happiness in the world. xx
  13. Hi Hi, I think I know who is the Marvel guy you meant. Hahaha yes, he has a great quality as an actor and I loved watching him too! Very funny, talented. But I can't figure out who your CO is. My situation a little bit different as I do not feel envy for my CO's colleagues. I'm totally fine with who he kissed on screen (cause he kissed a lot of woman onscreen before. Hahaha!). It's his Real life partners that I can't stand. I feel like I wanted to shout at that woman, Get off!! He's mine!! hahahaha. My CO is not Marvel guy but you're close enough. He's one of the main superhero of DC universe. Can you take a wild guess on who he is? :) Have you started to block all the celebrity news? Cause you said you just read an article about this actress... It means you haven't. You're still googling. Haha. I'm still trying to do the same. Oh it's really hard. I kinda miss him. xx