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Honey1992

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  1. Hi everyone! I didn't visit this board for quite some time, I thought I wanted to say Hi today to everybody, irregardless of wherever you come from! Last year July, I was heartbroken and feel terribly sad as my CO just had a new lady in his life. I've been loving my CO for two years now since 2016. That point of my life is the hardest as like fighting with a ghost, fighting with my own self. Where no one can see or understand what I'm going through. But I'm silently hurt, depressed and feeling troubled. I don't know how on Earth I can love someone that I never met, probably would never met at all, someone that is unreachable and didn't know that I'm exist, but I did. God given him power to almost destroy me and I tried to stay away from it. I totally deleted everything about him on my phone and didn't check on him online, including blocking his social media. It was hard, I missed him a lot. About 3-4 months after that, I came back to checking him online. I can't resist sometimes and the needs to see how he's doing is unbearable. From one day to another, I became more and more comfortable coming back to the CO fandom as he wasn't seen with his girlfriend. Add on, he had a new movie came out that time so I feel like, I need to watch that no matter what happened, I just don't care. The girlfriend remains invisible until I found out they had broken up earlier this year. So, as he's single again, I'm 110% back to the CO Mode especially now as he's busy promoting his latest film that will come out errr tomorrow? Hahahaha. This week, I got a lot of videos, pictures and news about him. I'm enjoying it but there's also discomfort in there. I found myself to be stuck in the CO bubble for the whole day, checking his updates in between works, and lose focus while I'm in office. Add on to that problem, my job scope in office has become lesser now, so I gets to daydreaming a lot. I think this is not good. For the past two years, I can concentrate on work just fine cause I'm super busy, but now I can't. My days become less productive. So I decided to be less attached to the CO effective from today. I'm planning to only checking him online during weekend, after that, maybe a month or never at all (if I could make it). I desire to be free from this. Please wish me luck guys xx
  2. Hi Nikki, It's actually the truth! But, we have to learn from it. Learn to move on and appreciate the CO for whoever and whatever it is. We are here for you.
  3. Hi, You did the right thing by sharing this with us. At least, it's one of the way that you can unburden yourself. Don't worry and don't blame yourself. We all sure do fall back to our old habit from time to time. As per what my good friend told me, what's important is how you move on from there. Appreciate every small steps and effort that you've made. I face the same thing. I stopped following my CO but I watch his old videos and daydreaming again when I miss him. It's a never ending struggle. If you could talk about this with your therapist, it will be so good for you. Cheers
  4. Hi All, I hope everyone is in good health and Happy Easter (hope still not too late).... I just wanted to post on my updates. Well, I feel much better now. It's not that I've already CO-free. No, it's totally far from there. The thing is, I accept this feeling that I have with my CO with more positivity. I accept that it's part of me now, and I don't want to think so much on how to remove it. I learn to manage my time by limiting the CO activities and not letting it affect my daily routine. I tried to resist myself from searching on him online and it's totally lesser than before. I avoid to look for anything that will hurt me. I admit that I do fall back into my old habit from time to time, but one of my friend said to me to never give up. And I hold on to that. I believe that my condition will be better. I will always try to find the solution. Anyone that need to talk or need help, you are welcomed to message me privately. Cheers
  5. Hi there, I'm hurt reading your posts. I've been and felt mostly what you've written. I hope I can say something here to help you but I also losing words. As I'm trying to recover myself. And still not going anywhere. I wish you to stay strong.
  6. I am sad to hear about your diagnosis even though I do not fully understand the disorder issue from clinical view. Before I did spent money buying things related to my CO. Expensive things. At that time, I can't properly think whether it's okay or not. I just knew I need to have it. But when my mind became clears a bit, I realized that some of the things was not worth the penny. So, I guess that's actually not very good and I stopped buying things. **I hope things will get better for you.
  7. I wrote "it's chickening me" on my last entry. It was supposed to be "chickening me". See??? My head wasn't on the right track right now..................................................................
  8. Good day to all. I hope you've had a great weekend. As for me,I really hate where I am right now. I've been bothered a lot by this infatuation. It's not that previously it's never bothering me, but I feel the need to spit it out and had no one else to talk to. I hope I didn't bored you guys with my regular entry. My Co will have his latest movie released in July. The news about it is everywhere because it is a huge franchise. So, I can't help myself and I'm Googling him so much. I know, I shouldn't. But my heart disagreed with my head. The worst part of it is I keep reminded of his girlfriend because they met on the set of the new movie. I feel wanna jump to see all the updates cause I'm excited. But, 2 minutes after that, I feel sad and frustrated for not able to resist the temptations and making things worse for me. I didn't help myself at all. It's the combination of thrilled and frustration and it's chickening me. I hope I stay positive.
  9. Thank you sweetie. I hope I will. PS. I just downloaded my CO talk show interview from Youtube. The one I tell you about. I know I shouldn't but I don't care. Ooops...
  10. Hi again. So you have been dealing with the obsession for a long time. Actually I did mumbling on why I'm having all of this issue previously. And our background story is actually pretty much related. I think we're about the same age too. I've had different CO over the years. Since I was 11 actually. The current CO that I have is the strongest one. I've been admiring him since 2016 and I daresay that there are a lot of women on this planet have the same feelings towards him as I do. The most hurtful things about this obsession is when I saw him with his real life partners. The pain is some kind of something that could ruin and affecting me whole day. I always feel like there's a conversation on my head too. It's almost drove me mad. Luckily, I found this forum and can see that I'm not alone. or a freak. Having a CO is my coping mechanism too. Sometimes running towards the fantasy that I created is much more fun than my real life. But I do realize that all of it was only in my head. Besides my parents (which are loving and supportive), I lack in most part of my social life and career life. I don't have a boyfriend and never been lucky to have one. I guess that's the reason of me wanting my CO to be my boyfriend. Always feel like a loser in front of my friends due to my slow achievements. Almost can't see any achievement at all. But, I don't usually complaining. I always appreciate my life for what it is. I'm always struggling you know. Haha. Sometimes I told others (even in this forum) that they can face it all and be strong. That they can love their CO without feeling miserable. But Then, I was the one broken first. It's really hard.
  11. I'm having a war again with my feelings. Just two days ago, I log on to Youtube to search for new songs. And my CO latest interview video for talk show popping up. I can't ignore it and I clicked it. Today, I've done and repeated my bad habit which is Googling him. Haiz.... Don't know why, it makes me so sad.
  12. Hi there. I'm so happy to hear about your progress. I believe that the good things happening in your life right now fills the emptiness that previously was for your CO. I wish everything will going to better for you. I have few things that I've interested to ask you if you don't mind, how long actually you've been dealing with this issue? Particularly with this CO? And second, you're still checking over his news regularly?
  13. Hi, I want you to know that you're not alone in this. You can always take your time reading on others post and you will see that you can relate to anyone around here. I understand the feeling of uneasy and stressful that you might having right now. But as for me, I've first analyzed why I have such feeling and by knowing the reason, I can find a way (or a temporary way) to make myself feel better about it. I've discovered it was mainly due to loneliness and being lack in so many areas of my social life. It could also be caused by stress (work or personal stress). However, each person has different issues. As you've said that you have a loving husband, then I'm not sure why you're having this infatuation. I believe everyone has their secret imagination or fantasy, but if it makes you feel worse, then it's not good for you. I hope you will find a way to sort it out.
  14. I've shared a lot of common things with you. I've never been in a serious relationship in my 26 year of existence. It was always one sided love. There is a boy loved me once, but I didn't love him back. He already settled down. I can't even remember how many guys I hoped to know more and be in relationship but all of them seems ignoring me. I always downgraded myself, thinking that I'm not pretty, compared to other girls. I have 4 good close friends but in our circle, I'm the only one without having car or boyfriend. That's making me feel like some kind of loser even though my friends never insulted me. We also rarely hanging out since one of them is getting engaged. Being lack in those things above, I always find my own happiness in my CO little "big" world. Last year July, I'm having a war with him. Now, I can safely say that I've made peace with it (although not entirely sure for how long). I only realized that I've become like this due to being lonely last year. Previously, I didn't notice at all. I've tried to avoid Internet best as I can. I watched his old TV series and creating fanfic from it. So far, it is fine with me. Its true what you've said. It's harmful in the long run but as long as we can find a way to manage it, and not letting it gives bad effect on our daily lives and emotion, I think it all will be just fine. It's going to take time.
  15. Hi, Yes, it's true also. Every time my CO has a new girlfriend, fans will be arguing on the website. Some will express their jealousy and hatred openly to the new girlfriend. Usually, I will keep quiet. Some will say, if you cannot let him be happy, you're not his true fan. This often hurts me. Because I do want to see my CO happy. I never dislike any woman he dated because he has every right to be with whoever he wants. It's his life after all. But, the issue that I'm having is not whether I'm his true fans or not. It's the pain it gets me. The kind of pain which you all understand. Have a good day.
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