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  1. Memories like movies

    When I remember things, they play like videos in my head, from an outside perspective. Is this a thing most people experience? Or is this uncommon? It reminded me of depersonalization but perhaps its nothing of the sort? I'm not sure. Also sometimes i hear a sort of static in my head but not exactly static, its like nothing else and i cant really explain
  2. Not eating

    I do the same thing, I would say that eating probably gives you something to do and something to think about (as it does for me) besides problems and all
  3. a mirror

    Lately i have lost myself. I don't know who i am or what i'm like and when people want to get to know me, i don't know what to tell them. All i have is what i see. I've become somewhat of a mirror. I reflect over people's qualities as if they are my own though i'm pretty sure they aren't. If i hear of a mental illness, i'll start applying it's symptoms to the things i do, trying to grasp something. I don't know what i like to do, but i draw cause my friend does. I don't know what food i like but i eat hamburgers like my sister. it's like I've gotten amnesia, like i cannot remember so many details of a past life but there are things there like my grandma's old house and letting go butterflies in first grade. i know these things but i don't know myself.
  4. Anyone out there?

    Recently, I could use someone to talk to. My friends don't seem to care anymore. So if there is anyone out there that is on the website frequently and could listen, please send me a message. I can also be a listening ear if needed.
  5. Why do I have to be old?

    Thank you for you feedback. I think that's a lovely quote. What was the director's name? Sometimes I don't really get a choice about how many responsibilities I have to take on. It's so stressful. Thank you for your feedback I will try to be more in touch with my inner child, thank you very much for your reply
  6. Why do I have to be old?

    I want to be young. I think about it so much it saddens me. And I have to grow up and understand myself. I don't have anyone to shield me. It feels as though no one has the answer key to my mind but me though I've misplaced it. But I'm still a teen. Yet I feel like I'm unable to crawl back to that place of innocence and vulnerability. I will never be back in my flower themed room, surrounded by stray goldfish and stuffed animals. I won't ever be a kid again. A fun-loving, carefree, oblivious kid.
  7. The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    I feel nothing. Perhaps I do feel, but I my body pushes it down to protect me. It's rather boring to say the least
  8. Why do I feel?

    Lately I've felt nothing and I think it's a coping mechanism or something for stress. My body has like shut down my emotions and today I was telling my life story to my cousin. How my only friend made me feel terrible but how she is getting better at being a friend. How I wish I was five again. She told me I was a pretty little angel and it was the first time I felt emotions in a while. Because it felt so heart felt and sweet. She was just being nice though, I realize that now, a nice way for me to stop talking. I don't feel anything again.
  9. Am I really this way?

    I can't trust it, because half the time i don't know what I'm thinking. It's very confusing but I don't think quite like others do. I control my thinking at all times. None of it is really raw or whatever. I know that what I'm saying isn't exactly making sense but it's hard to explain. I force myself to think a certain way sometimes and I don't know how to stop
  10. My birthday

    My birthday is coming up and my sisters will be on a cruise. My best friend will be out of town. I will most likely lay in my room and feel nothing. Not cry, like I would a few months ago. Not talk to my mom, like I would a few years ago. But watch something to distract myself from nothing. Because I would feel the same way staring at the ceiling. Sadly, this has become my life as of late. I don't care. I'm too apathetic to help my Internet friend through a hard time. Suddenly, I couldn't care less what he does. And that's not good.
  11. Hello, I'm new here. not quite sure what's going on in my head but I'd like help figuring it out and this seems like a nice place to do so.
  12. What was a small victory you had today?

    I did a small act of kindness, and helped someone find their phone even though I am so apathetic and could have just said no. At least I wasn't rude
  13. What's On Your Mind Right Now?

    On the week of my birthday, my best friend will be out of town, and my sisters will be on a cruise. I will probably sit alone in my room. I will probably feel nothing. No matter what I'll try, it'll feel the same as staring at the ceiling. Lonilness is terrible but it's the only thing I know how to do correctly
  14. Any feedback greatly appreciated

    It's normal to feel that way, but you are not toxic. Your enviorment is. It has treated you badly and perhaps a move would be good. A way to refresh things and maybe get away. But the memories will remain and you can't run away from them. I always would suggest talking to a trusted friend or a professional but don't try to just burry it. You need to work through this and maybe get better friends
  15. Am I really this way?

    I have watched this girl on YouTube for a while now and I'm starting to wonder if I'm really feeling the way I feel or if I am making myself feel this way to be like her. She talks openly about having depression, anxiety, and depersonalization disorder. I've never been able to figure out my own feelings because of how I think in a weird format and how I feel like I'm constantly telling myself how to feel. Today I just felt apathetic. My friend is going through a terrible situation and he needs me to talk to but I just couldn't really find it in me to care. Tomorrow is my birthday dinner with my friend and cousin, I know I don't want to feel this way then. Any advice? (Btw, I've been told by three people to talk to a professional but that's not an option currently)