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Everything posted by nothing_man

  1. I'm so sorry, he had a good life at your side. I'm sure he was always grateful.
  2. Tonight I've been thinking a lot in two friends I lost in the space of 2 years. It's such a hurtful thing for me, because I couldn't be with them on their last moments. The pandemic didn't allow me to travel those 400 km to see one of them; and the other one, she didn't want me to see her, she was trying to keep me away from pain, we would just chat. It's so hurtful for me, I miss them so much and I don't understand why things were so unfair for them, there were two angels of a person, not a little piece of evil, not a single piece of evil in any of them. A thought I have is... that maybe is not that bad you know, it is bad how they suffered, but what's here for some of us? We could catch a breeze of joy once in a while, but mostly... it's fighting against the wind all the time, well that's my experience. Continuous fight.
  3. Thank you duck, you are totally right. Sometimes, I don't have the will, energy or time to do the breathing exercise, but I'm doing the cold showers, and I'll start the gym when I get my monthly pay, my back will be thankful.
  4. I got the job . Rescued myself during the day, put together, did some breathing exercises, took a cold shower, and put the better face. The job is a challenge, gotta face new things, I even have to guide some fellows. I hope strength follows me. Now that I'll have an income, I can go back to therapy and to the gym, both will improve my health overall. One of the places I thought for cheering is here, in a way, you're my family, we're on the same ship. I hope you're having a great day, "one more time around, might do it, one more time around, might make it".
  5. Hi Evergreenforst4, Thank you. It's too hard today, to face this thoughts, I don't even have the energy to do that, to eat or go for a walk. I'll lie in bed now, hoping to fall asleep. I hope tomorrow I feel better. Thanks for the wishes and advices. I hope you're doing good.
  6. Hating me and the world today. Some thoughts about wishing to die. No will, and am about to grab a job. Tomorrow I have two interviews, and here I am, not caring about sleep nor food. Don't care about a thing today, just left my mind wander on negative stuff.
  7. got the feeling. Hang on another day, maybe it gets a bit better tomorrow. By now just survival mode .
  8. Today is one of those days. Chemicals in my brain are disbalanced, I feel really low and worthless. I'm trying to not hit myself with though thoughts, trying... triggers were trying to face what I fear the most: relationship. Still a long way to go regarding getting a more solid mental health. Who knows if I'll improve some day it takes work but it's hard. I hope you're doing better.
  9. Thank you lady. Yes, one day we will go thru.
  10. Hi everyone. Well, my final exam went well, and I don't know how I did it, but after 3 years, I reached 50% of the whole course, so I'm an "advanced" student now. I left soul, tears, health, mental health in the way, and lived with the minimum for the last 2 years. Time to get a job, and to work on myself, enough maths for now. I'm trying to reach out people. I'll go to a kind of (sports?) encounter tomorrow with a group of unknown students. Luckily for me, the only 2 friends (actually it's just one friend and I've seen once the other guy) I have here will come with me, so yeah, I won't be that weird that knows no-one. I've failed many times going to a place where I know noone, many times I just turned back at the gates of the event. Let's see how it goes.
  11. Getting to the end of the season in the university. Have a final exam in less than 2 days. I'm really tired (this semester was really hard), and a bit worried about how things will continue after the ending. I mean, all my attention was into that, and then... there won't be carrot to chase for a while. That means, more time with own thoughts. The other aspects of my life have been really un-cared for a while, specially the interaction face-to-face with humans. With this pandemic, I think I lost the few skill I had to communicate with others in person, I'm frightened. I wish you're doing okay.
  12. Ummm I used to have works like that, but I moved on to coding, so... not a lot of interaction with humans, it feels good really. On a bad mood day, you don't have to put effort on have a nice face, and so.
  13. Depression lvl 9/10, struggling since days. I can barely do basic stuff... and the clock still ticking, and I'm getting delayed with stuff. I got to the point that I don't even want to ask for help from my closest friends, I'll just navigate this by myself.
  14. That's okay juno. I know what you mean, I do also involve reading all kind of crap sometimes, and I'm honest to myself enough to see that I'm just trying to create "a different feeling" than feeling sad and worthless. Sometimes I seek to get angry at something. It's better than crying sometimes, idk. What I can say, try not hitting yourself for doing that, it's normal to seek for "peace of mind", even if it means to get angry, sometimes that's all the peace we can get. I know it sucks... but the mind drives that way, is the only it can do sometimes to put us away of painful thoughts.
  15. Congrats onto that bellerose, at some points, these are really big achievements.
  16. Hi Sven. I don't use to decorate anything honestly, not even for Christmas. But that's me, maybe it helps in your case.
  17. That sounds great juno, I hope he gets better.
  18. Hi cherry, I've been with back pain for the last 7 days, feeling better now. I think it had to be with anxiety/stress. What I mean is... some body-hurts are due only because of that. I hope you feel better soon.
  19. Thank you duck! Have to go for the next one on less than 3 weeks, but I think I'll take the day today to play videogames, I don't feel... stable to do other things than be completely distracted.
  20. Hey Jar, hi. Please, find a way to get away from that situation. I do had a similar feeling for my mom some years ago, and it's an unbearable situation. Can you in the mid-term find a place to live or sort of? I know it's very hard to let go persons that we, in the deep of our soul, care for. But sometimes... we can't do anything for them, and we have to be our own parents, you know. Which means, we have to take care of ourselves, because no-one else will. I hope your situation gets better. Loud love.
  21. Alright, my exam passed after revision :). Sometimes I say to myself: it's bad when your happiness depends on a single thing, it's the teaching of the "eggs on the same basket". I feel like this since years, it is like... my happiness only comes through that, since I don't expect anything from people, they just left me down so many times that my expectations are almost 0 on them. That could look like a fragile approach to life, maybe it is actually, to be sustained only for one pilar.
  22. Exam went "bad" according to the system that corrects it, but has to be reviewed. The system hardly goes into your favour. Anxiety kicks in, the uncertainty of not knowing if something went well or bad. All my energy is there, it's my way to escape some issues, the way I survive. It hurts when something you have put 100% of your energy goes bad. I'm not giving up, I have hope that the review will go well. I hug YOU.
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