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Everything posted by nothing_man

  1. Thank you lady. Yes, one day we will go thru.
  2. Hi everyone. Well, my final exam went well, and I don't know how I did it, but after 3 years, I reached 50% of the whole course, so I'm an "advanced" student now. I left soul, tears, health, mental health in the way, and lived with the minimum for the last 2 years. Time to get a job, and to work on myself, enough maths for now. I'm trying to reach out people. I'll go to a kind of (sports?) encounter tomorrow with a group of unknown students. Luckily for me, the only 2 friends (actually it's just one friend and I've seen once the other guy) I have here will come with me, so yeah, I won't be that weird that knows no-one. I've failed many times going to a place where I know noone, many times I just turned back at the gates of the event. Let's see how it goes.
  3. Getting to the end of the season in the university. Have a final exam in less than 2 days. I'm really tired (this semester was really hard), and a bit worried about how things will continue after the ending. I mean, all my attention was into that, and then... there won't be carrot to chase for a while. That means, more time with own thoughts. The other aspects of my life have been really un-cared for a while, specially the interaction face-to-face with humans. With this pandemic, I think I lost the few skill I had to communicate with others in person, I'm frightened. I wish you're doing okay.
  4. Ummm I used to have works like that, but I moved on to coding, so... not a lot of interaction with humans, it feels good really. On a bad mood day, you don't have to put effort on have a nice face, and so.
  5. Depression lvl 9/10, struggling since days. I can barely do basic stuff... and the clock still ticking, and I'm getting delayed with stuff. I got to the point that I don't even want to ask for help from my closest friends, I'll just navigate this by myself.
  6. That's okay juno. I know what you mean, I do also involve reading all kind of crap sometimes, and I'm honest to myself enough to see that I'm just trying to create "a different feeling" than feeling sad and worthless. Sometimes I seek to get angry at something. It's better than crying sometimes, idk. What I can say, try not hitting yourself for doing that, it's normal to seek for "peace of mind", even if it means to get angry, sometimes that's all the peace we can get. I know it sucks... but the mind drives that way, is the only it can do sometimes to put us away of painful thoughts.
  7. Congrats onto that bellerose, at some points, these are really big achievements.
  8. Hi Sven. I don't use to decorate anything honestly, not even for Christmas. But that's me, maybe it helps in your case.
  9. That sounds great juno, I hope he gets better.
  10. Hi cherry, I've been with back pain for the last 7 days, feeling better now. I think it had to be with anxiety/stress. What I mean is... some body-hurts are due only because of that. I hope you feel better soon.
  11. Hi bellerose, I totally understand you.
  12. Thank you duck! Have to go for the next one on less than 3 weeks, but I think I'll take the day today to play videogames, I don't feel... stable to do other things than be completely distracted.
  13. Hey Jar, hi. Please, find a way to get away from that situation. I do had a similar feeling for my mom some years ago, and it's an unbearable situation. Can you in the mid-term find a place to live or sort of? I know it's very hard to let go persons that we, in the deep of our soul, care for. But sometimes... we can't do anything for them, and we have to be our own parents, you know. Which means, we have to take care of ourselves, because no-one else will. I hope your situation gets better. Loud love.
  14. Alright, my exam passed after revision :). Sometimes I say to myself: it's bad when your happiness depends on a single thing, it's the teaching of the "eggs on the same basket". I feel like this since years, it is like... my happiness only comes through that, since I don't expect anything from people, they just left me down so many times that my expectations are almost 0 on them. That could look like a fragile approach to life, maybe it is actually, to be sustained only for one pilar.
  15. Exam went "bad" according to the system that corrects it, but has to be reviewed. The system hardly goes into your favour. Anxiety kicks in, the uncertainty of not knowing if something went well or bad. All my energy is there, it's my way to escape some issues, the way I survive. It hurts when something you have put 100% of your energy goes bad. I'm not giving up, I have hope that the review will go well. I hug YOU.
  16. I'm sorry man. I'm divorced and kind of know what you mean. I just walked away from her, as far and fast as I could have done. It is better to go away from people that doesn't truly love you.
  17. Back pain. Having to face exams. No will to study. No will to get up in the morning. I don't want to be ungrateful. I will evade all contact, it could disturb my plans. Nostalgic. Feeling worthless.
  18. I ended up not grabbing any job and asking for help (economically), for a couple of months. Never did this before, it's time for me to learn to accept help from others, to learn that sometimes I can't by myself. I visualized wouldn't being able to deal with a job and with college, my depression and what's related to it doesn't allow me. I'm happy that I least I'm being able to deal with college, under circumstances, this is a lot. A bit nostalgic tonight. Cheers, love you.
  19. On the same road pal, sometimes we can't handle it all. Don't burn yourself, if possible.
  20. Hi Nightjar, oh yeah, those thin walls I feel you. Job is remote, so... I won't actually interact personally with people, which works fine for me since I "win" some time by not having to go to any office. I feel a bit better today, my only friend in this city came by and we went for a walk. I took a look at some places to move, in the future. I've also got the result of the first exam of this season and got a 10 ("A" I guess), effort pays back, still doesn't fill the holes, but helps. Did the meditation help you? Cheers, thanks for replying.
  21. Hello there everyone. I'll use this space to write a bit. I'm embarked in a not-easy journey, this season I'm attending 3 subjects on my grade career, which is what I've been handling in the past, but now I've to add that I'll start working soon, probably in a week. So this is full-time work + attending/study of 3 subjects. This formula used to work pretty well for me in the past. I'm talking of keeping the mind busy. But I don't remember handling too many things at once. Still I believe I can do it. The thing is, for some reason, people seems to get away from me, the few people that I hanged out with. Is pretty interesting actually, I look at this with scientist eyes. Why is it that people get away from you when you more need them to encourage you on a difficult task? I would really love a certain answer, to understand. Anyways, I'm accepting this fact, and I'm moving on. But this is not all that goes against "me and my pursuit". I've been becoming more and more sensible to sound and noise. I come irritated and stressed easily from this stimulus. I live in downtown, and here's really noisy. It stresses me a lot, and many times I feel that I'll go crazy or that I can't handle it anymore. I'm thiking about moving to somewhere else, but who knows if I'll be lucky enough to find that place to be at peace. I found myself in almost constant fear at any time of the day, fear of the noises, fear of failing, fear of falling down and not be able to work, fear of getting delayed on the career subjects, fear of everything basically. I feel that, this could have meaning, something I have to learn, something I have to overcome, get stronger possibly. It's quite interesting how I keep going despite I'm alone in a place, 450 km away from my relatives, no contact whatsoever with locals, which happens because of lack of time, and lack of interest of people in general, don't misunderstood, I like people, I like you, but I don't like the society in which I'm submerged, this place isn't for me. I'll have to move on, but now I just can't. Maybe I will in 5 or 6 months, when the school semester ends, but still, uncertain of many things. I live in nightmare honestly, some days I just don't know how I manage to do some stuff. I'm overwhelmed, and will get worst, because I still didn't start to work. Anyways, here I am, I don't know who I am, I don't know if I'll find future, I'm just rolling. I wish you the best, I love you all.
  22. Thank you. I hope you feel better or get better soon.
  23. Sup guys o/ Been resisting these days, now I'm feeling a bit nostalgic and sad. Still I try to do stuff feeling like this, it's like the walking dead, one of those zombies chars. Will get better some day, I wish you the best.
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