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nothing_man

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  1. 100% get what you mean. Sometimes depression let you do nothing. We barelly do the basic things as show up for work.
  2. Apparently they are supposed to be qualified to treat you even if they didn't went through that, BUT I get you. I also feel like I've fixed nothing, it may be that I never did long therapy treatments, I only last a couple of months and they I find them useless. Then I go down down again, then I go back, then after a couple of months I see no progress, and I leave them, and that seems to be the neverending circle. That's why at some point you get to feel hopeless, like... is there a way out of feeling like this?
  3. Feeling hopeless, don't care too much about anything. Didn't improve what is "more important". I'm always having excuses to work on my psychological problems. So far 55% of the grade career completed successfully, and have a good job, aside that, feeling empty. Once again, life showing me that it doesn't matter "what you have or achieved", you can still feel empty. I don't want to be ungrateful... I don't hate life, but I just don't have the energy to fix myself, is always easier to work on other stuff.
  4. I'm so sorry, he had a good life at your side. I'm sure he was always grateful.
  5. Tonight I've been thinking a lot in two friends I lost in the space of 2 years. It's such a hurtful thing for me, because I couldn't be with them on their last moments. The pandemic didn't allow me to travel those 400 km to see one of them; and the other one, she didn't want me to see her, she was trying to keep me away from pain, we would just chat. It's so hurtful for me, I miss them so much and I don't understand why things were so unfair for them, there were two angels of a person, not a little piece of evil, not a single piece of evil in any of them. A thought I have is... that maybe is not that bad you know, it is bad how they suffered, but what's here for some of us? We could catch a breeze of joy once in a while, but mostly... it's fighting against the wind all the time, well that's my experience. Continuous fight.
  6. Thank you duck, you are totally right. Sometimes, I don't have the will, energy or time to do the breathing exercise, but I'm doing the cold showers, and I'll start the gym when I get my monthly pay, my back will be thankful.
  7. I got the job . Rescued myself during the day, put together, did some breathing exercises, took a cold shower, and put the better face. The job is a challenge, gotta face new things, I even have to guide some fellows. I hope strength follows me. Now that I'll have an income, I can go back to therapy and to the gym, both will improve my health overall. One of the places I thought for cheering is here, in a way, you're my family, we're on the same ship. I hope you're having a great day, "one more time around, might do it, one more time around, might make it".
  8. Hi Evergreenforst4, Thank you. It's too hard today, to face this thoughts, I don't even have the energy to do that, to eat or go for a walk. I'll lie in bed now, hoping to fall asleep. I hope tomorrow I feel better. Thanks for the wishes and advices. I hope you're doing good.
  9. Hating me and the world today. Some thoughts about wishing to die. No will, and am about to grab a job. Tomorrow I have two interviews, and here I am, not caring about sleep nor food. Don't care about a thing today, just left my mind wander on negative stuff.
  10. got the feeling. Hang on another day, maybe it gets a bit better tomorrow. By now just survival mode .
  11. Today is one of those days. Chemicals in my brain are disbalanced, I feel really low and worthless. I'm trying to not hit myself with though thoughts, trying... triggers were trying to face what I fear the most: relationship. Still a long way to go regarding getting a more solid mental health. Who knows if I'll improve some day it takes work but it's hard. I hope you're doing better.
  12. Thank you lady. Yes, one day we will go thru.
  13. Hi everyone. Well, my final exam went well, and I don't know how I did it, but after 3 years, I reached 50% of the whole course, so I'm an "advanced" student now. I left soul, tears, health, mental health in the way, and lived with the minimum for the last 2 years. Time to get a job, and to work on myself, enough maths for now. I'm trying to reach out people. I'll go to a kind of (sports?) encounter tomorrow with a group of unknown students. Luckily for me, the only 2 friends (actually it's just one friend and I've seen once the other guy) I have here will come with me, so yeah, I won't be that weird that knows no-one. I've failed many times going to a place where I know noone, many times I just turned back at the gates of the event. Let's see how it goes.
  14. Getting to the end of the season in the university. Have a final exam in less than 2 days. I'm really tired (this semester was really hard), and a bit worried about how things will continue after the ending. I mean, all my attention was into that, and then... there won't be carrot to chase for a while. That means, more time with own thoughts. The other aspects of my life have been really un-cared for a while, specially the interaction face-to-face with humans. With this pandemic, I think I lost the few skill I had to communicate with others in person, I'm frightened. I wish you're doing okay.
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