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nothing_man

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  1. Feeling a bit lonely today. It's weird because it looks like I make the impossible to be alone, I feel somehow hypocrite. Do I make myself clear? It's like, I wish to have someone to share several things, but at the same time, I hate most of the people... or I just don't want to deal with them, I really enjoy silence, but sometimes is too much. I'm feeling that I suck at living, in this kind of aspect... again, hypocrite.
  2. Hell. Hard to know when I'll go out of here. This days I hate myself so bad that I don't care of myself, bad eating, bad sleeping, not even want to take a shower, I feel bad, hopeless, I just want to run away from everything.
  3. I'm so sorry that you went through that
  4. Computer engineering, this subject is Physics I.
  5. Exam tomorrow, going crazy with the amount of information to manage.
  6. Got the feeling. Most of the days I wake up, and remain like an hour there, dropped, looking into nothing, surfing than thin line between "I hope everything ends" and "Got to get up".
  7. It wasn't good today, there's some corruption going on with taxes of the place where I live, they charge me with nonsense stuff, and I just don't have the energy to fight this. I don't understand this behaviors, they think people is stupid. I feel raped by them. Tomorrow I have to go there and pay anyway, they will make their own way to **** us (renters) with this charges, and will keep doing, that's a thing I hate about this country. I don't know if it works the same in other places, I have faith that things are different elsewhere. It hurst when you're struggling with depression and this stuff goes on. Anyways, I have to do an exam in 3 days and I'm burnout of being studying, plus this thing with taxes, my place is a mess and the solitude is strong. I keep telling to myself "things will pass", yea... they will. Most of the time I feel that I'm just burning time, waiting for things to pass. Cheers.
  8. So good to hear all of this from you. Music saved me many times, and still does. I do also miss Chris, Layne, Chester, Kurt, I know that you know how it feels. It's sad how they ended, and many times I feel I'm going that way. It's great that you saw Layne on concert, I didn't have the chance but don't need it to see how good person he was. Cheers Adam.
  9. Today I went running, I'm trying to do this every day, it helps to the head, if you know what I mean. After that I sat on the floor of a square to dome some stretching, and... I had a sort of insight, sometimes it happens. I was watching at couples, also watching myself, my reactions. "How nice would be to be coupled". Isn't the mind always wanting stuff? I mean, suppose you have couple, then what? You'll want another thing. Once you have that thing, then what, you'll want another one. And the mind is like that, jumping from desire to desire, hardly ever in peace. Is a trick, right? Once you understand this movement, this constant movement of the mind, you can get rid of the trick, at least, sometimes. Desire moves you, but be aware of that unstopable, constant movement, sometimes is just stupid. I always have in mind this phrase from a Mad Season song, from the dearest Layne, "my pain, is self chosen, at least, I believe it could be...". It means, consider for a second, that your pain could be caused by yourself, well this is not crazy, I myself consider auto-destructive in many ways. The thought could be the root of all problems, hence silence is valuable.
  10. Oh jeez, been there with "birthday gifts". Been working for the last 4 years in a company with ~200 employees. They used to do this thing of collecting money for a birthday gift. I just given up almost immediately on this idea. One of the few, if not the only that never wasn't putting any money (unless exceptions, for closest fellows/friends at the office). Haha somehow I always end up out of massive events, or social stuff. The thing is this, if you forget about giving money for someone, and if you put money for others, that one could get offended or feel not-special, so I don't want anyone to get offended because I forgot to tip. Solution, no money for anyone, one less problem on my head. Also: father's day or sort. What about people that doesn't have relatives? I mean, does HR think about this things? Obviously not, they don't care for "the few" (as Roger Waters says).
  11. Been there. Try to speak with her about how you feel when surrounded by her. If that's not possible, get away of that situation as soon as possible, don't get alarmed, but yeah, don't hold on into that for too long.
  12. I just skipped my day, warped time, unaware for many many hours playing videogames, gotta say feels good to get rid of real life for a while, anyways, what is reality, right? Cheers.
  13. Today I went outside a bit, to see a show. I get so emotional with simple things. There were 2 persons dancing Tango, which reminds me of my grandfather, he passed away several years ago. He suffered a lot, Alzheimer, Parkinson. I lived with him on his last years and saw all that suffering. I'm very emphatic and what happened with him teared me appart on those days. I remember pretending to be strong in front of him, trying to joke him around. Poor human being, I keep him inside of my heart, he was a father for me, or sort of. I almost cry in front of many people today, in fact I cried but disimulated very well. I feel that I have such a mess, or such an energy inside of me, maybe both. A pretty girl stands besides me and I get a bit uncomfortable, "is she here on purpose? Or just watching the show? Yeah, probably is watching the show". Still with thouhgs of being unworthy, I'm so afraid of things... that I won't even try to change my current status.
  14. Hey mmd, I'm from Rosario, Argentina, currently living in Córdoba, just send me a PM, we may hang out through some chat sometimes in our native language, I'm up to. Best of wishes.
  15. Feeling weird really, I'm good, okay, but for some reasson, I don't want to go to sleep, have you been through this?
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