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About nothing_man

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  1. Hey hi guys. Trying to re-wire my brain lastly. Started therapy a month ago, and improved in some aspects. What I'm working on right now, is into saying to myself that it's okay to feel good when I do. I found me hitting myself when things go better, to go back to my normal state (feeling depressed). This is homestasis doing its job, homeostasis works in many levels, psicologically too. This is an automatic process. I saw that, the only way I can consciously help to accept this new states of feeling better is to telling myself "it's okay to feel good, there's no danger into that". That's all I can do. It won't be easy to re-write a brain that has been telling the same thing for 15 years, maybe more. I hope you all are doing better, love you all.
  2. I know what you mean, people can be very cruel sometimes, and we as males, in this particular situation are not under the hood of justice. Just hang on, things will get better.
  3. Happy birthday Sober!!! big hug to you, I know things will improve for you.
  4. Hi guys, long time no see. Not feeling like writing today, just wanted to send you best vibes, to heal a bit of your hearth and minds if it's somehow possible. I still read you.
  5. Letting myself adrift, not putting any effort against the wind. I ended up opening the old vault of code, full of dust, reviewed some old code, an old project, and made a research about test frameworks for it, wanna build a test suite for it and continue the job there. Yesterday I played Age of Empires 2 the whole day. I'll be traveling to family in a week, took a train ticket, they finally enabled travels.
  6. Hi JJ1, Sorry about what is going on with you. I know exactly what you're talking about regarding the anxiety and strees that arrives when you try to start doing something. There's no magic solution for how you feel. The only suggestion I can give you, is just try to overcome the days, at some point things should get better. Send you big hugs to you.
  7. Hi, I agree with @swimmer68. Got the feeling u're having. We don't want to generalize, but the actual possibility of being hurt like that again make us more careful. I'm single since a long time, and I really lost interest in having a serious relationship because I've been betrayed and hurt so, I got the feeling and well, I'm not who to make suggestions, I'm noone, but I'll tell you what I've found more valuable, to be true to myself and not follow others just to obtain something, I don't even want pleasure over getting engaged with a good person.
  8. Funny story. I had contact with my former ex girlfriend, the one I had when I had 14 (I'm 31 now), that happened around 5 years ago. I don't know exactly how, but between message and message this past days, we managed to talk about why we got separated back then. Is so strange to talk about and close an event that happened more than 15 years ago. And at the end of all this conversation, given in a couple of weeks, we ended saying "thank you" and "te quiero mucho", which is not exactly "I'm in love with you", nor "I love you" in the romantic way, is more like "I really care for you", or maybe some of the other things too, is confussing. In a way, I wish I have her close to give her a hug, maybe a kiss, but in the other hand, I'm so scared of life, I'm so so scared of life, so scared to get hurt, so scared to hurt others, that I just reclude myself and let things there. The "good" thing is that an ocean separates us now, so I don't have to really make this decisions, but I do feel worry about my state of mind regarding this things. I mean, if that ocean isn't really separating us, would I go to knock her door? I should fix myself regarding this fears, depression drags me down most of the time. I end up saying "the mind is unstable, I better focus on real things, I better go back to the books", since I'm in the finals season, but I can't really focus, not 100%.
  9. Without direction, lost, and angry with myself. Doubting of my capacities. Overwhelmed. Hope you guys are doing better.
  10. The adrift season has started, play nice
  11. It's actually a wise move, to have backup food for this cases, I should do that too. Thanks for replying.
  12. On the "everything is hard to do" mood. I'm kind of hungry, but is a big deal to cook something, I don't have money to order food through delivery, neither I want to go out of the flat to pick some ready-to-eat food. So I'm basically staring at things, being abandoned. I can blame the exam I didn't approve 2 days ago, after 2 weeks in a row studying the whole day, literally the whole day, not less than 14 hours a day. But I would be faking myself, behind all of the I'm bussy shit, there's a broken man. This seems to go in loops, getting really bussy, not obtaining a thing from being bussy all of that time, increasing depression, not wanting to see people, people probably don't understand what is going on with me, that's how it works. Nevertheless, I think I would choose or try to laugh at this situation. It's said that the mind is the root of all problems, the thoughts, so I'll evade myself all day, evade those thoughts, when possible. I'm done about trying to put some effort in life, in meeting people, in having a good image for others. I guess the time has come to accept that this could go on and on, some time I had some will for meeting someone, now I just really really want to be alone, 'cause the stress of faking to be okay and have energy to live is really high, I can't bare that amount of stress, not anymore, I just don't care anymore.
  13. Got the feeling, I'm doing the same, filling every hour of my day. At some point we deceive ourselves. It's a coping mechanism, that keep us alive, that's all.
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