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nothing_man

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About nothing_man

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  1. I'm in the same mood. Today a small talk with my mother and brother triggered some bad memories. I just remembered that I've been abandoned 5 times, by the "most loved" persons. Father left me before I got 1 year old; then mother got engaged with a ****ing patriarch at 7, left me aside (not just that, I had to live with them, yeah, feeling alone surrounded by people, trying to runaway); grandma dumped me at 20 from his house cause she didnt like that I was trying to be successful in an entrepreunership that brought 1 or 2 people per day at the house for moments; my father left me again, I reached him after almost 15 years w/o notice of him, he opened his doors house, but I found later that just by compromise, once I stoped going his house, he never reached again; I got married later, which was supposed to be my wife for my whole life, dumped again, well that relationship didn't have future, still dumped. How can I do to be or fake to be happy with people surrounding me? I feel I don't have family, my mother is trying to re-compose the shit she did when I was young, and I just don't want to know about her. **** everything, how hard is life for some people. Wipe every memory, isolate and start from 0, if possible, accept your darkness, that's what they made of you.
  2. Very bad mood, don't want to eat, I don't care, just ******* time
  3. What is sleeping? Nice doggo photo as avatar btw
  4. Feeling doomed today, somehow I turned my depression into hate to myself, I'm hating myself very badly. Just can't believe how things gets so hard, I feel I'm done with everything. I also hate that this will pass, I'm ****ing tired of holding on to a "better day", just ****ing tired, it feels like I'm doomed, most of my life been surrounded by shit as if I'm a shitty person. I just want to say **** all. All my idols are people who commited suicide, Cornell, Staley, Bennington, Cobain. I think they were very brave to leave this ****ed up world, with a sick society, a cold society. Maybe they are the way to follow.
  5. People this days will just let you down, get used to that. Give up if you have to, society is doomed. I know how it feels to want to escape, I do that a lot, things are unbearable most of the time. As someone said to you, bad cards happens, I guess that's a fact that have to be accepted, and live with the related pain. **** off all.
  6. Do any of you guys base your therapy in doing some sport? I'm getting sick (mentally) without being able to go outside to run, that was supporting my mental health. This ain't easy 😕
  7. Finding no meaning in life, feeling like this since a long while, and things just looks to get worse. I feel so empty inside. I'm tired of everything, including myself
  8. Ya ditto me too, jeez, this is more "normal" that I thought (among people). Now I'm trying to not fall asleep until night so I can "reset" this. This days, trying to handle my anxiety by all means, trying to grab myself to anything before falling down. Things seems to go so fast around me. The mind plays many tricks to put me down, or drive me insane. Thing is that the mind is myself, so... putting some light there. Trying to do things even if I'm afraid to do them, so far doing OK. Depression is around the corner, hopefuly wont catch me this days. Have a good day my friends.
  9. K, I managed today to go out of the flat (after 3 days) and reach to play/train some Volleyball, I need to get used to be rejected (and not fear that), today was a good day for that. Coach was selecting players for the A team, the rest of the people just play in the "seedbed", I wasn't selected for the A team for obvious reassons, I'm just learning the sport, so a rejection, good, I was expecting it, and got it, and managed well. It is not that I will react on the outside, but is about what happens in the inside, sometimes I'm very thorough with myself. So the mood changed a bit today. I hope you are doing better.
  10. Hi Devlinkyle, I'm so sorry that you're going through that 😔 what can I tell you, this will pass. I know is hard to deal with minimum things when you are under depression, just try little by little to put yourself together, and see if one of this days you can commit to the hospital to reach that medication. I wish you the best, and know that we are all here for you.
  11. I'm happy for you jkd_sd. You know, I've found this pattern, that if I go to run every day, like 1 hour running or being on the outside, close to trees, it helps. It's not that I won't be sad sometimes, but it helps. I can tell, I stop doing this, and the chances to fall into severe depression augment, like now, I don't go out for 3 days and feeling really bad.
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