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nothing_man

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  1. I'm so sorry, he had a good life at your side. I'm sure he was always grateful.
  2. Tonight I've been thinking a lot in two friends I lost in the space of 2 years. It's such a hurtful thing for me, because I couldn't be with them on their last moments. The pandemic didn't allow me to travel those 400 km to see one of them; and the other one, she didn't want me to see her, she was trying to keep me away from pain, we would just chat. It's so hurtful for me, I miss them so much and I don't understand why things were so unfair for them, there were two angels of a person, not a little piece of evil, not a single piece of evil in any of them. A thought I have is... that maybe is not that bad you know, it is bad how they suffered, but what's here for some of us? We could catch a breeze of joy once in a while, but mostly... it's fighting against the wind all the time, well that's my experience. Continuous fight.
  3. Thank you duck, you are totally right. Sometimes, I don't have the will, energy or time to do the breathing exercise, but I'm doing the cold showers, and I'll start the gym when I get my monthly pay, my back will be thankful.
  4. I got the job . Rescued myself during the day, put together, did some breathing exercises, took a cold shower, and put the better face. The job is a challenge, gotta face new things, I even have to guide some fellows. I hope strength follows me. Now that I'll have an income, I can go back to therapy and to the gym, both will improve my health overall. One of the places I thought for cheering is here, in a way, you're my family, we're on the same ship. I hope you're having a great day, "one more time around, might do it, one more time around, might make it".
  5. Hi Evergreenforst4, Thank you. It's too hard today, to face this thoughts, I don't even have the energy to do that, to eat or go for a walk. I'll lie in bed now, hoping to fall asleep. I hope tomorrow I feel better. Thanks for the wishes and advices. I hope you're doing good.
  6. Hating me and the world today. Some thoughts about wishing to die. No will, and am about to grab a job. Tomorrow I have two interviews, and here I am, not caring about sleep nor food. Don't care about a thing today, just left my mind wander on negative stuff.
  7. got the feeling. Hang on another day, maybe it gets a bit better tomorrow. By now just survival mode .
  8. Today is one of those days. Chemicals in my brain are disbalanced, I feel really low and worthless. I'm trying to not hit myself with though thoughts, trying... triggers were trying to face what I fear the most: relationship. Still a long way to go regarding getting a more solid mental health. Who knows if I'll improve some day it takes work but it's hard. I hope you're doing better.
  9. Thank you lady. Yes, one day we will go thru.
  10. Hi everyone. Well, my final exam went well, and I don't know how I did it, but after 3 years, I reached 50% of the whole course, so I'm an "advanced" student now. I left soul, tears, health, mental health in the way, and lived with the minimum for the last 2 years. Time to get a job, and to work on myself, enough maths for now. I'm trying to reach out people. I'll go to a kind of (sports?) encounter tomorrow with a group of unknown students. Luckily for me, the only 2 friends (actually it's just one friend and I've seen once the other guy) I have here will come with me, so yeah, I won't be that weird that knows no-one. I've failed many times going to a place where I know noone, many times I just turned back at the gates of the event. Let's see how it goes.
  11. Getting to the end of the season in the university. Have a final exam in less than 2 days. I'm really tired (this semester was really hard), and a bit worried about how things will continue after the ending. I mean, all my attention was into that, and then... there won't be carrot to chase for a while. That means, more time with own thoughts. The other aspects of my life have been really un-cared for a while, specially the interaction face-to-face with humans. With this pandemic, I think I lost the few skill I had to communicate with others in person, I'm frightened. I wish you're doing okay.
  12. Ummm I used to have works like that, but I moved on to coding, so... not a lot of interaction with humans, it feels good really. On a bad mood day, you don't have to put effort on have a nice face, and so.
  13. Depression lvl 9/10, struggling since days. I can barely do basic stuff... and the clock still ticking, and I'm getting delayed with stuff. I got to the point that I don't even want to ask for help from my closest friends, I'll just navigate this by myself.
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