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About Retired

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  1. After a bad fight with my wife and a suicide attempt, I managed to swallow my pride and go to my priest for help. He had me call my doctor while I was with him to make an appointment. I got my wife and asked her to go with me. It was the best thing I ever did.
  2. I'm approaching a year on Lexapro. I started at 5mg, but my doctor increased it to 10mg a few weeks ago. So far I haven't had any side effects and it does help, along with the Wellbutrin I'm on. Life has been much better since I've been on these meds, and I hope they continue to work.
  3. Retired

    Post your day in 1 word.

  4. Retired

    Finding Happiness Inside...

    Hi Lackluster, A little over a year ago I was in a really bad place. I nearly ended it all and I sure glad I didn’t! I’ve made some serious changes in my life and things are amazing now. I know I still have to take my meds, pray every day, and stop to think before I say or do something stupid. But my relationship with my family has improved, three wonderful grandchildren to watch grow, I’m involved with my church, and most of all I’m happy about myself. I’m at a point of my life where change is difficult, but I managed, with the help of God, my doctor, a therapist, and my wife, to make some important changes that lifted me out of the darkness I was in. You are young and can change many things in your life if you want to. Figure out what you need to lift yourself up. Find people who can help you. You CAN do it!
  5. Retired

    10 Odd Emotions You May Have Experienced

    My wife and I just went through the process of preplanning our funerals. Bought two cemetery plots, paid in advance with a funeral director, working with attorney to update estate planning, living wills and power of attorneys. We did this primarily because we don't want to leave the kids or each other with any decisions to make when we pass. Deep inside I feel some peace knowing things are taken care of, just in case my depression sends me over the edge. Any words to describe preparing for your eventual demise?
  6. I think one of the most detrimental symptoms of depression is it takes away the ability to focus. This leads to difficulties in all areas of our lives. For some of us medication helps and I believe it has helped me, though its only been two months. I find when I can focus I'm in a better mood and more productive. We have older family that need our help, my wife needs knee replacement surgery, we're becoming more active in church activities and charitable organizations. If we are able to take away the focus on our depression and redirect it somehow, I think most of us can find purpose.
  7. There is a very interesting documentary on Netflix called "Is Genesis History" where about a dozen scientists look at Genesis from a scientific view. I recommend watching it.
  8. Retired

    The Effect Religion Had On Me

    So you would believe in God if he controlled you and everyone and everything like a puppet? Those who believe in God know we have free will and there is evil in the world. We have a choice to believe or not. If someone offered you all the gold in the world if you would just bow down to him and follow him would you? I wouldn't. Riches mean nothing in this life once life is over. But if you were promised eternal life in heaven free of pain and sorrow, for believing that your faults, or sins, are forgiven by the blood shed by a man free of any wrongdoing over two thousand years ago, and accepting that forgiveness from God, would you? I choose the eternal life in heaven with God. He wants us to choose Him and not by making us puppets. It's choosing between what is good and what is evil. I experience depression too. I feel a similar pain to many on this forum. But I look at how God can use my pain for some good in this world. I help others that suffer far more than many of us. I help feed those who don't know where their next meal will come from. My reward will come later, after I pass from this world. Souls don't just die when our body does.
  9. Retired

    The Birthday Blues: How to Cope?

    I had a breakdown later today. A grown man crying like I've not cried since my mother passed 29 years ago. My wife was asking what was bothering me today. Turns out she was wanting to take me out for dinner for my birthday, even though she knows I hate birthdays. I thought she had some understanding of what I was going through, but I was wrong. We had a long talk that was interrupted by her father coming home. She feels helpless but wants to help. I just want to be left alone during my sadder periods to work through them. Trying to avoid the darker times where suicide enters my sick head. I pray for God's mercy and help. Just want to sleep now.
  10. Retired

    How do you feel at this very moment in time?

    Sad. Birthday blues. Feel like sleeping the day away.
  11. Retired

    The Birthday Blues: How to Cope?

    Today is my birthday and I've been dreading it for months. I'm 61, the age my mother passed away. I feel like I have no right to live longer than she did. I know it's not a rational thought, but it's how I feel. I do have my wife for support and she knows I don't like birthdays to begin with, so we just exchange cards and include a letter expressing our feelings to each other. Her birthday is two days before mine. i do look forward to a call from my son. Hopefully a FaceTime call so I can also see my grandson and daughter in law. But otherwise I hate birthdays and especially this year.
  12. Retired

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Bad day with the therapist. Was feeling anxious and tense before I went in. Came out feeling worse. Had to stop at a Starbucks because I am afraid to drive. Not sure what to do. Wife wants to go out to dinner with her father and sister. I just want to hide somewhere.
  13. Retired

    Shame about my mental illness

    So many people preach tolerance in this world, but fail to practice it themselves. They are the ones who should feel shamed. We have an illness, and they should be more understanding.
  14. Retired

    What Are You Listening To Right Now?

    Office workers gossiping outside my therapist's office.