GhostInTheShellx

i'm a garbage waste of human trash and i'm not worth anything. i'm shit at everything and i dont deserve anything good. i failed out of school and i work a low wage job. i have no connections or relationships or good life memories. i am not deserving of love or success. i am shit and a waste of resources. i have never done anything right and i have always been inferior and useless. i hate myself to my core and i want to end my life. nothing has changed. 5 years ago i was sat here with extreme anxiety and nothing has improved

I remembered this place after years of being away. Things haven't improved much, but it is nice to see a familiar face in you Natasha

Well done for the quick thinking, some people are just angry at the world and are constantly looking for a fight to compensate for the battles they cannot win against their own insecurities

No! It was not an attack, I'm just saying that for some people in a depressive state, they can perceive it as an attack because they guilt themselves over "not doing anything" when they are depressed. You are completely innocent

When someone is in a bad spot, it is difficult for them to see a way out of it. When they are told "You are in control of your own happiness", they feel guilty and attacked because they are struggling to take control of their own actions, let alone mood. So when they see you improving and building a better life for yourself, they compare themselves and think "River's doing a lot better for herself, and I feel like trash". Some people silently compare and despair, while others lash out of you, especially when guarded by an electronic screen. I'm sorry people try to bring you down like this, but please understand that the problem is not you, it's their depression

This is awful, I went through this at my last job. I hated my manager, he treated me especially poorly, I avoided him every chance I could. I can't believe someone could be so cruel and ungrateful that they'd put someone on probation after 3 decades of service. Shame on him

I read and hang on every word

This is how I've come to see the world as well

Your story is a beacon of hope for those of us who aren't in a good spot

This is what I do whenever I have rumination and dark thoughts.

This is a great start

He is still your man, he will put up with it for you because he loves you. That's okay, in a few years time you'll both look back and laugh about all of this. I broke my toe as a child and the recovery was quick and easy. The pain is not as bad as you imagine it is.

I've read several of your blog posts and the one thing that I have taken from it is that you sound a lot like me. I understand your sentiments, all but the one about your age. I am younger than you are, but I can very well see myself ending up in your shoes. I agree with your statement that therapy does not help unless the circumstances of your life change. I understand that you have tried all you could, and I do not blame you for feeling the way you do, or contemplating The End. What would happen if you told your wife? How would she respond? Would she have you admitted to a ward? Would she understand?

You're right, it isn't your fault, but it makes complete sense to feel a bit of culpability. He'll be alright, hindsight is 20/20.

I am told that it is perfectly normal to have a down day. I don't think you are too sensitive, many people go through small arguments like that.. It's okay to have a day of retreat and recovery, so we can come back stronger. It's okay to worry about money, I know moving is stressful. I'm glad you have support in your life, and I'd like you to note to yourself that you are the one who summoned that support when you believed you needed it.a I'm delighted to hear that you are feeling better as of late, I am feeling better as well. Here's to both of us.