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Whiskirrs

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  1. I know full well how counterproductive it is and I would hope that I wouldn't but I can foresee it happening. I'm not sure why I'm like this but it's difficult for me to want to talk about this, not out of shame or guilt but as soon as I do start talking about I get overcome by a sense of incredible lethargy and unwillingness. I could have responded to this hours ago but it's taken me ages to actually push myself to do it and I don't know why. I'm like this with a lot of things. I'll see how things go about meeting people to talk to, I've been trying for about a year to make new friends but similarly everytime the opportunity arises I just become instantly disinterested even though I know it's an awful way to feel and there's no basis for it, it's just plain frustrating. I'm not sure if counseling is right for me, I never felt comfortable enough to delve into deep reasons as to why I felt the way I did. The odd time I did I didn't feel like my counselor acknowledged them as being as important as I felt they were, kinda just felt like she was going through a checklist and getting me to talk about nothing.
  2. I'm a nineteen year old student who's been dealing with depression since I was fourteen. At the start of the college year I began slipping deeper into my depression and sought help for the first time. I visited my college counselor who at the beginning I figured would be beneficial but now that I've completed the year and visited her frequently I found it never really helped in the slightest. Any time my depression eased up was just because I had the occasional good days which would have happened regardless. During my time with her she put me onto my doctor who prescribed me antidepressants, I found that these made things worse so I stopped taking them. She then put me onto a different prescription which worked but in ways I wasn't happy with. I didn't feel so depressed all the time but I couldn't feel much of anything at all, be it good or bad and this really messed with me. I figured it wasn't worth not feeling bad if I couldn't feel anything at all, so I also stopped them after about 11 weeks. This was about a month ago and I've basically given up on both the counseling and the medication with no desire to try them again. I find myself back in the position at the start of the year where my depression is much worse than its ever been and suicidal idealization has become more common, for a period of about three weeks I thought in-depth about it on a daily basis, it's not so bad at the moment but it comes and goes. I struggle to connect with people now, even close friends, I would like to make more friends and meet people but my social anxiety makes that difficult and this disconnect I feel with everyone makes it impossible. I find I can't enjoy things anymore, this used to happen in episodes but now I don't find enjoyment in anything I do. I've recently completed a number of personal goals and feats which should be make me happy and motivated but they just feel like another step towards somewhere I don't know or don't really care about being. This apathy towards life in general has made it hard to justify living. I still want to seek help though because I'm getting more and more afraid that the idealization will start to become more than just thoughts. I am not comfortable speaking about this with anyone I know, I struggled speaking to the counselor, it was like as soon as it was brought up I pushed it aside and found it difficult to explain how I felt, like I was hiding it from her and myself. Even posting here took a lot of effort and one I'm not sure will last, I can foresee myself deleting my account in a few days and pretending like I wasn't here because I don't feel motivated or comfortable enough to deal with this. I'm wondering what options are there available to me? All I can see is going back to counseling and medication, neither of which I particularly want.
  3. Thanks Epictetus, sorry to hear about your ailment, I especially appreciate you taking the effort to welcome me. Thanks also HeartagramGirl.
  4. Hey. I'm new to DF, although not new the idea. I used to use another similar forum some years back but stopped after I found it gave me no help. I'm 19, a veterinary nursing student about to go into my final year, been dealing with depression and social anxiety since I was 14. Since about November of 2016 I've been in a particularly bad slump, went as far as actually seeking help for the first time, visited a counselor, got prescribed different meds, I felt like none of it helped and so I'm back to dealing with it on my own. I've been feeling it getting more difficult lately and the fact I've found myself on here indicates to me how bad it's gotten. Not exactly sure why I'm here but hoping I could get chatting to some supportive people and maybe return the support. Thanks.
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