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About chris8088

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    Junior Member

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  • Gender
  • Location
    California, USA
  • Interests
    Watching youtube videos, technology, watches, fashion (well used to be interested in it), martial arts (especially Iaido), cars, tactical training, psychology

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  1. chris8088

    Losing my family

    I can't find it, but I thought there was something about biploar people blaming their mothers. :(
  2. chris8088

    Wish I didn't get married last month

    I read online: Easy Choices - Hard Life Hard Choices - Easy Life I'm working on how to have the strength, fortitude and self-love to make hard choices. I don't know if I have it in me, but I'm going to keep working on it.
  3. chris8088

    Wish I didn't get married last month

    Well the truth is I had a relationship with a narcissist coworker. It's a complicated story but if you have codependent or overly empathetic tendencies then people with figure out how to use you. Most of people won't even mean to use you it just happens. Hell, I made sure it happened by suppressing my needs. We teach people how to treat us. Anyway, this happens when we have NO or very soft boundaries. I didn't even understand boundaries as my approach to life was a kind of naive kindness. I was almost happy with that naiveness. People like me and things were okay. So what have I done since waking up? Well after being in a relationship with a narcissist you go through a kind of Complex PTSD. So I've been dealing with that for almost 3 years. If I loved myself I would have set appropriate boundaries with her and understood that when she said "she had no boundaries" that was a MAJOR red flag. She also warned me that she wished she were like me and "cared about people". This was so outside my realm of experience so I didn't understand what she meant. I do now. So for me: Talk therapy to understand what a narcissist is and why I let her do the things she did. I also learned that I really don't love myself and didn't have boundaries and have attachment issues. I also had to develop a more sophisticated philosophy of life. I needed really understand evil and that is hard to do, but youtube is a good source for learning about all of that. I think I was too naive and life was forcing me to find a more moderate yin/yang style of thinking. Meaning I needed to find the gray in life, it's not black and white. Neurofeedback to deal with the trauma from the relationship and my childhood issues. Adderall I take as needed, so I can focus at work. (Currently I'm unemployed.) Doing simple things to take care of myself: like making tea, eating, trying to exercise. My depression makes it hard. Hypnosis downloads to overcome abandonment. So, yeah, therapy, self-care, and self-discovery. Really get to know yourself. Read up on the character traits: Openness to experience, Conscientiousness, Extroversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism. Hope some of this helps you. Life forces to the middle, I think. We have to love ourselves and others. Realize that our needs and other's needs matter.
  4. chris8088

    The "How Do You Feel Right Now?" (4)

    Actually, deer are the most dangerous animals in North American. People are much more likely to be hurt by a collision with a deer than in an encounter with a bear, shark, snake, etc. Your collision with this deer may have actually saved someone else's life. (Now I see why you chose Super Girl.)
  5. chris8088

    Wish I didn't get married last month

    Sounds like my story. 15 years of making the best of it has really damaged me and taken away a lot of my life. My suggestion would be to get some therapy and figure out why you can't put your needs first. I've always been self-sacrificing and eventually you sacrifice yourself out of a life. The fact that you say you were a person that "everyone loved" is an issue. Everyone loved me too because I was a people-pleaser. I had to learn to set boundaries. I'm hugely empathetic and it took narcissistic abuse to wake me up. That almost killed me and certainly killed a big part of me.
  6. chris8088


    Keep warm!
  7. Sounds like you need a good marriage counselor to help work out what is going on. It sounds to me like it's a combination of factors. Relationships grow and change over time and it's important to understand that. They can grow together or apart. They also take a lot of work.
  8. chris8088

    Random Thoughts 2

    You haven't failed until you give up.
  9. chris8088

    Dental fear and sedation?

    I have a former coworker that swears by this. She had to have some work done and they knocked her right out.
  10. I suffered from depression and then it turned into depression with daily anxiety. I had some major issues with a coworker and I was so anxious that I didn't want to go to work. I had a couple of meetings with this person during the week and it was very hard to drag myself into the office. I think my long-term depression developed into depression with anxiety. The way I coped was a hot bath in the morning, tea without caffeine, switching to an anti-inflammatory diet. The main things that helped me were; a) working with a nutritionist b) neurofeedback The coworker finally quit, so the issue eventually got resolved.
  11. chris8088

    How to deal with morning depression

    I'd also experiment with scents. Some colognes really do make me feel more grounded. I've heard good things about lemon balm team. It's soothing like chamomile but doesn't make you sleepy. /Take that last suggestion for what it's worth. I read it online.
  12. chris8088

    Money Problems

    I second this.
  13. chris8088


    Hi, I went through a pretty traumatic relationship and, so far, the best thing for me has been neurofeedback. I think it's helped me put the relationship behind me. It might be something to consider if you are really suffering a lot.
  14. chris8088

    How to deal with morning depression

    I used to have to face a stressful work environment. After waking up I would take a hot bath to ease the tension in my body. It helped a little. I'd try experimenting with hot/cold and see if either of them help.
  15. chris8088

    What was a small victory you had today?

    I had a phone screen with a recruiter from a firm. Need to update my resume now. :(