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Ripvanwinkgirl

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  1. Hey Otres, That's a lot to take on and must have been hugely hurtful. It sounds like she has massive issues herself and still figuring herself out so probably not someone you need in your life anyway. I think you'll find the right person eventually but just focus on getting yourself better first. As for myself I won't be a huge help as I've had an awful day and just can't seem to get joy out of anyone or anything anymore. I'm glad we're all here to chat to each other. Take care.
  2. Just think, the issue is with HIM and what an awful, mean disrespectful person he is. It has nothing to do with you. Ignore him, be the bigger person, which you are.
  3. Yes I've considered not going back to Uni but at the same time I don't really know where my passions lie and don't even know where to begin?? At least with a degree, as ridiculous as it sounds, I'd have a piece of paper that allows me to enter a certain profession. I don't know why I feel like I need to prove to the world I can get one. I've never ever enjoyed my subjects at uni. Boredom and distraction would take over... I so envy people who genuinely love their uni courses or jobs - I've never had that feeling. Right now I work but it's unfulfilling and driving me mad. The issues I have only worsen how I'm feeling.
  4. Otres, do you mind me asking which country you're from? I'm guessing England, no idea why. You mentioned going to Cambodia, was this recently? Apparently coming back from abroad, especially if the time difference is quite big, you can get depression or have your depressive feelings exacerbated along with the debilitating jet lag. It's happened to me a few times. I feel so low, lethargic, have fractured sleep and lose weight and it goes for months on end. Almost puts me off overseas travel. With regards to problems with being alone, yes, I have a big problem with it. Feelings of loneliness, isolation and rejection are huge contributors to depression & anxiety. Try & meet up with friends frequently even if just for a coffee. I'm not sure when you broke up with your GF but research says it takes at least 6 months to get over someone so maybe your mood will lift soon. I'm married but may as well not be. It's a non existent relationship that is over and has been for years. My husband cannot accept it. I live in a house with others but still feel lonely. I can be in a room full of people and still feel alone. Not sure I've helped but at least you have people to chat to here. Good luck.
  5. Thanks everyone. It's midnight on my side of the world and even though I feel wide awake I should try and sleep. I'm not looking forward to two hours of tossing & turning and overthinking everything though.
  6. By the way, no meds have ever helped me. I've tried three so far. :(
  7. Hi Samadhisheol, Thanks for the welcome. You certainly do sound similar to me, I go through very similar roller coaster emotions, laughing one minute and wanting to cry the next as I'm extremely sensitive. I know I'm depressed to some extent but like you I feel there's much more to it. I can trace severe anxiety back to childhood but unsure of the trigger or if it was just innate to me. I just want to feel happy for at least most of the time, I want to be motivated and confident and just get on with it... you know? Life is too short for it to feel like a constant uphill battle. You take care too.
  8. Thanks Oscar. Most of the time I look around me and can't imagine anyone feeling the depths of unhappiness I feel so it's good to have a forum like this where people have shared experiences and can feel free to talk about just how hard life really can be. Sometimes I just wonder why the hell I'm even here and why we all have to go through what we do??
  9. Thanks for that. I was originally on 20mg lexapro but it was increasing my anxiety yet lessening the depression strangely enough? I can't seem to find a happy medium. Add to this that my marriage is breaking down and everything is literally falling to pieces around me. A psychologist I went to said I was coping well under the circumstances and that I was so well groomed I didn't appear depressed?? I'm not going to walk around looking like a homeless person just because I'm depressed. That's where the stereotype needs to stop.
  10. Hi all, I'm new here and currently have chronic "high functioning" depression as they call it, as to most outside observers I would appear like I have it all together and happy and upbeat all the time. One thing I noticed about reading posts from others here is their inability to shower etc. I'm the opposite, I have to shower daily and "keep up appearances" as I'm scared of being judged plus hot showers just feel good Right now I'm on Lexapro for depression and mild anxiety and I also take low dose Ritalin for ADHD which I've recently been diagnosed with. Along with not having any motivation or drive, I also can't ever seem to get anything done. I've been to 4 universities and still don't have a degree because I can't stay focused or motivated and get distracted by literally everything. I bounce from thing to thing and it makes me feel worse. I'm supposed to be starting back at Uni again in July after already deferring twice. I can't defer again so it's my last chance and I'm terrified of failing again. My concerta/Ritalin is a low dose starter so literally doesn't make me feel any different and feels like a placebo. Likewise Lexapro 10mg only helps to stave off anxiety to some extent but the depression remains. I'm 39 and still don't know what I want to do with my life. Most nights I wish I'd just fall asleep and not wake up. I crave the solitude, darkness and quiet of nighttime but hate mornings. Only coffee gets me out of bed. I don't have much will to live any more. My family aren't very helpful and the self centredness of My parents and siblings have made me push them away as they make me feel worse and are possibly the reason I am the way I am today. Thanks for taking the time to read my story when you all have your own issues.
  11. First of all congrats for having the get up and go to keep your bar tending job, if it's something you've become bored and disenchanted with then have you thought about upgrading your hospitality skills to be a bar manager or something to that effect? If it's something you enjoy you could enter bartending comps as I know there are many opportunities now. What about bartending in other cities or countries for a change of scenery? The fact that you signed up for another course and go to the gym and care about your appearance are all good signs too. I noticed you mentioned you like social connections too. I just wanted to say well done, it may not feel like it to you but from my perspective you're doing great.
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