CulturedGuy

@Audrey822I guess that's true. I have email tracking so I will know if the email is read. I'm still incredibly anxious about sending it.

I don't assume it's about my CO, I know it is. I've read about it on more than one site. I feel like it is my burden, that's the thing. I have lived vicariously through him...and now I have to deal with this. I will be so ashamed and heartbroken when this gets out. I will have nothing left anymore. I wish there was something I could do, but there's nothing that will make it go away.

Hopefully medication will do something. I need all the help I can get. Everyday is a nightmare. 

Told my mom I wanted to go on medication for my depression and anxiety, I have an appointment for next month. If only there was a drug to help me forget and stop caring about my CO.

I know his fanmail address, but that would require me to leave my house to mail it...and I would have to explain to my mom who I'm mailing a letter to and I can't do that. 

I realize that I live vicariously through them. If anything bad happens it's like it is happening to me too. With all my time and dedication put into this obsession, and how long I've followed and loved them, I can't stand sitting around waiting to see that destroyed. I used to talk, and post about him with other fans, but now I've stopped. I can no longer do that knowing it's all about to be ruined and those fans will leave. He will disappear and I will have nothing. I just imagine how he will feel after and it kills me, he will lose everything. I know I sound like I'm overreacting, but I'm not. I just see him having a good time, and it hurts knowing he's unaware it could all blow up in a second. I can't believe a blog will be the cause of his career and life being ruined. I no longer have any happiness in my life and I never will again because of this. My CO used to be the only thing I had that made me happy.

I'm sorry for ranting so much, I'm just having a hard time. I never thought this would be my life. I wish I could go back to the way things were.
 

I've just been going back to read some earlier posts and I was so interested by the comments from @CulturedGuy, @HopelessRomantic2011 and @canibesomething  (and if I forgot anyone I apologize) about this obsession being a kind of "religious" experience. This struck a real chord with me.
This is difficult to talk about because it can seem offensive to people with faith, and I don't mean to offend anyone. But in some way this does make sense of my feelings.
Obviously I know there's a disconnect between my CO as a human being with all the flaws and weaknesses that entails (see post above!) and how she exists to me in my mind. When I think of her, it's it's like a spiritual feeling that completely encompasses me. I feel small (and not in a bad way) and lifted by a special kind of energy of love towards her. She has a big personality and a unique energy that just fills me up. At bad times in my life, I know that just by thinking of her, I'll feel better.
I'm not religious, but I can recognise these same kinds of feelings when people talk about religion. In fact, some of my CO's books are a mix of autobiography and self-help, including a lot of spiritual elements that she's into like Buddhism, Hindu philosophy, meditation and transcending the ego. So she kind of gives me a path to follow in life, which is another "religious" type element.
When I met her, it was like the human and the transcendent sides came together. The physicality of her as a human being, there in front of me, talking to me, the feel of her hair and cheek against my face as she gave me a hug (wow!!!), and at the same time I felt that energy of love so strongly and the feeling of being face to face with the object of my "worship". So much so that I was in tears and could barely talk!
Of course I know however special she is to me, she's only human, and my mind is layering these thoughts and perceptions onto her, but that love and that devotion are real, and I try to follow in her footsteps spiritually, so it is definitely a kind of "religious" experience!

My Celeb Obsession
Wow, I had no idea that so many other people feel the same way. I am so happy I found this thread and this website. There are so many people who feel the same way as I do. Now I don't feel like such a crazy freak anymore!
Ok, so I have had a huge obsession with my favorite Artist, (Who I won't say) for 7 months now. Ugh, it really is starting to disrupt my life. I have always been fond of my favorite artist, but I have been just completely obsessed with her for a year now! I constantly listen to her music, watch her performances and interviews, constantly go on her fans websites, look up her reviews on all her albums, look up pictures of her, & I think about her a lot and talk about her a lot. But I am not really interested in her personal life. And I also really look up to her. It's not really a celebrity crush or anything, but a person that I look up to and idolize, and even worship! 
Heres the part that freaks me out...
When I get super obsessed with her, I start to view her as a larger than life figure, whom I view as a deity! It makes me super comfortable, hopeful, and joyful when I view her as something much bigger than myself. Since I don't really believe in a higher power, I feel like she is a substitute for it. I am embarrassed to tell my family or anyone because I don't want anyone to think I am crazy for thinking about another human this way. I just dont know what to do. I don't know why I feel this way or what is wrong with me. I just can't stop thinking about her. Also, the thing is, is that I don't want to stop thinking about her, it's soooo strange. I am thinking about seeing a counselor, because this is getting out of hand. 

@CulturedGuyi know how you feel man. When I look at mila I see heaven. You can ask anyone here. No one loves her more than me. I'm an atheist but if I worshipped anything or anyone, it'd be her. I look at her and I ache with longing.

Welcome to the forum! I can relate to what you wrote. I don't truly believe that my COs are gods, but I do kind of treat them like they are. Some people find joy in Jesus and I find it in my favorite bands. Not to offend anyone, but I don't think being religious is all that different from having a celebrity obsession. One is just more socially acceptable than the other. At the end of the day, if it makes you happy and gives meaning to your life, I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. But counseling may be worth looking into if you'd like to make some life changes. I just started seeing a therapist, but I'm not looking for help in getting over my celebrity obsessions.

Welcome to the forum @CulturedGuy. :)
I think if this obsession has got to the stage where you feel like it's taking over your life, you're right to try and do something about it. It sounds like you used to have things more under control before the last seven months. So maybe something happened with your CO or in your own life that caused your feelings for her to ramp up a notch? If you can pinpoint any changes over the last year, that could be the key to figuring out why your obsession has become so all-consuming and how you can make it more manageable.
As for viewing her as a sort of deity, I'm sure that's not all that uncommon. It's definitely not the case for me with my current CO, but I probably did come fairly close to that stage with a past CO. I think celebrities who seem to be "larger than life figures" often have a lot of fans who have thoughts along those lines. Not saying it's healthy, but it's not unusual. As long as you realise your CO's just a human like the rest of us (and it sounds like you do), you probably don't need to worry too much.
@scc Sorry you're struggling at the moment.
All I can suggest is that you keep trying to find an effective way of distracting yourself when the thoughts of your CO and the urges to check social media get too much. I see you've already tried movies and videogames, but maybe there might be another method that works better for you. Personally, I've found talking to a friend or cuddling a pet (when I still had one ) quite helpful. Doing some exercise might also be a good idea, even if it's only a 5 minute walk. At the very least, it will help lift your mood a little bit.
 

My Celeb Obsession
Wow, I had no idea that so many other people feel the same way. I am so happy I found this thread and this website. There are so many people who feel the same way as I do. Now I don't feel like such a crazy freak anymore!
Ok, so I have had a huge obsession with my favorite Artist, (Who I won't say) for 7 months now. Ugh, it really is starting to disrupt my life. I have always been fond of my favorite artist, but I have been just completely obsessed with her for a year now! I constantly listen to her music, watch her performances and interviews, constantly go on her fans websites, look up her reviews on all her albums, look up pictures of her, & I think about her a lot and talk about her a lot. But I am not really interested in her personal life. And I also really look up to her. It's not really a celebrity crush or anything, but a person that I look up to and idolize, and even worship! 
Heres the part that freaks me out...
When I get super obsessed with her, I start to view her as a larger than life figure, whom I view as a deity! It makes me super comfortable, hopeful, and joyful when I view her as something much bigger than myself. Since I don't really believe in a higher power, I feel like she is a substitute for it. I am embarrassed to tell my family or anyone because I don't want anyone to think I am crazy for thinking about another human this way. I just dont know what to do. I don't know why I feel this way or what is wrong with me. I just can't stop thinking about her. Also, the thing is, is that I don't want to stop thinking about her, it's soooo strange. I am thinking about seeing a counselor, because this is getting out of hand. 

My Celeb Obsession
Wow, I had no idea that so many other people feel the same way. I am so happy I found this thread and this website. There are so many people who feel the same way as I do. Now I don't feel like such a crazy freak anymore!
Ok, so I have had a huge obsession with my favorite Artist, (Who I won't say) for 7 months now. Ugh, it really is starting to disrupt my life. I have always been fond of my favorite artist, but I have been just completely obsessed with her for a year now! I constantly listen to her music, watch her performances and interviews, constantly go on her fans websites, look up her reviews on all her albums, look up pictures of her, & I think about her a lot and talk about her a lot. But I am not really interested in her personal life. And I also really look up to her. It's not really a celebrity crush or anything, but a person that I look up to and idolize, and even worship! 
Heres the part that freaks me out...
When I get super obsessed with her, I start to view her as a larger than life figure, whom I view as a deity! It makes me super comfortable, hopeful, and joyful when I view her as something much bigger than myself. Since I don't really believe in a higher power, I feel like she is a substitute for it. I am embarrassed to tell my family or anyone because I don't want anyone to think I am crazy for thinking about another human this way. I just dont know what to do. I don't know why I feel this way or what is wrong with me. I just can't stop thinking about her. Also, the thing is, is that I don't want to stop thinking about her, it's soooo strange. I am thinking about seeing a counselor, because this is getting out of hand.