What I have I feel like is hard to describe but here I go. Ok, so I will start. When I was in 6th grade, I was terrified to grow up, to go into jr high! I would literally dread it! It honestly seemed like another world to me in a way. Now, being nervous about it all summer, I had finally gone into 7th grade in the fall of 2012 as a 13 yr old. The 1st day started, and I finally realized it wasn't that bad at all. And then it hit me, I took that and really emphasized it. So that whole year, I was escaping it all! But it wasn't just like a fantasy world, more of an escape, that I made up purposely. And I had a mindset that I felt like was distanced from reality as I should've perceived it. I felt very distanced from reality, and felt like there was no need to ever do anything ever. Like I literally felt like I was completely immortal too! Literally! Things also really bothered me easily too. When this was all happening, I remember constantly having high blood pressure and anxiety, ugh, especially when I was in bed. And I just was never truly happy or at peace AT ALL! Things just seemed 3X as worse than they really were! So with that said this mentality just went all the way into the fall of my sophomore year, and than I snapped out of it. Finally! I was back to reality! I now realize that it was all a HUGE reality (and perception) I made up due to being so scared to grow up! And today, when I look back to when I had this mentality, I think of the reality I had during it all! And I just can't wrap my head around it! And at the time, I would literally push myself to think this way! I made life so much harder than it had to be! And I wonder if this will give me a mental illness and make me like suffer for the rest of my life. Because this felt like so real, but it was all just in my head. I'm starting to think it was just caused by extreme anxiety! I hope I'm making sense. It's just hard for me to write. Ahhh, it feels so good to let this out. I feel like it might make me perceive and view things differently. I don't feel like this anymore and haven't for the past 1 year and a 1/2. But even though, I am with it all, I still do try and find myself living in a fantasy world!
So can anyone tell me why this is? Is there a name for it? Has anyone ever had anything like this before? Ugh, I always felt like it was sooooooo hard to describe to someone!