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uncertain1

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  1. Sad
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Epictetus in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Having troubles with physical symptoms of anxiety, including feeling lightheaded often. I don't know if the lightheaded feeling is from the Lamictal withdrawal (took my last one Dec 9th!), hay fever that's been worse than usual the last couple of months, or something else. Klonopin didn't help this morning, but another one at mid-afternoon at least allowed me to relax enough to watch an episode of The Great British Baking show and to get a nap 
    I also watched several YouTube videos from "Anxiety United" that I liked. I think I'll check out more of his channel.  
     
  2. Sad
    uncertain1 got a reaction from BeyondWeary in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Having troubles with physical symptoms of anxiety, including feeling lightheaded often. I don't know if the lightheaded feeling is from the Lamictal withdrawal (took my last one Dec 9th!), hay fever that's been worse than usual the last couple of months, or something else. Klonopin didn't help this morning, but another one at mid-afternoon at least allowed me to relax enough to watch an episode of The Great British Baking show and to get a nap 
    I also watched several YouTube videos from "Anxiety United" that I liked. I think I'll check out more of his channel.  
     
  3. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to sober4life in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    I feel calm and at peace today.  My mind is actually letting me rest today.  
  4. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to BeyondWeary in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Yes, good sleep it the best. My anxiety is all over the place I think because the one med I'm on is mostly for depression and sleep and it works about 60% for depression yet not for anxiety which I may need another med for but first I need to finish tapering off the one other med I'm on. It's so frustrating!!!
    I so feel for you with your Mom issues on top of everything else. I have seen you make some progress on that! Good job!
  5. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to BeyondWeary in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Had a good evening out with friends! My anxiety is back yet I'm fighting through it in this long work day. I just want to go back to bed where there is some peace in sleep.
  6. Thanks
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Jamark8 in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    I commend you for examining your beliefs. Religion offers many a sense of comfort and community. But some of us reach a point that the beliefs we are expected to hold are are too problematic. We then either abandon or seek other paths. As social animals, we do need community and I think we suffer when we don't have that (DF certainly is a wonderful community, though I do think being in the physical presence of people who care about each other brings additional benefits). Some people do not seem to need to seek answers to existential questions  (meaning purpose, etc.). I think most of us here DO. 
    When I hit my late 30's, I went through a crisis that led me to study Buddhism and Wicca. I believe it was helpful.  "Buddhism without Beliefs" is my favorite book ("The Zen Path through Depression" is good too).  The original appeal of Wicca was it's reverence for nature and celebration of life. But literal belief in the supernatural is not something I can embrace (I *am* just speaking for myself here). The closest I've found to Wicca without the supernatural is called spiritual naturalism (which I have only taken a brief look at). I haven't consistently studied/practiced in a long time and your post is helping me realize that I'd like to pick back up. So thank you @Jamark8      
  7. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Jamark8 in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    God to me has always been very distant. I never really got to know 'Him' as a kid and teenager. As I got older, I read the BIble more and more on my own because I didn't learn anything in church except how to socialize, because that's all they do in my town.
    Last year, there was a boy with a dog on our street. He lives down the street from me. He and his friends had been causing trouble and he had a big dog that he took with him everywhere he went, except not leash. In our town the law says you have to have a leash on a dog. The boy's dog ate one of our newborn kittens on the porch, and the boy brought it back because the dog took off with it. The boy didn't seem phased by it, and I think he enjoyed it, really.
    I told "God" that if 'he' allowed anything to happen the next day, then that was the last straw, and I would leave God for good.
    Lo and behold, the boy came back with his dog the next day. A lot of chaos happened; he and his friends cussed at me and taunted me for weeks afterward. I had called the police and they eventually came and took the dog away from  him because he was getting into more trouble with it. Then he came whining to me about it. I'm said "I'm sorry, but that's what happens when you are careless". I don't think he deserved to have a dog. Not with the way he hated cats. He actually would chase our cats with metal baseball bats, and that made me so angry. I can't say any more about this because it's making my blood pressure go up. I feel it.

    Anyway, the last straw happened, and I left God. Since then I've never felt more free in my life. Now, I know the Universe. The Universe sends me signs that it is with me. I am very thankful for the Universe to pick me up so quickly after I left "God".

    I've been researching other religions, but not really chose another. Wicca and Buddhism attract me. More that I love the teachings of Buddha, and the nature-love of Wicca. I believe right now I'm just Eclectic leaning toward pagan, but like I said, not made a choice. I believe it may take a while for me to get to know the Universe a little better and allow It to lead me to the right place. And if It leads me to no religion, then that's fine. 🙂

    Are there any other people in a similar situation as me?
  8. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to iWantRope in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    Maybe give Zen Buddhism a go? Unlike dogmatic "Magic Sky Man" religion, Zen Buddhism believes that no religion teaches how to hate others; religion teaches how to love and respect others.
  9. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Atra in Random bouts of depression   
    Always. I can have every reason to be cheerful, content, I can be on my way to the ribbon-cutting ceremony of Atra's Best Day Ever - my depression doesn't care. ⛈️
    I scrape it off the bottom of my shoe, it still smells. I take a vacation, it books passage in the seat next to me. I invent a clever analogy, it surmounts because of it's generality. 

  10. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Floor2017 in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.   
  11. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Epictetus in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.   
  12. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to kvolm2016 in Darkness   
    I am sorry to read of this constant burden you are carrying.  I don't know that I have any specific words of wisdom or encouragement to offer but I did have a few thoughts and questions to engage you in if you will allow it. 
    You mention that no one really understands the darkness and I think that is an accurate statement since the physical and emotional effects of BP depression are unique experiences to each person.  That which is intolerable for you may be no source of irritation for me and vice versa.  So while there may be some shared understanding it is likely never complete understanding.  Maybe accepting the reality that others will never fully understand, might help?  Thoughts?
    You also mention that you are seeking lasting happiness.  To me that implies that there is such a thing to be had and that other people have it.  I think that is a fallacy that our culture perpetuates.  We live in a broken world with which lasting happiness cannot coexist. How could any of us be happy on a lasting basis when pain, illness, grief, suffering, injustice are a part of everyday life?  I rather think, the emotions we should pursue are those of contentment and peace.  Thoughts?
  13. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Grounded in Did You Accomplish Anything Today? Anything At All? If So, Post Here! #2   
    Well, may not have actually been today, it was yesterday but I went to my first ever therapist appointment. Also, I had a panic attack before I started to get ready for that in the morning and I was able to reduce it and make it go away before I left and felt great the rest of the day with very little anxiety. I went out to eat with my Mother, and went shopping at a craft store. Those are huge things for me at this point. 🙂
  14. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to samadhiSheol in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Led Zeppelin -Friends
    “Bright light almost blinding, black night still there shining,
    I can't stop, keep on climbing, looking for what I knew.

    Had a friend, she once told me, "You got love, you ain't lonely, "
    Now she's gone and left me only looking for what I knew.

    Mmm, I'm telling you now, The greatest thing you ever can do now,
    Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, It's very easy just...

    Met a man on the roadside crying, without a friend, there's no denying,
    You're incomplete, they'll be no finding looking for what you knew.

    So anytime somebody needs you, don't let them down, although it grieves you,
    Some day you'll need someone like they do, looking for what you knew.

    Mmm, I'm telling you now, The greatest thing you ever can do now,
    Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now, It's very easy just...”

    I'm telling you now, the greatest thing you ever can do now,
    Is trade a smile with someone who's blue now..”
     
  15. Sad
    uncertain1 reacted to shio in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    I feel like a loser  I'm past 50 living on disability barely getting by.  My depression is debilitating and i hate how it controls me. I want to work full-time but any amount of stress sends me into deep depression. I tried twice;  i worked FT for 3 months and I crashed for a whole freakin year. The last job was working on contract the odd week away - i loved this job until they pulled me without giving me critical feedback - thank you very much while we kick you in the ass for no reason. This was back in Feb 2017 and I'm still trying to heal from all the crap they put me through. 
    So now i realise i cant work FT let alone PT .... I wish there was more to life then this.
    I wish i can see there is more to life than being sick all the time 
  16. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to BeyondWeary in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Good for you, Mark. You need boundaries with loved one. You already do a lot for her. Enjoy the rest of YOUR day!
  17. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Epictetus in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hey gandolf - responding to the 1st post of yours I see. I knew you were busy, but I missed you. Sounds like you had fun. It's nice to be able to have social/political/religious discussions in such a setting.  
    Haven't tried Jamison. Hubby and I are essentially the "keepers of the scotch" for family and a few dear friends.  The process of setting up a tasting is a nice tradition. I do keep other adult libations in the pantry, so I'll add Jamison to the list. I assume you drink it neat.
    I still don't feel well. The methylprednisolone  for the cough was odd - I felt *good* for a couple of hours in the mornings, then had weird derealization(?) by afternoon. I think that feeling might be pleasurable when in a mentally and physically healthy place, just not now. But it's all temporary. My heart aches for all the folks that have serious and long term physical health problems. That anyone manages without developing depression is hard to imagine.        
     
  18. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from BeyondWeary in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.   
  19. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from MarkintheDark in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.   
  20. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from salparadise6132 in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.   
  21. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Grounded in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.   
  22. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to JD4010 in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Not too bad. The virus hasn't completely clobbered me. My mood is halfway decent as well. Mainly because I only have one meeting scheduled tomorrow!
  23. Sad
    uncertain1 reacted to salparadise6132 in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Odd day.
    Anxiety through the whole thing, though I managed to get some work done.
    One of those days where you don't get a moment of relief.  Usually, it comes and goes.
     
  24. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to sober4life in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    Work went well today.  I'm working part time for now because for once I'm smart enough to realize I can't work full time.  I can't get into sweat pants soon enough!
  25. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to BeyondWeary in How Do You Feel Right Now #9   
    I think the wellness road will open again in time. The road to madness is only temporary I think. Don't give up.
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