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uncertain1

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  1. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Atra in Therapists: Psychologist (PhD/PsyD) or Social Worker (LSW)?   
    Most wonderful therapist I had left a successful tech career to get his LPC. But as you know the most meaningful criterion is how you and the therapist connect. Google "Psychology Today find a therapist" - I found it helpful. I bookmarked a couple of possibilities in case I go back into therapy (my guy retired). I suspect that you are not interested  at looking into free support groups right now. Supposedly these groups are a reasonable way to get recommendations for therapists.
  2. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Therapists: Psychologist (PhD/PsyD) or Social Worker (LSW)?   
    Most wonderful therapist I had left a successful tech career to get his LPC. But as you know the most meaningful criterion is how you and the therapist connect. Google "Psychology Today find a therapist" - I found it helpful. I bookmarked a couple of possibilities in case I go back into therapy (my guy retired). I suspect that you are not interested  at looking into free support groups right now. Supposedly these groups are a reasonable way to get recommendations for therapists.
  3. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Sophy in Today II   
    Yah. Having friends who care sucks sometimes 😛
  4. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to lonelyforeigner in Today II   
    Sophy does make a great point, even if you knew she was going to say it 😉 If you can somehow manage to come up with $90 then it's well worth it if it helps you. Do not risk losing everything, been there and the crisis will end up costing you MUCH more. I still have collection agencies hounding me from when everything went to hell, they're persistent, lol. 
  5. Haha
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today II   
    I knew you were going to say that.  😟
  6. Thanks
    uncertain1 reacted to Sophy in Today II   
    Hmm, if Cymbalta is actually working for you, I'd really, really stick to it and pay the $90.
    Not having a med/ having meds that work poorly could impede your ability to function well at work in a way that is much, much bigger than $90 per month.
    I've searched high and low over the years to find meds that help, and when I've finally found one, I do not change it, unless there's suuuuper compelling reasons to do so.
    Just my 2 c... 🙂
     
  7. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today II   
    Where there is breath and the ability to act and change, there is hope.
    And we are, in fact, changing, all the time, in myriad ways.  Even difficult, human behavior change happens surprisingly often.
    Take heart, even though it seems hopeless.  Perhaps lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for.  You are worth fighting for.
  8. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to lonelyforeigner in Therapists: Psychologist (PhD/PsyD) or Social Worker (LSW)?   
    Well thought out as always, wouldn't expect anything less from you @gandolfication! 😁
    I've also had a very good experience with an LSW. Perhaps they're just more flexible in their thinking, as smart as PHDs are they can also be very stubborn, thinking they know it all which makes it difficult for them to truly empathize. Or it could be that LSWs are more likely people who have experienced major life challenges themselves and got into the field to help people. Some PHD types do it because their parents pushed them or because they like the prestige, doesn't mean they don't care but it would explain why some seem to have more difficulty relating. 
    Screening clinics is a great idea. Some definitely specialize to some degree. A clinic mainly dealing with extreme cases (i.e. homeless, court ordered therapy etc.) may consist of people viewing your issues as trivial whereas a clinic mainly focused on helping frustrated housewives may be ill equipped to handle someone with serious mental health issues.
    It's sad that it's so difficult to find a good match but looks like you're going about it the right way. 
  9. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Epictetus in Today II   
    You're a good man @gandolfication.  
  10. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from JD4010 in Today II   
    I like your thinking and hope this leads to some real healing and a stronger relationship. Hubby and I had the problem of not talking about anything difficult. Avoiding confrontation. I would sometimes raise concerns, but backed down when met with silence or "I'm too busy with work". It wasn't healthy. I left in 2004, for 2 years, and it was very bad. (I'm trying to keep 30+ years of my relationship history short). Since we reunited in 2006, and got married, it has been wonderful. I feel loved, and I feel safe within the relationship (now it's just the battles in my head that I deal with). 
    You are doing so much in such a short period of time. Please stay mindful ... and we will watch too ... that you don't push yourself too hard. 
    love and hugs to everyone
  11. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from JD4010 in Today II   
    You're a good man @gandolfication.  
  12. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Today II   
    I like your thinking and hope this leads to some real healing and a stronger relationship. Hubby and I had the problem of not talking about anything difficult. Avoiding confrontation. I would sometimes raise concerns, but backed down when met with silence or "I'm too busy with work". It wasn't healthy. I left in 2004, for 2 years, and it was very bad. (I'm trying to keep 30+ years of my relationship history short). Since we reunited in 2006, and got married, it has been wonderful. I feel loved, and I feel safe within the relationship (now it's just the battles in my head that I deal with). 
    You are doing so much in such a short period of time. Please stay mindful ... and we will watch too ... that you don't push yourself too hard. 
    love and hugs to everyone
  13. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today II   
    Okay, if I can just even out a little.  I expend so much energy on the journey up and down.  I love the high wire act - or at least a lot of it - most of my hope lies in the ability we have to learn, grow and change.  My biggest fear is that i can't or won't.
    I've started micro-dosing a little vape t h c (stimulative, small amount, often has a nice subtle body h i g h), and I take it when i work out.  Helps get moving and feel good (w/o the downsides of caffeine).  Have started improving eating habits, with a lot of work to do.
    How are you?
    What's new?  What are you working on?  Have  you settled on/ gotten in a tenant for your charity commune house yet (please correct me - I'm using this as a colloquial recollection, only meant with a little tongue in cheek as shorthand).  
    Also, would you please remind me, what sort(s) of legal subjects/topics you teach?
    I'm going to be doing a bit of teaching to at least my secretary if she stays here, and my ambition would be also do do this for small groups - although I'd like to be more of a lawyer advocating for issues / cum-motivational speaker.  Btw, after that last use above, can we all agree that the use of the Latin term needs to be retired and we should substitute "turned" or become?  I just read the first sentence here again, and oh god, it's so bad and jarring, I'm going to leave it.
    Anyway, lots of ambitions - but it's good to have something to want to live for.  As I rebuilt goals, I remember that the purpose of goals is not the achieving of the goals; rather to make lives better.
     
  14. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Sophy in Today II   
    Well f*ck.
    And now those 2 posts above made me cry.
    You're a heart-breakingly good person @gandolfication
    Love you (hug)
    Gonna see if I can buy the book that foreword is from.
  15. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Today II   
    You're a good man @gandolfication.  
  16. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today II   
    Yesterday, was the day before boss and the partners (they're all family) were going on vacation to the Caribbean.  So, I was called to update my case list and progress.  Realized a couple subpoenas and cease and desist letters I'd given secretaries to send out, had not been sent out, and kinda started freaking out....but  was handling it the right way...just getting them done.
    So boss calls me in the office.  At the same moment the court in Cincinnati called notifying me that I had to show up in person with my client for a hearing after all....we had settled it the night before and notified the court, and I'd called chambers that morning to confirm receipt - we expected to simply be able to provide an agreed entry, or possibly conduct a hearing by telephone.
    So I scrambled down there, got my client to court, etc.  We agreed on everything except court costs, which I insisted the Defendant pay since he did not show up to court and these were his motions (my client, poor woman is maxed out on absenced at both her jobs and is traumatized by this stupid ex dragging her back in).
    So, we're sitting in court, and I'm not budging on the court costs - which means we do NOT have a full and complete agreement and the hearing has to go forward.  Opposing counsel is seething now.  My client is freaking out, tugging on my arm, whispering that she DOES NOT want to go forward with the hearing.  I tell her to trust me, immediately after which I wonder if my instinct here is right.  So the judge goes on the record and starts the hearing...now my client is really freaking out - this is what she wanted to avoid - opposing counsel is apoplectic.  And I'm sitting there and my inner monologue is: did I just tell her to trust me, like I know wtf I'm doing?  gee, i hope I'm right.  I knew I had time and procedure on my side - the ahole attorney on the other side had to put on a case, but he didn't have a client or a witness, and I did.  I told the judge I'm ready to proceed, and wondered if I had just gotten to clever by half and was now going to put on a trial that I was kind of ready for, but hadn't really prepped to put on in the final day going in.
    Sure enough, opposing counsel completely lost his composure, and starts ranting and yelling, "I'll pay the court costs, I'll pay the damn court cost!"  I do the closest thing I can to winking at my client as to say, "see?"  
    We had given the more than a fair settlement.
    I wanted her to get something for showing up, putting her job at risk.  She doesn't have money to pay the costs she already owes.  Best part of it for her was that she had been CONVINCED that the judge, perhaps her former attorney, what they let her ex get away with, etc., the whole system was giving her the short end of the stick (and since she's the spouse with less money and power, she's not entirely wrong).  She so much appreciated just having those moments where the other side gets beat back a little, and has to suck it up.  They looked like a complete a** in front of the judge - too bad he's retiring in a couple months and that her dreg-ex will find something to haul her back into court for.
    So the Magistrate types up an agreed entry from the bench, asking us to read our settlement onto the record.  I note for the record, that they're paying court costs.  Opposing counsel fumes.  I am not vindictive, but now I am starting to enjoy this a little.  The judge finalizes it, goes off the record, and closes the hearing.  At which point, opposing counsel realizes and interjects, "I want to clarify, I am paying court costs for today's hearing ($85), not all that are due in the case (not $500)."  The magistrate says, "well the entry is completed, and the hearing is over, you guys can take it into the hall."  Now I'm sitting there just kind of gaming this out.  I'm not actually going to try to stick him with the full court costs - most have already been determined and my client owes arrearages.  But I'm not going to be dishonest or unfair or unprofessional.  So again, counsel is losing his composure, until he realizes he'd better cool his jets because he needs to ask for my cooperation to allow him to hand-write a comment on the order and initial - which I look at and do.  I acknowledge that this is what we agreed to.
    But I think my client benefited immensely from seeing the jacka** sweat it out there for few minutes, twice.  God, they deserved that at a minimum.
    Meanwhile, while I was waiting for the judge, I figured out on my phone and from the clerk's office how to help my client change her name back to her maiden - showed her how to do it for free.  She's having trouble paying us.  We have too many cases like this.  
    I'm working on my marketing/business development activity.  It's starting.  I've also had to invest some money on bar memberships and educational materials.  Feels good to be investing in me and my future a little again.
     
  17. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today II   
    This is a thread for those struggling, but who still want to try.  Those who want to hope, want to believe, and maybe some part of them still does, against what seems to be the weight of experience.
    It is for me, and anyone else who finds themself identifying with the feelings expressed below, and still longs for something better, integrated, whole, real.  The preface comes from a book on the Christian mysticism of grace (an ideology I no longer hold).  But even if you are like me, and the sound of religiosity can tend to be a turnoff, I urge, read on anyway.  This isn't a 'religious' thread.  But in its broadest possible terms--large enough to encompass the spiritual or not, as one likes--a humanist one.  Here, we celebrate whatever is best in us, with whatever descriptors might follow that, be they the soul, heart, spirit, love, connectness, meaning, or even meaninglessness.  We are here.  Let us be our best.
    My own spirituality, not that it necessarily matters, I think can be summed up in two of my favorite quotes.
     "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." 
                          -- Hamlet points out how little even the most learned and experienced people could ever know.
    "Do I contradict myself?
    Very well then I contradict myself;
    (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
                       -- Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself," Leaves of Grass 
    We are never just one thing.
     
    A Word Before
    The Ragamuffin Gospel was written with a specific reading audience in mind. This book is not for the super-spiritual.
    It is not for muscular Christians who have made John Wayne, and not Jesus, their hero.
    It is not for academics who would imprison Jesus in the ivory tower of exegesis.
    It is not for noisy, feel-good folks who manipulate Christianity into a naked appeal to emotion.
    It is not for hooded mystics who want magic in their religion.
    It is not for Alleluia Christians who live only on the mountaintop and have never visited the valley of desolation.
    It is not for the fearless and tearless.
    It is not for red-hot zealots who boast with the rich young ruler of the Gospels, “All these commandments I have kept from my youth.”
    It is not for the complacent who hoist over their shoulders a tote bag of honors, diplomas, and good works, actually believing they have it made.
    It is not for legalists who would rather surrender control of their souls to rules than run the risk of living in union with Jesus.
    If anyone is still reading along, The Ragamuffin Gospel was written for the bedraggled, beat-up, and burnt-out.
    It is for the sorely burdened who are still shifting the heavy suitcase from one hand to the other.
    It is for the wobbly and weak-kneed who know they don’t have it all together and are too proud to accept the handout of amazing grace.
    It is for inconsistent, unsteady disciples whose cheese is falling off their cracker.
    It is for poor, weak, sinful men and women with hereditary faults and limited talents.
    It is for earthen vessels who shuffle along on feet of clay.
    It is for the bent and the bruised who feel that their lives are a grave disappointment to God.
    It is for smart people who know they are stupid and honest disciples who admit they are scalawags.
    The Ragamuffin Gospel is a book I wrote for myself and anyone who has grown weary and discouraged along the Way.
    —Brennan Manning
     
     
    This is a link back to the original Today thread, which despite suffering with so many others here in so many days of abject despair, somewhere along the way, I happily forgot that I'd started it under the Suicidal ideations forum.  : )  
     
  18. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to regularpal in The Bad Idea Bears almost got me   
    I guess my bad idea bears are the thoughts that constantly tell me to just call it a day, even when they day has just started.  They tell me to stay in bed and not get up.  Or to leave work early and just lay in my work clothes.  When my only buddy comes knocking on my door, sometimes I don't answer because laying in bed is the better option according to the bad idea bears.  
    I'm pretty good about ignoring them, minus a few mess ups.  I can safely say, looking back, ignoring them has always worked out for the better, and the times I listened to them usually ended with me feeling worse.  That observation works pretty well at keeping me on my toes.
  19. Thanks
    uncertain1 reacted to MarkintheDark in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    So many sites, including the Alzheimer's Association, talk about being patient, forgiving, etc.  Well, I'm not built that way.  They also continuously caution - I've heard this in their meetings as well - that caregiver burnout is quite common and quite real.  In a sense it's fortunate I have chronic medical issues of my own and can't afford that kinda burnout, particularly having been her sole caregiver.  What I did was enlist help from her church ladies who have experience with this (who at times have been very un-Christian until I confronted them), hired an agency to monitor her a few times a week, and I'm about to put her in assisted living.
    I also have a really good T.
    Dare I mention I've now heard so many times that how ever bad you think the Alzheimer's is, it's probably worse.
    As far as setting boundaries, it's simple.  I'm not her handyman, maid, nurse, therapist, etc.  I've made sure everyone knows this.  I've limited myself to those things I know best, legals and finances.  fwiw, if you haven't already and while she still has her wits, I strongly suggest you get a healthcare power of attorney, durable power of attorney, detailed medical records, etc.  Some attorneys will do the package right for $500.  The Durable was particularly useful as I cleaned up her financial mess.
  20. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Jamark8 in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    You're good! I understand what you're saying.

    Yes, I've talked with mom about the negativity and bitterness. I think mom's showing signs of Dementia or Alzheimer's, and she forgets a LOT and remembers things wrong a lot. I could talk with her about negativity and in 5 minutes or less, she would have totally forgotten what I said. She also dwells a lot on the past and on negative things (like stuff in the news, which is all negative). But I'll be talking with our doctor about this soon.
  21. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from MarkintheDark in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    (I feel mentally fuzzy right, so this post is  "off". ) I'm glad you were able to identify what was happening  ....that's *huge*. It does seem we feed off others' moods and behaviors. For better or worse. Do you think talking with her is worth a try? 
    My mom and grandmother raised me. They fought so much. Both would say awful, hurtful things. Once I grew up, I could tell them I was going to leave if they started. My only strategy is removing myself from uncomfortable  situations. Argh...I keep deleting and rewriting this post. Hopefully someone will have some helpful ideas. 
  22. Thanks
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Jamark8 in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    (I feel mentally fuzzy right, so this post is  "off". ) I'm glad you were able to identify what was happening  ....that's *huge*. It does seem we feed off others' moods and behaviors. For better or worse. Do you think talking with her is worth a try? 
    My mom and grandmother raised me. They fought so much. Both would say awful, hurtful things. Once I grew up, I could tell them I was going to leave if they started. My only strategy is removing myself from uncomfortable  situations. Argh...I keep deleting and rewriting this post. Hopefully someone will have some helpful ideas. 
  23. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Atra in Underlying on going worry   
    Hi and welcome, you've found the right place to let out the worry and seek support from fellow veterans of the mental illness struggle. 
    You mentioned having some trouble with anxiety and worry in particular. I've found therapies have helped me manage the symptoms of anxiety, CBT in particular. 
    Worry likes to drive the car and offers compelling-sounding arguments why it should. Perhaps an improvement will be when it's in the passenger seat, grabbing for the steering wheel on occasion, then in the backseat. A measure of relief comes incrementally in this sort of progress.
    I'm learning to identify what makes me more vulnerable to anxiety (you mentioned sleeplessness) as well as what triggers mine. I've learned to cope ahead of activities or events I believe will be particularly challenging.
    I've got a mental wellness toolbox of utensils, instruments and gizmos that I'm continually adding to - no single therapeutic skill works all the time. Sometimes I'll catch myself resting my feet on the toolbox instead of using the tools inside it. 
    I believe medication is useful in reducing symptoms that are impossible to live with, making them tolerable. Skills make it easier to cope with life's demands and challenges.
  24. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Jamark8 in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    Wow Thank you! 🙂 This is very coincidental, I believe, that you too were looking into those two paths. Me too, me too 🙂

    Hey I've heard of spiritual naturalism, but never looked into it. Maybe it will lead me to more coincidences, which to me is the Universe's signs.

    Yes I too am appealed to Wicca for the reverence of Nature and celebration of life. For too long, I stuck blindly, with blind faith, in a religion that was weighing me down instead of boosting me up. Even though when I left Christianity, I felt like I lost a best friend, I knew that it was the best thing I could do. When you're in, you don't understand the big picture. But now stepping out of it, I understand things I never did while IN it. Not just did I leave because "once the trick is revealed, it will never fool you again", but yes it was too problematic, like you said. With my new eyes, I go back to read the Bible and see how gullible I was to believe what seems to me as true 'magickal thinking'. I feel that being in Christianity was the worst years of my life.

    Though, and besides the depression and psychosis remaining, I know that leaving was the best I could do.

    On another note I wanted to mention to ask and see if anyone has encountered this:

    My mom is and always has been, a very negative, bitter person. I hate to say that about her, but it's kinda true. The type that are always looking for reasons to complain, and looking to push the buttons of other people just for the thrill of getting a chance to, sorta, just cuss someone out. For years I lived bitter too, and was carrying resentment for someone for YEARS until I found out that it was called 'resentment', and understood the definition. I wish someone would have told me earlier if they noticed so I could have worked on it years ago!

    Does anyone know how I can keep her negativity from rubbing off on me? It's happened a few times. I was getting very positive in life and things seem to be changing for the better, then 'negative nancy' would come out in her and get me to mimicking her, verbally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I've been listening to motivational speeches, and videos to keep myself from getting and staying negative.

    Thank you.
  25. Thanks
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Jamark8 in The Reason I Left Christianity and Where I Am Now, if you're interested   
    I commend you for examining your beliefs. Religion offers many a sense of comfort and community. But some of us reach a point that the beliefs we are expected to hold are are too problematic. We then either abandon or seek other paths. As social animals, we do need community and I think we suffer when we don't have that (DF certainly is a wonderful community, though I do think being in the physical presence of people who care about each other brings additional benefits). Some people do not seem to need to seek answers to existential questions  (meaning purpose, etc.). I think most of us here DO. 
    When I hit my late 30's, I went through a crisis that led me to study Buddhism and Wicca. I believe it was helpful.  "Buddhism without Beliefs" is my favorite book ("The Zen Path through Depression" is good too).  The original appeal of Wicca was it's reverence for nature and celebration of life. But literal belief in the supernatural is not something I can embrace (I *am* just speaking for myself here). The closest I've found to Wicca without the supernatural is called spiritual naturalism (which I have only taken a brief look at). I haven't consistently studied/practiced in a long time and your post is helping me realize that I'd like to pick back up. So thank you @Jamark8      
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