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uncertain1

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  1. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Sophy in Today 3   
    What happens if you put in some of the days/ half-days as "sick days" ?
    And well done re client's 30 days!
  2. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to MargotMontage in Today 3   
    That's painful. I'm so sorry. I can't offer much advice, but I hope you can move through the pain to something more positive.
  3. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    sorry man, that sucks.  Good luck.  Do what you can.  I've been there too often in recent years.  Neither of us ever would have dreamed it I know, always worked hard, did our best, etc.  (One thing it has helped me realize, sometimes when I can see it, is that as hard as it is, the world doesn't stop when you temporarily run out of money).
  4. Sad
    uncertain1 reacted to JD4010 in Today 3   
    Indeed. I just texted my credit union to see what's in my checking account. Whoa, there's a minus sign in front of the balance! Rent is due in 1.5 days. I get paid on Friday of this week so I'm going to see if my landlord will let me float until then.
    I'm almost 60 and work a high stress admin job that I hate. And I'm flat-assed broke.
    Life is grand.
     
  5. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    I'm glad (hopefully) you feel comfortable enough to mention this here.  (I always feel lucky for you and everyone who has commented or stopped by here over the years).
    I'm sorry to hear that.  I don't recall hearing you mention it before over the past 2-3 years.
    Losing a relationship can be hard for anyone, any time.  Sounds like this one was an important one, and no doubt at an important time.  So, if nothing else, don't beat yourself up or feel bad that it affects you.  You'd scarcely be human if it didn't.
    Talk about it all you want.  Or don't. 
    Either way, all of us are here for you.
    (((hugs)))
  6. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Epictetus in What Makes You Laugh?   
    Watching my cat chase my little dog. 
  7. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from nojoy in Today 3   
    I'm so sorry @Sophy. I think everyone will agree this is our thread to help each other. Tell us what you need...we care for you. 
    @gandolfication don't know what to say right now ... it just seems time for a new chapter of *life*. 
    Hugs to all of you. You've become such dear people to me. I'll be thinking of you all.
  8. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from JD4010 in Today 3   
    I'm so sorry @Sophy. I think everyone will agree this is our thread to help each other. Tell us what you need...we care for you. 
    @gandolfication don't know what to say right now ... it just seems time for a new chapter of *life*. 
    Hugs to all of you. You've become such dear people to me. I'll be thinking of you all.
  9. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Tears_Always in Today 3   
    I'm so sorry @Sophy. I think everyone will agree this is our thread to help each other. Tell us what you need...we care for you. 
    @gandolfication don't know what to say right now ... it just seems time for a new chapter of *life*. 
    Hugs to all of you. You've become such dear people to me. I'll be thinking of you all.
  10. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from LonelyHiker in Today 3   
    I'm so sorry @Sophy. I think everyone will agree this is our thread to help each other. Tell us what you need...we care for you. 
    @gandolfication don't know what to say right now ... it just seems time for a new chapter of *life*. 
    Hugs to all of you. You've become such dear people to me. I'll be thinking of you all.
  11. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to Sophy in Today 3   
    Hmm...
    So what (useful, constructive) options are you considering?
    Is going on Disability an option? What would that cover financially? Rent, health insurance, etc?
    Could you be an at-home Dad, saving child care costs and your wife could work full-time and supplement the income from Disability?
  12. Sad
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    No, it was well-intended.  So I got him a report on my case list, and he asked me:
    well, are you going to be okay?  (yes).  this isn't the profession to have depression and anxiety (yah, I know....although what is?).  better to be running a grocery store  (laugh nervously).  you're seeing a doctor? (yes, Monday morning 7:30 am as it happens).
    okay, thanks, I'll talk to you later.
    I've done this enough times and know the mindset and habits of the successful American entrepreneur.  It's nice that he was nice.  Also, this is at least the beginning of the end here.  I won't assume anything, but I know it.
  13. Sad
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    My boss just popped in, and asked if I had the motion done.  When I said no, he asked what was wrong with me, and I started muttering something about health or medical problem, and as he pressed, I said, "depression," and he goes, "well we all have that!," and walked out.
    😶
  14. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from JD4010 in Today 3   
    [okay...only got a few hours sleep last night, so sorry for all incoherence]
    As you might imagine, I have interacted with many like your best friend from my days in academia. Most commonly from the students but at times from other professors. Humility is a virtue. The brightest people I know or read recognize that answers often lead to more questions and that current understanding of phenomena evolve. (thinking of famous scientists like Carl Sagan, Neil DeGrasse-Tyson, Brian Cox). This observation doesn't really help though, when we're not functioning well.   
    I think part of my point is that we sometimes *over-do* or *misapply* our natural desire to question things. It's like when hubby recognizes he does not have to remove every molecule of paper from the rim when opening a new aspirin bottle, but he feels compelled to do so. The quest is crucial for his work as an engineer, but the aspirin comes out fine when I open it and leave a bit of paper 🙂   
    side story: I just started my 2nd level taper off Klonopin. I was looking up some symptoms in the middle of the night. Found a NY Times story with a great quote " I should have known better in the first place than dump my worries into a search engine - when has anyone, since the dawn of Google, ever Googled herself into tranquility?"     Hope you all find some tranquility today. 
  15. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from JD4010 in Today 3   
    Had to do more than give your post a like @JessiesMom . Well said and funny! 
    I have 2 half-brothers - one by each parent. Neither seems to be introspective. Both seem happy, or at least generally content with life. I certainly have had life experiences quite different from both, but my particular genetic mix seems to have produced a sensitive spirit that spends too much time in her head. Gathered signatures when in elementary school to encourage some company to stop using colored toilet paper because somewhere I heard it polluted rivers. Brought home and tried to heal the deformed chicken that hatched in the classroom incubator (my grandmother sang Amazing Grace at the funeral we had for the little bird). Part of why I loved mathematics was that I could prove I was right (and therefore was worthy in my head).  When I did struggle on a problem - Voilia - THE answer was in the back of the book. Now "answers" are everywhere for things that may not have answers (or at least not answers yet). I'm *not* advocating for living an unexamined life. I wonder if some of us (me) don't know when to turn it off. I wear myself out being in my head too much. That starts the indecisiveness / confusion, then the anxiety, then the procrastination, then the depressed mood. Over and over and over again. But when I get out of my head - watching whales off the Oregon coast, seeing the feral cats trot up for dinner (with tails up and talking to me), pruning the roses - I'm content. Well, I guess I''m content (!) - I'm not aware of any ruminating, reflecting, worrying.
    So basically, I have no answers for anyone and am considering not even posting this. (ah...can't decide). But who knows, maybe it'll spark something. And even if it's stupid, I do believe my friends here will be kind.   
  16. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from gandolfication in Today 3   
    [okay...only got a few hours sleep last night, so sorry for all incoherence]
    As you might imagine, I have interacted with many like your best friend from my days in academia. Most commonly from the students but at times from other professors. Humility is a virtue. The brightest people I know or read recognize that answers often lead to more questions and that current understanding of phenomena evolve. (thinking of famous scientists like Carl Sagan, Neil DeGrasse-Tyson, Brian Cox). This observation doesn't really help though, when we're not functioning well.   
    I think part of my point is that we sometimes *over-do* or *misapply* our natural desire to question things. It's like when hubby recognizes he does not have to remove every molecule of paper from the rim when opening a new aspirin bottle, but he feels compelled to do so. The quest is crucial for his work as an engineer, but the aspirin comes out fine when I open it and leave a bit of paper 🙂   
    side story: I just started my 2nd level taper off Klonopin. I was looking up some symptoms in the middle of the night. Found a NY Times story with a great quote " I should have known better in the first place than dump my worries into a search engine - when has anyone, since the dawn of Google, ever Googled herself into tranquility?"     Hope you all find some tranquility today. 
  17. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Today 3   
    [okay...only got a few hours sleep last night, so sorry for all incoherence]
    As you might imagine, I have interacted with many like your best friend from my days in academia. Most commonly from the students but at times from other professors. Humility is a virtue. The brightest people I know or read recognize that answers often lead to more questions and that current understanding of phenomena evolve. (thinking of famous scientists like Carl Sagan, Neil DeGrasse-Tyson, Brian Cox). This observation doesn't really help though, when we're not functioning well.   
    I think part of my point is that we sometimes *over-do* or *misapply* our natural desire to question things. It's like when hubby recognizes he does not have to remove every molecule of paper from the rim when opening a new aspirin bottle, but he feels compelled to do so. The quest is crucial for his work as an engineer, but the aspirin comes out fine when I open it and leave a bit of paper 🙂   
    side story: I just started my 2nd level taper off Klonopin. I was looking up some symptoms in the middle of the night. Found a NY Times story with a great quote " I should have known better in the first place than dump my worries into a search engine - when has anyone, since the dawn of Google, ever Googled herself into tranquility?"     Hope you all find some tranquility today. 
  18. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to gandolfication in Today 3   
    Loved your post.  This jumped out at me, and I think is one reason I gravitated toward rhetoric, argument and law.  It went toward a definite conclusion at the end (even though it's art and science, unlike math).
    Your post reminds me of an ongoing thought I have which is that I wish I wasn't introspectie, wish I didn't think and overthink things, etc.
    There's a scene in the Matrix where Cypher asks to be plugged back in to the Matrix, because, as he says, 'ignorance is bliss.'  And it's true, as far as I can tell.  It is exactly the way I feel about the things I've seen, experienced and know now, and the way I have so often wished I could be plugged back in to the former kind of dogmatist religion that had all the answers (and maybe it does, I just can't believe it).  I think its an age-old fable at least going back to the story of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  My best friend gets a lot of gratification from his feeling that he knows more than many other people.  First, I don't feel like that - if anything, I feel that I have many fewer answers that matter, and even if I did know more, I wouldn't feel better by virtue of it.
  19. Like
    uncertain1 reacted to JessiesMom in Today 3   
    I rather love this!!
     
    I can't blame you. Things are looking pretty chaotic in politics these days. I am glad that I am not the only one who has moved from right to left  😉
  20. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Tears_Always in Today 3   
    Had to do more than give your post a like @JessiesMom . Well said and funny! 
    I have 2 half-brothers - one by each parent. Neither seems to be introspective. Both seem happy, or at least generally content with life. I certainly have had life experiences quite different from both, but my particular genetic mix seems to have produced a sensitive spirit that spends too much time in her head. Gathered signatures when in elementary school to encourage some company to stop using colored toilet paper because somewhere I heard it polluted rivers. Brought home and tried to heal the deformed chicken that hatched in the classroom incubator (my grandmother sang Amazing Grace at the funeral we had for the little bird). Part of why I loved mathematics was that I could prove I was right (and therefore was worthy in my head).  When I did struggle on a problem - Voilia - THE answer was in the back of the book. Now "answers" are everywhere for things that may not have answers (or at least not answers yet). I'm *not* advocating for living an unexamined life. I wonder if some of us (me) don't know when to turn it off. I wear myself out being in my head too much. That starts the indecisiveness / confusion, then the anxiety, then the procrastination, then the depressed mood. Over and over and over again. But when I get out of my head - watching whales off the Oregon coast, seeing the feral cats trot up for dinner (with tails up and talking to me), pruning the roses - I'm content. Well, I guess I''m content (!) - I'm not aware of any ruminating, reflecting, worrying.
    So basically, I have no answers for anyone and am considering not even posting this. (ah...can't decide). But who knows, maybe it'll spark something. And even if it's stupid, I do believe my friends here will be kind.   
  21. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from gandolfication in Today 3   
    Had to do more than give your post a like @JessiesMom . Well said and funny! 
    I have 2 half-brothers - one by each parent. Neither seems to be introspective. Both seem happy, or at least generally content with life. I certainly have had life experiences quite different from both, but my particular genetic mix seems to have produced a sensitive spirit that spends too much time in her head. Gathered signatures when in elementary school to encourage some company to stop using colored toilet paper because somewhere I heard it polluted rivers. Brought home and tried to heal the deformed chicken that hatched in the classroom incubator (my grandmother sang Amazing Grace at the funeral we had for the little bird). Part of why I loved mathematics was that I could prove I was right (and therefore was worthy in my head).  When I did struggle on a problem - Voilia - THE answer was in the back of the book. Now "answers" are everywhere for things that may not have answers (or at least not answers yet). I'm *not* advocating for living an unexamined life. I wonder if some of us (me) don't know when to turn it off. I wear myself out being in my head too much. That starts the indecisiveness / confusion, then the anxiety, then the procrastination, then the depressed mood. Over and over and over again. But when I get out of my head - watching whales off the Oregon coast, seeing the feral cats trot up for dinner (with tails up and talking to me), pruning the roses - I'm content. Well, I guess I''m content (!) - I'm not aware of any ruminating, reflecting, worrying.
    So basically, I have no answers for anyone and am considering not even posting this. (ah...can't decide). But who knows, maybe it'll spark something. And even if it's stupid, I do believe my friends here will be kind.   
  22. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from JessiesMom in Today 3   
    Had to do more than give your post a like @JessiesMom . Well said and funny! 
    I have 2 half-brothers - one by each parent. Neither seems to be introspective. Both seem happy, or at least generally content with life. I certainly have had life experiences quite different from both, but my particular genetic mix seems to have produced a sensitive spirit that spends too much time in her head. Gathered signatures when in elementary school to encourage some company to stop using colored toilet paper because somewhere I heard it polluted rivers. Brought home and tried to heal the deformed chicken that hatched in the classroom incubator (my grandmother sang Amazing Grace at the funeral we had for the little bird). Part of why I loved mathematics was that I could prove I was right (and therefore was worthy in my head).  When I did struggle on a problem - Voilia - THE answer was in the back of the book. Now "answers" are everywhere for things that may not have answers (or at least not answers yet). I'm *not* advocating for living an unexamined life. I wonder if some of us (me) don't know when to turn it off. I wear myself out being in my head too much. That starts the indecisiveness / confusion, then the anxiety, then the procrastination, then the depressed mood. Over and over and over again. But when I get out of my head - watching whales off the Oregon coast, seeing the feral cats trot up for dinner (with tails up and talking to me), pruning the roses - I'm content. Well, I guess I''m content (!) - I'm not aware of any ruminating, reflecting, worrying.
    So basically, I have no answers for anyone and am considering not even posting this. (ah...can't decide). But who knows, maybe it'll spark something. And even if it's stupid, I do believe my friends here will be kind.   
  23. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Today 3   
    Had to do more than give your post a like @JessiesMom . Well said and funny! 
    I have 2 half-brothers - one by each parent. Neither seems to be introspective. Both seem happy, or at least generally content with life. I certainly have had life experiences quite different from both, but my particular genetic mix seems to have produced a sensitive spirit that spends too much time in her head. Gathered signatures when in elementary school to encourage some company to stop using colored toilet paper because somewhere I heard it polluted rivers. Brought home and tried to heal the deformed chicken that hatched in the classroom incubator (my grandmother sang Amazing Grace at the funeral we had for the little bird). Part of why I loved mathematics was that I could prove I was right (and therefore was worthy in my head).  When I did struggle on a problem - Voilia - THE answer was in the back of the book. Now "answers" are everywhere for things that may not have answers (or at least not answers yet). I'm *not* advocating for living an unexamined life. I wonder if some of us (me) don't know when to turn it off. I wear myself out being in my head too much. That starts the indecisiveness / confusion, then the anxiety, then the procrastination, then the depressed mood. Over and over and over again. But when I get out of my head - watching whales off the Oregon coast, seeing the feral cats trot up for dinner (with tails up and talking to me), pruning the roses - I'm content. Well, I guess I''m content (!) - I'm not aware of any ruminating, reflecting, worrying.
    So basically, I have no answers for anyone and am considering not even posting this. (ah...can't decide). But who knows, maybe it'll spark something. And even if it's stupid, I do believe my friends here will be kind.   
  24. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Today 3   
    Same here. Hubby says I can find a way to blame myself for any event that hapens to anyone, anywhere. So, I am  sorry about all the bad things in the world 😉 I wonder if feeling some healthy level of anger is useful (for example, to motivate one to fight some injustice or to improve one's racquetball game)
     I'm thinking now of some earlier discussions of self-worth on one of gandolf's threads. From what I know, you *deserve* to feel good. To consider *your* needs. It doesn't seem your ex should control your life forever. Have you considered how you'd advise others? 
    Maybe I'm completely wrong. Just thinking of how much harm we've done to ourselves over the decades. But that's not entirely our fault, right?
  25. Like
    uncertain1 got a reaction from Sophy in Today 3   
    What's got you in the rut? I'm guessing work and finances are big contributors. When you talk about things that interest you, like sci-fi, it seems you light up. Whatever part of the "real you" that we see on DF is kind, compassionate, intelligent, and funny. How can we help? 
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