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About uncertain1

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    animal welfare, cosmology, classic rock and new age music

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  1. uncertain1

    Today II

    How frustrating. .. as if you don't have enough to do. On a better note...what a sweet letter to daddy from your eldest!
  2. uncertain1

    Today II

    I'm not sure there can be, will be, or needs to be an insight to make the relationship better. By writing that letter to your wife, you changed your *behavior* and maybe that's the right way to start. On the Cymbalta debate...please don't stop or start these cold turkey. I seem to recall you did that with Lamictal, risking the possibility of seizures. ( please don't get upset with me if I sound like I'm in "mom" mode...it's related to "friend" mode. Sinus headache is wearing on me) Can I wrap love in a hug? (love)
  3. uncertain1

    Therapists: Psychologist (PhD/PsyD) or Social Worker (LSW)?

    Most wonderful therapist I had left a successful tech career to get his LPC. But as you know the most meaningful criterion is how you and the therapist connect. Google "Psychology Today find a therapist" - I found it helpful. I bookmarked a couple of possibilities in case I go back into therapy (my guy retired). I suspect that you are not interested at looking into free support groups right now. Supposedly these groups are a reasonable way to get recommendations for therapists.
  4. uncertain1

    Today II

    I like your thinking and hope this leads to some real healing and a stronger relationship. Hubby and I had the problem of not talking about anything difficult. Avoiding confrontation. I would sometimes raise concerns, but backed down when met with silence or "I'm too busy with work". It wasn't healthy. I left in 2004, for 2 years, and it was very bad. (I'm trying to keep 30+ years of my relationship history short). Since we reunited in 2006, and got married, it has been wonderful. I feel loved, and I feel safe within the relationship (now it's just the battles in my head that I deal with). You are doing so much in such a short period of time. Please stay mindful ... and we will watch too ... that you don't push yourself too hard. love and hugs to everyone
  5. uncertain1

    Today II

    You're a good man @gandolfication.
  6. (I feel mentally fuzzy right, so this post is "off". ) I'm glad you were able to identify what was happening ....that's *huge*. It does seem we feed off others' moods and behaviors. For better or worse. Do you think talking with her is worth a try? My mom and grandmother raised me. They fought so much. Both would say awful, hurtful things. Once I grew up, I could tell them I was going to leave if they started. My only strategy is removing myself from uncomfortable situations. Argh...I keep deleting and rewriting this post. Hopefully someone will have some helpful ideas.
  7. uncertain1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #9

    Having troubles with physical symptoms of anxiety, including feeling lightheaded often. I don't know if the lightheaded feeling is from the Lamictal withdrawal (took my last one Dec 9th!), hay fever that's been worse than usual the last couple of months, or something else. Klonopin didn't help this morning, but another one at mid-afternoon at least allowed me to relax enough to watch an episode of The Great British Baking show and to get a nap I also watched several YouTube videos from "Anxiety United" that I liked. I think I'll check out more of his channel.
  8. I commend you for examining your beliefs. Religion offers many a sense of comfort and community. But some of us reach a point that the beliefs we are expected to hold are are too problematic. We then either abandon or seek other paths. As social animals, we do need community and I think we suffer when we don't have that (DF certainly is a wonderful community, though I do think being in the physical presence of people who care about each other brings additional benefits). Some people do not seem to need to seek answers to existential questions (meaning purpose, etc.). I think most of us here DO. When I hit my late 30's, I went through a crisis that led me to study Buddhism and Wicca. I believe it was helpful. "Buddhism without Beliefs" is my favorite book ("The Zen Path through Depression" is good too). The original appeal of Wicca was it's reverence for nature and celebration of life. But literal belief in the supernatural is not something I can embrace (I *am* just speaking for myself here). The closest I've found to Wicca without the supernatural is called spiritual naturalism (which I have only taken a brief look at). I haven't consistently studied/practiced in a long time and your post is helping me realize that I'd like to pick back up. So thank you @Jamark8
  9. uncertain1

    Random bouts of depression

    Definitely. Sometimes, it's sadness; other times it's anxiety. I don't know, but I think there is usually some trigger that I don't notice. It might be as simple as noticing the date (like someone's birthday) or something I read earlier in the day. I suppose part of why mindfulness meditation is so helpful is that it helps train you to pay attention to your thoughts and let them go.
  10. uncertain1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #9

    Hope the appointment goes well. On occasion, I found it helpful to write things down - taking prepared notes into session (questions, lists of things most bothering me, events). I also made notes during session at times.
  11. uncertain1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #9

    Is there something of hers, like a necklace, that you can wear? That has helped me at times...I can hold it and whisper "let that love be there" or "I love you". I don't think one has to be religious to feel like our loved ones will always be with us. It just has to hurt so f'ing much. (hugs)
  12. uncertain1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #9

    Hey gandolf - responding to the 1st post of yours I see. I knew you were busy, but I missed you. Sounds like you had fun. It's nice to be able to have social/political/religious discussions in such a setting. Haven't tried Jamison. Hubby and I are essentially the "keepers of the scotch" for family and a few dear friends. The process of setting up a tasting is a nice tradition. I do keep other adult libations in the pantry, so I'll add Jamison to the list. I assume you drink it neat. I still don't feel well. The methylprednisolone for the cough was odd - I felt *good* for a couple of hours in the mornings, then had weird derealization(?) by afternoon. I think that feeling might be pleasurable when in a mentally and physically healthy place, just not now. But it's all temporary. My heart aches for all the folks that have serious and long term physical health problems. That anyone manages without developing depression is hard to imagine.
  13. uncertain1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #9

    Hi JD. I'm really sorry you feel so awful. I wonder if getting sick (cold, flu, etc). is making you feel worse emotionally (as if you didn't have enough to cope with). I finally decided to go to the doctor for my stuffy ear and cough. I've tried self care for a month - and felt like crap. I'm just physically wiped out. You might try gargling with warm salt water. And more cat naps. I do hope you feel better soon.
  14. Hi MLG That's wise of you to be mindful of the symptoms you are experiencing. I think the vivid dreams are quite common with many psych drugs. I'd consider bringing up the dry eyes just to be safe. Thank you for bumping this topic and being willing to share your experiences.
  15. uncertain1

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    I was about to post a self-pity story about my rapidly accelerating descent back into the darkness until I saw this sober. Having gone through this with both people that raised me, and that I was caregiver for, it's a surreal experience. I hope you are able to find what you need to go through this transition.