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kangamangus

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  1. Hey Ipulkit, Thank you for your reply. Its a little reassuring knowing that someone has been through something similar. I am back on my Zoloft now at 50mg/daily. Just trying to stabilize for now, I'm scared to try anything new because my brain has been through such a roller coaster lately and I know it needs some stability. I'm sure that's part of the reason I'm feeling so strange. I know time is really what I need but its so difficult. Every day feels like a constant struggle. I think about suicide frequently but I could never do that to my family, not to mention I don't think I have the guts to do it. I would love to hear more about what you've learned from your experiences if you don't mind sharing them. I desperately want to move on with my life and start to build towards my future but its so difficult right now with how I feel and how depressed I am about the whole situation. I wake up every morning at about 530 in a state of absolute panic about the whole situation. The last 8 years seem like a dream to me. I just don't understand why I didn't seek help any sooner. I guess I just really didn't care, and that's what scares me the most. Its like I wasn't really myself, and that's why I feel like the Zoloft really changed who I was. It made me not care about anything at all except getting high. I wasn't like that before the meds. I'm just so mad I let it go on for as long as it did. I feel so far behind in life now. I was never suicidal before I was put on the drugs, although now I definitely am. I am defintely planning on tapering off of the Zoloft after a while, but for now I need to just let my brain and nervous system stabilize. This is very difficult because I just want to get off of the drugs, even though I know what a horrible idea that is right now. What was your rate of taper? I belong to another forum site specifically about tapering off of medications and im curious. Can you relate to any of these feelings that I'm having? Also- how are you feeling now? Really I cant thank you enough for responding, it means so much to me that someone has been in a similar situation and can relate. I truly feel so alone. Luckily I have family I can rely on for shelter/food. If I didn't have them I'm not sure what I would do. Mike edit: just realized I posted this on my other account. Thought i had lost the password for it but I gues my computer remembered. This is the original poster though.
  2. Reporting back, 1st day on 2mg Abilify. I really felt this medication kick in today, about 2 hours after I took it I had tremendous energy, even feeling quite bubbly. I cant really tell if my Apathy has gone down, but it seems to have a little bit. My mood today has been quite good, feeling pretty happy overall. Im still worried about the apathy, and hope to one day come off of the Zoloft but if my mood continues to improve on Abilify we will see. Impressed with this medicine so far, but its only been 1 day so who knows. Just wanted to report back in case anybody else is reading this thread.
  3. I just got back from my doctor actually, and he had decided to try me on Abilify 2mg. He said the same thing you did, that at 7.5mg Remeron is a sleeping pill and nothing more. I'm really hoping that the Abilify will help with this, but if it doesn't he seems very open to trying me on different medications so we will see. I'm honestly not feeling depressed, just kind of "flat". I didn't mention in my original post but I'm also 60 days clean off illegal drug and kratom so im pretty sure that has something to do with it too. I guess we will see. Anyway I'm trying the Abilify tomorrow and ill report back.
  4. I have been on Sertraline(Zoloft) for almost 9 years. I currently take 50mgs a day. It helps with my depression somewhat, but recently I have begun to think it has made me apathetic/numb to a lot of things. I can still feel emotions and motivation, but nothing strong. I sometimes feel like I have a veil over my eyes. For example, I will hear about something horrible on the news or read about it in a book, and my reaction is just "Meh". I understand that these things are horrible and bad, but I feel no strong emotional reaction to them. Same with positive emotions, I know I love my family and I can feel that a little bit when I look at them and think about it but I don't really feel that love "strongly" if you know what I mean. I try to think about how I would feel if my mother passed away for example, and it doesn't elicit much of an emotional response from me. I should note that its not like this all the time, sometimes I can feel very strongly about things, but for the most part I feel "muted". It has also lowered my libido, not completely gone but its gone somewhat. I have recently added Remeron to the Zoloft to help with sleep and I'm hoping that it'll help me feel some stronger emotions/motivation. Currently I'm only at 7.5mgs at night to help with sleep with the eventual plan to increase my dosage. My doctor wanted to start me slowly on it as I had a very bad reaction to Wellbutrin recently(caused me to experience DP/DR for the first time in my life, very scary). I'm also open to switching completely to Remeron and cutting out the Zoloft completely, but I am very scared of weaning off of the Zoloft. I have heard many horror stories and I worry that my depression would come back full force if i were to do that. I hope somebody on this forum has some input, I am tired of living my life like this. I want to feel passion, I want to feel pain when something bad happens, I want to feel motivated to improve my standing in life.
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