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Afterglow1978

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Everything posted by Afterglow1978

  1. No prob. I will say from experience, if you don't like the place right now that is never going to change. Only way to fix it is find a new employer.
  2. You did the right thing 100%. Now, you know what the deal is with her and you can slowly get on with your life. Avoiding her will be the best thing possible you can do. This may sound strange, but you might want to consider trying an online dating service or something like that. Not necessarily to find a rebound relationship, but to bring yourself back into reality by understanding that there are other women out there that you could have a relationship with and that this previous girl isn't the be all and end all.
  3. Friend, I think you have an absolute right to "quit". In the sense that, what you have been doing previously is not working and you are not going to do it anymore. There is no reason to keep doing something that doesn't work, and all the jobs you have had at least since I have been on this forum meet that criteria. Before hunting for another job again, you may want to sit down with your family and tell them that the present course isn't working and you need to make a big change. I would tell them straight up it is a life and death issue, make a change or die. Let the dominoes fall where they may. There is nothing you can do to change the outcome remaining in your present course.
  4. Well, you have 3-4 months to think about it. When a department got shut down at my work last month, the people only had like two weeks to figure out where they were going to move. I would start looking at other places you could work. It's certainly possible you could find something even better than what you have now. Maybe there is another employer out there who has a job available like what you were doing.
  5. Hmm, sounds like you knowingly married into this situation. I suppose the best advice I can give is, recognize the fact that the mother in law is not going away until she dies. There is almost no chance her irritating behaviors and co-dependency are ever going to get better. Nor is it likely your husband will ever stop making excuses for her. A question: who is the primary breadwinner in the house? If it is your husband, then you have even less potential leverage over him and the mother in law. The best thing for you to do, and probably the only thing you can do, is seriously consider whether continuing to be married to your husband is worth the burden of having an older adult live with you like an adopted child. Maybe you will decide that it is, or maybe not. I would take some time to make this decision, perhaps enlist a professional counsellor or social worker to help you. As an aside, I think adult children living with their parents is nearly always a very unhealthy and self-defeating thing for all involved, whether it is parents who move in with adult children or adult children who never leave the house or move back at some point.
  6. Sounds like a plan. Mixed signals may simply mean that she is not good at dropping hints about how she really feels about you. Or, she really may be confused about how she feels. You need to lay out how you feel to her and ask her out sooner rather than later. The longer it goes on, the more it is going to hurt both of you. Not to mention the fact that, if she really is interested in you, you don't want to delay to the point that she concludes you don't feel the same way. Keep us posted!
  7. I have concluded that the best thing to do is to wait until the wife asks for sex. This can take a couple of weeks but it's worth it because she is actually interested and eager for it. As far as her just doing it to help me out, I may as well just take care of the matter myself. Maybe this sounds crass, but an uninterested partner just doesn't feel good and I'd rather not bother her. Even having sex twice a month or so (average of how much she wants it) is way, way more than I had as a single man (try like once every five years or so). This is fine, I can totally live with it. We are just different in this regard, no one is right and no one is wrong, and it's certainly not the worst incompatibility you can have in a marriage.
  8. The only thing I can think of to say, is starting over can happen to anyone at any time. We don't "own" anything, no matter how much we feel we have earned it and deserved it. Our lives can come down like a house of cards at any time. I love my wife and daughter, our home, and my job. People lose those things without warning every day. The only advice I can think of is, try to live in the moment and focus on meeting immediate needs. That's what I would try to do in that situation, if I could hold myself together well enough.
  9. That's how I feel hanging out in the living room with my wife and daughter. If I could just freeze time in that moment forever I would do it!
  10. Glad to do it. I visited the cemetery yesterday as a matter of fact, always something I enjoy. You may want to sign up with one of the various cemetery websites such as Find a Grave. You can add photos and descriptions of graves and the people who inhabit them. I am currently adding photos of the graves of my ancestors.
  11. This, 100%. I've been there more times than I can count, and the only way you are going to gain closure on this is to ask her out. Remember, not everyone is interested in looks primarily. A lot of women go more for personality than anything else. You may have a better chance with her than you think. If she says no, it's gonna hurt like hell but you can start moving on. If she still talks to you even after, and it causes problems, you may want to write her a polite e-mail explaining your situation and telling her that it is not healthy for either one of you to continue seeing or talking to each other. Crushes are an awful thing, and are not "love" or an indication that someone is right for you. I don't think they serve any good purpose at all, but they still happen. I have never had a crush on my wife, and I am glad for that fact. I love her for who she really is, which is much stronger and realistic.
  12. I took the store brand of it for awhile. I found the effect to be very similar to a low dose of pharmacy amphetamine (10 mg). I am a big coffee drinker and have a legal prescription for amphetamine, and can definitely say that is the effect it had on me. My coffee is really weak, I drink it more for the taste than anything else.
  13. Recovery? As in, cured? Nope, ain't gonna happen. Honestly, depression is part of who I am whether I like it or not. The meds help with the chemical imbalance and make the symptoms a little less painful. But, the condition/disorder/illness/whatever of depression is part of how I was made, I rolled off the line with it. That being said, there is no reason why I can't live a good life even as a depressed person. The biggest thing that helps me is forcing myself to believe that the only control I have in life is the decisions that I make. If I make the best possible decisions that I myself am capable of making, I have done all that I am capable of doing. I have no control over the consequences of my decisions, over the decisions other people make, things that happen in the natural world, and so on. Good things will happen and bad things will happen. I can decide how I react to things that happen, and thereby attempt to make those decisions as well as I possibly can, but that is all. For example, I have told the story of my work life here. In a nutshell, I love my job but there is no prospect of advancement or more pay here. Those opportunities happened, I did the best I was capable of, and they didn't go my way. So, my choice is to play the career slot machine and attempt to advance by going somewhere else, or stay here in a job that I love and accept the fact that this is as good as it will get. I have decided things here would have to get much worse for me to play the career slot machine again as this is the only job it has ever paid off on. So, unless something changes the best possible choice I can make is to stay here and that is all I can do. There is a guy I work with who I suspect is depressed. He is artificially happy and exuberant all of the time to the point of being irritating. I think his medication works too well, or he is self-medicating with alcohol and/or street drugs. Maybe he thinks he has "recovered", but I would not call that healthy by any means. I would much rather be an essentially depressed person who has good coping skills and appreciation for the people and things in their life.
  14. Very true! Most of my epic fails in life were preceded by confidence. Pride goeth before a fall.
  15. I think eventually you may be confronted with the choice of, quit this job and career track or die. You can't take care of your wife and kids if you are dead or hospitalized. Every time I think about your situation, that is the conclusion I come to.
  16. I go through these same feelings and experiences myself. There is no magic cure for it. Some say that asking these kinds of questions is a sign of high intelligence. Certainly, the world's great philosophers have pondered them frequently. i am actually a big fan of cemeteries. To me, the cemetery symbolizes permanence and conclusion; something which we don't get to experience in life. I can go to the cemetery and visit my third great-grandfather's grave, he died in 1871. I am descended from him, and someday my stone will join his. I can't quite explain why, but that is just awesome to think about! Not everyone who has faith is internally happy and content. I am certainly not. My faith wavers sometimes, and I make bad decisions and give in to sin frequently. For me, faith is like a ship's compass. It always points north, even when the ship is headed south. It reminds me of what I am supposed to believe, think, speak, and do. Will I ever reach sanctification in this life? Probably not, but I'm gonna keep trying. I will say this, you may want to do a little study on the various church denominations and traditions. You may be surprised at how different they actually are, and find one or more of them to be considerably more appealing than what you are involved with right now. I was raised Baptist, but as a young adult I chose the Wesleyan-Methodist branch of Christianity as it is closest to my understanding and beliefs about God. I have no idea if any of this makes sense or helps you, just thought I should throw it out there!
  17. My life has taught me that if a job sucks, it is not going to get any better. Every job has it's problems, but once you mentally reach the point of "I hate this place and need something else" it's game over. Only you can determine if it has reached that point or not. Based on your previous posts, it sounds like this experience is typical in this field you work in. You may want to begin researching a totally new line of work where you can use your existing skills, experience, and education. You may also want to start having a conversation about it with your family as a new career track may pay less and/or require a move.
  18. Just a few minutes ago I just received a painful reminder of how good my job actually is. There is a guy who works in my building but isn't part of my division. He has been enduring a really toxic situation with his boss and co-workers for over a year now. Today, while I was going about my duties I saw him removing things from his desk while one of the big bosses in his division looked on. I *hope* it means he is getting transferred elsewhere but I have a sickening feeling that the evil co-workers won and he quit or got fired.
  19. Alot of people in the world would sell their soul to be able to say that!
  20. Yup, been in your exact situation more times than I can count. I feel for you, and wish I knew what to do but I really don't. I will say this, if you really feel romantic feelings towards this girl the absolute best thing you can do for both yourself and her is to go ahead and level with her. Lay it all out and whatever is going to happen will happen. If you can't speak, then do a letter or e-mail. If she says no, then you have your answer and can start working on closure and pursuing someone else. If she says yes (which may be more likely than you think), then congratulations. Damn, I am so happy to be married and not have to go through that BS any more!!
  21. My struggles with depression are very real, yet miniscule compared to alot of folks. They seem to vary in strength from day to day, week to week, month to month. In a similar vein to a gratitude journal, I have found alot of relief by learning to be happy and grateful in the moment. For example, yesterday I was walking around my mom's yard with my daughter. She was catching snowflakes with her tongue and was super excited about it. I made a decision right then and there that I was going to enjoy catching snowflakes with my daughter, as long as she wanted to do it. I know that sounds like "fake it 'til ya make it", but that is not what I am talking about. Instead I was confronted with a choice: I can stand here and worry about work and unpaid bills and a million other things and get depressed, or I can catch snowflakes with my daughter and choose to enjoy the occasion and participate in it. No, it didn't make my problems go away or cure my depression; they are still there. What the choice reminded me of is, I have a bad habit of passing up opportunities to be happy and enjoy the good things and people I do have in my life. At work today, I am trying to do the same thing. Yes, my job is still a comfortable dead end street and the only way I am ever going to move up in my career is to go work somewhere else. Yes, I still don't want to have to make that decision and fear it like my own demise. But, I like what I do, my customers are really happy with what I do for them, and I get along with my co-workers and boss really well. Nothing is forcing me to make that decision right now. So, I am going to do my best to think about and enjoy the good parts of my job, and show appreciation for it.
  22. Thanks very much for your encouragement. Sorry it took awhile to notice, for some reason I'm not being notified of replies to my threads. Yes, my wife has a bunch of health problems that are not life threatening but make her miserable just the same. On top of that, her diet is terrible. I'm worried about her health more for her longevity rather than having sex. I couldn't imagine outliving her and then facing the choice of being single or finding someone else. Both options are very unappealing.
  23. Thanks. About the only way I know to deal with chaos is just roll with it. Expect nothing, and you'll never be disappointed!
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