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About Afterglow1978

  • Rank
    Junior Member
  • Birthday July 22

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Central KY
  • Interests
    History, reading, hunting, fishing, church, trying to be a good dad and husband

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492 profile views
  1. Stories of recovery?

    Recovery? As in, cured? Nope, ain't gonna happen. Honestly, depression is part of who I am whether I like it or not. The meds help with the chemical imbalance and make the symptoms a little less painful. But, the condition/disorder/illness/whatever of depression is part of how I was made, I rolled off the line with it. That being said, there is no reason why I can't live a good life even as a depressed person. The biggest thing that helps me is forcing myself to believe that the only control I have in life is the decisions that I make. If I make the best possible decisions that I myself am capable of making, I have done all that I am capable of doing. I have no control over the consequences of my decisions, over the decisions other people make, things that happen in the natural world, and so on. Good things will happen and bad things will happen. I can decide how I react to things that happen, and thereby attempt to make those decisions as well as I possibly can, but that is all. For example, I have told the story of my work life here. In a nutshell, I love my job but there is no prospect of advancement or more pay here. Those opportunities happened, I did the best I was capable of, and they didn't go my way. So, my choice is to play the career slot machine and attempt to advance by going somewhere else, or stay here in a job that I love and accept the fact that this is as good as it will get. I have decided things here would have to get much worse for me to play the career slot machine again as this is the only job it has ever paid off on. So, unless something changes the best possible choice I can make is to stay here and that is all I can do. There is a guy I work with who I suspect is depressed. He is artificially happy and exuberant all of the time to the point of being irritating. I think his medication works too well, or he is self-medicating with alcohol and/or street drugs. Maybe he thinks he has "recovered", but I would not call that healthy by any means. I would much rather be an essentially depressed person who has good coping skills and appreciation for the people and things in their life.
  2. Authenticity

    Very true! Most of my epic fails in life were preceded by confidence. Pride goeth before a fall.
  3. I need some work (and attitude?) advice

    I think eventually you may be confronted with the choice of, quit this job and career track or die. You can't take care of your wife and kids if you are dead or hospitalized. Every time I think about your situation, that is the conclusion I come to.
  4. Spending my day in a cemetery

    I go through these same feelings and experiences myself. There is no magic cure for it. Some say that asking these kinds of questions is a sign of high intelligence. Certainly, the world's great philosophers have pondered them frequently. i am actually a big fan of cemeteries. To me, the cemetery symbolizes permanence and conclusion; something which we don't get to experience in life. I can go to the cemetery and visit my third great-grandfather's grave, he died in 1871. I am descended from him, and someday my stone will join his. I can't quite explain why, but that is just awesome to think about! Not everyone who has faith is internally happy and content. I am certainly not. My faith wavers sometimes, and I make bad decisions and give in to sin frequently. For me, faith is like a ship's compass. It always points north, even when the ship is headed south. It reminds me of what I am supposed to believe, think, speak, and do. Will I ever reach sanctification in this life? Probably not, but I'm gonna keep trying. I will say this, you may want to do a little study on the various church denominations and traditions. You may be surprised at how different they actually are, and find one or more of them to be considerably more appealing than what you are involved with right now. I was raised Baptist, but as a young adult I chose the Wesleyan-Methodist branch of Christianity as it is closest to my understanding and beliefs about God. I have no idea if any of this makes sense or helps you, just thought I should throw it out there!
  5. I need some work (and attitude?) advice

    My life has taught me that if a job sucks, it is not going to get any better. Every job has it's problems, but once you mentally reach the point of "I hate this place and need something else" it's game over. Only you can determine if it has reached that point or not. Based on your previous posts, it sounds like this experience is typical in this field you work in. You may want to begin researching a totally new line of work where you can use your existing skills, experience, and education. You may also want to start having a conversation about it with your family as a new career track may pay less and/or require a move.
  6. The haunting choice to hope and be grateful

    Just a few minutes ago I just received a painful reminder of how good my job actually is. There is a guy who works in my building but isn't part of my division. He has been enduring a really toxic situation with his boss and co-workers for over a year now. Today, while I was going about my duties I saw him removing things from his desk while one of the big bosses in his division looked on. I *hope* it means he is getting transferred elsewhere but I have a sickening feeling that the evil co-workers won and he quit or got fired.
  7. The haunting choice to hope and be grateful

    Alot of people in the world would sell their soul to be able to say that!
  8. Sex

    Yup, been in your exact situation more times than I can count. I feel for you, and wish I knew what to do but I really don't. I will say this, if you really feel romantic feelings towards this girl the absolute best thing you can do for both yourself and her is to go ahead and level with her. Lay it all out and whatever is going to happen will happen. If you can't speak, then do a letter or e-mail. If she says no, then you have your answer and can start working on closure and pursuing someone else. If she says yes (which may be more likely than you think), then congratulations. Damn, I am so happy to be married and not have to go through that BS any more!!
  9. The haunting choice to hope and be grateful

    My struggles with depression are very real, yet miniscule compared to alot of folks. They seem to vary in strength from day to day, week to week, month to month. In a similar vein to a gratitude journal, I have found alot of relief by learning to be happy and grateful in the moment. For example, yesterday I was walking around my mom's yard with my daughter. She was catching snowflakes with her tongue and was super excited about it. I made a decision right then and there that I was going to enjoy catching snowflakes with my daughter, as long as she wanted to do it. I know that sounds like "fake it 'til ya make it", but that is not what I am talking about. Instead I was confronted with a choice: I can stand here and worry about work and unpaid bills and a million other things and get depressed, or I can catch snowflakes with my daughter and choose to enjoy the occasion and participate in it. No, it didn't make my problems go away or cure my depression; they are still there. What the choice reminded me of is, I have a bad habit of passing up opportunities to be happy and enjoy the good things and people I do have in my life. At work today, I am trying to do the same thing. Yes, my job is still a comfortable dead end street and the only way I am ever going to move up in my career is to go work somewhere else. Yes, I still don't want to have to make that decision and fear it like my own demise. But, I like what I do, my customers are really happy with what I do for them, and I get along with my co-workers and boss really well. Nothing is forcing me to make that decision right now. So, I am going to do my best to think about and enjoy the good parts of my job, and show appreciation for it.
  10. Sexual frustrations in my marriage

    Thanks very much for your encouragement. Sorry it took awhile to notice, for some reason I'm not being notified of replies to my threads. Yes, my wife has a bunch of health problems that are not life threatening but make her miserable just the same. On top of that, her diet is terrible. I'm worried about her health more for her longevity rather than having sex. I couldn't imagine outliving her and then facing the choice of being single or finding someone else. Both options are very unappealing.
  11. Depression and Work/Career

    Thanks. About the only way I know to deal with chaos is just roll with it. Expect nothing, and you'll never be disappointed!
  12. Depression and Work/Career

    Thought I should post a long overdue update. The job I was trying for was officially eliminated. On top of that, two whole branches of our agency are being eliminated. Those affected employees will be offered open positions here or with other government agencies. My office is safe at this time, but the open positions we had are gone. I'm thankful that I still have my job, but damn, I feel so heartbroken for those who are losing theirs. No guarantee that I will always have my job, so I better be thinking about a plan B.
  13. Sexual frustrations in my marriage

    Thought I would post an update. We are still not having sex and I really don't miss it. I love my wife very much and I know she loves me, and we have an awesome daughter together. I don't even bother to ask her for it, every so often I just take care of myself privately to keep everything functional and I'm fine with that. No, I'm not cheating on my wife or looking at porn constantly. In fact, I can honestly say those things are considerably less appealing now than even just 6 months ago. Sometimes, learning to accept a person and/or situation just the way they are is the best solution of all. This is a lesson I have learned in my work life and now I am learning it in my marriage and home life too.
  14. Sexual frustrations in my marriage

    As I get older, I realize more the wisdom of learning to accept situations, people, and myself just as they are without trying to change them. I have a great wife and home life, and I know there are things about me that my wife wishes I would change but that just isn't going to happen. I really don't know of anything I could realistically ever do to increase my wife's desire for sex. She just is not into it, and probably would be that way regardless of who she was married to. So, I guess I should approach this like I do with my work life. Appreciate and enjoy the good parts of it and recognize that there are some flaws or deficiencies I am just not capable of changing, therefore I won't waste effort trying. Thankfulness is a good thing!
  15. Depression and Work/Career

    I agree with you. I'm already doing alot of those responsibilities right now as the job above me has been unfilled for like four months now. I could legally tell them to get bent and refuse to do anything outside of my position description, however I like working there and I'm willing to be a team player to a certain extent. The higher ups just need to do their damn job and put somebody in it, me or someone else, because eventually me and my colleagues will get so far behind on our work that the wrong people are going to notice.