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Newbie7

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Everything posted by Newbie7

  1. Thank you, I have tried asking but he just keeps saying space and not answering my question. I am all for communicating I think that's why I am finding this hard, he clearly can't cope with me at the moment for one reason or another...
  2. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time, I hope it gets better soon. My other half has asked for space from me at the moment and I am not sure whether that means he wants to break up or not as he is just not talking and will not see me. I would say it is good that he is talking to you, if he needs space give it to him but ensure you feel good about the boundaries that are set. It's the not knowing that I struggle with :) hope things improve for you.
  3. Thanks both, I have decided to give him a few days even a week of 'space' and do my own thing, I am finding it hard tonight but I can't force him to listen so messaging him will only make things worse. As much as he is not feeling good he is not the kind of guy to break up without seeing me I'm pretty sure. I am just hoping he is ok :(
  4. Thank you so much for your kind words, I guess no one can really give me the answers but I am hoping that people can maybe share their experiences. I am really struggling to understand at the moment. But this happened at the same time last year and we had just been away with friends then so I am not sure whether everything has got on top of him and he has reacted badly to me as he knows how patient I am (not in an intentional way) as it is always easy to lash out on those you love......I hope he loves me. Thanks again for your very kind words, they actually made me cry! haha
  5. Hi all, I am a little nervous about posting, as let’s face it I don’t want to hear something that will hurt me but at the same time I want to understand and get some clarification. I am not really sure where to start but here goes. I am 32 my boyfriend is turning 50 this year. We have been together almost 2 years and went through a similar situation to this around the same time last year. My boyfriend advised me when we first started dating that he suffered from SADS and I am extremely supportive, give him space when he needs it and never put any pressure on him. To the point that we never really discuss a future or moving in together etc. At times I do feel like I am walking on eggshells at times but the past week or so he has been in a real grump. We had been away with friends for a few days and he always does tend to struggle with being around people for too long so he was distant when we initially came home. However he went out with a friend and had drinks on Thursday and he believes this friend (he has told me) suffers from bi polar but is undiagnosed. His friend was having a rough time so agreed to go for some drinks to chat. He ensured his friend didn’t drink much but he drank too much as a result so was feeling tender the next day (he doesn’t deal with hangovers very well). My BF advised me he felt drained after seeing his friend and was going to use a mediation app before bed (he later told me he hadn’t). So Friday when he was hungover we went for lunch and he was on his phone the whole time and later I dropped him home and said I’d cook us tea as he said he would stay at mine for the weekend as he went out with his friend (to make up for it) and we were meant to be at an engagement party of another of his friends this evening. He didn’t come round last night, he was hinting that he didn’t want to do I asked if we were to cancel and he agreed. I got annoyed and upset which I normally don’t react this way as I understand how he is when he is hungover but I was upset. I called him selfish and that he was not thinking about how I felt. He snapped and got angry and ignored me all evening. I tried to call and after the third time he picked up only to shout and then hang up on me. I messaged him and said it was silly to argue over such a little thing and he said I was overthinking everything and that we would talk today as he was in a foul mood. I tried calling and txting this morning to which he again ignored but then finally rang me back to say that he was finding our relationship difficult. I’ll admit I’m not proud but I then hung up on him and txt him to say if he wanted to break up with me he should have the decency to tell me to my face. He ignored me for a good while and then replied saying he wanted space he is finding our relationship stressful he didn’t want any confrontation or arguing and just wanted space to sort himself out. I replied and asked him what space meant but he just used the word again......has he broken up with me? What should I do? I am mad at him but I love him so much and am not sure if he wants me to hang around for him or not? I’m absolutely breaking inside and feel I have no one to talk to, can anyone advise me at all. Thank you so much in advance
  6. Hello again, I have managed to have a sit down with my boyfriend and we aired a lot of things out. He seems to think there is no spark anymore but he also brought up a few other things. One being his age. He is worried about when he gets older and he slows down. I have told him that is not his problem to worry about. We had a good chat and he has asked if I can wait for him to sort his head out. I had asked him if he wants to break up as that he is how he was talking but he has said no, he is just wanting to be honest. So I have said I can't wait forever but I will give him some space. He said we are still together and we will stay in touch. Last night we went out as a group and although a little awkward he seemed better today. I saw him this morning and he actually gave me a kiss (a peck) as he left. But today is our anniversary and I'm feeling really low. I asked if he wanted to go to the pub or for a swim (didn't mention our anniversary) but he said no to the pub as he wants to go out cycling and then hasn't responded to the swim. I'm trying to give him space but I am finding it really hard. there is a couple that we spend a lot of time with and they are his closest friends but have now become mine. I speak to the wife mostly and have had a good chat with her. She seems to think I am doing the right thing but is trying to help us work through it (it was her that suggested we go out as a group last night). anyone ever been in this position? i have told him I don't want this to be him prolonging the inevitable but I am also trying to prove to him I'm not going anywhere as I think previous gfs have bailed when he has been ill. thanks
  7. Thank you for the reply. I still want the relationship. My friends have also advised me the same, that I should take the time to figure out what I want. But if I'm honest it is him. i'll give him his space but I will not give him the easy way out by breaking up with him. I don't want to show him I'm like previous relationships where they have left him. Because that is not what I want to do. His mum has always been quite open with me about him and has in the past asked if I had noticed when he was on a downer. So I had messaged her to let her know I was concerned and that he had asked for space. She has replied and said to keep my chin up and that she doesn't want to be talking behind his back. So I think he may have told her that he wants to break up. I'm still at a loss....
  8. Hi, I'm new to Forums but am hoping it may help me. So please be gentle..... I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 12 months (this weekend). He suffers from SADS, and also anxiety. For our first 3 months together everything was as expected in a new relationship and he did tell me about how he gets over the winter months. Although I may not have realised how bad. We met at a race, and were friends for a year before we got together although not close enough for me to know about his SADS. He is a triathlete and has completed an ironman. A very keen cyclist and swimmer but not a huge fan of running. When he started to become withdrawn etc I just rolled with it, didn't push him to train as I felt that would make him feel worse and as hard as I was finding it I tried to not let it bother me if he bailed last minute and I made my own plans. However, over the past 6 weeks I thought we were coming out of the other side of it. I have tried to do more things with him and gently encourage him to get out more. It has this week come to a head, I never address his moods in a negative way and try to speak to him in a supportive manner as I am a very understanding person. Thursday last week he had advised me he was having a terrible week at work and had decided he may not go on a long cycle with his friends as part of another friends training for an ironman on the Saturday as he felt he needed a few drinks after a show we had planned to watch with friend on the Friday night (he suffers badly with a hangover). He immediately made plans with me for the sunday. I got a little annoyed although did not show it but asked why he was making plans with me for Sunday and it would be nice if Saturday wasn't a write off as the previous week he had bailed and I find it disappointing if I end up wasting a day too so could he please just let me know. He responded 'fine' and didn't speak to me for the rest of the evening. The following day (when we had plans with our friends for dinner and the show) he sent a message to the group (not me individually) saying he would not be going and when asked if he was not not in the mood he snapped and repeated himself. He then did not speak to me all weekend. I then sent him a long message Sunday evening explaining how I loved him and wanted to support him but I also needed that from him and asked him to communicate with me. Explained I was hurting but was in this for the long haul and there if he needed to talk and that if he didn't want this (our relationship) he needed to let me know as he needs to want it too. He read the message and after a few hours he responded with a message that I have taken (rightly or wrongly) as a break up. He has asked for some space as he doesn't know what he wants and he hasn't been happy lately. He ended the message by saying he wasn't mad and that he just need some space to think about what he wants. I responded by just saying I didn't want to be messaging but had only done it as he had ignored me for 3 days, and we would talk when he is ready. I am concerned about him but am conscious he has asked me for space. There is a significant age gap between us but that is not something of my concern. But I his behaviour towards me recently has not been good. Can anyone advise me what you think is best to do? I intend on giving him space but I am unsure whether he is really trying to tell me that he doesn't want the relationship but he is finding it too hard to face up to and in me giving him space it is only prolonging the inevitably of him breaking up with me. My other thought is that he is pushing me away and expecting me to do it for him. Thanks in advance
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