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About Blues2210

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  1. Blues2210

    Crappy Day

    Just having an overall s***ty day. Crappier than most. Just walking around feeling like I'm dead but going through the motions. I just want it to stop already. I want to laugh, feel alive and like I have a purpose. When will this feeling end?!!
  2. Blues2210

    Help please!!! need advice!

    I went ahead and emailed my respectful decline. I knew I wouldn't make it talking and I would stumble over my words. They responded rather quickly and asked me to keep them in mind. I feel much better. Thank you everyone for the quick responses and advice!
  3. So, I was emailed an invite to interview for a pretty good job. I have decided to decline so that I can seek treatment next month which I will be leaving town for. I am so nervous to call to decline the interview because I know I have to lie. It's literally creating so much anxiety right now and I'm worried they will hear it in my voice. This has happened to me many times with phone interviews too. Would it be terrible if I replied to the email with my decline? or should I face the music best i can and call? This is so silly, I know... most people can do it, I can't.
  4. Blues2210

    Extended treatment centers

    Thanks sober4life! Yeah, I know how it is to be drinking all day. When I'm on a binge, I'll go for weeks. I will sleep with a bottle of alcohol on the nightstand and as soon as I wake up, I turn over and grab the bottle. It's terrible. I hate the withdrawals so I keep going but when I stop, thats when my depression is magnified. I have terrible thoughts and my stomach starts to knot. Since I haven't had the means to drink, Ive been eating EVERYTHING, supplementing one addiction for another. As far as AA, I've only gone for my mother who is a recovering alcoholic. Those are scary for me (because of my social anxiety) and I always felt like such an a****** going to support her when I knew I should be involved but, I didnt want her to hear what I was going though. I was recently asked to interview for a decent job and I turned it down so that I could go to treatment. I made up my mind and I'm not turning back on my decision. I know if I ignore my problems, I'll end up in the same cycle and I don't want to feel like this anymore. I'm at my wits end.
  5. Blues2210

    I feel like hell on earth today

    First of all, Congratulations on your new job!!! I know being the new person sucks but hang in there. It will start to get better soon! As far as the period, I can totally relate. In my recent experience, I feel like I lose it much more than usual when it's my time of the month. It's getting worse as I get older. I seem like a crazy woman, even to myself. The emotions start raging about a week before I start. I'm already short tempered because of my depression but when I'm about to start my period, everyone WATCH OUT!
  6. Blues2210

    Extended treatment centers

    Thanks sober4life I've been sober now for about 2 weeks. Fortunately I am completely broke or I might be at the store picking up a bottle of something, drowning myself, again. I have to say, the sober time has made me feel better but of course when you're an addict, you kind of disregard the good feeling and like me say, F it, I still need a drink and then that cycle starts again. You mentioned you went to rehab? What was it like?
  7. Blues2210

    Extended treatment centers

    Unfortunately I've already gone there, too deep in my cave and now I feel I'm struggling to climb out. I can't control the thoughts I have. They just flood my thinking. It's hard to even smile most days. I just feel apathetic about EVERYTHING. It's like, why even try anymore and even if I do, it's a struggle. The whole thing just feels like one big lie. My last drinking binge I lashed out...To friends and family that treated me like crap when i was younger. To all of my bullies. I don't know what I am still holding on to what they did to me but I am. Those scars are still there.
  8. Blues2210

    Extended treatment centers

    I am probably going in to treatment in July. It's a 3 month program. It will be out of town and I won't have my family around me. I've decided to do this instead of therapy sessions because I know if I try to do outpatient therapy, I might relapse, especially with my drinking. I don't even know what to expect and I am terrified. Has anyone had any experience with treatment centers? If so, was the outcome positive? I am 41 now and I feel my depression and addiction is getting worse as I get older and I feel like I'm derailing. Any insight is appreciated. This forum has been helping a lot and I thank you guys for all of your support!
  9. Blues2210

    The Introvert Cycle.

    I am a total perfectionist too. My mother was just commenting on that yesterday. She's always like "no one is judging you, just do it" and I keep thinking "it's not good enough!" So of course, I procrastinate and never get things done.
  10. a lot of times I feel like I'm walking around in a hamster ball. Like I'm here but not connecting. I feel like I'm watching everything around me like a movie while I am invisible to others. Is that the feeling?
  11. Blues2210

    Social Anxiety Disorder

    Yes. I've tried that and Drysol. I didn't realize you could get Certain Dri over the counter! I always got a prescription for that or Drysol from my Doc. I'll have to see if they sell over counter here!
  12. Blues2210

    Social Anxiety Disorder

    I hate the "why don't we go around the room and tell everyone a little about yourself" I'm always like "how about we DON'T" ugh
  13. Blues2210

    Social Anxiety Disorder

    Yes!! Always under my arms and then my hands too but not as bad. I've been prescribed meds to put under my arms but it itches really bad and doesn't work all of the time. Do you have it too MSC71?
  14. Blues2210

    Social Anxiety Disorder

    I have never been formally diagnosed but I know I must suffer from social anxiety disorder. I don't know when or how it happened but it's debilitating. I believe it's one of the root causes of my depression. It's kept me from almost everything. It's kept me from achieveing things in life that I want and I can't control my fear. Whenever I get in to a situation where I feel I'm judged (interviews/meetings/speaking my mind/giving my opinion) I shake uncontrollably, severely. I can't even hide it. I also blush and sweat profusely (I've actually sweat right through jackets) I try and talk myself down from it but it never works. I hate it. Hate it. Does this happen to anyone else? If so, what has worked for you? Is there any kind of help for this?
  15. Blues2210

    In Need Of Tips on Coping with Exhaustion

    I am the exact same way. This sucks. I've been in bed and at home for days. I can't get the energy to do anything. It feels, physically, like an invisible weight all over the top of my body. Over my head and my shoulders. Is this just me?