Ljj71400

Thank you for replying. I really needed these words. I am still trying to pull through. I needed the reassurance. Even though things are hard, I'm sure things will get better eventually.

Thank you for replying. I do realize that a lot of people suffer from overthinking. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. I am definitely thinking about going to therapy after I graduate (hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed). I am trying to take life one day at a time.

Thank you for replying. I really needed these words. I am still trying to pull through. I needed the reassurance. Even though things are hard, I'm sure things will get better eventually.

Thank you for replying. I do realize that a lot of people suffer from overthinking. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. I am definitely thinking about going to therapy after I graduate (hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed). I am trying to take life one day at a time.

Hi, I am writing this because things in my life are not going well. I will try my best to keep it short. I'm in my final semester of college but I'm struggling with my classes right now. I am sure I will graduate but I will have to work hard to keep my grades up. Plus, I'm starting to notice that some of my friendships/social bonds are starting to fade. Im worried if ive damaged my relationships with others. I have made some mistakes in the past that I feel guilty for. I am trying to move on from the past but its hard to do. I tried talking on the phone to a hotline twice but it wasnt helpful. I am still able to get through the day. But everyday feels like a cycle of overthinking. I am writing all of this because I am currently not happy with how things are going.
I really just need some uplifting and encouraging words.

Thank you for replying. I really needed these words. I am still trying to pull through. I needed the reassurance. Even though things are hard, I'm sure things will get better eventually.

Thank you for replying. I do realize that a lot of people suffer from overthinking. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. I am definitely thinking about going to therapy after I graduate (hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed). I am trying to take life one day at a time.

Thank you for replying. I really needed these words. I am still trying to pull through. I needed the reassurance. Even though things are hard, I'm sure things will get better eventually.

Thank you for replying. I really needed these words. I am still trying to pull through. I needed the reassurance. Even though things are hard, I'm sure things will get better eventually.

Thank you for replying. I do realize that a lot of people suffer from overthinking. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. I am definitely thinking about going to therapy after I graduate (hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed). I am trying to take life one day at a time.

Hi, I am writing this because things in my life are not going well. I will try my best to keep it short. I'm in my final semester of college but I'm struggling with my classes right now. I am sure I will graduate but I will have to work hard to keep my grades up. Plus, I'm starting to notice that some of my friendships/social bonds are starting to fade. Im worried if ive damaged my relationships with others. I have made some mistakes in the past that I feel guilty for. I am trying to move on from the past but its hard to do. I tried talking on the phone to a hotline twice but it wasnt helpful. I am still able to get through the day. But everyday feels like a cycle of overthinking. I am writing all of this because I am currently not happy with how things are going.
I really just need some uplifting and encouraging words.

Thank you for replying. I do realize that a lot of people suffer from overthinking. Sometimes it feels like I'm the only one. I am definitely thinking about going to therapy after I graduate (hopefully, keeping my fingers crossed). I am trying to take life one day at a time.

Ah, the-soon-to-be-college-grad days.  That last year can be rough and make one question (or over think) life choices with the transition impending.  Not uncommon for someone to start posting around here.
You have made some mistakes?  So... you're human? Everyone makes mistakes.  You can either try better next time, try to make up for it or torture yourself and never move on.  Of course, there are various magnitudes of mistakes.
Fading friendships?  How much time (and positive energy) have you invested in others recently?
But positive words? Sure to graduate is good.  If classes are hard now, it's only for a little while longer.  Sure, it's easy for me to say "last push thru to graduation" as I'm not in those classes.  But I did have a couple of classes back in my day.  Sometimes you rock it and have fun. Sometimes you suffer thru.  One thing about depression, it teaches one to suffer.  I have more tolerance for suffering than most of the people I know.  Being able to suffer thru is an underrated skill.
Also positive: you a) recognize that you could use some help and b) are reaching out.  It can be hard to find the right support, especially the first hundred times we try.  It can be easy to give up (or want to give up) 
 
In 30 years when you are seeing your kids off in life after a succesful career (how ever you would like to measure that) and you look back, what would your future self tell you about now?  About suffering thru but still accomplishing?  What might you learn now that can be a useful tool for many years to come?
We don't know the future.  But we do have control for many things.
And if none of this makes sense, be glad that you don't have to listen to strangers across the internets!

Hi Ljj,
Sorry to hear that your thoughts are rercycling .  The complaint of overthinking has been posted lots on this site.  I listed "thinking too much" as one of my hobbies in my profile.  My intrusive negative thought usually show as negative flashes of past events that showcase my lack of response or resolve, but most of them come from when I was just a kid; so I always encourage myself to give the kid a break.
I don't know what kind of relentless thoughts you have.  Maybe you are going over details as a lifestyle, and that may be a different kind of over thinking.  If you want to drive the thoughts away, the quick answer is trying some form of cognitive therapy.  If you want to get to the root of yourself and your current state, then some therapy can be helpful.  Meds may or may not help either effort. 
If the hotline is your first brush with counseling, then counseling --from your college if available--would help you decide what direction you want to take.  It's a helluva time to be graduating.  I'd be freaked if I was graduating during the Covidian.   I graduated in 1975, gas was less than a dollar a gallon.  I could always afford to run.
best luck to you, Bulgakov
 

Hi, I am writing this because things in my life are not going well. I will try my best to keep it short. I'm in my final semester of college but I'm struggling with my classes right now. I am sure I will graduate but I will have to work hard to keep my grades up. Plus, I'm starting to notice that some of my friendships/social bonds are starting to fade. Im worried if ive damaged my relationships with others. I have made some mistakes in the past that I feel guilty for. I am trying to move on from the past but its hard to do. I tried talking on the phone to a hotline twice but it wasnt helpful. I am still able to get through the day. But everyday feels like a cycle of overthinking. I am writing all of this because I am currently not happy with how things are going.
I really just need some uplifting and encouraging words.

Pretty much my view about myself as well...though I don't want my stiff to take up valuable cemetery space. Scatter my ashes in or next to Lake Superior.

I'm bad,things are bad and the world is bad.Thats how the depressed mind thinks.Try to not think about the past and don't repeat the same mistakes.

I can't forgive myself because I'm garbage.  I'm awful and I always have been.  God should do the world a favor and put me in the cemetery where i belong.

I have struggled with constant guilt most of my life.  It has even (when I was a teen) caused me to behave very badly since I felt so bad.  Kinda like, ‘you think this is bad?  Wait’ll til you see what I do next!’ I am constantly at war with myself and have yet to figure out how to change.  

Hello, my friend,
Regret is the HARDEST thing I've ever lived with.  If I could create a ribbon to measure, it would wrap around the world twice, at least.  It sits down to breakfast with me, peeks from inside the closet at night . . . it is with me everywhere and all the time, and I hear myself saying aloud sometimes, "Gyod, I hate myself " or "I should have died a long time ago . . . "  
But I'm trying something new.  I realized I actually reach for those painful thoughts sometimes because I think I deserve to be unhappy because of all my bad, bad choices.  So lately, when I'm feeling neutral, I try to create a new, painless thought to join me in my neutrality.  Like, messing around with my tablet, or listening to music on my computer while I research things I've always been curious about; continuing with my creative writing to get through the sorrow (or the glory)--distraction, distraction, distraction.  I think this mental activity can be practiced as one would a musical instrument. 
When I hold myself back with pain, it obliterates the possibility of a better present, a better future.  So I remain inert and in pain that may one day **** me. I have to make a conscious effort not to go to the place of pain - and it's like developing a new skill.  I don't have a measure of success, and I have a bad habit of comparing myself to others and their successes, which only brings on more pain.  
And I'm tired of it.  So. Very. F#$king. Tired.
I empathize with you completely, and I wish you peace.
 

Hi, I believe acceptance and self-forgiveness is my biggest core issue as well. Please send me a DM, we can talk about it if you want.

I have made some really dumb and bad choices this year. 2020 has been full of ups and downs for me. I woke up feeling guilt, regret, and anxiety over the past. I have the hardest time letting go of the past. I struggle to even let go of embarrassing memories. I wish I could take back some of my choices. Sometimes the guilt can strike when I'm having a good time.
When I wake up, the guilt and regret are hard not to dwell on. I have a very time not beating myself up
Does anyone else struggle with self forgiveness? Advice?

I have made some really dumb and bad choices this year. 2020 has been full of ups and downs for me. I woke up feeling guilt, regret, and anxiety over the past. I have the hardest time letting go of the past. I struggle to even let go of embarrassing memories. I wish I could take back some of my choices. Sometimes the guilt can strike when I'm having a good time.
When I wake up, the guilt and regret are hard not to dwell on. I have a very time not beating myself up
Does anyone else struggle with self forgiveness? Advice?

Epictus made some really good points.
In many Asian cultures failure to get straight A's or be perfect the parent shames the child. In Japan many people have struggled with living with feeling they let down others even the Samurai in history.
Sometimes if you set yourself to the highest code of honor, the highest standards you may feel you let down because such lofty standards are very difficult. You can have high standards but instead of harming or beating your self up on failure, come to view it as a learning experience.
For example, I fail a test, I can learn what the correct answers and methods are. If you hurt some you can make amends to that person.
 

Hi Lij71400,
I have struggled with what you describe before.  Nowadays not so much.   I think foolish and bad choices form a wide range of values.  At one end of that range are those choice made by those, who, like genocidal dictators have sent tens of millions of individuals to extermination camps or set up forced starvation campaigns. 
To me, those are the ultimate in foolish and bad choices.  I have certainly made foolish and bad choices, but nothing I have done in my life has led to the destruction of tens of millions of men, women and children, or millions, or hundreds of thousands, or tens of thousands, or thousands, or hundreds and so on.  I have never committed a violent felony.
So I try to keep perspective and a sense of balance when I look at my life. 
It is sometimes the case when people are feeling bad that they compare themselves to the most ideal human beings.  But in fairness I think balance requires that people also see how they are doing in relation to those guilty of the worst decisions, evils and crimes. 
I don't know what you have done or failed to do in your life, but I am absolutely sure that you have not sent tens of millions of men, women and children to extermination camps.  You are far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far, far from having made those kind of "foolish" or "bad" choices. 
I once talked to a little girl who wanted to end her life because she did not get straight A's on her school report card.  She told me she was bad, a failure, a waste of oxygen.  She felt a degree of guilt completely out of proportion to the ideal she did not achieve.  Perhaps many people are like this. 
Guilt has a function but it must be proportionate to the act.
Being able to maintain perspective and balance are part of fair-mindedness.  They are essential to a love of truth and goodness.  Excessive guilt is not only unfair to the person concerned but also to fairness and justice itself. 
Anyway, that is how I deal with the issues you mentioned.  Hopefully other members here will see and respond to your post and have more helpful words than my poor words.
I wish you only the very best!