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justthinking

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  1. @Annafairlady, Sorry you're having such a hard time. Is it possible there is a physical reason for your depression? Low Thyroid and also hormone imbalance can cause depression. Unfortunately traditional doctors aren't really trained to look at hormones and causes. I had to go to a wholistic doctor who checked my hormone levels. I now take Armour Thyroid and use a progesterone cream. It has made a huge difference. Also I agree with Chopinlover about finding things to be grateful for. I recently read two books that have helped me in managing my depression: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life by Daniel G. Amen and Rethink How You Think by Dr. David Stoop. I learned that it is possible to retrain my brain and that emotions follow thinking and actions. I won't give you meaningless platitudes, but I know what it is like to be so low you can't even look up. And I also know that there is hope that it will not always be this way. Do you belong to any groups? Being around people keeps me from slipping into depression. Also, journaling and volunteering my time.
  2. justthinking

    S.A.D.

    I live in the north and definitely suffer from SAD. I notice it creeping in every year about this time. But in the past couple years I have been getting better at learning to combat it and not allow myself to sink into the deep depression I used to experience. I started reading self help books about depression and about the brain. It has been very helpful. One of my favorite books is Rethink How You Think by Dr. David Stoop. I learned how our emotions actually follow our thoughts and that if we think differently, we will feel differently. Happiness is a Choice by Frank Minirth was a good one also. I try to plan new projects and fun things to learn and do through the winter months. I don't work outside the house, and my husband works long hours. My kids are raised so I have to find things to keep my mind occupied.
  3. Sorry you feel this way. I try to tell myself that as long as there is breath in me, I still have at least one more chance. I am currently reading the book By Chance Alone by Max Eisen. He was a survivor of a concentration camp. As I read his story I feel so many emotions. Such sadness that people were treated that way. Anger that people can be so cruel. Also amazement at the fortitude of some people. How they can survive against all odds. I don't know all the answers but I know my life isn't as horrible as his was and like I said earlier, each new day gives me an opportunity to take a new path, make a different decision. i won't quit. When Max was in the concentration camp he had no choices, no options. There are a million opportunities and options at my disposal every day.
  4. justthinking

    Depression Hindering Me From Succeeding

    Welcome to the group cherry. You are not alone. i recently heard that one out of every six humans is on medication for anxiety and depression. Are you getting enough sleep and do you have a regular bedtime? Sleep deprivation and disturbance can cause anxiety. Also, what is your diet like? Being in school, I imagine you eat a lot on the run. But I just heard on the radio last week that people who eat a Mediterranean diet are less likely to get depression and anxiety. And that the more junk food you eat the more likely you are to experience depression and anxiety. I have found this to be true for me. To feel my best, i have to avoid caffeine and processed or fast foods. I also limit sugar intake and white breads and pastas. Stress also causes anxiety. What are you doing to manage the stress of being in school? When I'm going through a stressful time I have to get out of my own head. If I just allow my thoughts to run around in my brain, I drive myself crazy. I found this guy on YouTube, Ravi Zaccharias. He is a speaker who survived an attempt to take his own life as a young man. His messages are very thought provoking, especially the one called "The Meaning of Life."
  5. Welcome to the forum. Sorry you're having a hard time. I know exactly what you are going through. I have experienced the same thing many times. Fortunately, I have been able to see that I am human - we all are. I am not perfect - there are no perfect human beings. Only God is perfect. I have made many mistakes and I will continue to make mistakes until the day I take my last breath. There are a lot of things that I have done that I can never go back and change. But I found that dwelling on them and being so hard on myself was ******* my soul. I have learned to allow myself to be imperfect. Imperfect doesn't mean bad. It means I am human. I realized that as long as I have breath in me I can turn the page, start a new chapter and move on. And failure isn't bad either. When Edison was inventing the light bulb he made 1000 unsuccessful attempts. When someone asked him how it felt to fail 1000 times he said, "I didn't fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1000 steps." What an amazing outlook to have on life. I am trying to evaluate every "Failure" in my life and look at it as a learning and growing opportunity. It's all in how I perceive the failure. Have you read Victor Frankl's book Man's Search for Meaning? I think you would enjoy it. Also, I heard last week that the only way you can move forward is by looking through the windshield - not the rearview mirror. When you constantly look behind you, you can't see the possibilities in front of you. Also, the rearview mirror is a lot smaller than the windshield for a reason. We are only to glance at it, to learn something, then look through the windshield and keep moving forward.
  6. justthinking

    Sometimes I miss having an ED.

    Yes, I know what you mean. When I was younger I could skip a couple meals and lose weight. Now it seems like the weight is a lot harder to take off. But trust me it is not impossible. I also have a nordic track in my basement. I jump on it several times a day for a few minutes. I hate to exercise and it's hard for me to exercise for 20 to 30 minutes at a time. But I heard that doing brief bursts of cardio exercise through out the day is just as effective. My body does not look like it did when I was 21, but it looks pretty good for my age I think.
  7. justthinking

    Sometimes I miss having an ED.

    Have you talked to your doctor about this? Your hormones may be unbalanced because of the baby and the birth control. I recently started using a progesterone cream which is really helping me maintain my weight. Also, have your had your thyroid checked? Low thyroid caused weight gain. I know how you feel because I have always been thin. It killed me when I gained 40 pounds with each baby. But it eventually came off. Just be patient with yourself. Keep doing the right things. I have found that just doing small things on a regular basis are more important than "being on a diet". For instance. I drink a lot of water, I keep fresh fruits and vegetables on hand so I can grab them easily instead of an unhealthy snack. I eat yogurt every day and stay away from processed foods and fast foods. Also, getting enough sleep is very important. I heard recently that you should fast 12 -13 hours during every 24 hour period. So, for instance, if you eat dinner at 5:00, don't eat any snacks in the evening and don't eat breakfast until 6:00 or 7:00 the next morning. And as soon as you get up drink a big glass of water with lemon. This has really helped me.
  8. justthinking

    What is wrong with me

    Have you been under a lot of stress lately? And do you know anything about the amygdala and the fight or flight syndrome? Sounds like that is what you may be experiencing. The book Adrenaline and Stress by Dr. Archibald Hart was very helpful to me in figuring that out. Also, The PTSD Workbook is an excellent resource that you can work through on your own, especially if you aren't feeling comfortable with your therapist.
  9. I guess education is the only thing that is going to help. People don't know what they don't know.
  10. justthinking

    Depressed and don't know what to do

    @sandyb, how are you doing?
  11. @JessiesMom, That is an interesting meme. I would be interested in hearing the story of the person who created it. They may have been hurt or abused by a church; or they may just have a misunderstanding about Christianity. I heard one time that the people who are the most critical of the faith, have never read the Bible or studied the faith. I think it would be a very good idea for you to talk to your pastor about your concerns. I think sometimes pastors and laity get so involved in their church world that they forget that their job isn't "to be a Christian" or "to act like a Christian". Their job is to love and help a hurting world. When someone asked Jesus what was the greatest commandment (Matthew 22:36-39), He said, "To love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul and mind; and to love your neighbor as yourself." I sense from your post that you have been hurt in the past by churches and Christians. Ghandi once said, "I like your Christ. I don't like your Christians." Unfortunately, I think a lot of people could say that and, as a Christian, I want to say I am sorry if you have been hurt or misunderstood. But I also want to encourage you to get to know God, the real God of the Bible. I don't think it is a matter of believing hard enough or in the right way. And I definitely don't believe that your pain is your fault. We live in a sinful, broken world. All the chaos, violence, etc. is a result of sin. But God made a way, through His Son Jesus, for us to have a relationship with Him. Christianity is not about believing hard enough, or acting a certain way. It is about having a relationship with someone who loves you more than you could ever imagine. God created you. He is for you. He loves you. He wants the best for you. He wants to have a relationship with you and He wants you to trust Him, and be able to talk to Him about everything that is going on in your life. I had to learn that if I want to be emotionally and mentally healthy, I can't look at other people. I have to keep my eyes on God and read and study the Bible everyday. As soon as I take my eyes off Him and start criticizing other people, I start to sink.
  12. justthinking

    I made a mistake

    Sorry you're having a hard time. If it's any consolation, we have all done things that we wish we could undo. Living with regrets and guilt seems to be part of being human. I beat myself up for years over something I did. When I realized how miserable I had become, I shared it with a friend. She recommended the book How to Forgive Ourselves Totally R.T. Kendall. You can not go back and erase what you did, but you can forgive yourself and hopefully learn valuable lessons. Unfortunately, that is how we learn. By our mistakes.
  13. justthinking

    Could I be Depressed?

    @HuronZephyr, I hope the Wellbutrin helps.
  14. justthinking

    Could I be Depressed?

    Have you reached out to anyone for help? Or looked into any resources?
  15. justthinking

    Depressed and don't know what to do

    @sandyb, welcome to the forum. Sorry you are having a hard time. I can relate to your social anxiety. I suffered with that for a long time. I found the book The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N. Aron. It was so helpful to me. I learned so much about myself and how to cope in social situations. Are you being too hard on yourself? Starting university is a huge life event. Don't force yourself, but as soon as you get there, find something you are interested in or enjoy doing and try to find a club or group of people who enjoy those same things. This quote by Victor Frankl has been very helpful to me. "Without meaning, nothing else matters. With meaning, everything else falls into place." If you can't see the why, you can't live for the what. He wrote a book called Man's Search for Meaning. I think you would really enjoy it.
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