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About MCMG

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  1. Just being yourself is enough. You're not trash. You're lovable and have so much potential. Even if you do not believe it. You are enough. I inhale peace and exhale anger. I may not fully understand it but my life makes sense. I make sense. I can let go of the past and move forward. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Just because you failed doesn't make you a failure. This is not how it's going to end or my whole life to be. You are unique and beautiful person worthy to know how it feels to be loved. You are worthy of love and do not have to put up with them just so they cannot have their feelings hurt. You are valuable. You always have been. Don't feel ashamed. Their inability to see your worth is their fault, not yours. It's okay to be and feel lost. That way, we can figure out what I want to be without anybody telling me what to do with my life. It takes time but be happy till you get there. It's the journey, not the destination that matters. You are okay. You are enough. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a valuable person. You have dignity and worth. And what you do makes a difference. You're strong. You will feel better. You will get better. Depression lies, your brain is lying to you when it says all those nasty things; you're the opposite of it. You will be loved and taken care for unconditionally. This too shall pass. You are not alone. Your frustration is understandable and valid. Be patient and forgiving to yourself and trust that it will get better in time. I am enough. I am a good person. I don't deserve this. You've made it this far. You'll make it through. You're stronger than you think. Don't let a bunch of criminals define you. You are so much more and they will never understand even a fraction of who you really are. You will get to freedom one day and it's okay if it isn't today. It's daunting to heal, it can feel like it's never going to happen but I promise you, I, your conscience, it will get better, it takes work and time, lots of it but it will get better nevertheless whether it would be from a week or year from now. Everyday above ground is a great day, remember that. You're not to blame. You're not alone. The voices in my head AREN'T me. Nothing is wrong with you but something is very wrong with them. I am a complete and whole person myself and do not need anybody's approval or validation. I deserve respect and decent treatment just because I'm a living being. There are people who have it better than you and you can be one of them! You're not fishing for compliments or something, as long as you have compassion and respect towards other people, you'll make it through life. They just trained you to believe that you're not worth it and that speaks more about them than yourself and proves how terrible they are.
  2. Thank you for your reply but I do not live in USA so federal aid and student loans are non-existent for me, anything else you can suggest? As of now my situation is that I'm learning my driving license to increase mobility to job hunt; recently left a job because transport costs were chickening my wallet along with other expenses like food. The response was helpful as it shows that somebody has taken interest in my situation so thank you :) So, how's your day today? Take care and have a nice day.
  3. If you can look at my previous post I had mentioned that I was going to commit suicide via drowning, however, out of desperation I had confined this to my Nbro who just grilled and verbally chewed the out of me and made me in a worse position than before yet somehow didn't feel like chickening myself anymore, but rather make something of my life to prove them wrong but I do not know how far will that take me, all this talk about motivation and discipline just make me cringe and angry because I do not have either of those things. My Nbro basically went with all the 'you are such a weakling' 'suicide is for pussies' and I have BEGGED AND BEGGED my parents for therapy and support and they just laugh at my face telling me it's all in your head and that all you need is a good whacking (damn South Asia culture) and even the friends I once knew I could confine in bailed me the second I began talking about it and the family friends just told me to 'go pray to God' which has become a codeword or slang for me that translates to 'I do not give a about you and your problems enough so please take your worries to some deity that probably doesn't even exist'. So why am I back? Well, isolating myself as much as I could from my parents proved to be much more beneficial than I thought, it's amazing how limiting exposure to toxic people improves your mood. However, you do need a social support nevertheless and I couldn't think of a better place than this. As of now I've begun learning Portuguese and exercising in hopes of escaping them but I seriously do not know what to do in the future, I plan to somehow moving to Brazil where I can study because it's on the other side of the world from my parents and that it's an emerging economy so maybe it can't be that bad since things are improving I suppose. So I constantly isolated myself but I soon realized that I needed a support group or system somewhere or somehow, can't be alone forever and my family sure as hell won't be one. I can with confident say that I no longer have depression but that doesn't mean I still don't have to deal with my piece of family and their games, but I deal them in a much better manner now and am looking forward to the future instead of lamenting the past (but the past always matters!). However, sometimes i do have to stay home and just manage with them because of certain reasons in your mind, like you feel comfortable and attached to it but leaving makes you feel awkward and what not, kinda difficult to explain, really. The next step for me is University but I am stuck at this part because: 'My father is a narcissistic you can say because he just cannot accept no for an answer and amongst other things that make one, he has terrible spending habits causing us to be in debt and that frustration, anger and sadness, he takes it out on me and his family whereas whenever he needs something for himself, he'll have all the money in the world for it so I'm just stuck here at home with him almost all the time, my daily routine after finishing high school consists of just waking up, making tea for him, doing absolutely nothing in the business he own but forces me to come there anyways and going back to sleep then repeat. I feel the potential being sucked out of me because I'm not being provided the tools to use to my advantage, the next obvious step is to go to University but my family has no money for it and I am trying to hunt for a job but just am unable to get one because I do not have the qualifications. My mother is an enabler because the country/culture where I am from, woman/wives are just supposed to be absolutely submissive towards their husband's with no voice whatsoever so whenever I ask, actually beg her for help she just tells me that she cannot do anything about it as she is just a woman and that my father is the 'man of the house' and gets to do whatever he wants to and punishes, shushes me for speaking against him as he can apparently do no wrong;. That's the message I sent to the police and an abuse shelter in my current country (Dubai, UAE) and it has been more than 2 days and no response so far. Like, even getting a small job is pretty ****ing difficult and hard these days whether it'd be picking up cardboard boxes for recycling or delivering newspaper are so scarce now that it's hard to imagine what will be the future of me and this country. I read a comment somewhere here that when being raised by narcissistic parents the only 3 things that could happen is: 1) becoming a narcissistic yourself. 2) Curl up and in a ball of void of anything and keep taking hits from them. 3) Go No Contact. As of now, my situation is at number 2 but I am working in ways I do not even know how at number 3. Thank you for reading and have a nice day :) And I'm not sure whether or not I can be taken seriously from now on because of the previous post and it's totally okay if you do not want to believe me dear reader.
  4. A coping strategy (sort of).

    So you'd dismiss those thoughts with positivity by saying thanks brain? Well, that works, care to elaborate please, I want to learn and is there a PDF for the book or a link would be sufficient, thanks.
  5. A coping strategy (sort of).

    Trying is half the battle, so you've won half the battle for now, keep it up and you will win the whole damn thing against depression, if it makes you feel better, read this:
  6. So somewhere in Reddit once upon a time I read that whenever you experience any automatic negative thoughts or just negative thoughts in general, just assume that the person who said it is someone you hate like Donald Trump probably who said to you 'you're not good enough' or that 'you're ugly/bad' so the science behind is this is that you would go like '****/screw you' and just ignite you up and do something about it I suppose (at least in my case) or that you'd dismiss it as a false statement and won't believe it like 'why would I listen or think whatever Donald Trump says is true?' What do you all think?
  7. Not sure if this would be some sort of advertising but I'd recommend Lemmino who makes top 10 facts on a random topic and sometimes a documentary on a particular topic; this video is a personal favourite of mine (don't be shunned by it just because it's a video game, there's some really cool facts in it): [Top 10 Facts - Halo - YouTube]
  8. Commenting just so I can never forget this and it forever appears on my profile activity, yeah, I do not post much :/
  9. One word story?

    I don't know if this has been posted here before because I haven't seen it in a while but let's play one word story where after everybody 10 comments someone will make a sentence of the words and we will stop at 100 comments if this thread reaches that far. Here it goes: One
  10. Lets share jokes?

    My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking this decision pretty hard though. (Another one because it's the weekend where I am living) I got a vasectomy to prevent kids; I was disappointed to see they were still there when I got home.
  11. Lets share jokes?

    Dude... Classic :) What type of electronic device sings 'hello'? A Dell.
  12. Lets share jokes?

    I'll start first: The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
  13. Letter to my mommie

    This was hard to read and I'm sorry to say this but I have no words to describe or empathize with you because I just do not know how to, but all I can tell you is that if you need anybody to talk to, I'm here.
  14. On step forward. Two steps back.

    Thank you for responding to me quickly @Epictetus and I shall NEVER EVER judge you harshly, I can empathize you and your situation. And if you hadn't noticed, I messed up the title but eh, lower the expectations as you said. So ultimately, I have to accept the fact that my family is ****ed up beyond repair and I have to just do what? Like, I already have no expectations for myself or my family so what gives? As I type that maybe it's because my parents expect so highly of me, maybe that's why they're acting as pieces of ? What do you think? As of now my dad is forcing me to make a CV and just get a job albeit me having zero work experience with a 110% chance to fail if I ever apply anywhere This community, is like finding coffee beans in elephant dung, I read a newspaper article a long time ago where in Africa coffee beans are collected from a certain species of elephants who feed on coffee beans and the dung it produces has coffee beans in it and collected and these are full of energy because of the trophic level and thus are the most expensive coffee beans in the world (something about a thousand dollars per kilo) so the elephant dung represents the Internet and the coffee beans represent this website. It's like, I'm making fun of this community (I swear I'm not) but valuing it at the same time (I swear I am). For some reason I turned on the notify me of replies and haven't received any notifications, is this function working? Also adding to my first post, this insomnia and just in general, crappy choices like not eating food or taking too much stress from this bulls*** happening around has had an impact of my skin and I sort of look ugly now with my wrinkles and pimples ruining what was left of my self-esteem, so much for the power of **** it and people being in general attracted to good looks just makes me want to say **** it louder.