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Xenia in Wonderland

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Everything posted by Xenia in Wonderland

  1. @Epictetus, your post made my day! I saved it to my collection of tips and tricks. So beautifully written and so true! Unfortunately, human brain tends to think in labels as a way to spare energy. And maybe that's ok, that's just what the evolution gave us. But sometimes, it's good to remind ourselves that labels are nothing more than that - meaningless words, that in no way can define us and people around us. Thank you for this, you made at least one human being a little happier today. And I'm so sorry about your tendinitis! It's fascinating how strong is the need to help others in some people, despite their own pain and suffering. P.S. I believe, some posts deserve to be attached somewhere, where more people can see them. It's a shame that gems like this can get lost in the ocean of topics and posts.
  2. Frustrated and discouraged. I looked up today some materials on how to improve the German pronunciation, and realized that my accent is much more horrible than I thought before... I intend to start working on it, but I can only imagine how much time will it take before I will be able to speak to natives without feeling so uncomfortable.
  3. Same problem here... Whenever I manage it to fix it and have a few days of normal sleep, some **** happens and all goes to pieces.
  4. Oh, I've made them once too, just without chocolate chips. They are really not bad, easy to make, and it's a nice healthy snack.
  5. Good news: finally I've got a real idea of what kind of a tattoo I want to get to cover my scars. Took me years to figure it out, I thought it'd never happen! Bad news: there is no way I can afford it in the next 2-3 years at least... So I'll have to endure a few more summers with long sleeves. Good news 2: well, maybe it's for the best, as I'll have enough time to make sure I still like the idea. (Man, this topic seems to never leave my mind the last couple weeks, all thanks to the hot summer days )
  6. Thanks for this point! It's true that the cognitive part always has to come first, and accompany the exposure exercises every time, otherwise they couldn't ever work.
  7. You are right about that the thought process needs to be worked on, the trick is that it needs to be done in a smart way. It might help to identify what is it exactly she's afraid of in different situations, then analyze those fears and distorted thoughts and work on ways to change them. Aside from exposure therapy this is also an improtant part of CBT process, I forgot to mention it in my previous post.
  8. How have you been doing, @evalynn? I hope you've managed it to improve your sleep schedule, even if just a little bit.
  9. I know you mean well, @Diego_Sebastian, but telling a person with social anxiety to not care about what other people think is the same as telling a depressed person "to just think positive". It isn't helpful. I'm sure this girl herself realizes how irrational her fears are, but unfortunately it's not so easy to overcome them. It takes a lot of work and a lot of courage to do that. To @W Eldridge: as someone already wrote, mindful breathing can be a powerful calming tool. Another good one is called progressive muscle relaxition. Just google it, there is plenty of information online. For social anxiety exposure therapy is effective, but it's best to do it with a trained professional, therapist or counselor, who knows this stuff. If therapy is not possible due to lack of understanding from the family, perhaps you could be her guide in this, if you learn about it and find good materials with some kind of a step by step program. There is stuff online available, but it might be not enough, so you might wanna look into books. You sound like you really care about her and it's awesome to have such a supportive person in life. I wish you best of luck with this!
  10. I'm so sorry you are having this problem. Did you try to have a sleepless night/day and then go to bed earlier? Then you would hopefully be tired enough to sleep when you intend to. Having a short night can also help (e.g. sleeping just 3-4 hours) if you can find the strength to stand up after that and stay up. Also an important part is finding out how many hours of sleep do you need and trying to not sleep longer than that. Wish you best of luck!
  11. Please don't feel bad for complaining. I know very well what it feels like to think that your problems are minor in comparison to others. There will always be someone doing worse than you, but it doesn't make your problems any less real. Especially when they upset you so much. I know nothing about garden work, but I sincerely hope you will manage it and have a beautiful garden! (HUGS)
  12. Bullet for My Valentine - No Way Out Tell me why I feel like there's no way out Trying hard to heal as the pain pours out I don't wanna feel this way but it's hard 'Cause I know that in the end There's no way out
  13. Conflicted... The days get warmer, so the problem of covering arms with long sleeves or something is actual again. And at the same time I can't shake off the intrusive thoughts about hurting myself again. I'm in a pretty dark place now...
  14. My head feels kind of empty, I've got not so many thoughts and ideas lately, so I haven't been posting here for a while... I read every new post but can't find words to respond to any of it. I don't even know why I'm posting this, anyway... What's the point? I don't feel like I can help anyone, so why bother. I just feel like a stranger everywhere, with no real sense of belonging. I'm not sure this is the right place for me, and I'm not sure I will stay here much longer.
  15. Chocolate ice cream. I don't know why, but just after I went to bed, I got real cravings for something sweet and chocolatey. Which is really weird, because I never have cravings, mostly no appetite, and I couldn't care less about sweets. People don't even believe me when I say I don't like ice cream! And now I can't sleep until I have some :) Soo weird.
  16. For me it's my scarves. Unless it's a hot summer, I always wear a scarf. I don't know why, it's not like I have something to hide under a scarf, but I feel strangely uncomfortable without it.
  17. Soo... I found a website for people who search a tandem partner. And I decided to write a message to someone from my city. I felt really anxious while doing it and stared at the "Send" button for half an hour before I could press it. But I did it! But a part of me is regretting it already, because I'm soo terrified of meeting a total stranger! What if they find me boring, uninteresting person, what if my mental issues become an obstacle, what if I won't find what to talk about and won't be able to hold a conversation? So many "what ifs"... Well, maybe they won't answer at all, and so the problem will be solved.
  18. Here is what I found out about it: If you're using HelloTalk’s voice recognition system, then you can simply speak what you want to say. The system will attempt to understand you automatically, and convert that to text to send to your language partner. I tried this out with a few Mandarin phrases, and it worked well. This feature lets you practice speaking without having to worry about the embarrassment of someone actually hearing you. What’s more, the conversation can continue in a slower pace than it would if you were speaking on Skype. Your conversation partner can choose whether they reply using text or voice. If they opt for text, you can use the text-to-voice feature to have a voice synthesizer replicate what they may be saying, as if you were having a voice chat. It looks like there are different features available - texting, voice chat, or this feature with voice recognition. Really interesting app!
  19. Yes, a month ago I've finished a German course B1 and it definitely helped to improve speaking. For now I have no one to talk to, but I will probably do yeat another course in a couple months. Speaking with non-natives is no problem, but it doesn't really help when it comes to speaking with native Germans.
  20. Oh, my therapist suggested the same idea! But I think that my voice sounds really horrible and I'm afraid I might get even more nervous if I hear myself speaking, lol. I also thought about finding a tandem partner, who wants to learn my mother tongue. Perhaps this could make away this awkward feeling of inequality, because we both would be in the same position. But that would mean meeting a stranger, a thing that also doesn't come easy for me, so I feel kind of stuck.
  21. Yes, I have social anxiety, although it's not as bad as a few years ago. But I'm still always very self-conscious when I'm around other people and I'm afraid of being judged or embarrassed. Exactly! Every time I talk with a native speaker I feel kind of... inferior or so. Like I'm not equal with this person, no matter whether they are smarter than me or not. Just the fact that I speak their language not perfectly makes me feel smaller and weaker.
  22. I live in Germany around 1,5 years now and know German language well enough to hold a simple conversation (I have reached B1 level recently), but I can't make myself speaking German with natives. I'm so self-conscious about my accent and mistakes I make, I really hate my accent and try to hide it as much as possible, but it only makes things worse and speaking more difficult, because I'm much more focused on how I speak, rather than what I want to say. At the same time speaking English with people here is no problem, because I believe they won't notice my accent and mistakes so much. Even with my partner, who is a native German, I feel uncomfortable speaking his language! This is so odd. I tried to google about this problem, but couldn't find much information. Also I've felt the same discomfort when I spoke English with an American guy. I don't know why is it so difficult. It's not like I think people would judge me for not speaking their language properly. Quite the opposite – I often feel they would judge me for not speaking. I'm afraid some people might think I'm another one of those lazy immigrants who don't want to integrate... But I can't make myself speak German, so I also have been avoiding lately any kind of social gatherings or interactions with other people. I realize that it cannot stay this way and I have to start speaking and overcome this fear, but I don't know how...
  23. Wasps, spiders, centipedes, bugs, slugs, worms... the list goes on! Not long ago I saw a spider in a sack of potatoes and ever since I cannot touch potatoes and have to ask for help to take them out of the sack...
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