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About S_A_P_P_Y

  • Birthday January 16

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Under a rock
  • Interests
    I am not one to push my beliefs on anyone, but I am a Christian. My son! Pre-1964 vehicles, photography, music, guns, love...just about everything actually.

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  1. Hi guys and gals. I'm back. Hope I didn't cause worry by suddenly disappearing for a while. If I did, I am so sorry. My truck broke down today, blown head gasket, possibly other damage as well. At least I won't be having to pay for labor since I can do it myself. There goes a day or two of work. The machine shop said it could be up to a week turn around on a cylinder head right now. Yup. The poo continues to hit the fan for me. Just about daily. Pretty comical actually. Much
  2. Riding my bike, camping/ camp fires, skipping stones, swinging on swings. The sound of sprinklers, lawn mowers, whispering, ice cream trucks, prop planes, an engine dieseling after it's shut down, and gravel and/or oak leaves under car tires. The song "1979" by Smashing Pumpkins, as well as a lot of 311 takes me back to 6-8th grades. The smell of orange trees, dairy farms, wet dirt(foggy morning), gasoline, burning rubber, burnt *race fuel*, hot brakes, fresh cut grass, and dog poop. Yes I said it...dog poop.
  3. This sounds like my high school experience. Towards the last part of my junior year, I threw myself into the water with the sharks, and forced myself to be outgoing. I kind of went against the grain, by putting the cliquey drama aside, and just talking to everyone. It was rough going, but by senior year I could get along with a decent percentage of the high school population. I guess my point is, high school is an ego-fest, and by the time your senior classmates are heading off to college next year, or entering the work force, more often than not none of that high school social structure will matter anymore. You may just be out and about, and people from your class who you may have thought didn't even know you existed might greet you by name. Hmmm. I feel like this may not be all that relevant, but I'll post it anyway. Somebody might get something out of it. It's late and my thoughts are wondering. hope this was helpful much
  4. Apparently I do...my lifelong friends have recently stopped responding to my attempts at communication, wether it be text or phone calls/voice mails. Sounds like you are afraid of letting people get too close to you and there's dissonance between what you want and what you feel is necessary for self preservation. That feeling...that tension I feel you describing. Did somebody close hurt you in the past? I won't be offended if you don't answer that last question. It's kind of prob-ey, and more than a little personal. Anyhow, I hope my input is helpful. much , and
  5. I've reached a new low, and I'm trapped in a destructive cycle.I feel like I want this to all be over, and thinking about that is just bringing me down more. I think about those in my life who I love, and I want to be there...not like this though. I just wish they could understand. Sure, there's plenty of people in the world who's life has been much harder, and far more traumatic than anything I've endured, but it doesn't matter. This thing has attached itself to me, and it's draining me. I can't help but feel completely miserable, and hopeless basically 24/7. They just tell me to "Get over it, and be happy, because there's nothing to be upset about. Stop bringing everyone else down." I realize that sometimes, there is no reason for me to be moaping around, and if I could stop, I would. It's like telling a blind person to "Just open your eyes and see." Sure, they may be able to open their eyes, in fact, they may already be open, but that doesn't mean they are ever going to be able to see. It just doesn't work like that. What I have told those who have that view, is to quit bagging on me, or any other depressed person. It certainly isn't going to help, and I can guarantee that if there wasn't a reason for them to be down, you just created one.
  6. My son is 5. He is not my biological child. His mother and I were friends from the age of about 12 through high school, until she moved out of the country after graduation. She had moved to Europe, so I lost contact with her until one day I saw her in the "people you may know" area of my Facebook. She had recently divorced her first husband, and began dating again. We would video call on Skype for hours at a time, and watch each other get high. She had started dating her dealer, and would tell me about how mean he was sometimes. That went on for a few months, until one day she told me she thought she was pregnant because her period was two weeks late. I convinced her to go get a test, and we were on a video call when she showed me the 3 tests all confirming what she thought. She waited a couple weeks to tell the biological father, and when she did he flipped just like she was afraid of. Over the next week or so, he got more and more abusive with her, and she was talking about leaving him.When he tried to push her down a set of stairs, I told her "That's it. I don't care how much it costs...I'm going to get you out of there!" I helped her get moved back toout home town in the U.S. We both stayed in a room we rented from her parents until my son was born about 7 months later. just some back history on the situation... so, I guess technically I don't really have any rights. We were engaged, but never got married. Starting the second month of the pregnancy, through the birthing classes, appointments, and the actual birth until today, I have raised him as my own. I was there talking to the baby bump, feeling him kick and move. I was there reading the baby books, making lists of names. I was there for his first steps, and his first words. I was there for the bumps and bruises.I was there for his first day of preschool, and later kindergarten. I was there when he didn't understand after the dog died. I was there when his feelings got hurt because well...sometimes other kids are just not nice. I was there to teach him that it doesn't mean we stop being nice just because others aren't. I was there for all of that. To love, to nurture, teach, and provide. I just hope I can continue to be there.
  7. My ex just told me her and her fiancé are moving from California, to Portland, Oregon. In addition, she gave me an ultimatum; either I move with them, when they move, or I will never get to see my son again. I would have to pack up everything and go the same day as they do, and have a place lined up at the same time. Its a really stupid reason why they're moving. Her fiancé got offered a job as the manager/maintenance of an apartment complex. The job is a live in position, so they will get to stay in one of the apartments. It sounds pretty good, and that's what her fiancé does here. The only difference is $0.50/hr. It just doesn't make sense to move hundreds of miles, uproot your child, and take them away from their friends for $0.50/hr. That said, my belief is that she is doing this to manipulate me. She KNOWS I just got my business started, and she KNOWS how long this has taken, and how hard I've worked for this, so naturally she wants to ruin it. What do I do? I'm so tired of her ruling my life by using the threat of taking my son away. I can't abandon him. It seems that the only option is to continue on with her running my life.
  8. Did you pay the extra $5/night to upgrade to the Free Breakfast package??
  9. Hang in there @bbwolf! 10 minutes at a time. Try to look at every 10 minutes as a fresh start; that way you have lots of chances for the day to get better. Even if it's just a little bit.
  10. I don't know what I'm doing anymore...

    1. Natasha1


      You are surviving with the rest of us and we all need to stick together.


  11. Would somebody please tell me what the F? Is going on?
  12. @sober4life I get that. But the same people keep calling me time and time again for work. I think often we hold ourselves to an unreasonable standard, far beyond anyone else's expectations.
  13. Daniel Johnston- Despair Came Knocking despair came knocking at my door and i let her in for a while she sat on the couch and began smoking she said nothing suddenly i felt tired i began to feel tired and all of the sudden the room seemed dingy and dirty despair came knocking and i let her in for awhile
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