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Midnightgrey

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  1. Tell Them Off Here

    One person at school was talking about his old math instructor. The instructor asked how you solve a problem and the student replied "give up." Instructor then replied "You can give up if you want to" I've never heard the guy say it personally, but 'giving up' being an option relieves me in some way. Reminds me that I was born into this world without choice and that life will end regardless of how hard we try (unless science makes us immortal hehe)
  2. Don't make yourself feel guilty about something nearly out of your control hun! I'm not sure what your therapist means but try not to be so harsh to yourself, I don't know what the problem you're searching for is, but always make attempts at looking for it, when your mind is calm. If you aren't in the mood to do this then you don't need to! Maybe consider what PurpleFish said and find a new therapist? Although you did say that this happened with multiple therapists. Before you look for the problem, remember that you aren't the problem. :)
  3. Do I have Depression?

    You are correct on this. I'll consider talking to a professional. My school has a mental health service, with what I believe are licensed professionals. At the moment since I am at a 'good' time of my life, where I am more confident and motivated, I don't meet many symptoms of depression (I'm basing this off the quizzes I've taken) Yes, there are many times where I compare my performance at the moment with my performance during my conflicted times. Whatever I may be going through, I feel like my body is afraid of something and using some mechanism to avoid it. Yes, engaging in activity to keep your mind busy is good. Because of this internal conflict, a couple months ago I started running and biking. It does take everything off your mind, and is pretty healthy for you.
  4. Do I have Depression?

    I hope my situation may relate to some others. I went through a 'depressive phase' last year, where I was lazy, unmotivated, and just not very confident of myself. Although I directly attributed this to poor grades in College, I feel there may be something else here. It starts with highschool: I always categorize time periods of my life into 'bad times' and 'good times.' The 'bad times' entail poor grades, personality issues, emotional inconsistencies, etc. Usually to get out of the 'bad times' I must suck things up and self discipline. I broke out of a depressive phase after sophomore year (not sure if It was necessary depression then, though) and managed to keep grades and my emotions quite consistent. This was in part due to my strict following of the Islamic faith at the time. I was always afraid of falling back into the 'bad times', so any activity or thought in relation to the time period would be shrugged off. Now, after what had happened last year, I have come up again, and my grades are strong again. However I want to reassess what just happened in my life. Am I happier now, with better grades? My memories are 'happier', but I am not happy in the actual present. Although my mind will associate this time period as a 'happy' one, I don't feel that way at the moment. I have been very strict with myself, beating myself up over silly things, to prevent falling back into the mindset that drove me to laziness last year. However I feel that I have gone too far. I'm making this post now because I feel as this strict voice in my head has gone too far. I'm becoming too anxious and arguing with myself, sometimes outloud or in my head, over obnoxious matters. (I was beating myself up over making myself look stupid when running from a bee/wasp) This arguing has gone too far, and I feel it's giving me headaches. I feel as if I'm easily prone to depression, and this may have been something I've been struggling with since highschool, but haven't noticed due to the Islamic Faith's impact on me. What are your thoughts? Can anyone relate to this?
  5. Having thoughts which 'aren't mine'

    So, occasionally my mind does go "shh" whenever 'intrusive' thoughts reach my head. Although I think this is a bit different to your situation. For me, I have an inner critic, as I feel I need to be disciplined in order to keep the Depressive thoughts away. Overthinkng is what causes my depression. My initial solution to this was coffee, as it made my mind focus on one thing. I don't want to say that your situation is schizophrenia, but I'm no professional. They are totally out of your control?