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About sirenZ

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  1. horrible, guilty and in denial. I think because of vicarious trauma and burnout, I might be having a relapse of a depressive episode after 10 years! My psychologist has been trying to get me to see a doctor but I have been refusing because of the denial. oh dear...
  2. I AM SO UPSET I don't know how to tell others about the pain and hurt of a burnout. I FEEL SO HELPLESS, I feel like giving up. I am so sad and tired and stressed I cry every night and struggle with sleep issues:( Life is tough. Mental health issues are real. Who am I kidding all these while...
  3. hot, hot, hot! I am so no a person who likes the weather being hot.
  4. Thinking about all the work I need to clear on a Sunday 😭
  5. I guess if I were to speak from my own experiences, therapy can be helpful when you find the right fit. I been to a couple and felt I was stuck because my therapist wasn't able to identify that their usual style wasn't helpful. I can be relatively non-verbal in therapy (not that I can't speak - just in the sense that I find immense difficulty talking about what I am worried about). I kept meeting obstacles and frustration that I am still feeling this way until I met a therapist who was able to use alternative methods to help me express and process my thoughts and feelings - helping me to find words. She used creative art therapy which was a modality that helped. She was sharp in picking up my non-verbal cues quite accurately and she pointed out signs which I didn't want to acknowledge then. I no longer work with her due to changes in the approved provider for services but looking back, she hit the nail in a lot of areas that I wished I had considered it more and heed advice to look into those issue. Perhaps I wouldn't have reached the point that some days, I feel like I am in crisis myself and that I am experiencing frustration with my current therapists in terms of trying to manage my overwhelming emotions that has been bottling up over time. So in short, if you just want a summary - therapy can be beneficial and that if it isn't helpful, maybe it wasn't a right fit and that is okay. We each have different styles as clients and as therapist. Try to explore alternative methods (e.g. right now, I try to use some form of art expression in my own session with my current therapist to work through my own trauma and we are still figuring out if we can come to some comfortable compromise or if it is a case of not a fit).
  6. Yes! I was in the same boat. I was nauseous all the time, headaches and feeling somewhat "high". I could not sleep when I was on lexapro even when I took it right in the morning. I still had to be given something to help with sleep (I cannot remember but it was something mild and generic drug - not the usual SSRI, etc). But I decided to stop meds totally after 2 months. I didn't like the side effects generally.
  7. You know the idea that recovery isn't all uphill or a bed of roses? That's where I am today. I have been having frequent suicidal thoughts and that is scary. Yet I feel so alone and trying to keep that facade is so tiring when you are at work and it shows. you feel that you can't do anything right and that is so demoralising You realised you are not only not appreciated at work, but you are faulted for taking on more than you should. I am tired and some days, I feel like giving up. I'm scared, scared that I might give in. Yet I feel so conflicted because a part of me still wants to live. I feel so alone, so scared and so lost.
  8. Today, I feel really horrible. As if I am a failure and I don’t want to carry on living. I hate everything about myself, from my attitude to my body to the way I treat others. Many a days, I wish I was dead. Some days I am just feeling really low and hopeless and I just wanna avoid everything, everyone, all responsibilities and life, and hope that things will be okay again. I have been painting but it stopped making me feel good. Other days, I wish I had the courage to die.
  9. Thanks, I am feeling a bit better today. We all have our not-so-good days:)
  10. I don't know how to say I am not okay today even though my term break has just started and I don't need to juggle work and school for a while. I am really upset and I feel like a failure and that I can't be good enough. Some days, I wish I could turn back time and I wish I could be a different person, but also know I will not be the person without the experiences I have been through. Why am I not able to form relationship and make friends? Why do I always feel like a loner and like I never can belong?:( Okay, that's enough for me today and I just need to let it out.
  11. Sorry to hear that it has been difficult for you. Is there something that you enjoy doing to take your mind off things for a while? For me, I love painting and I have been experimenting with all kinds of paints:)
  12. just need hugs (...because this too shall pass)
  13. oh no! I do eat into my own leave days but that is not enough with the amount of workload to judge and school work to complete - always competing for my mental attention so I always feel the strain. But all the best and hang in there!!
  14. stressed, because...exams. Why did i put myself through the torture of work and part time studies.😒
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