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anxiouspickle

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  1. I'm female, 23 years old and have been struggling with moderate anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. My anxiety/depression effects every aspect of my life, I feel inadequate at work, I feel uninteresting and therefore unable to make friends, I've been prescribed sertraline for a while but I was too afraid to give it a proper try due to a lot of negative reviews of it. I started taking sertraline every day from 24/04/2017 The first week: I felt like death. My pupils were dilated, I couldn't function at work and my colleagues thought I was on drugs. I went home and I cried after a 12 shift because I felt like I'd embarrassed myself in front of people I'd have really liked to have been friends with. Second week - present: I have had several positive experiences that I do not believe I would have had if I had not been on sertraline. Firstly, several people at work told me how bubbly I seemed. This made my day and really began to boost my confidence with my colleagues. I started working with a new girl, she seemed interested in being friends and I got really excited by the thought of it. Long story short she's pretty much rejected my attempts to hang out, and before the sertraline I'm pretty sure it would have put me in a downward spiral, but I just brushed it off. I now have another potential friend, who actually seems to want to hang out. I feel like sertraline has numbed my emotions. I'm thankful for the numbing of my self consciousness, but I'm finding myself bored more often. The other day I just felt nothing, so I started walking and didn't stop until there wasn't any more pavement in front of me. I had blisters on my feet and sunburn all over but I just kept walking, because I didn't want to be bored. Yesterday my family came over, and I was just bored with them there. I normally can't wait for them to come over and then I don't want them to leave, but I just kept looking at the time thinking "I'd rather be sleeping right now". If anyone has any questions, or has any advice on anything feel free to comment or message me, I'm always happy to talk to people.
  2. I've normally found that good things come out of the blue, usually when you have almost given up hope. Is there any way you could join in with activities outside work, either in real life or through games/internet? Any socialising is better then none. Sometimes you have to force yourself to get up and do something, make a habit out of it and it becomes second nature.
  3. I'm far too anxious to go to a gym so this in my mind is a major achievement and you should be proud!
  4. Happy ending: first day back was great, I really didn't want to lose this job as it is so mentally stimulating and rewarding to me which I've never had before. Thanks so much to everyone who has given me advice. I'm obviously on thin ice to a certain degree but that's OK, I'm just glad I still have this job.
  5. Update: I still have a job, can't wait to get back to work tomorrow.
  6. I'm trying to use exercise to cope with a particularly low point in my life right now, I bought a fitbit and I'm enjoying having friends on there that can motivate me to reach my daily goals. If anyone has a fitbit and wants to add me as a friend: https://www.fitbit.com/user/5M2YNX
  7. Believe me I'm right there with you, I got myself out of my most recent glued-to-my-bed routine by forcing myself to get a job (obviously not an option for everyone) and making extra effort to exercise and eat healthier. I never found a way of not feeling guilty, even if I did feel at peace with myself my husband would ask me why I was sleeping through the day and guilt trip me into staying awake and getting out of bed, which was clearly what I personally needed.
  8. Update: I had the meeting, it was horrible and I felt like I wasn't ill enough for them. The ladies that did it were very nice to me but they obviously had to find out what went on. I ended up completely being honest about my anxiety and cried in front of them that I feel trapped with it and when it gets that bad it's so hard to make myself do things that make me uncomfortable. Now I'm waiting for a phone call on their decision.
  9. The meeting is tomorrow and I am terrified. I don't know what to expect.
  10. Thank you lovely, hugs are very much appreciated :)
  11. I called them, apparently it was supposed to be 6th of April, I also called my doctor's surgery and requested a letter from them confirming my diagnosis. I have no issue with the investigation meeting, I fully understand the need for it but I'm worried I won't be able to get my point across due to my stupid anxiety. I keep writing myself notes on what I need to remember to say to them; things like "my disorder is known by the company, I was asked to disclose the nature of my disorder so that if something like this happened they could respond to it appropriately". I also really want to tell them that sending me 4 letters and calling me every working hour for two days was completely inappropriate, there was no way I could answer the call, and I was in hospital, so I didn't receive the letters.
  12. I thought i'd just put this on here, seeing as I don't want to make yet another stupid topic about my work related issues. They sent me a letter asking me to attend an investigatory meeting, for the 6th November? (sent on 30th march) Its got to be an accident but it made me feel so awful, they can't even be bothered to spend enough time to put a letter together that actually makes sense.
  13. I saw this and thought "damn , it's been a nice day and I haven't left the house", so I got up and went for a walk by the river :)
  14. Yeah I can give them evidence, but they seem to think there isn't an excuse for me not getting in touch, even told me I should have got my mum to call, my mum was terrified thinking I was going to die or something. Thanks for the advice and sympathies.
  15. Long story short, I was rushed to hospital and couldn't call in sick. My job called me approx 16 times but my phone was left at home, they also sent me 3 letters after being unable to contact them for 3 working days. Now I have to have a disciplinary meeting with them to discuss it. I really hate that I'm going to have to completely open up to them and tell them all about my health issues, just to give myself a small chance of not being fired. My depression is really making it hard for me to see the point in keeping this job, even though I need it.
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