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Everything posted by June322

  1. Hi Arthur, reading your story I can feel all the stress and anxiety you’re under and I feel for you. But honestly I don’t think you’re a failure at all! Yes there a lot of things you could have done and anyone could have or could do to make life easier for themselves but we don’t because the obvious choice isn’t always the easiest. I don’t think you shouldn’t blame yourself for not getting yourself where you want to be right after the pandemic. Reading your story I get the feeling you needed to give yourself that break! You needed that break post pandemic to destress and feel better. Heak I think we all need a little vacation with everything going on. You’re not a failure for taking rest time. You’re not a failure for loosing a job and you’re not a failure for moving home. These are things out of your control and you’re brave for not giving up and doing what you have to do to move forward. take your time to rebuild while you’re at home with your mom and look are your current job as a temporary stepping stone for where you want to be in the near future. traders Joe is also not the easiest job to get so no biggie. Their kind of snobby about who they pick anyways so don’t sweat it. i hope you give yourself more grace and I wish you all the best in this new chapter in your life. Hopefully you can save up some money and move back to NYC when you’re ready!
  2. Epictetus you don’t know how grateful I am for your presence on here 🥹 . Back in 2017 you were one of the first people to reply to my posts too. You’ve always been considérate of others on here. Hope you give yourself the same grace always! You deserve it! Thank you for always giving us all some encouraging words you’ve been doing it for years and I’m not exaggerating when I say I’m sure you’ve save some lives with your replies thank you friend I’m so happy to hear that you are prioritizing your mental health! Please don’t let others negativity of that decision make you stop when it’s your life and how you feel about it should always be a priority. I’m so sorry you were abused by your parents . When we’re children our brains are being mold by our parents and the care they give us and if we grow up under horrible consequences of course we’re going to have a harder time living and dealing with stuff as adults when we missed out on the best years of our lives (our childhood) under abuse and neglect. Thank you for sharing your story with me and for always being so kind to me and others one day of you feel ok ID wanna hear about your visit to the hospital. Sometimes I honestly feel like I wish I could go to a good mental hospital where they can help me get better. Idk why but for the past year all I wanted was to get help from a place like that but I hear one too many horror story and I’m always afraid of being sexually assaulted again so that and money stop me.
  3. I’ve been feeling scary hopeless I’ve never had such a strong feelings of disconnect to life and wanting to end it. I just feel like I’m going insane and like there’s no way to get better I don’t know what to do
  4. I sincerely appreciate you taking the time to read my story and commenting with compassion and encouraging words thank you 🥹 I’ve been having panic attacks none stop and my depersonalization always scares me of going crazy and I fear going into a psychosis episode but I just hope that slowly I can be on a paste of recovery. thank you again for making space in your own troubles to hear my own. I can imagine you’re in pain too since you’re on here and I hope that you too can feel better soon or at least just find more peace on life
  5. Update , I told my mom. I honestly don’t know How I feel about it now .. in some ways right now I feel worse. and I’m so worried how this news is affecting my mom .. I hope me telling my mom is for the better my dad will still be living at home right now. I told my mom that he can stay since he helps her with stuff and later we can decided what can happen since they do own the house together and we can’t afford the mortgage solo. I hate how much power money has in everyone lives they say money can’t be happiness but I know this situation would be better if weren’t in a financial crisis heak I think most people can bez but then again it doesn’t seem to helping some of the celebrities that seem to have so much money yet are miserable. Sorry I’m rambling since I know most likely people won’t read my post. In the case you do I hope the best for you because truly we all deserve peace in life and not depression and fear
  6. When I was a child my dad Molested me. I never told anyone about it until my teenager years and one was a friend that ended up being a horrible person and blackmail me with it. And a therapist who was dismissive. I continued to surpress those disgusting memories after that. My parents got a divorce when I was in high school but for the past 3 years they have been together and he has been living in my home. For the most part I had been able to seporated how I view my dad as my dad and him as the person who molested me. But now I’m 27 and this had been a really bad year for me. I have been having bad panic attacks and my depersonalization has been really bad lately. I wonder if this has to do with the fear my dad put in me as a child. And lately I wonder if maybe living in the same house as him and my mom have been destroying my mental health. I quite literally can’t afford to move out and my mental health is so bad right now I can’t even handle going out on my own because of how anxious and paranoid I am. All this to say That idk if I should tell my mom about it. I feel like the obvious answer is to say yes tell her. But it’s hard to explain. It’s like saying if you do good then good will come to you but we all know that’s not true. I’m scared to tell my mom because my mom needs him financially since they both own a house together, and she’s always talking about how much she needs him emotionally, financially everything. And I know this isn’t about my mom but about me but my mental health is so bad that if my mom were to have a mental breakdown over me telling her what my dad did then that would not be good for me mentally either . I would not be able to heal. So idk .. thoughts?
  7. Hi , I dont think its possible for it have "fried your brain" . If anything its a common feeling to feel not "normal" and not like yourself sometimes when coming off medication. It takes a while to adjust, especially if you have OCD brain , it could prevent you from feeling "normal" because your ocd and anxiety is making you feel like something is wrong and that can cause physical and mental affects that's making you feel like something is wrong. Give yourself the time you need to adjust, there is no timeline for when you will go back to "normal" . If you truly feel that there is something wrong than go to your medical doctor and run some test, If the test come back that you are healthy than you have nothing to worry about! the fog you feel is the stress and anxiety coming from coming of the medication. It is normal and you will be fine. Just give yourself patience and time to adjust and dont think about the time frame.
  8. 1. Learn how to cook healthy meals I actually want to eat and enjoy ! 2. Go to the gym at least 3 times a week 3. Sleep before 1 am 4. Be more active. Not just exercise but socially too. I just want to be productive and take actions towards making a difference for myself 5. learn a new hobby 6. read 3 books
  9. Thank you, you always have the most comforting responses . I appreciate your presence on this website so much! i think you’re right it probably stems more from wanting peace and structure in my present time
  10. Idk it’s ironic that I have been once again sinking into this dark hole that makes me want to end it all. And at the same times I have been crying myself to sleep over severe death anxiety ? The thought of just seizing to exist terrifies me . The way we die and how insignificant our lives and existence is makes me so sad. I can’t bare the thought of the day when I loose my mom too. All that to say that it really is ironic to be both suicid@l and fear death at the same time . I’ve been loosing so much sleep over it too idk does anyone here feel in the middle of these two things sometimes too ?
  11. It’s amazing that you have been at the same job for so long! It really shows your commitment and even more amazing that you decided to give yourself the chance to start something new ! This is a good opportunity to start a new job that you might end up liking even more than your last one . Give yourselves the opportunity to settle and start this new journey. If it doesn’t work out you can always leave it and start somewhere else just as you did for this one . good luck
  12. It sounds like you’re having a really hard time right now and I feel for you! I hope that you’re able to find some peace soon. I don’t think revenge is ever good or helpful. Idk why people are targeting you online but that sounds awful. Hopefully you can stay away from all those people and be safe . best wishes to you
  13. Sounds like so much fun! Hope you have a great trip ! Enjoy it
  14. I’m sorry to hear that cherry I have also not been in a good place. I’ve had a really bad mental relapse and I’m keeping it from my family. My sibling is also here after moving out 8 years a go because they also had a mental breakdown. Everyone in my family is depressed so it’s hard to find hope and comfort in them. It can feel hopeless but I hope we push through to get to a better place that makes life worth whole while we’re here. Hugs to you too !
  15. To me Pepsi has always tasted sweeter and it hasn’t tasted any different than that lately
  16. I was googling it how to deal with an existential crisis and a lot of the blog posts talk about people feeling this way when starting their 40s , 50s and 60s and I’m just now turning 27 and already feel like this I can’t imagine how I will cope in 10 -20 years from now . If I make it that far
  17. I’ve been dealing with a lot of existential dread. This existential crisis is really robbing me of sleep and just living life. My depersonalization has also gotten worse. I just feel like I’m hanging by a thread im trying to save up money so I can see a physicist and get medicine and some therapy. I just wanna live like a normal personal. Idk why dying and loosing a love one keeps me up so much. We all age, we all experience lose and are going to die one day. Those are all the common experience of being human. For some reason it just makes me feel so alone and awful.
  18. What was your husbands response ? this is a great question. I often wonder what it feels like to live a life without mental illness. Anxiety and Depression are the two that seem to plague most people these days so I’m always surprised when I hear someone say they have experienced neither. It makes Me wonder what it feels like to walk around feeling sure of one self and not be riddle with anxiety and running thoughts. I sadly don’t like myself and I feel like my hatred for myself gets deeper each year. I’m hoping once I hit 30 things will change since people say things change when you hit a new milestone in age lol I’m crossing my fingers for that
  19. What book was it ? I’ve been wanting to get back into reading ! But idk what book to start with
  20. Took a personal leave from work and thinking of never going back. I hate that job. I fool myself into thinking I can be the type of person that can work any meaningless labor job as long as it helps me and my family get by but I was wrong. I can’t handle that. So now I’m feeling a mixture of relief and stress being always from that hell hole. I just spend most day taking walks through the parks in the day and watching the sopranos at night. I have 3 weeks to figure my life out
  21. Have you guys ever reported anyone from work to HR ? im on the fence if I should report this lady I work with because she won’t leave me alone. I feel like I’m in high school thinking about whether to report my high school bully to the principal or not
  22. Yeah I feel the same way! With the job I have now I rather stay home then be at work. But before this job I was unemployed for a long time and it’s depressing to not have job too. At least work can help me feel useful and my brain occupied
  23. When I was incredibly depressed I would take a lot of long hot baths . I would literally sit in my tub for like 3 hours and just refill it when the water would get cold. For some reason that would help me a lot more then anything else. I also have read that hot baths are on a list of things that people recommend when you’re just really stressed and anxious. even if you don’t have a bath or don’t like them I think it could help to look up ways to do some self care and google what activities can help you with this and even if the list is full of cliches just pick one! For my brother it was walking or just soaking up sun in the yard for an hour. when you’re at a low point and feeling really anxious and depressed sometimes it’s truly the small things that can help bring some relief. Maybe it won’t cure what you’re feeling but it can help you with coping and feeling a tad bit better :).
  24. I just feel really nervous and anxious about time. I guess the saying is true that the older you get the faster time seems to go by. But now it really does seem more accelerated to me than ever before
  25. It doesn't sound like an "oopsie" to me at all. You like someone and you confessed to them. It might not had the outcome you were hoping for but still you did NOTHING wrong! Rejection sucks. Feels awful. But it takes a lot to be able to tell someone we have feelings for them. So I think it was brave of you for doing that. Im sorry your parents didnt show you the understanding you needed when you were young I know how that feels . im in my mid twenties and the older I get the more I feel like my childhood traumas weigh me down. I hope that you can soon learn to have more compassion for yourself and have that some love you had for that person and show some of that to yourself. as corny and cliche as it sounds I do think that sometimes the love we need the most is from ourselves.
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