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About Entoo

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  1. Entoo

    It's All Bullsh*t

    Found out today that my ex wife is getting married tomorrow. No one felt I needed to know, even my mother who has been allowing some of my ex's family to stay at her house for the past few days. There is no question or request for advice here. I just wanted to tell random people online how much I hate my life. It's a lot. Every night I pray to anything that might listen to not let me awaken. But of course those are all figments of imagination and if you want something done right...
  2. Entoo

    A quick question

    I thought as much. I also had always believed that love could be repaired from any difficult time. I should have learned that wasn't true from my marriage. Maybe in months, maybe years, but someone always stops trying. I wish I could just carve out this miserable need for companionship.
  3. My exgf and I haven't spoken in a few months now. We broke up almost a year ago and we ended up breaking contact cordially enough because she was dating again and I couldn't bear to see her moving on without me. Regardless of what happened, I still love her and want her to be happy. I want to send her a letter saying as much. I want her to know that I'm still willing to try again, but it seems like sending it would only cause more pain for both of us. Is this a bad idea?
  4. Entoo

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Lonely. The only use my phone gets is playing music. I just want somebody to care enough that they actually want to talk to me. It hurts that days and weeks go by and I don't even cross anyone's mind enough to warrant a text. Every time I try to get to know someone new, they end up ghosting me within days.
  5. Entoo

    Why can’t I cry?

    ….Chandler? That's an obscure Friends reference
  6. Entoo

    How Do You Feel Right Now #8

    Tired of feeling empty and being alone. Don't even know why I have a phone since no one talks to me. People can and have hurt me a lot, but nothing compared to how I hurt myself. I need just one person to actually care about me, because I stopped caring long ago.
  7. Entoo

    Keeping the past or letting go

    They've been in storage for years. Found them recently when packing to move. It probably wouldn't hurt so much if I was in a better place now than back then. I try to think that the best is yet to come, but it's difficult when there's no sign of anything better on the horizon. Also doesn't help that every girl in world seemed to make a collective decision to be uninterested in me.
  8. My ex-wife and I divorced a few years ago. She's remarried and what we had together is lost for good. But I still have old photos and love letters she had written me. While I despise her today for what she's done to me, those letters remind me of who she used to be. Who I loved with everything I had. They help me remember all the happy years now long gone. I'm still alone and severely depressed. I honestly don't believe that someone could love me anymore, broken as I am. Looking at the pictures and letters only make me feel worse, but I worry that I will regret throwing them away. What should I do?
  9. No means no still applies online. If they persist, camp their spawn point. Steal their loot and kills. Become an unholy harbinger of woe unto them. Or just block them.
  10. Entoo

    How to stop hating yourself

    I've fought depression for two decades now and it mostly centers on hatred of myself. It's a horrible feeling, stuck as someone you can't stand. People say "well just make yourself better" like it's that simple. How do you find the drive to improve yourself when every day you wish to die? When mustering the effort to get out of bed is as daunting as a marathon? Well I've yet to find a magic solution, but can share what helps a bit for me. Set very small constructive goals. Taking a shower, washing dishes, cleaning up, walking around the block, going to work. Anything that you can look back on at the end of the day to feel like you weren't utterly useless. You did something, however small. Go outside. Even though that is the last thing you want to do when depressed, a few minutes in the sun really does help. Sit outside and read a few pages of a book or listen to some music. Focus on something positive about yourself. They can be very hard to find when depressed and seem insignificant, but there are a few things about yourself that don't make you want to cringe. For me, there's the fact that I'm honest and always try to do what's right. I have a shred of talent when it comes to writing. It's not much, but it's a lifeline when I'm drowning in a black ocean of faults and failures. Ease off on the alcohol. Drinking pain away is extremely tempting, but is more akin to trying to smother a fire with gasoline. It won't end well. Keep fighting. Adun toridas.
  11. Entoo

    Coping with replacement

    She stole my children from me. I could never see her again and wouldn't shed a tear. I only want my kids back.
  12. My divorce has been a painful source of bitterness the past few years. The highest cost being losing custody of my kids. It still hurts, but for the most part I've come to terms with only seeing them once a week. But now...now my kids are often talking about mommy's new friend always being around. I'm treated to pictures of another man holding and playing with my kids every day when I only get a few hours each week. Who the hell is this man to see my children? To hold them, play with them, tell them what's right and wrong? Now I'm relegated to occasional babysitter while this man raises MY kids? My blood boils at the sight of him, and I don't know how to deal with this. Not to be rude, but if your advice involves seeing this as a good thing because my kids have another person caring for them, then **** off.
  13. Entoo

    How do you make friends?

    If I might quote God, aka Morgan Freeman - "Welcome to my world. You find an answer to that, you let me know." What's worse is seeing how easy it is for everyone else -.-
  14. Entoo

    Did You Get Any Exercise Today?

    I did fifty push ups today. Trying to make exercising a daily routine, but I'm really bad at it. I can bench approximately nothing since I can barely lift the bar. Any tips to keep a routine going every day?
  15. Entoo

    I want to get better.

    @Sophy Maybe once I can afford a bike. It's been years since I've been cycling. Thought about investing a little in some exercise equipment. @Epictetus I feed a family of ducklings near my house on occasion, though I think they moved on. As far as ants, well I used to be an exterminator so...